Rant number 313
Incompetence has been a bit of a running theme today - for reasons I shall go into later on.
One particularly thing however has irritated me not once - but twice this week, and it completely perplexes me!
On the average week - I do at least 150 miles in my small car. As such, I get through a fair amount of juice. Because of this, I don't put £10's or £5s in at a time - because that's pointless and it only last a few days. As such - I try and fill up once a week - usually on the way back from band.
I live round the corner from a Shell garage - which is pretty handy. I find that the petrol there seems to last reasonably well (and I do find that this varies from garage to garage. Never go to Total garages! That stuff is like fairy liquid I swear!) and I get points (to earn vouchers eventually - like once a year.)
The garage is on one of the main routes in and out of Huddersfield and is popular with commuters, taxi drivers and the like.
On Monday, on the way back from band - I saw my needle hovering low - so decided to get some fuel.
But I couldn't - because they didn't have any.
This then meant I had to drive an extra mile round trip to pop a tenner in to keep the car ticking over till today.
(When I can't fill up you see - I tend to try and get some after the next band rehearsal. This is when its quiet and means I don't have to go out of my way.)
Except for once again - there was no fucking petrol - meaning that I had to go back where I had come from - to get some petrol from another garage.
I don't understand it! How the fuck can a popular garage - run by one of the richest and most powerful companies in the world keep running out of fuel. I mean - has there been some kind of Shell exclusive shortage?
More likely - some cock end forgot to order it. How disgustingly incompetent!
Rant over.
Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts
Thursday, 8 November 2012
Thursday, 4 October 2012
Rant 278 4/10/12 Subject: Terrible narratives
Rant number 278
After seeing 'The Room' (a film so bad it got its own rant) I was pretty sure I'd hit rock bottom in terms of movies.
Once again however, the world stood up, dropped its kecks and showed me the words 'think again douchebag' tattooed in large letters across it's butt cheeks.
I've had a busy few weeks and so hadn't managed to pick some new Love Film choices for a while. In a bit of a whimsical mood - I 'took a punt' and chose a couple of movies that sounded interesting enough.
Really though, I hadn't thought it through properly.
Now, I seemed to remember in both cases having looked at the movies in a shop and having thought that they looked OK. Maybe though - I should have taken a hint by the fact that I didn't feel inclined to purchase them.
Movie number one - turned out to be a CGI based narrative, that still managed to be badly acted (both voice and characters) and I made it through 10 minutes.
Movie number two - I managed to sit through. 124 minutes of my time wasted, destroyed. I'd just as well have spent the time reading a book by Jeffrey Archer. Fucking hell is that guy a complete arsehole.
The film had for about 90% of its screen time only one location. It had terrible acting & cinematography. Dialogue both dry and shallow. It had unexplored and heavy handed ideas left, right and centre. That and its general plot and premise was incredibly pointless.
Not to 'ruin' this gem for you - I shall summarise.
A collection of cliches get stuck in a lift. A Jewish comedian, a rich but opinionated businesses man, an arab, a fat guy, a jock, his girlfriend, a pregnant lady, (impregnated by the jock - culminating in a pointless and unexplored scene where this is unveiled,) a bratty child and a fat old woman who has a bomb.
The child plays with the lift - leaving them in the lift. The fat lady then reveals that she has a bomb strapped to herself - which is useful.
For reasons never explained, the people at the other end of the lift do absolutely fuck all about the problem. Despite them having mobile phones and being stuck 49 floors up, they wait hours - and spend the time squabbling and bitching (and generally making you not care for any of them) and calling the newspaper where the girlfriend works.
Rather than trying to take any steps before they are imminently going to explode, they wait until things are ready panic stricken before attempting some truly stupid attempts at making themselves safe. For instance - several people hold open the lift doors so that the jock can hang out - and try and press the button on the floor above...whilst hanging out of the door.
Inevitably - he loses an arm and is promptly forgotten about. Frankly - if you want to be that stupid you kind of deserve to lose an extremity.
Only after finding out that they have about 3 minutes left until the bomb is going to explode (a figure they seem quite sure of - bearing in mind the only person who knows exactly when they set the thing is fucking dead!) do they actually think about getting the bomb out of the way by cutting it off of fatso lady. That they could have had hours to do this if they'd used their brains in the first place is just yet another fucking flaw.
Finally - just before imminent explosion, the SWAT team (who have guns for a rescue mission?!) arrive in time to rescue everyone except fatso - whose final line is 'I guess I'm the Hero' who is in the lift that explodes.
Guess what fatso - you aren't the hero. You are just too fat to escape. Exactly what did you do to make you a hero? Have one of the stupidest final lines ever?
Getting back to the SWAT team, what the hell have they been doing for the hour proceeding. Why did they need to turn up at the last minute. They could have rescued everyone (even fatso) disabled the bomb and been home in time for tea. I mean - did they stop for takeaway or donuts on the way? They are meant to be in the middle of the financial district. How far away can the nearest fucking police station be?
What a ridiculously terrible narrative. Derisive, pointless and plain terrible.
Rant over.
After seeing 'The Room' (a film so bad it got its own rant) I was pretty sure I'd hit rock bottom in terms of movies.
Once again however, the world stood up, dropped its kecks and showed me the words 'think again douchebag' tattooed in large letters across it's butt cheeks.
I've had a busy few weeks and so hadn't managed to pick some new Love Film choices for a while. In a bit of a whimsical mood - I 'took a punt' and chose a couple of movies that sounded interesting enough.
Really though, I hadn't thought it through properly.
Now, I seemed to remember in both cases having looked at the movies in a shop and having thought that they looked OK. Maybe though - I should have taken a hint by the fact that I didn't feel inclined to purchase them.
Movie number one - turned out to be a CGI based narrative, that still managed to be badly acted (both voice and characters) and I made it through 10 minutes.
Movie number two - I managed to sit through. 124 minutes of my time wasted, destroyed. I'd just as well have spent the time reading a book by Jeffrey Archer. Fucking hell is that guy a complete arsehole.
The film had for about 90% of its screen time only one location. It had terrible acting & cinematography. Dialogue both dry and shallow. It had unexplored and heavy handed ideas left, right and centre. That and its general plot and premise was incredibly pointless.
Not to 'ruin' this gem for you - I shall summarise.
A collection of cliches get stuck in a lift. A Jewish comedian, a rich but opinionated businesses man, an arab, a fat guy, a jock, his girlfriend, a pregnant lady, (impregnated by the jock - culminating in a pointless and unexplored scene where this is unveiled,) a bratty child and a fat old woman who has a bomb.
The child plays with the lift - leaving them in the lift. The fat lady then reveals that she has a bomb strapped to herself - which is useful.
For reasons never explained, the people at the other end of the lift do absolutely fuck all about the problem. Despite them having mobile phones and being stuck 49 floors up, they wait hours - and spend the time squabbling and bitching (and generally making you not care for any of them) and calling the newspaper where the girlfriend works.
Rather than trying to take any steps before they are imminently going to explode, they wait until things are ready panic stricken before attempting some truly stupid attempts at making themselves safe. For instance - several people hold open the lift doors so that the jock can hang out - and try and press the button on the floor above...whilst hanging out of the door.
Inevitably - he loses an arm and is promptly forgotten about. Frankly - if you want to be that stupid you kind of deserve to lose an extremity.
Only after finding out that they have about 3 minutes left until the bomb is going to explode (a figure they seem quite sure of - bearing in mind the only person who knows exactly when they set the thing is fucking dead!) do they actually think about getting the bomb out of the way by cutting it off of fatso lady. That they could have had hours to do this if they'd used their brains in the first place is just yet another fucking flaw.
Finally - just before imminent explosion, the SWAT team (who have guns for a rescue mission?!) arrive in time to rescue everyone except fatso - whose final line is 'I guess I'm the Hero' who is in the lift that explodes.
Guess what fatso - you aren't the hero. You are just too fat to escape. Exactly what did you do to make you a hero? Have one of the stupidest final lines ever?
Getting back to the SWAT team, what the hell have they been doing for the hour proceeding. Why did they need to turn up at the last minute. They could have rescued everyone (even fatso) disabled the bomb and been home in time for tea. I mean - did they stop for takeaway or donuts on the way? They are meant to be in the middle of the financial district. How far away can the nearest fucking police station be?
What a ridiculously terrible narrative. Derisive, pointless and plain terrible.
Rant over.
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Rant 103 12/4/12 Subject: weather forecasts
As previously mentioned more than once, I like to start the day with a little ceremony, culminating in sitting down to watch around 25 minutes of BBC breakfast.
Today, there was a 15 minute long stint about sheds. They even interviewed a shed owner! I could easily rant about the inane stupidity of such a piece. It's innate stupidity alone is worth a thousand words! Maybe one day I will too... Just not today.
