Rant number 305
I really like halloween me. I like the idea of the festival - the history, the hype, the commercialisation, the plastic crap - the lot. The problem is though, that I live in the wrong country!
England has a really quite half-hearted attitude to halloween. The reason for this I am more than sure - is because retailers are so fucking obsessed with Christmas that they are already peddling stuff in September.
We also have got fireworks night - which I really rather like also (there are explosives and hot-dogs. What's not to love?) The thing is though - that its close proximity (a mere 5 days) to halloween is prone to removing some of the shine.
All this aside - its no excuse. People should embrace halloween and bloody well enjoy it.
Look at the USA in comparison. They have parties and decorations and kids running riot. We have fancy dress down the pubs or (as I overheard someone say) at bingo. Trick or treating seems to be done under parental supervision only to avoid the dangers of strangers - or by chavs who want special brew - not lolly pops.
The halloween stuff is only found in pound shops and is of questionable quality.
You can pop the TV on and watch a horror though can't you?
No.
Year after year, bafflingly - the TV schedulers seem determined to avoid showing anything horror themed on halloween. I mean - on a day called halloween, I thought that maybe they'd like to show a movie - which fitted the theme. A movie called - just throwing a thought in here: Halloween for instance!
The only film that has anything approaching a horrific theme this evening is - The Sixth Sense.
Now, I know that some of you may not have seen it yet - so here is a spoiler alert before I talk about it:
Its shit, and about scary as a puppy wrapped in cotton wool.
It's really bloody disappointing that people show so little initiative!
Rant over.
Wednesday, 31 October 2012
Tuesday, 30 October 2012
Rant 304 30/10/12 Subject: Tight arse (financial ones)
Rant number 304
Over the weekend, me and the wife popped out for some grub at a popular restaurant chain.
It's not exactly gourmet - but they serve good pizza - and the wife absolutely loves pizza.
The meal was good and we had a very nice time - which was nice.
When it came to bill time - the waitress noted that a 20p charge was added - to pay for food aid across the world. 'It can be removed if you like' she said - to which we resoundingly replied no.
As I joked to the wife about the fact that you'd have to be a pretty heartless person to remove that 20p from your bill - she looked shocked and noted quietly to me - that the table behind us (pair of massive chavs) had just sent the waitress back to have the 20p removed.
Let's have a think about what we can buy for 20p:
14% of a litre of petrol
6% of a pint of beer in a pub
66% of an average newspaper
0.4% of a DVD
In other words - sweet FA. A charity however, can take that 20p and feed a person who hasn't got food. When you've just sat down and pigged out in a restaurant - you've got to be a pretty black hearted bastard to not give up so little.
I do have problems with certain facets of charities. I don't like that so many people line their pockets from others generosity. I just don't understand how people can be so callous in the face of such a poultry sum. If they'd asked me to donate a pound in place of 20p - I still think it would be fair to do so.
If everyone gives such a small amount on the bill - it can do a lot of good. If you think that its someone else's problem though - then no good will get done.
In summary then - don't be such a tight arse. You can't buy anything for 20p except life for another. I hope the people who were so tight choked on it.
Rant over.
Over the weekend, me and the wife popped out for some grub at a popular restaurant chain.
It's not exactly gourmet - but they serve good pizza - and the wife absolutely loves pizza.
The meal was good and we had a very nice time - which was nice.
When it came to bill time - the waitress noted that a 20p charge was added - to pay for food aid across the world. 'It can be removed if you like' she said - to which we resoundingly replied no.
As I joked to the wife about the fact that you'd have to be a pretty heartless person to remove that 20p from your bill - she looked shocked and noted quietly to me - that the table behind us (pair of massive chavs) had just sent the waitress back to have the 20p removed.
Let's have a think about what we can buy for 20p:
14% of a litre of petrol
6% of a pint of beer in a pub
66% of an average newspaper
0.4% of a DVD
In other words - sweet FA. A charity however, can take that 20p and feed a person who hasn't got food. When you've just sat down and pigged out in a restaurant - you've got to be a pretty black hearted bastard to not give up so little.
I do have problems with certain facets of charities. I don't like that so many people line their pockets from others generosity. I just don't understand how people can be so callous in the face of such a poultry sum. If they'd asked me to donate a pound in place of 20p - I still think it would be fair to do so.
If everyone gives such a small amount on the bill - it can do a lot of good. If you think that its someone else's problem though - then no good will get done.
In summary then - don't be such a tight arse. You can't buy anything for 20p except life for another. I hope the people who were so tight choked on it.
Rant over.
Monday, 29 October 2012
Rant 303 29/10/12 Subject: Those who only drive when its light
Rant number 303
As you probably noticed - yesterdays rant was about the stupid daylight savings time thing.
I raised some points on the matter yesterday - about the fact that its rather ridiculous and useless.
I missed something rather fundamental out though - which deserves a rant all of its own:
The fact that many people never drive in the dark until this time of year.
Some commuters seem to do just that, and don't drive in the evenings or at night. I'm not one of those. Even in the height of summer - I'm out and about at night, with band, out and about, hiding the bodies - that kind of thing.
Because a percentage of people don't seem to drive at night very regularly - they shit themselves as soon as its time to do so.
I left work tonight - and it was properly dark. The motorway was really slow, slower than usual - and people generally seemed to be acting like idiots more than usual.
On the radio, there was also 4 break downs and 5 accidents (including one that involved 5 cars!)
That's just bloody mental.
If you can't drive in the dark, put your car away in September and retrieve it in March when the clocks go forward. If you aren't capable - its just dangerous to you and others.
Bloody eejits.
Rant over.
As you probably noticed - yesterdays rant was about the stupid daylight savings time thing.
I raised some points on the matter yesterday - about the fact that its rather ridiculous and useless.
I missed something rather fundamental out though - which deserves a rant all of its own:
The fact that many people never drive in the dark until this time of year.
Some commuters seem to do just that, and don't drive in the evenings or at night. I'm not one of those. Even in the height of summer - I'm out and about at night, with band, out and about, hiding the bodies - that kind of thing.
Because a percentage of people don't seem to drive at night very regularly - they shit themselves as soon as its time to do so.
I left work tonight - and it was properly dark. The motorway was really slow, slower than usual - and people generally seemed to be acting like idiots more than usual.
On the radio, there was also 4 break downs and 5 accidents (including one that involved 5 cars!)
That's just bloody mental.
If you can't drive in the dark, put your car away in September and retrieve it in March when the clocks go forward. If you aren't capable - its just dangerous to you and others.
Bloody eejits.
Rant over.
Sunday, 28 October 2012
Rant 302 28/10/12 Subject: Playing with the time
Rant number 302
As of 2AM this morning - it was 1AM.... Or something like that. The reason for this is daylight savings, a pointless activity that none the less happens each and every year.
Each year, at about this time - we take an hour off the time to make it easier to farm - and to apparently make the roads safer. The logic to this is simple - if you bring the clocks backward in this way, it means that the mornings and are in lighter than they would have been.
As we all have lights on our cars and because it really messes with my sleep cycle etc - I think that it really is just a ridiculous thing to carry on doing.
The original reason for this was farming. In the days when 5AM was very dark indeed and you'd be out and about with a shire horse, a car and a couple of lamps - it must have been great for the day to be brought forward to make things lighter. Now adays though, most farm machines have enough lights on them to put a football pitch to shame - so surely we don't need this antiquated tradition any more.
I think that we often fall into this trap in the modern world. We stick to traditions like glue but without really examining the reasons behind them. It's like tenacious ideas are the most worthwhile - which is really quite a fallacy.
I just don't understand why we still have to play around with the clocks in this way. Surely it must cost money to be changing things around in this way every year. Money that could be better spent on - I don't know, research into a new type of cucumber or something.
I don't even know what time it is properly any more. Is it 6.30 - 7.30 or 3 in the morning... Who bloody knows.
Rant over.
As of 2AM this morning - it was 1AM.... Or something like that. The reason for this is daylight savings, a pointless activity that none the less happens each and every year.
Each year, at about this time - we take an hour off the time to make it easier to farm - and to apparently make the roads safer. The logic to this is simple - if you bring the clocks backward in this way, it means that the mornings and are in lighter than they would have been.
As we all have lights on our cars and because it really messes with my sleep cycle etc - I think that it really is just a ridiculous thing to carry on doing.
The original reason for this was farming. In the days when 5AM was very dark indeed and you'd be out and about with a shire horse, a car and a couple of lamps - it must have been great for the day to be brought forward to make things lighter. Now adays though, most farm machines have enough lights on them to put a football pitch to shame - so surely we don't need this antiquated tradition any more.
I think that we often fall into this trap in the modern world. We stick to traditions like glue but without really examining the reasons behind them. It's like tenacious ideas are the most worthwhile - which is really quite a fallacy.
I just don't understand why we still have to play around with the clocks in this way. Surely it must cost money to be changing things around in this way every year. Money that could be better spent on - I don't know, research into a new type of cucumber or something.
I don't even know what time it is properly any more. Is it 6.30 - 7.30 or 3 in the morning... Who bloody knows.
Rant over.
Saturday, 27 October 2012
Rant 301 27/10/12 Subject: Overlapping seasons
Rant number 301
As of last Thursday, winter seems to have arrived.
The temperature - which has been pretty constant for quite a time has suddenly taken a plummet into winter. The thing is though - that it should still be bloody autumn which means just another season has been skipped away without a thought.
We've had winter this year in January - which lasted for quite some time, until around April - when we got spring showers. Summer offered up a glorious week - before autumnal showers started - and continued for several months. Autumn itself has last around a Month - and has been less rainy for while with even temperatures - until now.
It sucks that our countries climate has become so flat. We've always had a lot of rain - and a winter that has seems to last forever. Now - the winter seems to last around 2/3rds of the year.
Amusingly - the shops still try and sell you winter, summer, autumn and spring seasons of goods and clothes. There really doesn't seem to be any particular point though - with the way things are going.
I reckon at this rate - we're going to have to give up on there various seasons altogether and just describe the season as swinterauspringer.
By now - I very much doubt that we can do very much about it - except for emigrating somewhere more changeable.
That really is annoying - because autumn used to be my favourite season. Oh well.
Rant over.
As of last Thursday, winter seems to have arrived.
The temperature - which has been pretty constant for quite a time has suddenly taken a plummet into winter. The thing is though - that it should still be bloody autumn which means just another season has been skipped away without a thought.
We've had winter this year in January - which lasted for quite some time, until around April - when we got spring showers. Summer offered up a glorious week - before autumnal showers started - and continued for several months. Autumn itself has last around a Month - and has been less rainy for while with even temperatures - until now.
It sucks that our countries climate has become so flat. We've always had a lot of rain - and a winter that has seems to last forever. Now - the winter seems to last around 2/3rds of the year.
Amusingly - the shops still try and sell you winter, summer, autumn and spring seasons of goods and clothes. There really doesn't seem to be any particular point though - with the way things are going.
I reckon at this rate - we're going to have to give up on there various seasons altogether and just describe the season as swinterauspringer.
By now - I very much doubt that we can do very much about it - except for emigrating somewhere more changeable.
That really is annoying - because autumn used to be my favourite season. Oh well.
Rant over.
