Rant number 327
I'd like to think that I have made the world a little bit of a better place with these rants. I spread the message of misery and despair to you all, free of charge - every single day.
Now, I know that most people try and spread a message of hope however, I think that thats a bit crap. Hope often leads to disappointment, whereas me telling you that the world sucks for me also - is bound to cheer you up.
The germans call it schadenfreude - which I think is about as german sounding word as you could possibly imagine - and it means simply 'taking pleasure in the misfortune of others.'
I would also like to think that I have made it more socially acceptable to have a rant of your own! One such rant is my inspiration for todays rant (though I have broadened the subject somewhat.)
Her initial statement was about Onesies - which really are one of the stupidest fashion fads to date.
You might think that they are a fashion statement for the 10ees?(what the hell do you call the second decade in a century anyway?) but I think that they are simply a statement for idiots.
In the past, the only one piece suits of this type that existed were:
A) Baby grows - worn by babies and men behind closed doors...
B) Frogmen/divers in general.
I don't want to see people walking around in what is tantamount to a baby grow. The same goes for 'morph suits' which are basically the same thing - but cover your head.
These things are just about acceptable for halloween costumes - but are not everyday wear.
I saw an lady old last week, wearing a spotted rabbit onesy - complete with ears.
Some people have no fucking dignity.
The same rule applies to hats/hoodies or other sundry items that have either:
A) Ears
B) Eyes
C) The face of an animal
The same also applies to those beard hats - or pretty much anything worn by a hipster. It doesn't matter if you wear something stupid ironically. You are still wearing it.
Then there are the sundry other fads that have happened since my teens:
Parachute pants (can't touch this) - great song, naff dancing and naffer trousers. Whats worse is that these have not been reinvented as hareem pants.
Then there was those luminous trainers - which (to my shame) even I had. They looked great for about a moment - before they got covered in mud and looked crap.
While we're on the subject, there is the subject of Crocs & Ugg boots. They just look bloody awful.
And as for Shell suits these weren't just ugly as hell, colour clashing monstrosities. They were a fire hazard too.
Oh and there was that thing with wearing backwards baseball caps too.
That's about all I can take now.
Wearing the latest fads doesn't make you cool. It makes you a boring fucking sheep - like the rest of the idiots.
Rant over.
Showing posts with label pointless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pointless. Show all posts
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Saturday, 10 November 2012
Rant 315 10/11/12 Subject: The Facebook app
Rant number 315
Following the update to IOS 6 on iPhone and related devices, the Facebook app ended up with more bugs than a termite hill full of flys - and termites, and ants.
You get the idea.
As such they realised this and came back with another app.
Which - just like every single Facebook app previously released - was full of bugs...
In the past for instance, the app used to crash when you clicked on a picture - so they released an update to fix that.
And it did, but it then had a problem with refreshing the news feed.
They then released a news feed refresh fixing app - which caused the pictures of people to change to other people - which was somewhat odd and confusing.
So they released an app to fix that. Which then worked OK for a while - but then started to crash when you clicked on posts.
You'd think they'd learn by now - that you need to fix a problem without creating another. Maybe the programmers are making sure they will always have work for in future - and so write in another bug to avoid being obsolete.
As for the new version, that one has a really annoying little bug to it - which means that it shows you about 4 posts from today - before jumping back 24 hours - which is really stupid.
Why they can't just make a version that works then call it quits - I don't know.
Rant over.
Following the update to IOS 6 on iPhone and related devices, the Facebook app ended up with more bugs than a termite hill full of flys - and termites, and ants.
You get the idea.
As such they realised this and came back with another app.
Which - just like every single Facebook app previously released - was full of bugs...
In the past for instance, the app used to crash when you clicked on a picture - so they released an update to fix that.
And it did, but it then had a problem with refreshing the news feed.
They then released a news feed refresh fixing app - which caused the pictures of people to change to other people - which was somewhat odd and confusing.
So they released an app to fix that. Which then worked OK for a while - but then started to crash when you clicked on posts.
You'd think they'd learn by now - that you need to fix a problem without creating another. Maybe the programmers are making sure they will always have work for in future - and so write in another bug to avoid being obsolete.
As for the new version, that one has a really annoying little bug to it - which means that it shows you about 4 posts from today - before jumping back 24 hours - which is really stupid.