What annoyed me actually today and pretty much every day was the weather forecast.
Weather forecasts are almost universally a practice in futility. Let's face it, you can rarely change your plans based on the weather - so knowing if it's going to be miserable or wonderful really doesn't assist you.
Then there is the fact that they rarely come true. I don't remember being told it was going to hammer it down with hailstones at around five o'clock - but it did. As it is it didn't effect me. If I was out and about though, I would want to bring a brolly and/or a hard hat to be safe!
Finally there is the irritating pomp and vernacular that is being recited by the weather girl - whilst she points at her big stupid map.
The combination of vagaries and specific terms can be really quite confusing as a lay man. An example of this would be "around 2 o'clock an area of high pressure may cause a warm front to move upwards - resulting in a drop of temperature and some light drizzle" it's like the ranting of a mad man.
In summary, don't trust Michael Fish. The man is pure evil
Rant over.
Today, there was a 15 minute long stint about sheds. They even interviewed a shed owner! I could easily rant about the inane stupidity of such a piece. It's innate stupidity alone is worth a thousand words! Maybe one day I will too... Just not today.
What annoyed me actually today and pretty much every day was the weather forecast.
Weather forecasts are almost universally a practice in futility. Let's face it, you can rarely change your plans based on the weather - so knowing if it's going to be miserable or wonderful really doesn't assist you.
Then there is the fact that they rarely come true. I don't remember being told it was going to hammer it down with hailstones at around five o'clock - but it did. As it is it didn't effect me. If I was out and about though, I would want to bring a brolly and/or a hard hat to be safe!
Finally there is the irritating pomp and vernacular that is being recited by the weather girl - whilst she points at her big stupid map.
The combination of vagaries and specific terms can be really quite confusing as a lay man. An example of this would be "around 2 o'clock an area of high pressure may cause a warm front to move upwards - resulting in a drop of temperature and some light drizzle" it's like the ranting of a mad man.
In summary, don't trust Michael Fish. The man is pure evil
Rant over.
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Rant 60 - 29/2/12 Subject: Leap years
Rant number 60
As doubtless you all will have noticed, today is February the 29th. That's one day more than there should be in February and one more day in the year - and thus, one extra bloody rant! It is also a subject of double annoyance because I quite forgot about this when I set this up. As such - it should be 365 rants, not 366 - which really messes with my chi!
I know that they make things a little bit neater for calendars and clocks and things - but its just annoying. I personally would prefer the extra couple of minutes a day - or whatever the hell it works out as!
As well as this, those among you who are salaried (which is pretty much everyone these days) will need to give up an extra day of your time for nought. Rubbish huh!?
It just isn't on, all this messing with the time malarky!
I don't think anyone has a particular love of leap year days. There is nout much special about today. Its just another day (which really is march 1st, but for some reason isn't.)
The only interesting traditional surrounding leap years is the whole women can propose to men thing. It's a bit different and quite nice really.
The truth is however, that we live in modern times - and women can go around proposing whenever they wish to do so.
So we've established really that no-one cares. This - surely is strictly not true though. Some people surely do care about Leap years.
The poor bastards born on February 29th. Imagine being 12 and only being 3 birthdays old! Its ludicrous and quite depressing. I'm sure for real that they probably celebrate on March 1st- but thats just not the point is it!
Leap years are just a bit rubbish really!
Rant over.
As doubtless you all will have noticed, today is February the 29th. That's one day more than there should be in February and one more day in the year - and thus, one extra bloody rant! It is also a subject of double annoyance because I quite forgot about this when I set this up. As such - it should be 365 rants, not 366 - which really messes with my chi!
I know that they make things a little bit neater for calendars and clocks and things - but its just annoying. I personally would prefer the extra couple of minutes a day - or whatever the hell it works out as!
As well as this, those among you who are salaried (which is pretty much everyone these days) will need to give up an extra day of your time for nought. Rubbish huh!?
It just isn't on, all this messing with the time malarky!
I don't think anyone has a particular love of leap year days. There is nout much special about today. Its just another day (which really is march 1st, but for some reason isn't.)
The only interesting traditional surrounding leap years is the whole women can propose to men thing. It's a bit different and quite nice really.
The truth is however, that we live in modern times - and women can go around proposing whenever they wish to do so.
So we've established really that no-one cares. This - surely is strictly not true though. Some people surely do care about Leap years.
The poor bastards born on February 29th. Imagine being 12 and only being 3 birthdays old! Its ludicrous and quite depressing. I'm sure for real that they probably celebrate on March 1st- but thats just not the point is it!
Leap years are just a bit rubbish really!
Rant over.
Saturday, 25 February 2012
Rant 56 - 25/2/12 Subject: Clumsiness
Rant number 56
This week at work, I head-butted a heavy duty metal bike rack.
This was not a deliberate act on my part and - to be frank hurt like a bastard.
I now have quite an swollen egg shaped patch on my head. What a pillock.
Today, a good friend of mine, as if in sympathy has broken her poor toe (much sympathy goes out to her, my head will fix itself much quicker.)
There is little to connect these events together except... clumsiness.
The human race, the animal kingdom & doubtless even the insects (and fish, why not?) share this trait. I just don't understand why its not gone by now with all the evolution that has happens thus far.
I have reasonably good hand eye co-ordination, I am reasonably good on my feet, but I am pretty bloody clumsy. I have, on more than one occasion cut myself folding labels at work (although in my defense, the backing paper is waxed - which makes the edges quite sharp,) I have stubbed my toe more times than is possibly quantifiable, I have bumped my head enough times to consider having my head permanently wrapped in bubble wrap and countless other stupid things.
I just don't know why this should be. Maybe its my brains compulsion to think of higher things all the time, leaving my body to fend for itself (its probably not that. In fact its almost certainly not that, I rarely think of higher things - except for possibly things above me when I am below them. Yes I suppose I do infrequently think of higher things.)
Maybe, its simply just the way we were designed? I mean - the way we are designed is quite complex isn't it. Robot designers have been struggling with the whole biped thing for ages, because its just hard to balance all the stuff above on two flat feet. If we were to walk on 2 legs and 2 arms, maybe accidents would drop quite a lot.
Stupid clumsiness (wondering when this lump is finally going to go)
Rant over.
This week at work, I head-butted a heavy duty metal bike rack.
This was not a deliberate act on my part and - to be frank hurt like a bastard.
I now have quite an swollen egg shaped patch on my head. What a pillock.
Today, a good friend of mine, as if in sympathy has broken her poor toe (much sympathy goes out to her, my head will fix itself much quicker.)
There is little to connect these events together except... clumsiness.
The human race, the animal kingdom & doubtless even the insects (and fish, why not?) share this trait. I just don't understand why its not gone by now with all the evolution that has happens thus far.
I have reasonably good hand eye co-ordination, I am reasonably good on my feet, but I am pretty bloody clumsy. I have, on more than one occasion cut myself folding labels at work (although in my defense, the backing paper is waxed - which makes the edges quite sharp,) I have stubbed my toe more times than is possibly quantifiable, I have bumped my head enough times to consider having my head permanently wrapped in bubble wrap and countless other stupid things.
I just don't know why this should be. Maybe its my brains compulsion to think of higher things all the time, leaving my body to fend for itself (its probably not that. In fact its almost certainly not that, I rarely think of higher things - except for possibly things above me when I am below them. Yes I suppose I do infrequently think of higher things.)
Maybe, its simply just the way we were designed? I mean - the way we are designed is quite complex isn't it. Robot designers have been struggling with the whole biped thing for ages, because its just hard to balance all the stuff above on two flat feet. If we were to walk on 2 legs and 2 arms, maybe accidents would drop quite a lot.
Stupid clumsiness (wondering when this lump is finally going to go)
Rant over.
Friday, 24 February 2012
Rant 55 - 24/2/12 Subject: 'Comedy' quiz shows
Rant number 55
Todays rant was another that turned around at the very last minute. On returning from band and sitting down to write todays rant (on a related subject that I shall - doubtless come to later) I flicked the TV on for some background noise.
The channel it had been left on last was 4, and so I was presented with a new 'comedy quiz' - 'The Mad Bad Ad Show'
Now don't get me wrong, I actually quite like the comedy quiz format (thus the inverted commas in this rants title.) The thing is, its horribly overused, unoriginal and to be frank - most of the time just not funny.
QI for instance is a program that I have fallen out of love with. Its format started cleverly and full of great water-cooler factoids. The guests were intelligent (with Alan Davies in place as the staple fall guy) and actually tried to answer the questions with some modicum of thought.
These days though, the guests are just idiots! The answers always have to be 'hilarious' (in their own narcissistic opinion anyway.) As a result, the only person who actually seemed to want to answer the questions is Alan Davies!