Friday, 26 October 2012
Rant 300 26/10/12 Subject: The heating vultures
Rant number 300
After yesterdays 'fantastic' news - I'm sure we have all been feeling elated about the recession being over with and all the extra money that will be instantly arriving in our laps as brought by small tame aardvarks - whilst pigs fly past the windows and Lucifer pops on his ice skates to get to work
(just as aside, to expand upon the 'hell frozen over' metaphor I have expressed, I have done this for the reasons of convention however, many visions of hell feature ice as a tormentor as much fire - thus making the point somewhat moot. For the sake of my sarcastic statement however - I feel it is acceptable to make this somewhat non-axiomatic statement.)
Yes, the 'end of recession' really hasn't made any difference between yesterday and today - and will continue not to make a difference for many months to come.
There are many reasons for this. Not nearly because the whole thing is complete bullshit.
One big reason however, was revealed today:
The heating folks are putting their prices up again.
We don't have a centralised system for gas and electric in this country - which is to encourage competition - to ensure the best prices for the consumer - which has worked about as well as a napalm fireguard.
The reason for this is simple: competition only works so well and doesn't pay shareholders too well. As such - the business has become appallingly incestuous and the prices are kept high and keep getting higher. They have no need to compete with each other - because not one of the top 6 companies has the gall to actually put their neck out as cheaper. As such - we're fucking well stuck with it.
The government were booing about it today and were 'disappointed,' that they had raised fuel costs just as winter is about to begin (just like they did last year, and the year before that and the year before that ad infinitum.) The fact that their stupid party privatised everything in the first place somewhat lessens my faith in the sincerity of their statements.
Every year they do this to us - just as winter sets in. By all accounts it could cost the average family £1500 a year - which is a big deal to anyone who is not doing rather well. It particularly hits out again at the vulnerable people: the old, the disabled and those on small incomes. If the fuel system was centralised - it would be much easier to help those in need - rather than having to pay ever increasing allowances that will still not cover needs properly.
I think rather than consistently screwing everyday people who actually make the effort to go out and work - they should tighten the controls on these greedy bastards. Surely what they are doing by colluding in this way is not something that should be allowed to continue. If they are supposed to be 6 competing companies - make them compete - and make sure that they pass on some of the savings to us normal folk!
Me and the wife are quite acclimatised to using blankets and the like in place of having the heating blasting on. With children though - it isn't possible - so those with young families out there wholeheartedly have my sympathy.
When I finally get away from renting and can purchase a property - I'm going to invest in a wood burning stove and put a resounding two fingers up to the lot of the bastards. Government - for once in your lives do something useful - and put a stop to this disgusting behaviour.
Rant over.
After yesterdays 'fantastic' news - I'm sure we have all been feeling elated about the recession being over with and all the extra money that will be instantly arriving in our laps as brought by small tame aardvarks - whilst pigs fly past the windows and Lucifer pops on his ice skates to get to work
(just as aside, to expand upon the 'hell frozen over' metaphor I have expressed, I have done this for the reasons of convention however, many visions of hell feature ice as a tormentor as much fire - thus making the point somewhat moot. For the sake of my sarcastic statement however - I feel it is acceptable to make this somewhat non-axiomatic statement.)
Yes, the 'end of recession' really hasn't made any difference between yesterday and today - and will continue not to make a difference for many months to come.
There are many reasons for this. Not nearly because the whole thing is complete bullshit.
One big reason however, was revealed today:
The heating folks are putting their prices up again.
We don't have a centralised system for gas and electric in this country - which is to encourage competition - to ensure the best prices for the consumer - which has worked about as well as a napalm fireguard.
The reason for this is simple: competition only works so well and doesn't pay shareholders too well. As such - the business has become appallingly incestuous and the prices are kept high and keep getting higher. They have no need to compete with each other - because not one of the top 6 companies has the gall to actually put their neck out as cheaper. As such - we're fucking well stuck with it.
The government were booing about it today and were 'disappointed,' that they had raised fuel costs just as winter is about to begin (just like they did last year, and the year before that and the year before that ad infinitum.) The fact that their stupid party privatised everything in the first place somewhat lessens my faith in the sincerity of their statements.
Every year they do this to us - just as winter sets in. By all accounts it could cost the average family £1500 a year - which is a big deal to anyone who is not doing rather well. It particularly hits out again at the vulnerable people: the old, the disabled and those on small incomes. If the fuel system was centralised - it would be much easier to help those in need - rather than having to pay ever increasing allowances that will still not cover needs properly.
I think rather than consistently screwing everyday people who actually make the effort to go out and work - they should tighten the controls on these greedy bastards. Surely what they are doing by colluding in this way is not something that should be allowed to continue. If they are supposed to be 6 competing companies - make them compete - and make sure that they pass on some of the savings to us normal folk!
Me and the wife are quite acclimatised to using blankets and the like in place of having the heating blasting on. With children though - it isn't possible - so those with young families out there wholeheartedly have my sympathy.
When I finally get away from renting and can purchase a property - I'm going to invest in a wood burning stove and put a resounding two fingers up to the lot of the bastards. Government - for once in your lives do something useful - and put a stop to this disgusting behaviour.
Rant over.
Thursday, 25 October 2012
Rant 299 25/10/12 Subject: The 'end of reccession'
Rant number 209
Past the big 300 mark - I make that 65 to go - the downward slope.
Anyway - back to the present.
Today on the news - they proudly announced that the recession in the UK is over with.
Don't you feel better now? No me neither.
The recession has been a constant news story for years now.
First it was: the recession is coming
Then: the recession is going to be here soon
Then: its arrived
Then: crap its bad
Then: its got a bit better
Then: its worse
etc. etc. until today.
I may be no expert in these matters - but it strikes me that the worse is far from over. They have quantified that the recession has ended because over the last quarter the GDP grew a little. We did however, have rather a boost from the olympics this summer - making continued growth this quarter seem less than certain.
Also, the whole thing about this being good news for us normal folks seems to be somewhat of a naive attitude.
If the economy has grown and if it continues to do so - this will be by continuing in the current vain of austerity and robbing the poor to prop up the rich.
They aren't going to start giving you more money - cutting taxes, cutting duty, spending more money on public services or actually giving you a worthwhile pension. They're just going to keep on rinsing you for all you've got and watching you work until you die.
So what do I think of the end of recession?
I think its fucking irrelevant.
Rant over.
Past the big 300 mark - I make that 65 to go - the downward slope.
Anyway - back to the present.
Today on the news - they proudly announced that the recession in the UK is over with.
Don't you feel better now? No me neither.
The recession has been a constant news story for years now.
First it was: the recession is coming
Then: the recession is going to be here soon
Then: its arrived
Then: crap its bad
Then: its got a bit better
Then: its worse
etc. etc. until today.
I may be no expert in these matters - but it strikes me that the worse is far from over. They have quantified that the recession has ended because over the last quarter the GDP grew a little. We did however, have rather a boost from the olympics this summer - making continued growth this quarter seem less than certain.
Also, the whole thing about this being good news for us normal folks seems to be somewhat of a naive attitude.
If the economy has grown and if it continues to do so - this will be by continuing in the current vain of austerity and robbing the poor to prop up the rich.
They aren't going to start giving you more money - cutting taxes, cutting duty, spending more money on public services or actually giving you a worthwhile pension. They're just going to keep on rinsing you for all you've got and watching you work until you die.
So what do I think of the end of recession?
I think its fucking irrelevant.
Rant over.
Wednesday, 24 October 2012
Rant 298 24/10/12 Subject: The Belgians wanting to give votes to prisoners
Rant number 298
Today on the radio something happened that really surprised me. Something was reported upon that I genuinely never thought would happen was reported upon.
I'm genuinely taken aback. Gobsmacked. Flabbergasted.
Me and David Cameron are in complete and utter agreement about something.
Fuck a duck - I never thought I'd be saying that.
Now don't get me wrong, he's still an out of touch, elitist, self serving, pure evil, weasley upper class asshole - but he's right about something for a change.
And the subject of contention? I hear you cry?
Prisoners and the vote.
As things are at the moment, prisoners in jail don't get to vote - which strikes me as fair. People who are in jail have wronged others and - as an extension society. When you are inside also - a lot of what goes on outside isn't really your business.
The Europian Union says this is unfair and that it affects the human rights of the prisoners. I say that the Europian Union are a set of idiotic Belgiums who can fuck off.
Now - I'm sure David Cameron doesn't want prisoners to vote for different reasons to me. He sees the prisoners as the working classes - who are more likely to be Labour followers than 'his sort.' None the less - he's completely right in this case.
If you want to be part of society - don't wrong it - and Brussels: stick to making chocolate and beer.
Rant over.
Today on the radio something happened that really surprised me. Something was reported upon that I genuinely never thought would happen was reported upon.
I'm genuinely taken aback. Gobsmacked. Flabbergasted.
Me and David Cameron are in complete and utter agreement about something.
Fuck a duck - I never thought I'd be saying that.
Now don't get me wrong, he's still an out of touch, elitist, self serving, pure evil, weasley upper class asshole - but he's right about something for a change.
And the subject of contention? I hear you cry?
Prisoners and the vote.
As things are at the moment, prisoners in jail don't get to vote - which strikes me as fair. People who are in jail have wronged others and - as an extension society. When you are inside also - a lot of what goes on outside isn't really your business.
The Europian Union says this is unfair and that it affects the human rights of the prisoners. I say that the Europian Union are a set of idiotic Belgiums who can fuck off.
Now - I'm sure David Cameron doesn't want prisoners to vote for different reasons to me. He sees the prisoners as the working classes - who are more likely to be Labour followers than 'his sort.' None the less - he's completely right in this case.
If you want to be part of society - don't wrong it - and Brussels: stick to making chocolate and beer.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
Rant 297 23/10/12 Subject: Perpetual twilight
Rant number 297
Regarding the title - I would just like to make it clear that this rant is not about twilight as in 'I really love vampires but I'm sad and I have no facial features.'
If you would like to read about how fantastic twilight is and how much I love it - please follow this link
I'm talking instead about this time of year.
I actually really love the autumn. It has a special smell about it - all cold, crisp and woodsmokey. It's also chilly - which I actually kind of like. I hate feeling too hot - because you can't do anything about it most of the time. If it's cold though - you can warm up easily. You can put on the heating - cuddle up under a blanket or whatever.
The downside to this time of year however, is the perpetual twilight (not that - although that is fucking shit!)
I wake up each morning at around 7 and open the curtains to subdued light and the grey of the dawn.
As I commute to work - the light has managed to halfheartedly force its way through the clouds just enough to highlight the fog and accentuate the gunmetal grey of the perpetually steel sky.
I sit at work and through the window see the sky blooming from grey to white for a while.
Then I drive home and - by the time I get home its dark.
It's only at the weekends I actually get to see something approaching daytime - and that does mess with you somewhat.
Rant over.
Regarding the title - I would just like to make it clear that this rant is not about twilight as in 'I really love vampires but I'm sad and I have no facial features.'
If you would like to read about how fantastic twilight is and how much I love it - please follow this link
I'm talking instead about this time of year.
I actually really love the autumn. It has a special smell about it - all cold, crisp and woodsmokey. It's also chilly - which I actually kind of like. I hate feeling too hot - because you can't do anything about it most of the time. If it's cold though - you can warm up easily. You can put on the heating - cuddle up under a blanket or whatever.
The downside to this time of year however, is the perpetual twilight (not that - although that is fucking shit!)
