Rant 55 - 24/2/12 Subject: 'Comedy' quiz shows

Rant number 55


Todays rant was another that turned around at the very last minute. On returning from band and sitting down to write todays rant (on a related subject that I shall - doubtless come to later) I flicked the TV on for some background noise.

The channel it had been left on last was 4, and so I was presented with a new 'comedy quiz' - 'The Mad Bad Ad Show'

Now don't get me wrong, I actually quite like the comedy quiz format (thus the inverted commas in this rants title.) The thing is, its horribly overused, unoriginal and to be frank - most of the time just not funny.

QI for instance is a program that I have fallen out of love with. Its format started cleverly and full of great water-cooler factoids. The guests were intelligent (with Alan Davies in place as the staple fall guy) and actually tried to answer the questions with some modicum of thought.

These days though, the guests are just idiots! The answers always have to be 'hilarious' (in their own narcissistic opinion anyway.) As a result, the only person who actually seemed to want to answer the questions is Alan Davies!

Have I got news for you was always even worse. No-one is allowed to just answer a question with something sensible - because its all about the comedy apparently. As such, they have to put in an unfunny - overly scripted (shite) joke for every question. Maybe its just me - the audience just seem to love them (or its canned laughter, but it would be unfair for me to speculate)

Going back to tonight's offering, it was the missing news story format.
I am not sure if it was intended for any of them to attempt to offer up an answer to the question that was at all relevant - but either way, they didn't.
Instead, they each took turns to throw up ever less funny answers, in an attempt at some kind of masturbatory one-upmanship.

Maybe they need to come up with something new rather than dragging an idea to death or, at the very least make some effort to balance comedy & quiz.

Who knows, maybe I'm the only one who hates this shit?

Rant over.

Rant 8 - 8/1/12 Subject: My dependence on my phone

Rant number 8


Somewhere between Friday evening and Saturday night - my phone has buggered itself. In itself, this is not a huge problem to me.

My phone (a HTC desire,) has been a moderate & ever increasing disappointment. My phone you see, is a microcosm of the modern world. It tries to look good, it tries to impress, it tries to do everything and - in most of the ways that matter it does just that.

The issue is, everything that isn't that most, is in fact, the stuff that matters.

From the very beginning for instance, it's battery life has been a point of constant annoyance.

Talk about fatal bloody flaw! 

The phone can play videos, music, deal with ebooks and word documents, play games and entertain me in myriad different ways. It has a touch screen which works pretty well and a great big pretty screen.

But I can't use it (even when my phone works) much. Because I might occasionally have to use it as a phone - and the battery is bound to be dead when I try.

It's also slow, laggy, cheaply manufactured (thus the brokeness) out of inappropriate materials, and switches itself off for a variety of reasons that are of a complete mystery.

You get the idea

To get back on track to my point however, I need to confess something about my phone:-
It drives me round the bend, it's just not that good

but

I cannot live without the bloody thing!

None of us can you see. 

In the last 15 years or so, a mobile phone has gone from being a mere method of communication to a multi-media, camera, music playing, all singing, all dancing, social networking wonder device. This is great in some ways, it really is - but leaves us so dependent on our little rectangular companions. 

In turn -nearly all of us have let other devices fall by the wayside - a loss that we only feel when the unimaginable happens.

To give you it in context:-

I use my phone to wake me in the morning - so have no other form of alarm clock

I use my phone to take pictures ad hoc - so I don't have to carry my camera everywhere

I use my phone to play music when I'm out and about - so I don't need to carry an MP3

I use my phone to keep up with social networks - so I don't have to carry a computer

I use my phone to keep in touch wife my wife - my family and my friends, so I don't have to carry around around a kg of pocket change.

I even use it to keep up with my blog!

In short - at the moment I feel a little bit naked. What if someone wants to call me at this moment!? How do I wake up in the morning!? How will be able to google random things to amuse myself!?

When on earth did my phone become such an appendage to me. It's not like I've lost my spleen is it!?

My own dependence puts me to shame!

Rant over.

Rant 6 - 6/1/12 Subject: Fluffy news

Rant number 6


Hello again guys and girls.

So what have I got for you today? What's been getting on my nerves?

Fluffy bloody news.

So what is that I hear you cry? It's the watered down, inane idiot crap, that is used to fill in the gaps between real news stories.

We live in a 24 hour society don't we? You can read my blog from anywhere in the world - at any time of day and find out what I think. The same token can be applied then to the news.

If Tom Cruise starts eating babies in the name of scientology in the US (and lets face it, that's not exactly out of the realms of possibility) and is caught in the act of coating a helpless infant in barbecue sauce and cayenne pepper - you can bet that, within mere minutes - an Australian Lighthouse keeper will be shaking his head in disapproval.

This is because of the massive explosion of media communication that has happened within the last decade.

The internet alone has grown hugely in popularity in this time and offers news sites, blogs, video streams, e-mails, tweets and Facebook articles - to name but a few.
Then you need to take into account newspapers, the radio (which offers bulletins multiple times an hour) and multiple news broadcasts on multiple TV channels every day.

Finally - incase you had not managed to catch up on current events at any point along the way, there are 24 hour news channels - to ensure you haven't missed a thing!

News Bloody Overload!


Now in truth, I don't mind this too much. I like to hear the news, if it's worth hearing.

But for the most part...it isn't

Because - despite popular belief to the contrary. Something truly newsworthy does not happen at every moment of every single day! Which brings me to fluffy news...

Fluffy news is what they use to plug in the gaps between the truly newsworthy stuff.

As stated in rant number 4, I like to watch the news in the morning, but - in truth, struggle to find any!

In the last few weeks alone, I have watched news reports about a man who painted a giant 30 mile an hour sign on his house, a cat who went on epic journey and the misadventures of those who follow sat-navs like mindless zombies.

That I have to find my real brain food elsewhere, is a constant frustration!

In the morning, I can almost forgive this. I suppose that real news could be considered a little downbeat.

The problem is, on the 24 hour news channels, there just isn't enough news to go around! So what do they do - stretch out the fluffy news to epic proportion!

This is the cause of yet another annoyance - the ' breaking news update' - another province of the 24 hour news channels. These are required strictly to cut through the crap that the channel is showing (like that surf boarding squirrel and the nutter who tied himself to the birch tree in front of the local council offices) to show some real news.

Would it not just be easier to just report the news when it is report worthy, and forget the fluff?

!!!!!!!Breaking news!!!!!!!!!!
It pisses me right off

Rant over.