Have I got news for you was always even worse. No-one is allowed to just answer a question with something sensible - because its all about the comedy apparently. As such, they have to put in an unfunny - overly scripted (shite) joke for every question. Maybe its just me - the audience just seem to love them (or its canned laughter, but it would be unfair for me to speculate)
Going back to tonight's offering, it was the missing news story format.
I am not sure if it was intended for any of them to attempt to offer up an answer to the question that was at all relevant - but either way, they didn't.
Instead, they each took turns to throw up ever less funny answers, in an attempt at some kind of masturbatory one-upmanship.
Maybe they need to come up with something new rather than dragging an idea to death or, at the very least make some effort to balance comedy & quiz.
Who knows, maybe I'm the only one who hates this shit?
Rant over.
Todays rant was another that turned around at the very last minute. On returning from band and sitting down to write todays rant (on a related subject that I shall - doubtless come to later) I flicked the TV on for some background noise.
The channel it had been left on last was 4, and so I was presented with a new 'comedy quiz' - 'The Mad Bad Ad Show'
Now don't get me wrong, I actually quite like the comedy quiz format (thus the inverted commas in this rants title.) The thing is, its horribly overused, unoriginal and to be frank - most of the time just not funny.
QI for instance is a program that I have fallen out of love with. Its format started cleverly and full of great water-cooler factoids. The guests were intelligent (with Alan Davies in place as the staple fall guy) and actually tried to answer the questions with some modicum of thought.
These days though, the guests are just idiots! The answers always have to be 'hilarious' (in their own narcissistic opinion anyway.) As a result, the only person who actually seemed to want to answer the questions is Alan Davies!
Have I got news for you was always even worse. No-one is allowed to just answer a question with something sensible - because its all about the comedy apparently. As such, they have to put in an unfunny - overly scripted (shite) joke for every question. Maybe its just me - the audience just seem to love them (or its canned laughter, but it would be unfair for me to speculate)
Going back to tonight's offering, it was the missing news story format.
I am not sure if it was intended for any of them to attempt to offer up an answer to the question that was at all relevant - but either way, they didn't.
Instead, they each took turns to throw up ever less funny answers, in an attempt at some kind of masturbatory one-upmanship.
Maybe they need to come up with something new rather than dragging an idea to death or, at the very least make some effort to balance comedy & quiz.
Who knows, maybe I'm the only one who hates this shit?
Rant over.
Thursday, 16 February 2012
Rant 47 - 16/2/12 Subject: Superfluous road signage.
Rant number 47
Now, to start with, I would like to make it clear that all superfluous signage upsets me greatly. I feel however that this is too large and vast an annoyance to deal with in only one chapter.
As such, todays annoyance is most definitely the stupid road signage, and most specifically the ones you find on motorways.
It is self evident of course that road signage is an integral part of the road systems we know and love. Without them - things probably just wouldn't work.
I do feel however, that many signs can be done without.
Which brings me (via somewhat of a digression(as per usual)) to my point.
On the way to band today, on the stretch of motorway which is the highest in the country. Things suddenly went white!
'Fuck me' I exclaimed to myself, 'it appears that I have gone spontaneously blind, despite my ability to still see the lights of the car in front of me.'
As you will understand, this I felt was quite alarming. I just didn't know what to do!
Then a sign emerged out of the white blur (which I had to squint to see,) which said 'fog'. Just imagine the relief I felt: on a day when it has rained extensively, when there is a lot of water about and when I am rather high up, I never would have thought of fog!
(Regarding the above paragraphs, I realise that people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of whit. In my opinion however, the only people who say this are those who don't understand it properly.)
Are people meant to be so bereft of sense that they cannot perceive the road around them. Even when I am concentrating on operating a vehicle at high speed, I can still look out of the windscreen and notice that there is some white cloudy stuff in front of me.
Its really laughable (and irritating) to have to squint through the fog to see what the stupid sign says - in case it is more relevant than telling me the frickin obvious.
'Well, what if its only lightly foggy?' I hear you cry 'what then smarty pants?'.
Firstly, I would ask you not to interrupt me whilst I'm on a tirade, its rude of you and I would have expected better behavior. Secondly, your question has a most obvious answer, so I am once again disappointed in you. Finally, to put it bluntly
If I can't see any fog in front of me that is effecting me in any way shape or form, it is more distracting than useful to tell me about it!
And these stupid signs are not resigned only to the pointless fog notifications described above.
No
They work with traffic too.
I have literally lost count of the times I have sat in stop start traffic and crawled towards a sign that says 'queueing traffic.' I fucking know: I'm in it!
They also do this with 'queue after junction' another firm favorite of theirs.
They even go as far as to tell you succinctly 'spray, slow down.' When you could nearly swim on the fucking motorway.
The people who run them are bloody morons!
Rant over.
Now, to start with, I would like to make it clear that all superfluous signage upsets me greatly. I feel however that this is too large and vast an annoyance to deal with in only one chapter.
As such, todays annoyance is most definitely the stupid road signage, and most specifically the ones you find on motorways.
It is self evident of course that road signage is an integral part of the road systems we know and love. Without them - things probably just wouldn't work.
I do feel however, that many signs can be done without.
Which brings me (via somewhat of a digression(as per usual)) to my point.
On the way to band today, on the stretch of motorway which is the highest in the country. Things suddenly went white!
'Fuck me' I exclaimed to myself, 'it appears that I have gone spontaneously blind, despite my ability to still see the lights of the car in front of me.'
As you will understand, this I felt was quite alarming. I just didn't know what to do!
Then a sign emerged out of the white blur (which I had to squint to see,) which said 'fog'. Just imagine the relief I felt: on a day when it has rained extensively, when there is a lot of water about and when I am rather high up, I never would have thought of fog!
(Regarding the above paragraphs, I realise that people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of whit. In my opinion however, the only people who say this are those who don't understand it properly.)
Are people meant to be so bereft of sense that they cannot perceive the road around them. Even when I am concentrating on operating a vehicle at high speed, I can still look out of the windscreen and notice that there is some white cloudy stuff in front of me.
Its really laughable (and irritating) to have to squint through the fog to see what the stupid sign says - in case it is more relevant than telling me the frickin obvious.
'Well, what if its only lightly foggy?' I hear you cry 'what then smarty pants?'.
Firstly, I would ask you not to interrupt me whilst I'm on a tirade, its rude of you and I would have expected better behavior. Secondly, your question has a most obvious answer, so I am once again disappointed in you. Finally, to put it bluntly
If I can't see any fog in front of me that is effecting me in any way shape or form, it is more distracting than useful to tell me about it!
And these stupid signs are not resigned only to the pointless fog notifications described above.
No
They work with traffic too.
I have literally lost count of the times I have sat in stop start traffic and crawled towards a sign that says 'queueing traffic.' I fucking know: I'm in it!
They also do this with 'queue after junction' another firm favorite of theirs.
They even go as far as to tell you succinctly 'spray, slow down.' When you could nearly swim on the fucking motorway.
The people who run them are bloody morons!
Rant over.
Friday, 10 February 2012
Rant 41 - 10/2/12 Subject: Hiding behind religion
Rant number 41
So - religion. A touchy subject.
To begin with, I must say that I have no problem with anyones religion (I almost said beliefs then, but actually - the beliefs is exactly the part I have an issue with.) I have friends of various different religions and faiths, both devout and disinterested. I'm not singling out anyone here.
I believe wholeheartedly that all religions are quintessentially pretty similar. This is not a fact that people like however, its true. Whether god or gods, pope or plain pews. All religions are designed to instill a set of ideals which are - by definition pretty similar once again. (I understand that the above may offend someone however, read the rest of the post. If you are still bothered - I don't really care)
Although there are various theories about religion being a good way to control people (and it is) another thing that I would like to believe about all religions is that, somewhere along the lines, they are all about good intentions. If they weren't, they wouldn't have made it this far - surely.
And with this in mind, this is why I get so fucking livid about people who do something disgusting then says that God/Allah or whoever you wish to cite told them to do so via their holy book.
When looking at the bible, the Quran or whatever. You've got to remember that these books are thousands of years old and were written by people. God did not pick up his laptop and whack out a copy of the bible a couple of thousand of years ago.
Now you can argue that people were acting as his conduit in this respect however,
there is still no way that such a book could be written without some kind of bias from humans - not to mention humans in the ancient world.
As such, your scripture - which is often open to interpretation anyway is not the direct word of god.
Ipso facto: You can't persecute someone because your magic book says so.
Today, 3 Muslim men were jailed for putting up posters stating that gay people should receive the death penalty. Come again!?
What kind of person thinks that that is acceptable behavior - or genuinely believes this kind of thing? Assholes.