I wake up each morning at around 7 and open the curtains to subdued light and the grey of the dawn.
As I commute to work - the light has managed to halfheartedly force its way through the clouds just enough to highlight the fog and accentuate the gunmetal grey of the perpetually steel sky.
I sit at work and through the window see the sky blooming from grey to white for a while.
Then I drive home and - by the time I get home its dark.
It's only at the weekends I actually get to see something approaching daytime - and that does mess with you somewhat.
Rant over.
Monday, 22 October 2012
Rant 296 22/10/12 Subject: Broken down vehicles
Rant number 296
I'm sure I've mentioned it before - but every morning I have a bit of a ceremony I like to work through.
Before I get dressed - I like to watch the news, the weather and the traffic news - not because it is ever useful - but because it sometimes feels better to know what battle I'm likely to face.
Now, the M62 between junction 24 and junction 27 (which just happens to be my route from home to work every bloody day) has been one of the most notoriously busy and congested strips of the motorway network for many a year.
To try and improve matters - they are 'installing managed motorways.' This means they are going to pump the area full of speed cameras that work on a variable speed limit for rush hour.
It doesn't sound great - but I'll take it if it fixes things.
The issue is at the moment, it just makes things much worse.
Because they are faffing around (and have been for over a year now!) with the hard shoulder - they've put up some giant steel barriers between the shoulder and the rest of the motorway.
All very well that is - until something goes wrong with someones car.
Over the last month or so - there has been a huge increase in broken down vehicles (I saw around 6 of the buggers today!) and because there is no hard shoulder for them to refuge to - a minor issue has become a massive one. In rush hour - 3 lanes are an absolutely must and having a car or lorry broken down in one of them is enough to bring the whole traffic network down!
It's bloody irritating it is.
I don't blame the people who break down (unless they've bought a fiat - like the guy I saw today,) unless they've just not maintained their car properly. I blame the stupid slow bastards who insist on taking forever in the roadworks. I swear that I have seen no less than 20 people actually fucking working in the last year in all these roadworks.
I mean - what are they doing?
Anyway, stop breaking down people - its very inconvenient!
Rant over.
I'm sure I've mentioned it before - but every morning I have a bit of a ceremony I like to work through.
Before I get dressed - I like to watch the news, the weather and the traffic news - not because it is ever useful - but because it sometimes feels better to know what battle I'm likely to face.
Now, the M62 between junction 24 and junction 27 (which just happens to be my route from home to work every bloody day) has been one of the most notoriously busy and congested strips of the motorway network for many a year.
To try and improve matters - they are 'installing managed motorways.' This means they are going to pump the area full of speed cameras that work on a variable speed limit for rush hour.
It doesn't sound great - but I'll take it if it fixes things.
The issue is at the moment, it just makes things much worse.
Because they are faffing around (and have been for over a year now!) with the hard shoulder - they've put up some giant steel barriers between the shoulder and the rest of the motorway.
All very well that is - until something goes wrong with someones car.
Over the last month or so - there has been a huge increase in broken down vehicles (I saw around 6 of the buggers today!) and because there is no hard shoulder for them to refuge to - a minor issue has become a massive one. In rush hour - 3 lanes are an absolutely must and having a car or lorry broken down in one of them is enough to bring the whole traffic network down!
It's bloody irritating it is.
I don't blame the people who break down (unless they've bought a fiat - like the guy I saw today,) unless they've just not maintained their car properly. I blame the stupid slow bastards who insist on taking forever in the roadworks. I swear that I have seen no less than 20 people actually fucking working in the last year in all these roadworks.
I mean - what are they doing?
Anyway, stop breaking down people - its very inconvenient!
Rant over.
Sunday, 21 October 2012
Rant 295 21/10/12 Subject: Sunday nights
Rant number 295
Much talk has been talked about Mondays.
Mondays suck, I grant thee. Its the furthest distance from the weekend - which is no fun at all.
I do have band on Mondays however - which is a plus.
I actually don't think that Mondays are all that bad however. Mondays tend to be busy - which makes them pass with some expediency.
No - the time of the week that is worse of all - is Sunday night.
By the time you've got to Sunday night - you've had the whole weekend basically and its time to go to bed for the Monday morning and work time.
This is all the much worse following your holidays too - so I really am not enjoying the Sunday night experience.
When I used to work weekends - this phenomenon used to occur on any day of the week except for Sunday - which you would think would make it better. It wasn't though believe it or not. It was worse still - as I had been working all Sunday and knew I would be working Monday too.
So all in all - Sunday night is an evil day of the week - and there is no two ways about it.
Rant over.
Saturday, 20 October 2012
Rant 294 20/10/12 Subject: Extra features
Rant number 294
I love my movies me - I really do. There is nothing I like more on a chilly evening - than a good cuddle up in front of a proper classic - or an action blockbuster - or just about anything else.
As such - I have a moderately large (going on obscene) collection of DVD's. I also have some Blue-Rays (although I am still to be convinced they are worth spending extra moneys on) and even a couple of VHS's still left over.
Films of course - tend to run between 90-180 minutes at a time - so I have most certainly watched hundreds of hours of movies over the years.
What I haven't done however, is watched hundred of hours of DVD extras - and I must have so much sitting in my collection that will be unwatched come the rapture.
I am sure that for every 90 minutes of film there is in my collection - there is at least 25 minutes of extras.
The only things I ever watch are short films from the same director - like Frankenweenie (the original one - not the new claymation one) and Vincent which feature on the Nightmare before Christmas - which is one of my favourites ever movies. I also will occasionally watch the deleted scenes (which inevitably were deleted for a reason.)
Many of these extras however, are not something I want to watch. Often they are the same tired tropes of 'how we made it look','how we made this special effect or that special effect' or 'how the director realised his vision.'
They also have a million interviews with quite uninteresting back stage folk. I understand that they want to be seen - but it's not all that exciting.
I genuinely wouldn't be bothered in any way by extras - if we didn't have to keep paying for the things. Some movies (like Lord of the rings for instance) get edition after edition after edition - with the same movie with ever added extras, commentaries and other stuff I'm not interested in.
I'd prefer to be able to have a stripped out (cheaper) version - which focuses on the best quality of print & audio - not extras!
Rant over.
I love my movies me - I really do. There is nothing I like more on a chilly evening - than a good cuddle up in front of a proper classic - or an action blockbuster - or just about anything else.
As such - I have a moderately large (going on obscene) collection of DVD's. I also have some Blue-Rays (although I am still to be convinced they are worth spending extra moneys on) and even a couple of VHS's still left over.
Films of course - tend to run between 90-180 minutes at a time - so I have most certainly watched hundreds of hours of movies over the years.
What I haven't done however, is watched hundred of hours of DVD extras - and I must have so much sitting in my collection that will be unwatched come the rapture.
I am sure that for every 90 minutes of film there is in my collection - there is at least 25 minutes of extras.
The only things I ever watch are short films from the same director - like Frankenweenie (the original one - not the new claymation one) and Vincent which feature on the Nightmare before Christmas - which is one of my favourites ever movies. I also will occasionally watch the deleted scenes (which inevitably were deleted for a reason.)
Many of these extras however, are not something I want to watch. Often they are the same tired tropes of 'how we made it look','how we made this special effect or that special effect' or 'how the director realised his vision.'
They also have a million interviews with quite uninteresting back stage folk. I understand that they want to be seen - but it's not all that exciting.
I genuinely wouldn't be bothered in any way by extras - if we didn't have to keep paying for the things. Some movies (like Lord of the rings for instance) get edition after edition after edition - with the same movie with ever added extras, commentaries and other stuff I'm not interested in.
I'd prefer to be able to have a stripped out (cheaper) version - which focuses on the best quality of print & audio - not extras!
Rant over.
Friday, 19 October 2012
Rant 293 19/10/12 Subject: Stupid road systems
Rant number 293
Sorry guys - we're on the roads again!
I've done quite a lot of miles over the last week - 2 fill ups have now been used (roughly the same distance as I drove to Somerset and back!)
Today, we had to pop to a nearby town to pick something up - so I though that this would be an easier drive than the last few days.
How wrong I was of course.
West Yorkshire - you see, loves its roads - and its road systems to keep things flowing.
Despite all of the efforts to make roads better- road systems do seem to make things worse and worse every year.
I get some types of road systems - and really think they work well. Roundabouts for instance are far superior to 4 way junctions and keep things flowing well.
Others just annoy me though - and are bloody useless:
Sorry guys - we're on the roads again!
I've done quite a lot of miles over the last week - 2 fill ups have now been used (roughly the same distance as I drove to Somerset and back!)
Today, we had to pop to a nearby town to pick something up - so I though that this would be an easier drive than the last few days.
How wrong I was of course.
West Yorkshire - you see, loves its roads - and its road systems to keep things flowing.
Despite all of the efforts to make roads better- road systems do seem to make things worse and worse every year.
I get some types of road systems - and really think they work well. Roundabouts for instance are far superior to 4 way junctions and keep things flowing well.
Others just annoy me though - and are bloody useless:
- One way systems - pointless, confusing and guaranteed to get you lost with minimum effort. Want to go left do you? Well you bloody well can't - you will have to go 5 miles in a circle to eventually get back to where you wanted to go.
- Roundabouts with traffic lights - which remove the flow aspect of roundabouts and make them work just as uselessly as anything else. Not likely to get you lost - but will delay your journey.
- Single to dual to single to dual to... - whereby a road consistently turns from single to dual carriageway. Prone to cause issues wherever the lanes merge - causing much in the way of delays
- Traffic lights with different directions - which can be plain confusing. Especially considering that no-one is ever properly in the right lane
- Slip roads that aren't big enough - meaning that you can't get past the people turning off
- Bears and turnings - a final really irritating road system - particularly irritating when you have a sat-nav. By this I mean that some lanes need to be turned off of and some just turn into the turning. It can be really bloody confusing when you don't know the area and a sign just points to the left.
I just don't get who designs these things. Is it some kind of conspiracy to fuck up my (and everyone else's) day?
Bloody council idiots.
Rant over.
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Rant 292 18/10/12 Subject: Scary giant birds!
Rant number 292
Today was a really cool day. We set off from the place we had been staying about 12 hours ago and headed home the scenic route - via Kendal and a wildlife park on the other side of the county..
The Wildlife park itself was bloody fantastic and allowed you the chance to meet the animals (well the ones that wouldn't bite your nads off anyway,) feed penguins (which I love) and generally spend time around cool creatures. I also had a small conversation with a parrot (which was very intellectual...)
Whilst in search of some kangaroos (I'm pretty sure that they didn't have any - or that they were camouflaged ones - making them invisible to normal eyes) which were past the lemurs through a couple of gates.
Through those gates- there was a couple of ways to go - and standing in each pathway - was an Emu.
Now - I grew up with Rod Hull on TV - attacking all and sundry with his Emu - which was called Emu (original Rod, original) and so considered myself quite well acclimatised to humungous birds.
I've seen them in many a zoo also - and have always thought them to be quite cheerful looking.
These Emu's didn't look happy though - they looked massive and really quite angry. I had some food for them - and offered the bag to the first Emu. It looked at me with an expression that said 'stay still douchebag' and pecked some seed from the bag with all the force of a charging rhino.
Close up - Emu's are bloody terrifying. I put some seed to one side - and ran past.
