Rant 99 8/4/12 Subject: Easters inherent ambiguity

Rant number 99

So once and for all, what is the deal with Easter? The whole thing is swimming up to its neck in confusion.

I get that it is to celebrate Jesus coming back from the dead (happy zombie Jesus day folks) but it seems to go much deeper than that.

I would guess that it had connotations pertaining to the wholehearted arrival of spring, by the time of year. That would also explain the cute and tiny chicks - an ersatz celebration of new life maybe?

These points aside though, I have no idea where the magic Santa-esk rabbit or the confectionary comes in. Maybe when Jesus popped out from his cave, he bestowed magical powers upon a rabbit? I suppose that might work...

As for the chocolate eggs, I'm sure that chocolate was not proccessed and moulded for a thousand years after Jesus died the second time round! Maybe he had some kind of chocolate egg time/space transportation device? That would be cool.

This is the problem with so many of these calendar events. They have been moved to fit with our traditional and pagan festivals, creating a disjointed mess of conflicting traditions and ceremonies.

So what is the deal with Easter? Ideas and suggestions are more than welcome!

Rant over.

Rant 30 - 3/1/12 Subject: The unusual and rather perplexing paradox of food

Rant number 30


As Benjamin Franklin said, we should all 'One should eat to live, not live to eat.'

But most of us (me particularly) don't.

We love food!

We read books on food, watch TV shows about food and most of all - we love to eat nice (and naughty) food!

Which brings me to the paradox which is todays subject of annoyance.

Because - our bodies crave - nay - cannot go without, the stuff which is bad for us.

But why is this? I mean - what kind of evolution is that?


Why do potatoes taste better cut and fried than baked?
Why is chocolate so good when mixed with copious amounts of sugar & milk?
Why does celery make me feel suicidal with its boringness, whilst bacon is so good that I am (more often than is possibly normal or healthy) tempted to steal a pig in order to chew upon its yumminess.

It all makes zero sense doesn't it? We as a species have had plenty of time to get used to reasonably plentiful food within British society. We can choose now to eat what we choose, either pre-prepared or from scratch.

I understand that some of it is down to the drugs and additives they put in food, like our old friend M.S.G! But mostly, its in our own genetic chemistry to like crap.

If we were wired differently, it would be much better.
If I could get even a tenth as much excitement from a watery lettuce leaf, two celery sticks and a spring onion with a vinaigrette (consisting of just vinegar mind, no oil!) compared to something like a cheese toasty - I would be a very healthy and very skinny man indeed

And lets face it - when they try and make the unhealthy - healthy, it doesn't work either!

Sugar free gum is OK for instance - but is not as good as the sugary stuff...

I can believe its not butter you know - because it doesn't taste much like it...

Low calorie chocolate bars tend to feature more air than chocolate - or alternatively feature more oats than actually chocolate!

As a species, we probably need to come up with a new plan.

Maybe some brainwashing would help....

Rant over.