Now this would be one thing on its own. Its sickening, revolting behavior - but not unique.
What they said after however, made my blood boil!
By all accounts: 'they were simply doing their duty as Muslims to condemn sinful behavior in society'
I really hope that they receive the ultimate irony in the showers (twice a night and 3 times on weekends.)
And this is not just a tirade about Islam. Because the christians do it too, the Hindu's do - and all the other religions do too.
Religion should be about good values and faith. Too often though its about hate and persecution. Homophobes hide behind religion, terrorists site religion as the reason for how they behave - hell, even complete psychopaths on death row say that god told them to.
Its sad, it really is.
A message to anyone out there who behaves in this way:
The next time you want to do something hateful, to persecute someone, to hurt them because they are different from you - do it off your own back YOU FUCKING COWARD. Your god or gods does not want you to behave in this way.
You people make me sick!
Rant over.
So - religion. A touchy subject.
To begin with, I must say that I have no problem with anyones religion (I almost said beliefs then, but actually - the beliefs is exactly the part I have an issue with.) I have friends of various different religions and faiths, both devout and disinterested. I'm not singling out anyone here.
I believe wholeheartedly that all religions are quintessentially pretty similar. This is not a fact that people like however, its true. Whether god or gods, pope or plain pews. All religions are designed to instill a set of ideals which are - by definition pretty similar once again. (I understand that the above may offend someone however, read the rest of the post. If you are still bothered - I don't really care)
Although there are various theories about religion being a good way to control people (and it is) another thing that I would like to believe about all religions is that, somewhere along the lines, they are all about good intentions. If they weren't, they wouldn't have made it this far - surely.
And with this in mind, this is why I get so fucking livid about people who do something disgusting then says that God/Allah or whoever you wish to cite told them to do so via their holy book.
When looking at the bible, the Quran or whatever. You've got to remember that these books are thousands of years old and were written by people. God did not pick up his laptop and whack out a copy of the bible a couple of thousand of years ago.
Now you can argue that people were acting as his conduit in this respect however,
there is still no way that such a book could be written without some kind of bias from humans - not to mention humans in the ancient world.
As such, your scripture - which is often open to interpretation anyway is not the direct word of god.
Ipso facto: You can't persecute someone because your magic book says so.
Today, 3 Muslim men were jailed for putting up posters stating that gay people should receive the death penalty. Come again!?
What kind of person thinks that that is acceptable behavior - or genuinely believes this kind of thing? Assholes.
Now this would be one thing on its own. Its sickening, revolting behavior - but not unique.
What they said after however, made my blood boil!
By all accounts: 'they were simply doing their duty as Muslims to condemn sinful behavior in society'
I really hope that they receive the ultimate irony in the showers (twice a night and 3 times on weekends.)
And this is not just a tirade about Islam. Because the christians do it too, the Hindu's do - and all the other religions do too.
Religion should be about good values and faith. Too often though its about hate and persecution. Homophobes hide behind religion, terrorists site religion as the reason for how they behave - hell, even complete psychopaths on death row say that god told them to.
Its sad, it really is.
A message to anyone out there who behaves in this way:
The next time you want to do something hateful, to persecute someone, to hurt them because they are different from you - do it off your own back YOU FUCKING COWARD. Your god or gods does not want you to behave in this way.
You people make me sick!
Rant over.
Thursday, 2 February 2012
Rant 33 - 2/2/12 Subject: The defanging of vampires
Rant number 33
I am not sure why, but today - the subject of 'Twilight' reared its ugly head.
It is generally not advisable for me to talk about Twilight - because - honestly, I would prefer to make friends with a large black man called 'Bubba' who wants to play mummies and daddies with me in the shower than have anything to do with that puerile crap trap.
(By the way - in regard to the last sentence - I am exaggerating a little, no offers please)
Dracula is a fantastic & terrifying book. Count Dracula is a suave & sophisticated yes. You could even go as far as charming. He is however also - murderous and truly evil.
Because Dracula is such a good book, and because the very idea of vampires is quite creepy: many many books have been written on the subject.
And for years and years, vampires have continued to be creepy. Sometimes completely inhuman, sometimes with a semblance of humanity, the fear aspect has almost always held true until recent years.
Then - the very prolific author Anne Rice - did something that was to have disastrous consequences for the genre. She began to look at the more human aspect of vampires - with the fantastic 'Interview with a Vampire.'
There is absolutely nothing wrong with these books actually. I've enjoyed the ones I have read. The thing is that they began to dilute the vampire legend - paving the way for talentless hacks like Stephenie Meyer.
Twilight - is not something I have read watched or wish to do so. As such - you can choose whether I am being fair to it or not with todays rant.
However, if I may bullet point my issues with it:
I am not sure why, but today - the subject of 'Twilight' reared its ugly head.
It is generally not advisable for me to talk about Twilight - because - honestly, I would prefer to make friends with a large black man called 'Bubba' who wants to play mummies and daddies with me in the shower than have anything to do with that puerile crap trap.
(By the way - in regard to the last sentence - I am exaggerating a little, no offers please)
Dracula is a fantastic & terrifying book. Count Dracula is a suave & sophisticated yes. You could even go as far as charming. He is however also - murderous and truly evil.
Because Dracula is such a good book, and because the very idea of vampires is quite creepy: many many books have been written on the subject.
And for years and years, vampires have continued to be creepy. Sometimes completely inhuman, sometimes with a semblance of humanity, the fear aspect has almost always held true until recent years.
Then - the very prolific author Anne Rice - did something that was to have disastrous consequences for the genre. She began to look at the more human aspect of vampires - with the fantastic 'Interview with a Vampire.'
There is absolutely nothing wrong with these books actually. I've enjoyed the ones I have read. The thing is that they began to dilute the vampire legend - paving the way for talentless hacks like Stephenie Meyer.
Twilight - is not something I have read watched or wish to do so. As such - you can choose whether I am being fair to it or not with todays rant.
However, if I may bullet point my issues with it:
- Vampires should be scary
- Vampires should not be pretty boys with all the charisma of a plant pot
- Vampires are undead, thus - shagging or lusting after vampires is NECROPHILIA
- Making vampire books all about sex is lazy and heavy handed, considering that the inherent fear of vampires comes from the fact that they are a potent metaphor for rape.
And Twilight isn't alone. A plague of this 'vampires are romantic' shite has come along.
The worse thing of all, is that it can only go down hill from here if we aren't careful.
Soon - vampires won't have fangs any more and will drink fruit juices and shit fucking rainbows.
Even now, my beloved horror section at my local book shop has been transformed into a section called:
(I really hate to say this. I really do. Even typing it makes me feel like a complete wanker - really)
Dark Romance. (There, I said it. Happy now!?)
Because - it seems that more people want to shag vampires than read about them as the terrifying essence stealing creatures that they should be.
When did necrophilia become socially acceptable anyway? Beats me.
Rant over.
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
Rant 32 - 1/2/12 Subject: The negatives of Facebook
Rant number 32
I've made it a month without missing one. Not bad going ey!
So what is annoying me today?
Facebook requests.
I like Facebook. It's good to communicate with my friends, laugh at their status updates, admire their pictures etc etc.
The thing is, as with anything that seems too good to be true, it - well - isn't.
So what pisses me off:
To start with - the aforementioned status updates.
For the most part, my friends will upload funny tidbits about their days, talk about their plans etc.
This is just fine. I like to read about these things. Sometimes I will even add my own witticisms to their comments section - because I'm that kinda guy, you know?
What drives me nuts however, are those who don't understand that Facebook is not really the best place to share your problems or recite your woes
Because - lets face it - you don't really know that many people in your 'friends' list very well.
Mostly your friends list is full of acquaintances. They really don't want to know that you are feeling 'really down' or that you hate your job or any of that trash. Putting these comments up as such - is just attention seeking rubbish.
If you really are that upset, or if you have genuine problems - pick up your mobile phone and call someone who is actually your friend - or send them an e-mail or something.
Just for the record - I have blocked people for this behavior... Which I would like to call 'Fwhinging' (Facebook-Whinging.)
Another annoying thing people do on Facebook, is invite me to every event possible. I have friends all around the country on my list. With all respect, I am not going to attend a gig in Southampton because a minor acquaintance cannot be bothered to properly organise their invite list!
I am sure that you love your partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband or sundry other. That's lovely - really it is.
I know that also - you wish to shout your love from the rooftops. But you shouldn't - really.
If you wish to declare your love for your beloved digitally, send them a text message, email them or - if you really must use Facebook to do so. Press that 'send private message' button.
It makes me cringe when I see a facebook message that says 'I love you *insert generic & slightly cringeworthy pet name*' followed by an equally painful reply! Just don't do it.