I swear to you - should you ever have a mansion that needs defending - don't buy Dobermans or Rottweilers - they cost a lot to feed. Buy some Emu's and let them buggers patrol.
Rant over.
Today was a really cool day. We set off from the place we had been staying about 12 hours ago and headed home the scenic route - via Kendal and a wildlife park on the other side of the county..
The Wildlife park itself was bloody fantastic and allowed you the chance to meet the animals (well the ones that wouldn't bite your nads off anyway,) feed penguins (which I love) and generally spend time around cool creatures. I also had a small conversation with a parrot (which was very intellectual...)
Whilst in search of some kangaroos (I'm pretty sure that they didn't have any - or that they were camouflaged ones - making them invisible to normal eyes) which were past the lemurs through a couple of gates.
Through those gates- there was a couple of ways to go - and standing in each pathway - was an Emu.
Now - I grew up with Rod Hull on TV - attacking all and sundry with his Emu - which was called Emu (original Rod, original) and so considered myself quite well acclimatised to humungous birds.
I've seen them in many a zoo also - and have always thought them to be quite cheerful looking.
These Emu's didn't look happy though - they looked massive and really quite angry. I had some food for them - and offered the bag to the first Emu. It looked at me with an expression that said 'stay still douchebag' and pecked some seed from the bag with all the force of a charging rhino.
Close up - Emu's are bloody terrifying. I put some seed to one side - and ran past.
I swear to you - should you ever have a mansion that needs defending - don't buy Dobermans or Rottweilers - they cost a lot to feed. Buy some Emu's and let them buggers patrol.
Rant over.
 |
| 'What the hell are you looking at? Give me that fucking seed' |
Wednesday, 17 October 2012
Rant 291 17/10/12 Subject: Captain in-yo-boot
Rant number 291
Today we have been having another great day in the Lakes.
We had plans for the morning but after we decided to just pick a direction and off we went - which was great
It's fabulous to have the flexibility of a car to do just that.
The only downside is country roads - which involve considerably more driving effort than bigger roads due to them being rather windy and somewhat narrow.
I don't mind that at all - after all - I'm on holiday.
When it comes to narrow roads though - I tend to drive a little slower than the speed limit - merely as I don't know the road.
I also hate going too fast round the bends because you don't know if someone coming the other way has overshot the bend do you?
Call me a wimp if you like - but I want to travel from A to B with no bodily injury to me or my passengers.
I think that's reasonable to want to do?
So why is there always some asshole in my boot on every dark narrow road.
I may be a shit driver that doesn't know the road and that may annoy you. Putting your headlights in my boot however will not make me speed up.
I will specifically slow down!
On a normal straight lit road - I'd get it. On a dark country lane barely wide enough to put 1 1/2 cars abreast speeding at 60 seems folly - whatever the speed limit signs say.
Fuck off out of it captain in-yo-boot. It's not ok to risk other people's lives just because you are an impatient wanker!
Rant over.
Today we have been having another great day in the Lakes.
We had plans for the morning but after we decided to just pick a direction and off we went - which was great
It's fabulous to have the flexibility of a car to do just that.
The only downside is country roads - which involve considerably more driving effort than bigger roads due to them being rather windy and somewhat narrow.
I don't mind that at all - after all - I'm on holiday.
When it comes to narrow roads though - I tend to drive a little slower than the speed limit - merely as I don't know the road.
I also hate going too fast round the bends because you don't know if someone coming the other way has overshot the bend do you?
Call me a wimp if you like - but I want to travel from A to B with no bodily injury to me or my passengers.
I think that's reasonable to want to do?
So why is there always some asshole in my boot on every dark narrow road.
I may be a shit driver that doesn't know the road and that may annoy you. Putting your headlights in my boot however will not make me speed up.
I will specifically slow down!
On a normal straight lit road - I'd get it. On a dark country lane barely wide enough to put 1 1/2 cars abreast speeding at 60 seems folly - whatever the speed limit signs say.
Fuck off out of it captain in-yo-boot. It's not ok to risk other people's lives just because you are an impatient wanker!
Rant over.
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
Rant 290 16/10/12 Subject: 'Countryside clothing'
Rant number 290
I was born in the country. Not on a farm or anything else particularly rural mind. I was born (like most countryside people) in the hospital and lived in a house in a small country village.
Now - believe it or not, there was no dress code that came with living in the countryside. You wore what you bought in town from all the normal places you buy stuff from.
I was not bought up wearing wax jackets and jodhpurs or whatever.
It seems however, that for some people it is not enough to simply live in the country these days. You must be seen to be wearing the right stuff too!
I'm loving the lakes - but I'm knee deep in shops that sell all manner of overpriced rambling gear, posh country style sweaters and more flat caps than you can throw a bloody log at.
That an fucking rambling poles. I hate those fuckers - I really do. I saw some today that cost £45 (I'm sure you can spend more easily.)
If you want to buy a rambling pole I do have some advice - cause I'm nice like that.
To find a good one - hold the pole in your left hand - extend it fully - then insert it sideways into your nearest orifice you fucker.
People in the country can dress just like anyone else - dressing up in all that overpriced garb just makes you look all the more a towny.
And don't buy a rambling pole or you will look like a complete and utter wanker.
Rant over.
I was born in the country. Not on a farm or anything else particularly rural mind. I was born (like most countryside people) in the hospital and lived in a house in a small country village.
Now - believe it or not, there was no dress code that came with living in the countryside. You wore what you bought in town from all the normal places you buy stuff from.
I was not bought up wearing wax jackets and jodhpurs or whatever.
It seems however, that for some people it is not enough to simply live in the country these days. You must be seen to be wearing the right stuff too!
I'm loving the lakes - but I'm knee deep in shops that sell all manner of overpriced rambling gear, posh country style sweaters and more flat caps than you can throw a bloody log at.
That an fucking rambling poles. I hate those fuckers - I really do. I saw some today that cost £45 (I'm sure you can spend more easily.)
If you want to buy a rambling pole I do have some advice - cause I'm nice like that.
To find a good one - hold the pole in your left hand - extend it fully - then insert it sideways into your nearest orifice you fucker.
People in the country can dress just like anyone else - dressing up in all that overpriced garb just makes you look all the more a towny.
And don't buy a rambling pole or you will look like a complete and utter wanker.
Rant over.
Monday, 15 October 2012
Rant 289 15/10/12 Subject: The last 1/4 mile
Rant number 289
Today we have travelled several hundred miles from Huddersfield to Troutbeck Bridge in the Lake District.
We broke the journey by visiting Morecambe(which was quite Disapointing and a bit dingy) a castle that we didn't go into and an aquarium with some begging otters on the way.
We made it to all the places without issue until it came to the actual place we were staying at. The Sat-Nav which had done well up that point promptly said 'you've arrived' when we hadn't and so the fun begun. I hate feeling lost and so it was not nice to be driving up and down in a state of confusion.
We went all the way through the village and out the other side, then up a side street to nowhere (which also had too irritating meandering cyclists on it - yarr!)
It can't be good that it took at least 5 turnings round to get there in the end.
Why is it that the last bit is always the toughest! That seems such an irritating rule of thumb to me!
Rant over.
Today we have travelled several hundred miles from Huddersfield to Troutbeck Bridge in the Lake District.
We broke the journey by visiting Morecambe(which was quite Disapointing and a bit dingy) a castle that we didn't go into and an aquarium with some begging otters on the way.
We made it to all the places without issue until it came to the actual place we were staying at. The Sat-Nav which had done well up that point promptly said 'you've arrived' when we hadn't and so the fun begun. I hate feeling lost and so it was not nice to be driving up and down in a state of confusion.
We went all the way through the village and out the other side, then up a side street to nowhere (which also had too irritating meandering cyclists on it - yarr!)
It can't be good that it took at least 5 turnings round to get there in the end.
Why is it that the last bit is always the toughest! That seems such an irritating rule of thumb to me!
Rant over.
Sunday, 14 October 2012
Rant 288 14/10/12 Subject: Radio Edits
Rant number 288
I'm sure I've mentioned it before - but I have started to listen to the radio whilst driving.
It gives me a bit of variety of music rather than listening to my iPod and sometimes the talking can be genuinely quite amusing.
I have recently discovered however that - despite my best efforts - I really don't fit into the age bracket of radio 1 any more(particularly since Nick - I have no talent and stupid hair - Grimshaw took over from Chris Moyles.) As such - I tend to listen to that only for Newsbeat - which is still a great news roundup of the day.
That being the case, I've now begun to listen to a combination of:
Real Radio - which has a really fun breakfast show (Dixie & Gail) including a daily quiz called 'Theme Tune' which is great fun. They play a combination of 80s music & modern music.
Radio 2 - which plays some good older music and has a certain appeal in this way. Rather liable to country and western & cheesy blues though.
Radio 4 - which is good for if the other two stations are annoying me. Has a great news broadcast with all the bias stripped out.
Although the advertising on Real is annoying - they probably get the majority of my ear time. They are however the most guilty of todays subject of irritation.
When people write songs they've got a message to put across. Mostly it's along the lines of 'I love you' or 'you don't love me' or 'I want to dance with you' etc etc - but there is some variety.
The messages that people are putting across however, are not always strictly radio friendly.
During the day particularly - they can't just put any old thing on the radio - any more than they can put any old thing on the TV. Some censoring does have to go on I suppose.
My irritation however, is that - when you only hear songs on the radio - you never get to find out what the missing lyrics are.
The current trend is to fade out the lyrics in that position - which really does just make you wonder. Sometimes in fact if the lyrics are far worse than they really are.
Pinks latest song for instance has been on the radio many times over the last couple of weeks. It features the lyrics 'I've had a shit day.' I'm sure they could have replaced these lyrics with something completely benign. By fading it out - you begin to wonder what she's really saying.
Why can't they rather than just editing it for radio - make another version with replacement lyrics. Surely that wouldn't be so hard. That way - I've had a **** day becomes, I've had a knaff day. Eould that be so tough? I'm pretty sure it would be worth spending the extra 10 minutes in the studio for!
That way I wouldn't be left wondering all the time! It's the wondering that bugs me!
Rant over.
I'm sure I've mentioned it before - but I have started to listen to the radio whilst driving.
It gives me a bit of variety of music rather than listening to my iPod and sometimes the talking can be genuinely quite amusing.
I have recently discovered however that - despite my best efforts - I really don't fit into the age bracket of radio 1 any more(particularly since Nick - I have no talent and stupid hair - Grimshaw took over from Chris Moyles.) As such - I tend to listen to that only for Newsbeat - which is still a great news roundup of the day.
That being the case, I've now begun to listen to a combination of:
Real Radio - which has a really fun breakfast show (Dixie & Gail) including a daily quiz called 'Theme Tune' which is great fun. They play a combination of 80s music & modern music.
Radio 2 - which plays some good older music and has a certain appeal in this way. Rather liable to country and western & cheesy blues though.
Radio 4 - which is good for if the other two stations are annoying me. Has a great news broadcast with all the bias stripped out.
Although the advertising on Real is annoying - they probably get the majority of my ear time. They are however the most guilty of todays subject of irritation.
When people write songs they've got a message to put across. Mostly it's along the lines of 'I love you' or 'you don't love me' or 'I want to dance with you' etc etc - but there is some variety.
The messages that people are putting across however, are not always strictly radio friendly.
