Rant 53 - 22/2/12 Subject: Acceptance speeches

Rant number 53

Today, the news was dominated by the news that Adele was cut off before she could thank everyone she wanted to - causing her to recipient with a less than ladylike gesture. 

Big frickin' whoop in both respects!

The amount of time they gave her to talk was - I must admit unfairly short. Saying thank you for an award is traditional and - by the sound of it, everyone else got a more than fair shot to do so (and some more than a fair shot - but we'll come to that later.) 

In Adele's shoes in fact, I think that I would have been a little less tolerant. Fuck brandishing a pointless middle finger, I would have just carried on talking and woe betide the stupid fat fuck presenting if he decided to talk over me.

When it comes to it, we will never know how just how long Adele was likely to carry on with her thanking. The likelihood is though - that she would stay on stage long beyond her welcome, like every other self worshipping, narcissistic celeb who wins an award.

Look at Kate Winslet at the golden globes recently (another one that made the news this.) She thanked just about everyone involved, the givers of the award, the other nominees, her 'team leader', her director (in almost pornographically excruciating detail,) HBO, her producers and the rest of the cast and crew. She then goes on to even thank the drivers of the vans! Crying and oozing 'humility' from every pore. 

Two minutes she dragged it out to! Thats a long time if you have the attention span of a saint on diazepam. Imagine how if feels to be one of the losers of the award? You've got to put up with two minutes of her oozing smug 'sentiments' on the stage, while your wondering which orifice would be best for the insertion of the award.

I understand they want to say thanks to those who give the award, but anything much beyond this is just screen grabbing narcissism. 

To any reward recipients out there, a simple thank you will do. I don't care that you would like to thank your mum, your dad, your siblings, your fans, your slave, your tea boy, your ice-cream van driver and your 5th grade school teacher. Its just smug gittedness of the very highest order.

Stop it!

Rant over.

Rant 31 - 31/1/12 Subject: Stupid baby names

Rant number 31


Todays rant is about the stupid names that people call their children.

This is most common amongst two select groups - the celebrity & the idiot (if these groups can be said to be separate - just a thought)

So why does it bug me? Because I think that is unfair & because I can empathise with these poor children.

I understand that people want to be individual - and that they may wish to imbue their offspring with a similar level of individuality.

It shows however, a major lack of understanding, empathy or - lets face it - giving a flying fuck, to call your children anything as ridiculous as the names thrown around by celebrities.

Gwyneth Paltrow for instance, called her daughter 'Apple.' Now don't get me wrong: I like a nice juicy, crunchy apple as much as the next man. No part of me however has ever thought to itself 'what a lovely name for someone.'

And why is this? because it is not a name for someone. It is a name for something. It is the name for a fruit - called an apple.

Sadly, this is not an isolated case in the slightest.

Robert Rodriguez decided to call his sons Rocket, Racer, Rebel, Rogue & Rhiannon. That only one of these actually qualifies for a real name (and lets face is Rhiannon is quite unusual) - shows the arrogance that celebrities hold in their overinflated heads.

Outside of Celebrity circles - I am aware of a friends relative who is called Blade - in homage to the big black vampire hunting badass from the comics. The thing is, in comic books its OK to be called Blade. In real life, that kid is going to get ripped apart in the schoolyard!

And going back to celebs, I think we have a winner (and king of the idiots).

David & Victoria Beckham called their poor poor (poor poor(poor poor)poor) daughter Harper Seven.

I mean, really? That's just mean. She sounds like the name of a 70s spandex heavy sci-fi show!

I wish people thought of their babies - not themselves a bit more!

Rant over.