Now the above will get me annoyed. Don't doubt it. But if you really want me to twitch with seething rage. Invite me to play 'Hidden Chronicles,' 'Bubble With Saga,' 'Gnometown,' 'Castleville' or any of the myriad other games on Facebook.
If you have so much spare time on your hands that you can spend all day playing on this shit - bully for you - but I really don't want to be involved.
I like games alot, but do not really consider Facebook to be the best place to enjoy them.
I consider all of this behavior to be quite quintessentially anti-social.
The hint is in the name - Social Networking - so don't be an idiot - please
Rant over.
I've made it a month without missing one. Not bad going ey!
So what is annoying me today?
Facebook requests.
I like Facebook. It's good to communicate with my friends, laugh at their status updates, admire their pictures etc etc.
The thing is, as with anything that seems too good to be true, it - well - isn't.
So what pisses me off:
To start with - the aforementioned status updates.
For the most part, my friends will upload funny tidbits about their days, talk about their plans etc.
This is just fine. I like to read about these things. Sometimes I will even add my own witticisms to their comments section - because I'm that kinda guy, you know?
What drives me nuts however, are those who don't understand that Facebook is not really the best place to share your problems or recite your woes
Because - lets face it - you don't really know that many people in your 'friends' list very well.
Mostly your friends list is full of acquaintances. They really don't want to know that you are feeling 'really down' or that you hate your job or any of that trash. Putting these comments up as such - is just attention seeking rubbish.
If you really are that upset, or if you have genuine problems - pick up your mobile phone and call someone who is actually your friend - or send them an e-mail or something.
Just for the record - I have blocked people for this behavior... Which I would like to call 'Fwhinging' (Facebook-Whinging.)
Another annoying thing people do on Facebook, is invite me to every event possible. I have friends all around the country on my list. With all respect, I am not going to attend a gig in Southampton because a minor acquaintance cannot be bothered to properly organise their invite list!
I am sure that you love your partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband or sundry other. That's lovely - really it is.
I know that also - you wish to shout your love from the rooftops. But you shouldn't - really.
If you wish to declare your love for your beloved digitally, send them a text message, email them or - if you really must use Facebook to do so. Press that 'send private message' button.
It makes me cringe when I see a facebook message that says 'I love you *insert generic & slightly cringeworthy pet name*' followed by an equally painful reply! Just don't do it.
Now the above will get me annoyed. Don't doubt it. But if you really want me to twitch with seething rage. Invite me to play 'Hidden Chronicles,' 'Bubble With Saga,' 'Gnometown,' 'Castleville' or any of the myriad other games on Facebook.
If you have so much spare time on your hands that you can spend all day playing on this shit - bully for you - but I really don't want to be involved.
I like games alot, but do not really consider Facebook to be the best place to enjoy them.
I consider all of this behavior to be quite quintessentially anti-social.
The hint is in the name - Social Networking - so don't be an idiot - please
Rant over.
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Rant 31 - 31/1/12 Subject: Stupid baby names
Rant number 31
Todays rant is about the stupid names that people call their children.
This is most common amongst two select groups - the celebrity & the idiot (if these groups can be said to be separate - just a thought)
So why does it bug me? Because I think that is unfair & because I can empathise with these poor children.
I understand that people want to be individual - and that they may wish to imbue their offspring with a similar level of individuality.
It shows however, a major lack of understanding, empathy or - lets face it - giving a flying fuck, to call your children anything as ridiculous as the names thrown around by celebrities.
Gwyneth Paltrow for instance, called her daughter 'Apple.' Now don't get me wrong: I like a nice juicy, crunchy apple as much as the next man. No part of me however has ever thought to itself 'what a lovely name for someone.'
And why is this? because it is not a name for someone. It is a name for something. It is the name for a fruit - called an apple.
Sadly, this is not an isolated case in the slightest.
Robert Rodriguez decided to call his sons Rocket, Racer, Rebel, Rogue & Rhiannon. That only one of these actually qualifies for a real name (and lets face is Rhiannon is quite unusual) - shows the arrogance that celebrities hold in their overinflated heads.
Outside of Celebrity circles - I am aware of a friends relative who is called Blade - in homage to the big black vampire hunting badass from the comics. The thing is, in comic books its OK to be called Blade. In real life, that kid is going to get ripped apart in the schoolyard!
And going back to celebs, I think we have a winner (and king of the idiots).
David & Victoria Beckham called their poor poor (poor poor(poor poor)poor) daughter Harper Seven.
I mean, really? That's just mean. She sounds like the name of a 70s spandex heavy sci-fi show!
I wish people thought of their babies - not themselves a bit more!
Rant over.
Todays rant is about the stupid names that people call their children.
This is most common amongst two select groups - the celebrity & the idiot (if these groups can be said to be separate - just a thought)
So why does it bug me? Because I think that is unfair & because I can empathise with these poor children.
I understand that people want to be individual - and that they may wish to imbue their offspring with a similar level of individuality.
It shows however, a major lack of understanding, empathy or - lets face it - giving a flying fuck, to call your children anything as ridiculous as the names thrown around by celebrities.
Gwyneth Paltrow for instance, called her daughter 'Apple.' Now don't get me wrong: I like a nice juicy, crunchy apple as much as the next man. No part of me however has ever thought to itself 'what a lovely name for someone.'
And why is this? because it is not a name for someone. It is a name for something. It is the name for a fruit - called an apple.
Sadly, this is not an isolated case in the slightest.
Robert Rodriguez decided to call his sons Rocket, Racer, Rebel, Rogue & Rhiannon. That only one of these actually qualifies for a real name (and lets face is Rhiannon is quite unusual) - shows the arrogance that celebrities hold in their overinflated heads.
Outside of Celebrity circles - I am aware of a friends relative who is called Blade - in homage to the big black vampire hunting badass from the comics. The thing is, in comic books its OK to be called Blade. In real life, that kid is going to get ripped apart in the schoolyard!
And going back to celebs, I think we have a winner (and king of the idiots).
David & Victoria Beckham called their poor poor (poor poor(poor poor)poor) daughter Harper Seven.
I mean, really? That's just mean. She sounds like the name of a 70s spandex heavy sci-fi show!
I wish people thought of their babies - not themselves a bit more!
Rant over.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Rant 26 - 26/1/12 Subject: People who don't spell or use even basic grammar.
Rant number 26
Now before I begin, I must reiterate the title - incase it is misread and upsets someone.
I understand that some people - such as those with dyslexia (a rather cruelly hard to spell word in the situation - don't you think) do struggle with spelling and grammar. I haven't got any problem with anyone who tries to use language properly.
What bothers me however, is people who don't make any effort at all or (almost worse) make a half hearted effort. What is their frickin' excuse!?
My job involves quite a bit of written communication from various persons. I don't mind that at all in fact - as you can probably tell, I like to write.
What mortifies & annoys me to the point of near homicidal rage, is receiving e-mails that read so badly that I have to scan them four times - just to get to the point and work out the meaning of the garbled words. It really is a pathetic indictment on our education system isn't it!
To give you the vague gist; If I was to be a vacuum salesman, I would receive queries the equivalent of this:
'hulo i wud like too bye a delux Vaqoom cleener from u an' was wondering if U wud tel me wat was a gud won.
thanx
a I diot'
I do exaggerate of course, but all of the above errors have been communicated to me at some point in my working career.
Particular pet hates would be the lack of capital letters at the start of the sentence & for the 'I's.' Also the use of 'u' in place of you. Finally, the substitution of words such as bye instead of buy.
It shows either a lack of respect for themselves or their country - or a lack of education from either the education system or their parents.
Even now, I can't string four or five sentences together without making some kind of spelling or grammar mistake however - I know how to resolve them and have the respect to do so. Lets face it - I barely need to use my brain these days with how many spell checkers there are on computers.
I'm pretty sure that even as a teenager I wrote better and with more clarity than some of the examples I receive each and every day.
We need to do something about it, before the rubbish becomes the norm and no-one recognises what is correct any more!
Rant over.
Now before I begin, I must reiterate the title - incase it is misread and upsets someone.
I understand that some people - such as those with dyslexia (a rather cruelly hard to spell word in the situation - don't you think) do struggle with spelling and grammar. I haven't got any problem with anyone who tries to use language properly.
What bothers me however, is people who don't make any effort at all or (almost worse) make a half hearted effort. What is their frickin' excuse!?
My job involves quite a bit of written communication from various persons. I don't mind that at all in fact - as you can probably tell, I like to write.
What mortifies & annoys me to the point of near homicidal rage, is receiving e-mails that read so badly that I have to scan them four times - just to get to the point and work out the meaning of the garbled words. It really is a pathetic indictment on our education system isn't it!