During the day particularly - they can't just put any old thing on the radio - any more than they can put any old thing on the TV. Some censoring does have to go on I suppose.
My irritation however, is that - when you only hear songs on the radio - you never get to find out what the missing lyrics are.
The current trend is to fade out the lyrics in that position - which really does just make you wonder. Sometimes in fact if the lyrics are far worse than they really are.
Pinks latest song for instance has been on the radio many times over the last couple of weeks. It features the lyrics 'I've had a shit day.' I'm sure they could have replaced these lyrics with something completely benign. By fading it out - you begin to wonder what she's really saying.
Why can't they rather than just editing it for radio - make another version with replacement lyrics. Surely that wouldn't be so hard. That way - I've had a **** day becomes, I've had a knaff day. Eould that be so tough? I'm pretty sure it would be worth spending the extra 10 minutes in the studio for!
That way I wouldn't be left wondering all the time! It's the wondering that bugs me!
Rant over.
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Rant 287 13/10/12 Subject: Blasted central heating
Rant number 287
I'm a man who likes his creature comforts I am. I like to be warm and snug when it's cold out side and nice and cool when it's too hot outside.
All in all though I like to bring things to a normal temperature at all times. I don't want to freeze in the summer or boil in the winter! That's just going for one extreme to another.
On tonight's night out however, it seems this is exactly what people want to do. I'll grant you that it's bloody cold out there - but it's bloody boiling in all the places we've visited this evening.
I've got a bit of a cold - which makes things worse and turns me into a sweaty wreck. This just makes it colder when you go outside - which is frankly ridiculous!
It must cost them a fortune too!
Turn it down before I melt.
Rant over.
I'm a man who likes his creature comforts I am. I like to be warm and snug when it's cold out side and nice and cool when it's too hot outside.
All in all though I like to bring things to a normal temperature at all times. I don't want to freeze in the summer or boil in the winter! That's just going for one extreme to another.
On tonight's night out however, it seems this is exactly what people want to do. I'll grant you that it's bloody cold out there - but it's bloody boiling in all the places we've visited this evening.
I've got a bit of a cold - which makes things worse and turns me into a sweaty wreck. This just makes it colder when you go outside - which is frankly ridiculous!
It must cost them a fortune too!
Turn it down before I melt.
Rant over.
Friday, 12 October 2012
Rant 286 12/10/12 Subject: The Saville debate
Rant number 286
Unless you've been hidden under a rock for quite a while. I imagine that you have heard something (or quite a lot) about Jimmy Saville in the news lately.
Let's face it after all - it's almost impossible to avoid hearing about it at the moment!
I'm not going to condemn or excuse anyone just based on the coverage in the media. I am also not one to condemn someone who is deceased without some serious proof. After all - its not like he can defend himself.
I am however, becoming ever more confused as to how things have got to the fever pitch they are now.
According to the news this evening - as many as 40 cases of abuse are now being investigated. If he really was abusing children - that is truly awful and completely inexcusable. What I do wonder however, is simply: why now.
If you were abused and the BBC didn't take it seriously or the police didn't take it seriously - the press would have - the fuckers do love scandal after all.
If one person had gone that step - others surely would have come forward while he was still alive - which could have caused some justice to occur.
What can happen now - once the man is dead? No justice at all - only groundless accusation and possibly some money changing hands.
I cannot even begin to imagine how awful it must be to have been abused by someone as a child - but I'm pretty sure they'd want to tell someone to try and get the guy brought to justice. Leaving it until now seems so perplexing. I mean - surely they knew by leaving it until now they'd do nothing but damage his memory.
It's hard to know where this debate will end - is it a way for some people to try and get some money - or is it a cry for help.
There's no way of knowing now.
I just don't know why people didn't speak up before the guy couldn't defend himself.
How perplexing!
Rant over.
Unless you've been hidden under a rock for quite a while. I imagine that you have heard something (or quite a lot) about Jimmy Saville in the news lately.
Let's face it after all - it's almost impossible to avoid hearing about it at the moment!
I'm not going to condemn or excuse anyone just based on the coverage in the media. I am also not one to condemn someone who is deceased without some serious proof. After all - its not like he can defend himself.
I am however, becoming ever more confused as to how things have got to the fever pitch they are now.
According to the news this evening - as many as 40 cases of abuse are now being investigated. If he really was abusing children - that is truly awful and completely inexcusable. What I do wonder however, is simply: why now.
If you were abused and the BBC didn't take it seriously or the police didn't take it seriously - the press would have - the fuckers do love scandal after all.
If one person had gone that step - others surely would have come forward while he was still alive - which could have caused some justice to occur.
What can happen now - once the man is dead? No justice at all - only groundless accusation and possibly some money changing hands.
I cannot even begin to imagine how awful it must be to have been abused by someone as a child - but I'm pretty sure they'd want to tell someone to try and get the guy brought to justice. Leaving it until now seems so perplexing. I mean - surely they knew by leaving it until now they'd do nothing but damage his memory.
It's hard to know where this debate will end - is it a way for some people to try and get some money - or is it a cry for help.
There's no way of knowing now.
I just don't know why people didn't speak up before the guy couldn't defend himself.
How perplexing!
Rant over.
Thursday, 11 October 2012
Rant 285 11/10/12 Subject: Overpricing
Rant number 285
Yesterday was spent at the Trafford Centre - which was pretty good. Whatever it is you like - you can find it somewhere in that place - on account of it being frikkin huge.
Like - really really big.
We were on a quest for jeans and for entertainment and for various bits and bobs that we didn't know we needed.
We succeeded in getting the jeans today in fact (having found them on Wednesday but having to go to Huddersfield to get the right size today.) We also ended up with some cool and quirky bits and bobs (such as some gold flecked marmite - for people for who normal marmite is not enough.)
The entertainment also - was pretty much a success. We had some fantastic food for instance and saw (I swear to god) an animatronic teddy bear driving a noddy car and singing the Time Warp - which is totally not normal. I had to run into a shop just to escape.
One thing that was a let down however, was the crazy golf we had a go at. It's something we've always fancied doing at the Trafford Centre. It's advertised as a big and impressive American style crazy golf course (they always look so good in movies!)
With this in mind, we took a punt at the £7 it cost each.
It was however, the most uninspired 18 hole course imaginable. The guy who designed it - really had no imagination.
Hole one - hole
Hole two - hole with rock
Hole three - hole with rock
Hole four - hole with rock in different place
Hole five - hole with rock in different place again
I really could continue and it doesn't get any more exciting.
I don't mind paying £7 for something interesting that will kill some time and excite me. For something that appears to have been designed by a 5 year old with crayons - I feel this to be rather too expensive.
Rant over.
Yesterday was spent at the Trafford Centre - which was pretty good. Whatever it is you like - you can find it somewhere in that place - on account of it being frikkin huge.
Like - really really big.
We were on a quest for jeans and for entertainment and for various bits and bobs that we didn't know we needed.
We succeeded in getting the jeans today in fact (having found them on Wednesday but having to go to Huddersfield to get the right size today.) We also ended up with some cool and quirky bits and bobs (such as some gold flecked marmite - for people for who normal marmite is not enough.)
The entertainment also - was pretty much a success. We had some fantastic food for instance and saw (I swear to god) an animatronic teddy bear driving a noddy car and singing the Time Warp - which is totally not normal. I had to run into a shop just to escape.
One thing that was a let down however, was the crazy golf we had a go at. It's something we've always fancied doing at the Trafford Centre. It's advertised as a big and impressive American style crazy golf course (they always look so good in movies!)
With this in mind, we took a punt at the £7 it cost each.
It was however, the most uninspired 18 hole course imaginable. The guy who designed it - really had no imagination.
Hole one - hole
Hole two - hole with rock
Hole three - hole with rock
Hole four - hole with rock in different place
Hole five - hole with rock in different place again
I really could continue and it doesn't get any more exciting.
I don't mind paying £7 for something interesting that will kill some time and excite me. For something that appears to have been designed by a 5 year old with crayons - I feel this to be rather too expensive.
Rant over.
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
Rant 284 10/10/12 Subject: Being rude to waiting staff
Rant number 284
Back in my formative years of work - I took a year out between college and Uni to see what the world of work was like.
All things being considered - this was probably a good idea. It allowed me to get an idea of a few different jobs - paid for some bits and bobs for uni - and also gave me a big wadge of beer money for those all important uni nights out.
It also made me realise how pleasant a 3 year respite from real work would be!
Firstly I tried being a duct workers mate (courtesy of my stepfathers work connections in case you were wondering,) which was OK, but a bit dull.
I tried cold calling for Staybright windows (worst job ever. Those people are pure evil: DO NOT BUY FROM THEM,) second, and hated every minute of it.
I also spent a short amount of time at Screwfix in the great big call centre they had - which was OK, but not the most exciting job ever.
The other job I did for a while was work in a Restaurant - which was an experience.
I'd never really fancied working with food, and the experience was no better than expected.
I didn't mind some of the factors of the job. I liked setting the tables for instance (I am quite anally retentive - so this suited me down to the ground) and talking to the nicer customers.
I didn't mind the taking of orders or carrying the food (although I wasn't that good at plate balancing and always got told off for stacking plates at the table.)
I hated the split shifts - which are the best scam in the world - ever. It's just not fair to be working between 11 & 11 - with a gap between 4 and 8. It's not like you can do anything with that time is it?
I hated the crap wages (I worked at the time when they were allowed to pay you less - on the proviso that gratuities would top you up to minimum wage.)
But most of all - I hated the way that people speak to waiting staff. Now don't get me wrong, some people were lovely (and tipped well, which was lovelier still!) and some were indifferent - which I didn't mind - as long as they were civil.
Some people however, were just plain fucking rude.
Now, it may be easy to estimate from reading these rants - that I am a rude or unpleasant person. The truth is though - that I treat people with respect - whoever they are as long as they deserve it. I am never rude unless someone is rude to me or tries to pull the wool over my eyes. I am also - a fair tipper - unless I think that the service has genuinely been woeful or rude.
A family today were inexcusably rude to a waitress- who had done nothing wrong. The same girl served our table and was genuinely pleasant and conversational.
And her crime? I hear you ask.
Well - the rude family stomped in (arguing,) and were directed to the table by ourselves and another family. Obviously being too good to eat with other people (in public, in a restaurant) they went to a table behind us so they could be alone to glare at each other.
The area was closed because they had a limited amount of waiting staff in - so she asked nicely if they could move to a manned area. They stormed off with the closing phrase of 'no its not alright'
What
A
Set
Of
Scumbags
Guess fucking what? I hated being a waiter - and I doubt its anybodies career choice. Don't make the mistake however, of thinking that you are better or more intelligent than the people who serve you.
Anyone who works long hard hours and can smile through all of works adversity has my admiration and respect. My colleagues would agree that I am not the most tolerant person in the world in the workplace. When I'm off the phone with a person who has been rude or irritating - I rant and rave and make sarcastic comments - its my coping mechanism.
When that persons doing it to your face - and when you have to face them again minutes later at their table - there isn't much you can do but grin and bear it (and probably piss in their soup. The fuckers deserve it!)
Rant over.
Back in my formative years of work - I took a year out between college and Uni to see what the world of work was like.
All things being considered - this was probably a good idea. It allowed me to get an idea of a few different jobs - paid for some bits and bobs for uni - and also gave me a big wadge of beer money for those all important uni nights out.
It also made me realise how pleasant a 3 year respite from real work would be!
Firstly I tried being a duct workers mate (courtesy of my stepfathers work connections in case you were wondering,) which was OK, but a bit dull.
I tried cold calling for Staybright windows (worst job ever. Those people are pure evil: DO NOT BUY FROM THEM,) second, and hated every minute of it.
I also spent a short amount of time at Screwfix in the great big call centre they had - which was OK, but not the most exciting job ever.
The other job I did for a while was work in a Restaurant - which was an experience.
I'd never really fancied working with food, and the experience was no better than expected.
I didn't mind some of the factors of the job. I liked setting the tables for instance (I am quite anally retentive - so this suited me down to the ground) and talking to the nicer customers.
I didn't mind the taking of orders or carrying the food (although I wasn't that good at plate balancing and always got told off for stacking plates at the table.)
I hated the split shifts - which are the best scam in the world - ever. It's just not fair to be working between 11 & 11 - with a gap between 4 and 8. It's not like you can do anything with that time is it?
I hated the crap wages (I worked at the time when they were allowed to pay you less - on the proviso that gratuities would top you up to minimum wage.)
But most of all - I hated the way that people speak to waiting staff. Now don't get me wrong, some people were lovely (and tipped well, which was lovelier still!) and some were indifferent - which I didn't mind - as long as they were civil.
Some people however, were just plain fucking rude.
Now, it may be easy to estimate from reading these rants - that I am a rude or unpleasant person. The truth is though - that I treat people with respect - whoever they are as long as they deserve it. I am never rude unless someone is rude to me or tries to pull the wool over my eyes. I am also - a fair tipper - unless I think that the service has genuinely been woeful or rude.
A family today were inexcusably rude to a waitress- who had done nothing wrong. The same girl served our table and was genuinely pleasant and conversational.
And her crime? I hear you ask.
Well - the rude family stomped in (arguing,) and were directed to the table by ourselves and another family. Obviously being too good to eat with other people (in public, in a restaurant) they went to a table behind us so they could be alone to glare at each other.
The area was closed because they had a limited amount of waiting staff in - so she asked nicely if they could move to a manned area. They stormed off with the closing phrase of 'no its not alright'
What
A
Set
Of
Scumbags
Guess fucking what? I hated being a waiter - and I doubt its anybodies career choice. Don't make the mistake however, of thinking that you are better or more intelligent than the people who serve you.
Anyone who works long hard hours and can smile through all of works adversity has my admiration and respect. My colleagues would agree that I am not the most tolerant person in the world in the workplace. When I'm off the phone with a person who has been rude or irritating - I rant and rave and make sarcastic comments - its my coping mechanism.
When that persons doing it to your face - and when you have to face them again minutes later at their table - there isn't much you can do but grin and bear it (and probably piss in their soup. The fuckers deserve it!)
Rant over.
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
Rant 283 9/10/12 Subject: Feeling the cold
Rant number 283
As part of our holiday - me and the wife decided that at least one day must be spent on a bit of a spring(well autumn/winter) clean of the house. Although we haven't completed everything so far - we've done a pretty damned good job - which is very pleasing.
Obviously, when cleaning the house - you can't spend a lot of time out and about.
My house/apartment is a converted sunday school and was made early this century (I believe.)
Now, when people say 'they don't make em like they used to' they generally mean that modern manufacture is sloppy when compared to how things used to be made.
Sometimes however, it's a bloody good thing they don't make them like they used to.
Windows for instance.
Modern double glazing is a bloody marvel. It cuts down noise and separates the temperature of inside to outside admirably. My building however is listed - and so has old style sash windows.
They do the job better than say - an empty window frame. But that to a certain extent is the best I can say for them. As such - heating our house is a bit of a bitch. You blast the heating for long enough for the room to not feel tepid (about 40 minutes) - and within 20 the room is cold again. The ceiling is also about 15ft off of the ground - so there is plenty of room for the warm air to go to.
Like anybody in this boat - we've tried various different ways of trying to insulate the windows. We have quilts and blankets and we even have thick curtains. All in all though - there isn't much to do except to shiver.
It's at times like this I wished I lived in a brand new super insulated place. I'd probably hate it though.
Bloody cold!
Rant over.
As part of our holiday - me and the wife decided that at least one day must be spent on a bit of a spring(well autumn/winter) clean of the house. Although we haven't completed everything so far - we've done a pretty damned good job - which is very pleasing.
Obviously, when cleaning the house - you can't spend a lot of time out and about.
My house/apartment is a converted sunday school and was made early this century (I believe.)
Now, when people say 'they don't make em like they used to' they generally mean that modern manufacture is sloppy when compared to how things used to be made.
Sometimes however, it's a bloody good thing they don't make them like they used to.
Windows for instance.
Modern double glazing is a bloody marvel. It cuts down noise and separates the temperature of inside to outside admirably. My building however is listed - and so has old style sash windows.
They do the job better than say - an empty window frame. But that to a certain extent is the best I can say for them. As such - heating our house is a bit of a bitch. You blast the heating for long enough for the room to not feel tepid (about 40 minutes) - and within 20 the room is cold again. The ceiling is also about 15ft off of the ground - so there is plenty of room for the warm air to go to.
Like anybody in this boat - we've tried various different ways of trying to insulate the windows. We have quilts and blankets and we even have thick curtains. All in all though - there isn't much to do except to shiver.
It's at times like this I wished I lived in a brand new super insulated place. I'd probably hate it though.
Bloody cold!
Rant over.
Monday, 8 October 2012
Rant 282 8/10/12 Subject: Working with limitations
Rant number 282
Although it may not be obvious on reading it. I wrote yesterdays rant with somewhat of a handicap.
I was using my mother in laws laptop which - following an argument with a cup of tea - is lacking a small but vital component.
You use it hundreds - thousands of time on every keyboard every day - the enter key.
Without it, you just end up with one long line of statements - in one huge - hard to read - ugly paragraph. No-one wants that!
It really felt like having your hands tied behind your back - whilst trying to ride a unicycle, in a cactus field full of blind but angry midgets.
It's like buying a gift for someone you've never met - you don't know anything about them so what the hell do you get? Who bloody knows.
I hate working against these types of things. Something hard shouldn't get harder! That sucks.
Rant over.
Although it may not be obvious on reading it. I wrote yesterdays rant with somewhat of a handicap.
I was using my mother in laws laptop which - following an argument with a cup of tea - is lacking a small but vital component.
You use it hundreds - thousands of time on every keyboard every day - the enter key.
Without it, you just end up with one long line of statements - in one huge - hard to read - ugly paragraph. No-one wants that!
It really felt like having your hands tied behind your back - whilst trying to ride a unicycle, in a cactus field full of blind but angry midgets.
It's like buying a gift for someone you've never met - you don't know anything about them so what the hell do you get? Who bloody knows.
I hate working against these types of things. Something hard shouldn't get harder! That sucks.
Rant over.
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Rant 281 7/10/12 Subject: Callous attitudes
Rant number 281
Today was a bit of a sad day.
Our much beloved rat - Mars had to be put down due to being very unwell.
Now, it was a hard decision to make - what with her being a much beloved pet and all. None the less - it was the best thing for her to not suffer and so we took her to the vets to have her put to sleep.
It must be difficult for vets sometimes. They've got to deliver the very worse news about your little bundle of fur (be it cat, dog, guinea pig, snake (yes, I know they aren't furry, but you know what I mean)) in a calm and non passionate way.
The Vets today, did this just wonderfully. My wife who was very upset (understandably) was in tears so the vet organised for the payment to be done in private. She explained the process of little Mars being put down to us clearly and in an understanding way. All in all, they made what could have been a really horrible experience (and frankly still was) a little bit better, just by showing a little compassion and understanding.
Looking back however, to the last time we had to have a rat put to sleep - it really was a different story.
Upon finding one of our former rats really unwell - we took him to Pets at Home. He was similarly ill to little mars and so it was a similar case.
The experience however, could not have been any more different. For all that these people did their paramount best to make us feel as good as they could - the staff at Pets at Home seemed to be in it just for the money (including doing their best to sell us various expensive options (shame on them).)
I really hate it when people show so little empathy and are so callous. I know you cannot cry at every animal that needs to be put down and that you have no connection to it. You've got to realise however, that it probably means the world to the people who have brought it in. We are a nation of animal lovers and a little compassion, a little respect and a little empathy cost absolutely nothing.
The moral of the story I suppose is simple. If you need some kind of personal service. Go to a local firm - not a large one. The attitude difference can be quite massive. (That and avoid Pets at Home.)
Rant over.
Today was a bit of a sad day.
Our much beloved rat - Mars had to be put down due to being very unwell.
Now, it was a hard decision to make - what with her being a much beloved pet and all. None the less - it was the best thing for her to not suffer and so we took her to the vets to have her put to sleep.
It must be difficult for vets sometimes. They've got to deliver the very worse news about your little bundle of fur (be it cat, dog, guinea pig, snake (yes, I know they aren't furry, but you know what I mean)) in a calm and non passionate way.
The Vets today, did this just wonderfully. My wife who was very upset (understandably) was in tears so the vet organised for the payment to be done in private. She explained the process of little Mars being put down to us clearly and in an understanding way. All in all, they made what could have been a really horrible experience (and frankly still was) a little bit better, just by showing a little compassion and understanding.
Looking back however, to the last time we had to have a rat put to sleep - it really was a different story.
Upon finding one of our former rats really unwell - we took him to Pets at Home. He was similarly ill to little mars and so it was a similar case.
The experience however, could not have been any more different. For all that these people did their paramount best to make us feel as good as they could - the staff at Pets at Home seemed to be in it just for the money (including doing their best to sell us various expensive options (shame on them).)
I really hate it when people show so little empathy and are so callous. I know you cannot cry at every animal that needs to be put down and that you have no connection to it. You've got to realise however, that it probably means the world to the people who have brought it in. We are a nation of animal lovers and a little compassion, a little respect and a little empathy cost absolutely nothing.
The moral of the story I suppose is simple. If you need some kind of personal service. Go to a local firm - not a large one. The attitude difference can be quite massive. (That and avoid Pets at Home.)
Rant over.
Saturday, 6 October 2012
Rant 280 6/10/12 Subject: Magic party food
Rant number 280
I think I've mentioned it once or twice before - but whether I have or not before I shall now:
I really love food.
I'm far from alone in this of course - most people like food. It's none the less a fairly important to note this.
This evening I was at a party for a friend. It was good fun and she seemed to enjoy it. There was the usual drinks (although I was driving, so I was mostly on coke) and of course party food.
I - like everyone else in the wold, love party food. Little sausages, sausage rolls - things on sticks all get my motor running just like everyone else.
Part of me however, really hates these things!
They taste fabulous - a fact that none of us will argue. Unfortunately, because of this they are a bit heavy on the calories.
Now, that's no problem in moderation. The thing is though that party food has a particular foible to watch out for:
It will never ever fill you up.
Think about it? We've all been there. We've filled a plate with all the things we shouldn't be eating (possibly 3 or 4 times,) and yet still never feel full. If you eat 5 normal sausages - you'll be really full. You eat 50 cocktail sausages however - and you'll still feel empty inside.
The reason for this is a mystery. I can only guess that there is some kind of chemical in them to keep you chowing down.
Don't be fooled - and keep away from that magic disappearing food!