To give you the vague gist; If I was to be a vacuum salesman, I would receive queries the equivalent of this:
'hulo i wud like too bye a delux Vaqoom cleener from u an' was wondering if U wud tel me wat was a gud won.
thanx
a I diot'
I do exaggerate of course, but all of the above errors have been communicated to me at some point in my working career.
Particular pet hates would be the lack of capital letters at the start of the sentence & for the 'I's.' Also the use of 'u' in place of you. Finally, the substitution of words such as bye instead of buy.
It shows either a lack of respect for themselves or their country - or a lack of education from either the education system or their parents.
Even now, I can't string four or five sentences together without making some kind of spelling or grammar mistake however - I know how to resolve them and have the respect to do so. Lets face it - I barely need to use my brain these days with how many spell checkers there are on computers.
I'm pretty sure that even as a teenager I wrote better and with more clarity than some of the examples I receive each and every day.
We need to do something about it, before the rubbish becomes the norm and no-one recognises what is correct any more!
Rant over.
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
Rant 24 - 24/1/12 Subject: Household products
Rant number 24
Today was washing up day. Whilst I scrubbed plates and looked at cutlery with much contempt - one thought was paramount in my mind.
Housework is a bit rubbish.
This may come as a bit of a surprise to all of you I know.
I hate to have to break such bad news. I really do.
But it is. It's shit really.
Luckily, many household products exist, to take the pain out of these tasks.
Lucky that
But I, like a proverbial dark cloud must break yet more bad news (sorry - I feel positively awful, I really do)
Household products are also a bit rubbish.
They promise the Earth...
'No soaking' for instance. Put this in your washing up bowl and the dirt will practically wave a white flag of surrender and run for the hills.
Washing powders will remove stains faster, better and more damn awesomely than all of the rest - and all at 12 degrees centigrade, whilst saving water, being kind to your clothes and making you smell like fresh fields.
Bathroom cleaners remove limescale like magic, kill 99.99999999 percent of germs, make your loo shine (you should be able to eat your tea off em) make your bath sparkle, and all with the gossamer touch of an Angel (and a jaunty pine fragrance.
Floor cleaners remove red wine, ink or blood - and make your carpet like new...
And finally, but no means least on my list 'Bang and the Dirt is Gone!'
Its all crap though. All cleaning is hard work - otherwise we would love doing it and all of our homes and places of business would sparkle.
Some washing up will always need soaking and even then takes a fair bit of elbow grease.
Bathroom cleaning is often difficult, rather gross and tends to make the place smell like a mortuary(as in that clinical smell of bleach - not as in dead bodies - unless you are doing something wrong)
Today was washing up day. Whilst I scrubbed plates and looked at cutlery with much contempt - one thought was paramount in my mind.
Housework is a bit rubbish.
This may come as a bit of a surprise to all of you I know.
I hate to have to break such bad news. I really do.
But it is. It's shit really.
Luckily, many household products exist, to take the pain out of these tasks.
Lucky that
But I, like a proverbial dark cloud must break yet more bad news (sorry - I feel positively awful, I really do)
Household products are also a bit rubbish.
They promise the Earth...
'No soaking' for instance. Put this in your washing up bowl and the dirt will practically wave a white flag of surrender and run for the hills.
Washing powders will remove stains faster, better and more damn awesomely than all of the rest - and all at 12 degrees centigrade, whilst saving water, being kind to your clothes and making you smell like fresh fields.
Bathroom cleaners remove limescale like magic, kill 99.99999999 percent of germs, make your loo shine (you should be able to eat your tea off em) make your bath sparkle, and all with the gossamer touch of an Angel (and a jaunty pine fragrance.
Floor cleaners remove red wine, ink or blood - and make your carpet like new...
And finally, but no means least on my list 'Bang and the Dirt is Gone!'
Its all crap though. All cleaning is hard work - otherwise we would love doing it and all of our homes and places of business would sparkle.
Some washing up will always need soaking and even then takes a fair bit of elbow grease.
Washing powders are not magic, and often don't work particularly well - whether they are tablets, powder, liquid tabs or whatever ridiculous idea they will come up with next.
Floor cleaners don't ever seem to work. They just spread the stain over a bigger surface area so that, if you squint a bit it seems to faded.
What Cillit bang don't tell you is that you need to spray the product on then wait for 6 hours, make a small incantation and sell your soul to make it work.
I know that these things will always be hard and accept that miracles are not possible. What I wish for however is some more realistic claims. Oh and a maid would be nice...
Rant over.
Monday, 9 January 2012
Rant 9 - 9/1/12 Subject: People who park in my spot!
Rant number 9
It is not my intention to do many personal rants. I want to talk about things that apply mostly to all of us.
Today is a little more personal however, with any luck - many of you will have experienced this and can sympathise. Either way - it's what's pissed me off today, so what I'm talking about.
I live in a converted sunday school where there are sufficient parking spaces for each flat. There are even often enough spaces to allow for guests - as not everyone has a car.
Being a well run establishment - there is even a marking on each space with the flat number and a friendly but firm notice that says 'Parking for residents only.'
This is pretty clear as far as I am concerned. Easy to follow yes!?
Lets face it - a trained weasel with A.D.H.D, an addiction to speed, a caffeine enema and only one eye - could read, process and follow this information.
So why the fuck does someone have to park in my space!?
I play in brass bands and am out in the evenings on average twice a week between approximately 7.15pm and around 10.30pm.
Statistically then - you would think people would get the idea that this is my alloted parking space, from the 5 days on average a week that my car sits in its space from my return to work until the next morning.
So how is it - at least once a fortnight - a car is in my spot when I return from band - forcing me to make other arrangements.
Were the space not clearly marked - I really wouldn't mind. This would make all spaces fair game for anyone - I wouldn't mind. But that's not how it is. The space is nearest to my front door and so it is marked as ours. It makes sense.
The only conclusion is that - the person in question is:
Option A) As stupid as a man who tries to stop a lift door from closing, by wedging his testicles in the gap
Option B) Unable to read the clear signs (which would surely suggest that they are probably not particularly safe to drive anyway!)
Option C) Ignorant of the potential annoyance their parking in my spot is likely to cause
Option D) Pig fucking ignorant and disrespectful
Answers on the back of a £5 note for that one people.
Rant over.
It is not my intention to do many personal rants. I want to talk about things that apply mostly to all of us.
Today is a little more personal however, with any luck - many of you will have experienced this and can sympathise. Either way - it's what's pissed me off today, so what I'm talking about.
I live in a converted sunday school where there are sufficient parking spaces for each flat. There are even often enough spaces to allow for guests - as not everyone has a car.
Being a well run establishment - there is even a marking on each space with the flat number and a friendly but firm notice that says 'Parking for residents only.'
This is pretty clear as far as I am concerned. Easy to follow yes!?
Lets face it - a trained weasel with A.D.H.D, an addiction to speed, a caffeine enema and only one eye - could read, process and follow this information.
So why the fuck does someone have to park in my space!?
I play in brass bands and am out in the evenings on average twice a week between approximately 7.15pm and around 10.30pm.
Statistically then - you would think people would get the idea that this is my alloted parking space, from the 5 days on average a week that my car sits in its space from my return to work until the next morning.
So how is it - at least once a fortnight - a car is in my spot when I return from band - forcing me to make other arrangements.
Were the space not clearly marked - I really wouldn't mind. This would make all spaces fair game for anyone - I wouldn't mind. But that's not how it is. The space is nearest to my front door and so it is marked as ours. It makes sense.
The only conclusion is that - the person in question is:
Option A) As stupid as a man who tries to stop a lift door from closing, by wedging his testicles in the gap
Option B) Unable to read the clear signs (which would surely suggest that they are probably not particularly safe to drive anyway!)
Option C) Ignorant of the potential annoyance their parking in my spot is likely to cause
Option D) Pig fucking ignorant and disrespectful
Answers on the back of a £5 note for that one people.
Rant over.
Friday, 6 January 2012
Rant 6 - 6/1/12 Subject: Fluffy news
Rant number 6
Hello again guys and girls.
So what have I got for you today? What's been getting on my nerves?
Fluffy bloody news.
So what is that I hear you cry? It's the watered down, inane idiot crap, that is used to fill in the gaps between real news stories.
We live in a 24 hour society don't we? You can read my blog from anywhere in the world - at any time of day and find out what I think. The same token can be applied then to the news.
If Tom Cruise starts eating babies in the name of scientology in the US (and lets face it, that's not exactly out of the realms of possibility) and is caught in the act of coating a helpless infant in barbecue sauce and cayenne pepper - you can bet that, within mere minutes - an Australian Lighthouse keeper will be shaking his head in disapproval.
This is because of the massive explosion of media communication that has happened within the last decade.