Rant over.
I think I've mentioned it once or twice before - but whether I have or not before I shall now:
I really love food.
I'm far from alone in this of course - most people like food. It's none the less a fairly important to note this.
This evening I was at a party for a friend. It was good fun and she seemed to enjoy it. There was the usual drinks (although I was driving, so I was mostly on coke) and of course party food.
I - like everyone else in the wold, love party food. Little sausages, sausage rolls - things on sticks all get my motor running just like everyone else.
Part of me however, really hates these things!
They taste fabulous - a fact that none of us will argue. Unfortunately, because of this they are a bit heavy on the calories.
Now, that's no problem in moderation. The thing is though that party food has a particular foible to watch out for:
It will never ever fill you up.
Think about it? We've all been there. We've filled a plate with all the things we shouldn't be eating (possibly 3 or 4 times,) and yet still never feel full. If you eat 5 normal sausages - you'll be really full. You eat 50 cocktail sausages however - and you'll still feel empty inside.
The reason for this is a mystery. I can only guess that there is some kind of chemical in them to keep you chowing down.
Don't be fooled - and keep away from that magic disappearing food!
Rant over.
Friday, 5 October 2012
Rant 279 5/10/12 Subject: Defending the terrorists
Rant number 279
It's pretty rare for the news to make me do an arm pump on the journey home. I'm not one to do arm pumps a lot at all in fact in general.
The news today however, did have some fantastic news about a story that has been hanging in the balance.
I'm pretty sure I've talked about my opinions on terrorists in the past. I think that they are - frankly, the scum of the earth. The poster child for terrorists in the UK has been Abu Hamza. A captain hook impersonating, hatred inspiring squinty evil piece of scum.
The US want to prosecute him for various crimes - and he's been hiding behind various legal presidents for years. Finally however, its happening. He's being extradited to the US asap.
I really am arm pumpingly pleased about this. He's been fighting it because he's been saying that the Americans will not treat him fairly and this would affect his human rights.
Exactly what part of that are any decent persons meant to be distressed by.
I know that two wrongs do not make a right. I'm not suggesting we terrorise the terrorists. That would make us just as bad as them.
Hanging them up by their balls while people beat them with baseball bats however - I think is just about fair enough.
I am fed up to the back teeth about people talking about human rights when it comes to terrorists. I genuinely think that human rights go out the window when you take a life or insight someone to do so. Particularly if you call others to destroy the country you are occupying.
The thing is that people seem to be falling over each other to defend the undependable. Human rights after all covers a variety of subjects.
For instance - if they feel that the terrorists life could be in danger - they don't extradite them. What about the bastards lives they stole?
If the terrorists are unwell, they cannot be extradited. What about the people whose lives are ruined by devastating injuries?
And why do they do it? Simply, lawyers can make a fortune - the scum sucking maggots that they are.
I really do hate them for that.
In my opinion, they are just as bad as the terrorists. I feel in fact - that all people who defend them - should have their own lives checked over in full - to find out what skeletons they have. We can't have terrorists looking after each other now can we?
I hope the Americans make him suffer - they're good at that kinda thing.
Rant over.
It's pretty rare for the news to make me do an arm pump on the journey home. I'm not one to do arm pumps a lot at all in fact in general.
The news today however, did have some fantastic news about a story that has been hanging in the balance.
I'm pretty sure I've talked about my opinions on terrorists in the past. I think that they are - frankly, the scum of the earth. The poster child for terrorists in the UK has been Abu Hamza. A captain hook impersonating, hatred inspiring squinty evil piece of scum.
The US want to prosecute him for various crimes - and he's been hiding behind various legal presidents for years. Finally however, its happening. He's being extradited to the US asap.
I really am arm pumpingly pleased about this. He's been fighting it because he's been saying that the Americans will not treat him fairly and this would affect his human rights.
Exactly what part of that are any decent persons meant to be distressed by.
I know that two wrongs do not make a right. I'm not suggesting we terrorise the terrorists. That would make us just as bad as them.
Hanging them up by their balls while people beat them with baseball bats however - I think is just about fair enough.
I am fed up to the back teeth about people talking about human rights when it comes to terrorists. I genuinely think that human rights go out the window when you take a life or insight someone to do so. Particularly if you call others to destroy the country you are occupying.
The thing is that people seem to be falling over each other to defend the undependable. Human rights after all covers a variety of subjects.
For instance - if they feel that the terrorists life could be in danger - they don't extradite them. What about the bastards lives they stole?
If the terrorists are unwell, they cannot be extradited. What about the people whose lives are ruined by devastating injuries?
And why do they do it? Simply, lawyers can make a fortune - the scum sucking maggots that they are.
I really do hate them for that.
In my opinion, they are just as bad as the terrorists. I feel in fact - that all people who defend them - should have their own lives checked over in full - to find out what skeletons they have. We can't have terrorists looking after each other now can we?
I hope the Americans make him suffer - they're good at that kinda thing.
Rant over.
Thursday, 4 October 2012
Rant 278 4/10/12 Subject: Terrible narratives
Rant number 278
After seeing 'The Room' (a film so bad it got its own rant) I was pretty sure I'd hit rock bottom in terms of movies.
Once again however, the world stood up, dropped its kecks and showed me the words 'think again douchebag' tattooed in large letters across it's butt cheeks.
I've had a busy few weeks and so hadn't managed to pick some new Love Film choices for a while. In a bit of a whimsical mood - I 'took a punt' and chose a couple of movies that sounded interesting enough.
Really though, I hadn't thought it through properly.
Now, I seemed to remember in both cases having looked at the movies in a shop and having thought that they looked OK. Maybe though - I should have taken a hint by the fact that I didn't feel inclined to purchase them.
Movie number one - turned out to be a CGI based narrative, that still managed to be badly acted (both voice and characters) and I made it through 10 minutes.
Movie number two - I managed to sit through. 124 minutes of my time wasted, destroyed. I'd just as well have spent the time reading a book by Jeffrey Archer. Fucking hell is that guy a complete arsehole.
The film had for about 90% of its screen time only one location. It had terrible acting & cinematography. Dialogue both dry and shallow. It had unexplored and heavy handed ideas left, right and centre. That and its general plot and premise was incredibly pointless.
Not to 'ruin' this gem for you - I shall summarise.
A collection of cliches get stuck in a lift. A Jewish comedian, a rich but opinionated businesses man, an arab, a fat guy, a jock, his girlfriend, a pregnant lady, (impregnated by the jock - culminating in a pointless and unexplored scene where this is unveiled,) a bratty child and a fat old woman who has a bomb.
The child plays with the lift - leaving them in the lift. The fat lady then reveals that she has a bomb strapped to herself - which is useful.
For reasons never explained, the people at the other end of the lift do absolutely fuck all about the problem. Despite them having mobile phones and being stuck 49 floors up, they wait hours - and spend the time squabbling and bitching (and generally making you not care for any of them) and calling the newspaper where the girlfriend works.
Rather than trying to take any steps before they are imminently going to explode, they wait until things are ready panic stricken before attempting some truly stupid attempts at making themselves safe. For instance - several people hold open the lift doors so that the jock can hang out - and try and press the button on the floor above...whilst hanging out of the door.
Inevitably - he loses an arm and is promptly forgotten about. Frankly - if you want to be that stupid you kind of deserve to lose an extremity.
Only after finding out that they have about 3 minutes left until the bomb is going to explode (a figure they seem quite sure of - bearing in mind the only person who knows exactly when they set the thing is fucking dead!) do they actually think about getting the bomb out of the way by cutting it off of fatso lady. That they could have had hours to do this if they'd used their brains in the first place is just yet another fucking flaw.
Finally - just before imminent explosion, the SWAT team (who have guns for a rescue mission?!) arrive in time to rescue everyone except fatso - whose final line is 'I guess I'm the Hero' who is in the lift that explodes.
Guess what fatso - you aren't the hero. You are just too fat to escape. Exactly what did you do to make you a hero? Have one of the stupidest final lines ever?
Getting back to the SWAT team, what the hell have they been doing for the hour proceeding. Why did they need to turn up at the last minute. They could have rescued everyone (even fatso) disabled the bomb and been home in time for tea. I mean - did they stop for takeaway or donuts on the way? They are meant to be in the middle of the financial district. How far away can the nearest fucking police station be?
What a ridiculously terrible narrative. Derisive, pointless and plain terrible.
Rant over.
After seeing 'The Room' (a film so bad it got its own rant) I was pretty sure I'd hit rock bottom in terms of movies.
Once again however, the world stood up, dropped its kecks and showed me the words 'think again douchebag' tattooed in large letters across it's butt cheeks.
I've had a busy few weeks and so hadn't managed to pick some new Love Film choices for a while. In a bit of a whimsical mood - I 'took a punt' and chose a couple of movies that sounded interesting enough.
Really though, I hadn't thought it through properly.
Now, I seemed to remember in both cases having looked at the movies in a shop and having thought that they looked OK. Maybe though - I should have taken a hint by the fact that I didn't feel inclined to purchase them.
Movie number one - turned out to be a CGI based narrative, that still managed to be badly acted (both voice and characters) and I made it through 10 minutes.
Movie number two - I managed to sit through. 124 minutes of my time wasted, destroyed. I'd just as well have spent the time reading a book by Jeffrey Archer. Fucking hell is that guy a complete arsehole.
The film had for about 90% of its screen time only one location. It had terrible acting & cinematography. Dialogue both dry and shallow. It had unexplored and heavy handed ideas left, right and centre. That and its general plot and premise was incredibly pointless.
Not to 'ruin' this gem for you - I shall summarise.
A collection of cliches get stuck in a lift. A Jewish comedian, a rich but opinionated businesses man, an arab, a fat guy, a jock, his girlfriend, a pregnant lady, (impregnated by the jock - culminating in a pointless and unexplored scene where this is unveiled,) a bratty child and a fat old woman who has a bomb.
The child plays with the lift - leaving them in the lift. The fat lady then reveals that she has a bomb strapped to herself - which is useful.
For reasons never explained, the people at the other end of the lift do absolutely fuck all about the problem. Despite them having mobile phones and being stuck 49 floors up, they wait hours - and spend the time squabbling and bitching (and generally making you not care for any of them) and calling the newspaper where the girlfriend works.
Rather than trying to take any steps before they are imminently going to explode, they wait until things are ready panic stricken before attempting some truly stupid attempts at making themselves safe. For instance - several people hold open the lift doors so that the jock can hang out - and try and press the button on the floor above...whilst hanging out of the door.
Inevitably - he loses an arm and is promptly forgotten about. Frankly - if you want to be that stupid you kind of deserve to lose an extremity.
Only after finding out that they have about 3 minutes left until the bomb is going to explode (a figure they seem quite sure of - bearing in mind the only person who knows exactly when they set the thing is fucking dead!) do they actually think about getting the bomb out of the way by cutting it off of fatso lady. That they could have had hours to do this if they'd used their brains in the first place is just yet another fucking flaw.
Finally - just before imminent explosion, the SWAT team (who have guns for a rescue mission?!) arrive in time to rescue everyone except fatso - whose final line is 'I guess I'm the Hero' who is in the lift that explodes.
Guess what fatso - you aren't the hero. You are just too fat to escape. Exactly what did you do to make you a hero? Have one of the stupidest final lines ever?