The internet alone has grown hugely in popularity in this time and offers news sites, blogs, video streams, e-mails, tweets and Facebook articles - to name but a few.
Then you need to take into account newspapers, the radio (which offers bulletins multiple times an hour) and multiple news broadcasts on multiple TV channels every day.
Finally - incase you had not managed to catch up on current events at any point along the way, there are 24 hour news channels - to ensure you haven't missed a thing!
News Bloody Overload!
Now in truth, I don't mind this too much. I like to hear the news, if it's worth hearing.
But for the most part...it isn't
Because - despite popular belief to the contrary. Something truly newsworthy does not happen at every moment of every single day! Which brings me to fluffy news...
Fluffy news is what they use to plug in the gaps between the truly newsworthy stuff.
As stated in rant number 4, I like to watch the news in the morning, but - in truth, struggle to find any!
In the last few weeks alone, I have watched news reports about a man who painted a giant 30 mile an hour sign on his house, a cat who went on epic journey and the misadventures of those who follow sat-navs like mindless zombies.
That I have to find my real brain food elsewhere, is a constant frustration!
In the morning, I can almost forgive this. I suppose that real news could be considered a little downbeat.
The problem is, on the 24 hour news channels, there just isn't enough news to go around! So what do they do - stretch out the fluffy news to epic proportion!
This is the cause of yet another annoyance - the ' breaking news update' - another province of the 24 hour news channels. These are required strictly to cut through the crap that the channel is showing (like that surf boarding squirrel and the nutter who tied himself to the birch tree in front of the local council offices) to show some real news.
Would it not just be easier to just report the news when it is report worthy, and forget the fluff?
!!!!!!!Breaking news!!!!!!!!!!
It pisses me right off
Rant over.
Hello again guys and girls.
So what have I got for you today? What's been getting on my nerves?
Fluffy bloody news.
So what is that I hear you cry? It's the watered down, inane idiot crap, that is used to fill in the gaps between real news stories.
We live in a 24 hour society don't we? You can read my blog from anywhere in the world - at any time of day and find out what I think. The same token can be applied then to the news.
If Tom Cruise starts eating babies in the name of scientology in the US (and lets face it, that's not exactly out of the realms of possibility) and is caught in the act of coating a helpless infant in barbecue sauce and cayenne pepper - you can bet that, within mere minutes - an Australian Lighthouse keeper will be shaking his head in disapproval.
This is because of the massive explosion of media communication that has happened within the last decade.
The internet alone has grown hugely in popularity in this time and offers news sites, blogs, video streams, e-mails, tweets and Facebook articles - to name but a few.
Then you need to take into account newspapers, the radio (which offers bulletins multiple times an hour) and multiple news broadcasts on multiple TV channels every day.
Finally - incase you had not managed to catch up on current events at any point along the way, there are 24 hour news channels - to ensure you haven't missed a thing!
News Bloody Overload!
Now in truth, I don't mind this too much. I like to hear the news, if it's worth hearing.
But for the most part...it isn't
Because - despite popular belief to the contrary. Something truly newsworthy does not happen at every moment of every single day! Which brings me to fluffy news...
Fluffy news is what they use to plug in the gaps between the truly newsworthy stuff.
As stated in rant number 4, I like to watch the news in the morning, but - in truth, struggle to find any!
In the last few weeks alone, I have watched news reports about a man who painted a giant 30 mile an hour sign on his house, a cat who went on epic journey and the misadventures of those who follow sat-navs like mindless zombies.
That I have to find my real brain food elsewhere, is a constant frustration!
In the morning, I can almost forgive this. I suppose that real news could be considered a little downbeat.
The problem is, on the 24 hour news channels, there just isn't enough news to go around! So what do they do - stretch out the fluffy news to epic proportion!
This is the cause of yet another annoyance - the ' breaking news update' - another province of the 24 hour news channels. These are required strictly to cut through the crap that the channel is showing (like that surf boarding squirrel and the nutter who tied himself to the birch tree in front of the local council offices) to show some real news.
Would it not just be easier to just report the news when it is report worthy, and forget the fluff?
!!!!!!!Breaking news!!!!!!!!!!
It pisses me right off
Rant over.
Thursday, 5 January 2012
Rant 5 - 5/1/12 Subject: The bastardisation of the English language
Here we go again
Rant Number 5
I thought today's subject was to be the way that people drive. And no doubt, had I not popped in for petrol, this would have been todays subject (don't worry, it will be my subject sooner or later).
Filling up with petrol is not in itself a traumatic experience (apart from the cost), so this wasn't what bugged me.
No, what suddenly changed my mind and upped my pulse was a sticker in the rear windscreen of the card in front of me which read:
'Don't be Jel, be Reem'
That I had to do an internet search for the meaning of this phrase says it all doesn't it?
Apparently this is street talk for 'Don't be Jealous, be gorgeous/cool.' Made famous by characters featured upon 'The Only Way is Essex,' 'A Dramality' (Drama Reality) set in - you guessed it, Essex.
I have already covered reality TV in rant number 2, so you can guess what I think of - and I quote 'real people in modified situations, saying unscripted lines but in a structured way.' This isn't what this rant is about however.
No, what I find to be profoundly distressing is the addition of words into our noble language that would put a room full of babbling toddlers to shame.
Our language is old, and has gone through many changes I will grant. I accept that words and phraseology does change organically. I know that we do not now speak the Old English of the Saxons & that few Latin words remain. All this I accept with open arms.
I feel however that 'street speak,' and digital technology & the media is doing irreparable damage to the modern English language.
A local fashion for instance, is to say 'Peng' (as in cool, great etc) & Deng as a logical equivalent.
I mean really!?
Are good, cool, great, fabulous, brilliant, fabulous, sterling, wonderful or splendid really not sufficient words to cover something positive?
Evidently not.
And these words only offend out-loud. The worst crimes tend to take place when real words are misspelt through pig ignorance or through deliberate action in order to look 'wel kool'
Even a common pronoun like you - a might 3 letters long and featuring a whopping one syllable is shortened to 'u' - not just to save letters on a text message any more but because it is in some way considered so much more street smart to save your fingers on those 2 other letters (lets face it - we're talking about another 200% effort.)
Why can't people talk properly, write properly and not - well be people.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Rant 3 - 3/1/12 Subject: January sales
Rant number 3
It is impossible to turn on the television, open a newspaper/magazine, listen to the radio or walk down the street at the moment without some chuffer trying to sell you something, and I've had just about enough of it!
With Christmas just weeks ago. I - like so many persons all around the country, the globe & no doubt the whole frickin' galaxy - am feeling spent out, both mentally, figuratively and physically.
On Christmas eve when the whole thing is done, I would love it to all be over. For the bedlam of consumerism to evaporate - making way for Christmas spirit, family unity and all the other crap that the Christmas movies would have us believe.
Does that happen though?
Does it bollocks
After panic buying household goods, presents, food & drink - just because the shops will be shut for a single day (shock horror!)
Families venture out on Boxing day, not to wish well to the world like some kind of modern Ebenezer Scrooge or promenading Dickensian urchins - but to spend more money, in the promise of discounted goods.
That these are not things we needed or wanted until the discount appeared is of course never obvious until its to late. Cupboards full of unused and forlorn sandwich toasters and foot spas are testament to the power of the percentage!
Because that's what its all about isn't it?
50% off sets our pulses racing because none of us can resist a bargain.
That half of the goods are put on sale for gratuitously inflated prices and stocked up on - specifically to be sold at sale prices later is the trick of it all - you'd be surprised just how short an amount of time most products are sold at that oh so expensive 'was' price.
The whole thing gets on my wick, use holiday time with your love ones and remember - some poor sap has to be working for you to enjoy those magic prices.
Rant over.
It is impossible to turn on the television, open a newspaper/magazine, listen to the radio or walk down the street at the moment without some chuffer trying to sell you something, and I've had just about enough of it!
With Christmas just weeks ago. I - like so many persons all around the country, the globe & no doubt the whole frickin' galaxy - am feeling spent out, both mentally, figuratively and physically.
On Christmas eve when the whole thing is done, I would love it to all be over. For the bedlam of consumerism to evaporate - making way for Christmas spirit, family unity and all the other crap that the Christmas movies would have us believe.
Does that happen though?
Does it bollocks
After panic buying household goods, presents, food & drink - just because the shops will be shut for a single day (shock horror!)
Families venture out on Boxing day, not to wish well to the world like some kind of modern Ebenezer Scrooge or promenading Dickensian urchins - but to spend more money, in the promise of discounted goods.
That these are not things we needed or wanted until the discount appeared is of course never obvious until its to late. Cupboards full of unused and forlorn sandwich toasters and foot spas are testament to the power of the percentage!
Because that's what its all about isn't it?