Getting back to the SWAT team, what the hell have they been doing for the hour proceeding. Why did they need to turn up at the last minute. They could have rescued everyone (even fatso) disabled the bomb and been home in time for tea. I mean - did they stop for takeaway or donuts on the way? They are meant to be in the middle of the financial district. How far away can the nearest fucking police station be?
What a ridiculously terrible narrative. Derisive, pointless and plain terrible.
Rant over.
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
Rant 277 3/10/12 Subject: Ed Miliband
Rant number 277
I'm sure I've told you before - but each and every morning I like to get up and watch the news.
It helps me to come round. I find out a little bit about the traffic for the day - and I can find out if anything interesting has happened since the previous evening (or at least the previous time I've checked the news.)
I've talked about various news stories over the proceeding days. I've talked about the fact that the news can sometimes be a little fluffy - and the fact that sometimes it can be a bit naff.
Today - that wasn't the problem.
Today - it made me feel rather queasy.
Ed Milliband is a man on the warpath. He's the new labour party leader - and he wants to stake his mark. As such - the radio yesterday featured his rhetoric and his militant speaking to his party.
Now, I always think that it's a joke when they play you a political speech that has taken place in front of a party of followers. I'm sure they cheer you on and all that - but that doesn't mean that I agree. It creates a false positive when they play you such a receptive audience. A lesser person could easily be fooled.
I am not a lesser person. I'm a miserable - yet thoughtful bastard.
Now, Ed Miliband was on the news this morning - to keep the awareness up - and look good.
He failed - miserably.
One thing that I love about BBC breakfast, is the militant way that they carry out interviews. To put it frankly - Charlie State does not take crap (good on him!)
Within the 5 minute interview - Charlie looked like an inquisitive individual and Ed Miliband looked like as much of an out of touch idiot as his baby eating competitor.
Lets face it anyway ladies and gents. There is no difference between New Labour (yes I know they aren't that new any more, but you know what I mean) and the Conservatives except for what colour they pledge allegiance to and how often they tip their butlers.
I will not be fooled by Ed Miliband. He pretends to be something different from what he is - a Tory. He has all the money - the private educations and the elitist attitude.
For one reason and one reason only however, he is worse. He pretends to be something he's not. He's a wolf in sheeps clothing.
I fucking hate David Cameron for what he is - but he doesn't pretend to be anything but a baby eating, evil, manipulative, self serving power hungry bastard. Ed Miliband has all of these desirable qualities - but would in some way have you believe that he is better.
Don't be fooled. What a bastard.
Rant over.
I'm sure I've told you before - but each and every morning I like to get up and watch the news.
It helps me to come round. I find out a little bit about the traffic for the day - and I can find out if anything interesting has happened since the previous evening (or at least the previous time I've checked the news.)
I've talked about various news stories over the proceeding days. I've talked about the fact that the news can sometimes be a little fluffy - and the fact that sometimes it can be a bit naff.
Today - that wasn't the problem.
Today - it made me feel rather queasy.
Ed Milliband is a man on the warpath. He's the new labour party leader - and he wants to stake his mark. As such - the radio yesterday featured his rhetoric and his militant speaking to his party.
Now, I always think that it's a joke when they play you a political speech that has taken place in front of a party of followers. I'm sure they cheer you on and all that - but that doesn't mean that I agree. It creates a false positive when they play you such a receptive audience. A lesser person could easily be fooled.
I am not a lesser person. I'm a miserable - yet thoughtful bastard.
Now, Ed Miliband was on the news this morning - to keep the awareness up - and look good.
He failed - miserably.
One thing that I love about BBC breakfast, is the militant way that they carry out interviews. To put it frankly - Charlie State does not take crap (good on him!)
Within the 5 minute interview - Charlie looked like an inquisitive individual and Ed Miliband looked like as much of an out of touch idiot as his baby eating competitor.
Lets face it anyway ladies and gents. There is no difference between New Labour (yes I know they aren't that new any more, but you know what I mean) and the Conservatives except for what colour they pledge allegiance to and how often they tip their butlers.
I will not be fooled by Ed Miliband. He pretends to be something different from what he is - a Tory. He has all the money - the private educations and the elitist attitude.
For one reason and one reason only however, he is worse. He pretends to be something he's not. He's a wolf in sheeps clothing.
I fucking hate David Cameron for what he is - but he doesn't pretend to be anything but a baby eating, evil, manipulative, self serving power hungry bastard. Ed Miliband has all of these desirable qualities - but would in some way have you believe that he is better.
Don't be fooled. What a bastard.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 2 October 2012
Rant 276 2/10/12 Subject: Pension plans
Rant number 276
As of yesterday, the government have put in place a new rule about pensions. Basically - they've spent all the money on their own pensions - and as such they have decided that they can't afford to pay us a pension when we retire any more.
It's not enough to work an extra 2 years (probably 5) when we get to retirement age. It's not enough to have to pay out a fortune of your wages each and every month. Now you have to put some aside in a pension fund of the governments choosing. Your employer will match your contributions though - so yet, I supposed.
Now, don't get me wrong. I've always planned (when I finally feel financially able) to put some aside in a pension fund. I do not however, need my hand forcing by the government all of a sudden.
I don't believe that in their position, I would need to be doing this - which is where I start to wonder that universal question - is that really fair?
In general also - pension plans are not something I am all that convinced about - particularly not one run by our corrupt, money grabbing, elitist government.
You pay in and you pay in, but do you actually get it all out again? I wouldn't trust them to it.
I'd prefer to use a private plan with a guaranteed 100% (if not more) return - or put it in a savings account that I cannot access.
I just don't think that the government (who lets face it have put us in this mess) should be the ones to control things in this way. In my working life so far (approx. 10 years) I think I must have paid in at least £10,000. Now - I don't know about you, but that sounds like I should be able to get something reasonable out of the other end?
I'm not paying for me and mine though. I'm paying for wasteful thieving politicians, people who will not work and work the benefit system and general cheats, liars and hangers on.
To be frank, it sticks in my craw a little bit to now be asked to pay for something I have already been paying for. I sure as hell won't be opting in to the governments scheme. I'll look into my own thank you very much.
Rant over.
As of yesterday, the government have put in place a new rule about pensions. Basically - they've spent all the money on their own pensions - and as such they have decided that they can't afford to pay us a pension when we retire any more.
It's not enough to work an extra 2 years (probably 5) when we get to retirement age. It's not enough to have to pay out a fortune of your wages each and every month. Now you have to put some aside in a pension fund of the governments choosing. Your employer will match your contributions though - so yet, I supposed.
Now, don't get me wrong. I've always planned (when I finally feel financially able) to put some aside in a pension fund. I do not however, need my hand forcing by the government all of a sudden.
I don't believe that in their position, I would need to be doing this - which is where I start to wonder that universal question - is that really fair?
In general also - pension plans are not something I am all that convinced about - particularly not one run by our corrupt, money grabbing, elitist government.
You pay in and you pay in, but do you actually get it all out again? I wouldn't trust them to it.
I'd prefer to use a private plan with a guaranteed 100% (if not more) return - or put it in a savings account that I cannot access.
I just don't think that the government (who lets face it have put us in this mess) should be the ones to control things in this way. In my working life so far (approx. 10 years) I think I must have paid in at least £10,000. Now - I don't know about you, but that sounds like I should be able to get something reasonable out of the other end?
I'm not paying for me and mine though. I'm paying for wasteful thieving politicians, people who will not work and work the benefit system and general cheats, liars and hangers on.
To be frank, it sticks in my craw a little bit to now be asked to pay for something I have already been paying for. I sure as hell won't be opting in to the governments scheme. I'll look into my own thank you very much.
Rant over.
Monday, 1 October 2012
Rant 275 1/10/12 Subject: Hidden computerised communication.
Rant number 275
The internet is - for all its wonder and splendour - exactly what it says: a World Wide Web.
So lets just think about that word: Web. It means a network, it means many interlocking points but - it finally and most importantly means a trap.
There are many unpleasant characters hidden away in this web - millions of the bastards and they really want you to fly in unawares and blaze - just to put your foot in one of their sticky strands.
So what can you do?
Exactly what your Mummy always said - be safe and be prepared.
The computer with a normal operating system is a woefully inadequate way of protecting yourself. They write these viruses and spyware with the backdoors in these main programs in mind.
Don't be caught ignorant and unawares!
I'm not a big fan of virus checkers. They run in the background - stealing run time. They miss things and they cost money for the most part. I do swear by one particular combination of things however - that seems to work for me:
A good firewall and some bloody common sense.
I use a firewall (Mac only windows friends - sorry) called Little Snitch. Little Snitch does exactly that. If something tries to talk to your computer or something on your computer tries to call home/communicate out - Little Snitch tells me about it and gives me the chance to stop it.
It's a handy - simple system.
As for common sense - this speaks for itself. If something seems wrong - don't get involved. Don't open e-mail attachments from anyone you don't know.
Scratch that - don't even open e-mails from anyone you don't know or are not expecting!
Another thing to bear in mind - no-one official will ever ask for official information.
Don't get sucked it.
Anyway - I digress.
The real irritation about using a good Firewall is that it really highlights just how much communication goes on with your computer if you don't keep an eye on things. I used one piece of software yesterday (a Divx video player) which tried to speak to home (for no doubt marketing purposes) no less than 4 times in several minutes.
Now- this could be completely benign however, there is a chance that any information on your computer could be shared with the outside world. Is that really what you want?
No - I don't think so.
Get a firewall and keep an eye on things. Don't get stuck on the web - or a spider will probably eat you.
Rant over.
The internet is - for all its wonder and splendour - exactly what it says: a World Wide Web.
So lets just think about that word: Web. It means a network, it means many interlocking points but - it finally and most importantly means a trap.
There are many unpleasant characters hidden away in this web - millions of the bastards and they really want you to fly in unawares and blaze - just to put your foot in one of their sticky strands.
So what can you do?
Exactly what your Mummy always said - be safe and be prepared.
The computer with a normal operating system is a woefully inadequate way of protecting yourself. They write these viruses and spyware with the backdoors in these main programs in mind.
Don't be caught ignorant and unawares!
I'm not a big fan of virus checkers. They run in the background - stealing run time. They miss things and they cost money for the most part. I do swear by one particular combination of things however - that seems to work for me:
A good firewall and some bloody common sense.
I use a firewall (Mac only windows friends - sorry) called Little Snitch. Little Snitch does exactly that. If something tries to talk to your computer or something on your computer tries to call home/communicate out - Little Snitch tells me about it and gives me the chance to stop it.
It's a handy - simple system.
As for common sense - this speaks for itself. If something seems wrong - don't get involved. Don't open e-mail attachments from anyone you don't know.
Scratch that - don't even open e-mails from anyone you don't know or are not expecting!
Another thing to bear in mind - no-one official will ever ask for official information.
Don't get sucked it.
Anyway - I digress.
The real irritation about using a good Firewall is that it really highlights just how much communication goes on with your computer if you don't keep an eye on things. I used one piece of software yesterday (a Divx video player) which tried to speak to home (for no doubt marketing purposes) no less than 4 times in several minutes.
Now- this could be completely benign however, there is a chance that any information on your computer could be shared with the outside world. Is that really what you want?
No - I don't think so.
Get a firewall and keep an eye on things. Don't get stuck on the web - or a spider will probably eat you.
Rant over.
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