50% off sets our pulses racing because none of us can resist a bargain.
That half of the goods are put on sale for gratuitously inflated prices and stocked up on - specifically to be sold at sale prices later is the trick of it all - you'd be surprised just how short an amount of time most products are sold at that oh so expensive 'was' price.
The whole thing gets on my wick, use holiday time with your love ones and remember - some poor sap has to be working for you to enjoy those magic prices.
Rant over.
Monday, 2 January 2012
Rant 2 - 2/1/12 Subject: Reality TV
So here we ago again.
Rant number 2
So what annoys me about TV? Quite a lot as the case may be.
At its best, TV can be a fantastic way to spend an evening. Well written, intuitive, witty and entertaining.
As a child, there were only 4 channels to watch and so only 4 channels to program for. As such- although some of the programming was dull (particularly as most of it was for 'grown-ups') it was all properly produced and reasonably high quality programming.
To create programs like this however is expensive. Actors, directors, writers, producers et all, are an expensive bunch. In the modern age, this can cause a problem - as things are certainly not getting any cheaper!
To top this off too, there are now hundreds of channels to choose from, so more programming is needed in general. The sums just don't add up!
One solution would be to try and offer less channels of a better quality.
This does not however fit with the philosophy of the TV producers, who have little respect for quality, where an easy buck can be made.
Some thinking followed, some ideas thrown around, then a little man at the back of the room put up his hand 'what about we put normal people on TV, they won't even need paying'
And from there reality TV was birthed, kicking & screaming into the world.
Thousands of hours of this stuff exists now, most of it cringeworthy to the extreme. Little of it is anywhere near watchable.
And the worst of all, is that it feeds exponentially upon itself. Members of the public 'star' on programs such as Big Brother, where they achieve a modicum of 'success'(notoriety,) becoming household names for doing nothing. They then are taken upon the celebrity versions of these programs, despite having done nothing but attending these programs to start with.
There is also endless contests such as X-factor and strictly come dancing. Where the endless manufacturing of pop 'stars' has been made more transparent than ever before!
All in all, reality TV is like a poisonous Ivy, creeping its way into the delicate mortar of televisions figurative wall. Alas, it is now too late to rip it away from the wall, for fear that the roots are too deep, and that the wall would crumble without it.
The only consolation I suppose is that the vast amount of channels makes it possible to avoid the rubbish and still occasionally find something watchable.
And that is why, I cannot stand reality TV!
Rant over.
Rant number 2
So what annoys me about TV? Quite a lot as the case may be.
At its best, TV can be a fantastic way to spend an evening. Well written, intuitive, witty and entertaining.
As a child, there were only 4 channels to watch and so only 4 channels to program for. As such- although some of the programming was dull (particularly as most of it was for 'grown-ups') it was all properly produced and reasonably high quality programming.
To create programs like this however is expensive. Actors, directors, writers, producers et all, are an expensive bunch. In the modern age, this can cause a problem - as things are certainly not getting any cheaper!
To top this off too, there are now hundreds of channels to choose from, so more programming is needed in general. The sums just don't add up!
One solution would be to try and offer less channels of a better quality.
This does not however fit with the philosophy of the TV producers, who have little respect for quality, where an easy buck can be made.
-
I imagine a meeting took place somewhere along the lines, a brainstorming session with all the up and coming movers & shakers. 'We need ideas, we need a plan, we need hours and hours of cheap cheap TV, what's the plan?'Some thinking followed, some ideas thrown around, then a little man at the back of the room put up his hand 'what about we put normal people on TV, they won't even need paying'
And from there reality TV was birthed, kicking & screaming into the world.
Thousands of hours of this stuff exists now, most of it cringeworthy to the extreme. Little of it is anywhere near watchable.
And the worst of all, is that it feeds exponentially upon itself. Members of the public 'star' on programs such as Big Brother, where they achieve a modicum of 'success'(notoriety,) becoming household names for doing nothing. They then are taken upon the celebrity versions of these programs, despite having done nothing but attending these programs to start with.
There is also endless contests such as X-factor and strictly come dancing. Where the endless manufacturing of pop 'stars' has been made more transparent than ever before!
All in all, reality TV is like a poisonous Ivy, creeping its way into the delicate mortar of televisions figurative wall. Alas, it is now too late to rip it away from the wall, for fear that the roots are too deep, and that the wall would crumble without it.
The only consolation I suppose is that the vast amount of channels makes it possible to avoid the rubbish and still occasionally find something watchable.
And that is why, I cannot stand reality TV!
Rant over.
Rant 1 - 1/1/12 Subject: New years resolutions
And so it begins ladies and gentleman.
Rant number 1
I've chosen something topical to begin with, something close to everyones hearts, New Years bloody resolutions.
The idea of a resolution - a plan to make a change, a renaissance or to improve yourself - is always something that I salute. That side of it is just fine.
All of us can and most probably should improve ourselves in some way, whether its to eat a little less, get a little fitter or give something negative up like smoking or drinking.
My problem with the whole thing is the 'new year' part, which excuses us from taking action as and when the thought takes us!
This blog for instance, has been my intended new years resolution for no less than 3 consecutive years.
It is only this year however that I have got to this stage - actually putting pen to paper figuratively.
'So why didn't I do it before?' I hear you cry
Simple - I got to a couple of days past new year and thought 'I've left it a little late now haven't I, it would seem odd to start at this arbitrary day, I'll start again next year.'
For me that's fine, not writing this blog will not have any particular physical ill effects (other than the minor risk of anger overload by not venting these angry thoughts.) But for someone planning to make a genuine change to their lives, the result of procrastinating year on year, could be catastrophic.
The other thing that really gets my goat about these bloody resolutions is that barely any of us stick to them do we!?
As such, something that should be a positive and life affecting change, becomes a joke.
Gym memberships skyrocket at this time, and for 2, maybe 3 weeks - those who have purchased them diligently attend the gym, boasting to their friends, colleagues, neighbors and anyone who will listen about how 'fit and youthful' they feel as a result.
Then things begin to slip: 'I would go' thinks our example person, 'but that show I quite like is on this evening.' Or simply 'I've had a long day at work, I'll go tomorrow'
And tomorrow, as they say - never comes
The problem you see, is that there is no magic to new year. None at all. Its just another day (with the notable acceptation that we don't generally have to work on it, I will admit.)
As such, by waiting until the 1st of the year, you are merely practicing procrastination, and - as such merely increasing the chance that you will abandon your life affecting resolution, leaving it until another 'magic' 1st of the 1st comes along.
Those who give up cigarettes, booze, swearing or fried food should want to give it up and do it. The date is irrelevant.
And that my friends is why I do not approve of new years resolutions.
Rant over.
Rant number 1
I've chosen something topical to begin with, something close to everyones hearts, New Years bloody resolutions.
The idea of a resolution - a plan to make a change, a renaissance or to improve yourself - is always something that I salute. That side of it is just fine.
All of us can and most probably should improve ourselves in some way, whether its to eat a little less, get a little fitter or give something negative up like smoking or drinking.
My problem with the whole thing is the 'new year' part, which excuses us from taking action as and when the thought takes us!
This blog for instance, has been my intended new years resolution for no less than 3 consecutive years.
It is only this year however that I have got to this stage - actually putting pen to paper figuratively.
'So why didn't I do it before?' I hear you cry
Simple - I got to a couple of days past new year and thought 'I've left it a little late now haven't I, it would seem odd to start at this arbitrary day, I'll start again next year.'
For me that's fine, not writing this blog will not have any particular physical ill effects (other than the minor risk of anger overload by not venting these angry thoughts.) But for someone planning to make a genuine change to their lives, the result of procrastinating year on year, could be catastrophic.
The other thing that really gets my goat about these bloody resolutions is that barely any of us stick to them do we!?
As such, something that should be a positive and life affecting change, becomes a joke.
Gym memberships skyrocket at this time, and for 2, maybe 3 weeks - those who have purchased them diligently attend the gym, boasting to their friends, colleagues, neighbors and anyone who will listen about how 'fit and youthful' they feel as a result.
Then things begin to slip: 'I would go' thinks our example person, 'but that show I quite like is on this evening.' Or simply 'I've had a long day at work, I'll go tomorrow'
And tomorrow, as they say - never comes
The problem you see, is that there is no magic to new year. None at all. Its just another day (with the notable acceptation that we don't generally have to work on it, I will admit.)
As such, by waiting until the 1st of the year, you are merely practicing procrastination, and - as such merely increasing the chance that you will abandon your life affecting resolution, leaving it until another 'magic' 1st of the 1st comes along.
Those who give up cigarettes, booze, swearing or fried food should want to give it up and do it. The date is irrelevant.
And that my friends is why I do not approve of new years resolutions.
Rant over.
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