Why they can't just make a version that works then call it quits - I don't know.
Rant over.
Monday, 17 September 2012
Rant 261 17/9/12 Subject: Must haveism
Rant number 261
I must confess for the start that I am a happy iPhone user. I have an iPhone 4S, from which I am practically inseparable. I wake up in the morning with the phone buzzing away on the bedside table. I then check any overnight emails on it, check Facebook & Twitter on it - and continue this pattern throughout the day.
I like my iPhone and its abilities and, as such - I've been following with moderate interest the imminent release of the iPhone 5. There were many rumours about what it was going to do - nearly all of which were better than the reality of the newest iteration. They've taken an iPhone 4s, given it some steroids - to make it more super powerful and all that, put it on a diet - to make it thinner - then made it longer.
I've got to be honest, the newest version seems rather underwhelming, bearing in mind that I had no plans to buy one at the moment anyway.
What is ridiculous however, is the fact that a queue of people is currently camped outside of an Apple store (6 days before launch) just to be the first to own the item.
If your life is so empty, that your only sense of achievement can come from being the first to own someone else's product - then you really do need to get a life - majorly.
You may think that your peers will be insanely jealous of your new product - and maybe they will be.
If they are however, they are just as fucking sad as you are.
As much as anything - if I can just throw this in there: the first versions of any pieces of technology, are a sort of beta test: making them susceptible to bugs both software and hardware based.
Seriously, waiting for a couple of weeks until the next batch comes out really would be better in pretty much any way, and the fact that you are the first to have one will be impressive for about the first week since release - if at all.
If you know anyone queueing up out there, retweet this at them. I'd be more than interested in hearing their thoughts on the matter.
Rant over.
I must confess for the start that I am a happy iPhone user. I have an iPhone 4S, from which I am practically inseparable. I wake up in the morning with the phone buzzing away on the bedside table. I then check any overnight emails on it, check Facebook & Twitter on it - and continue this pattern throughout the day.
I like my iPhone and its abilities and, as such - I've been following with moderate interest the imminent release of the iPhone 5. There were many rumours about what it was going to do - nearly all of which were better than the reality of the newest iteration. They've taken an iPhone 4s, given it some steroids - to make it more super powerful and all that, put it on a diet - to make it thinner - then made it longer.
I've got to be honest, the newest version seems rather underwhelming, bearing in mind that I had no plans to buy one at the moment anyway.
What is ridiculous however, is the fact that a queue of people is currently camped outside of an Apple store (6 days before launch) just to be the first to own the item.
If your life is so empty, that your only sense of achievement can come from being the first to own someone else's product - then you really do need to get a life - majorly.
You may think that your peers will be insanely jealous of your new product - and maybe they will be.
If they are however, they are just as fucking sad as you are.
As much as anything - if I can just throw this in there: the first versions of any pieces of technology, are a sort of beta test: making them susceptible to bugs both software and hardware based.
Seriously, waiting for a couple of weeks until the next batch comes out really would be better in pretty much any way, and the fact that you are the first to have one will be impressive for about the first week since release - if at all.
If you know anyone queueing up out there, retweet this at them. I'd be more than interested in hearing their thoughts on the matter.
Rant over.
Friday, 7 September 2012
Rant 251 7/9/12 Subject: Pills and Potions
Rant number 251
Since the first caveman got clonked on the head by an angry mammoth, we've looked for ways to make our pain go away. In those days, people used 'magic' berries, roots and barks to stop the pain.
hundreds of years following this, medicine was the province of shamans, witches and wizards, healers men & the like - all people who came up with ways of relieving pain and 'curing' illness.
Over the years, this evolved -as did our understanding. We removed the magic and replaced it with science.
Now, one thing has been in common since money existed and since people needed healing. Prophet.
Why do anything for free, when you can sell it?
Which is where modern medicine often falls.
If you want to get well these days, you don't need to go and find a healer. You can go to any shop or pharmacist and buy a pill or powder or cream to improve your symptoms.
Which is really great in some ways.
The thing is though, that where money is involved, competition follows, which is the only reason I can think for all these new expensive variants.
Asprin is made from the bark of the willow tree. You can intact, relieve your symptoms by chewing upon this (although I'd probably just buy some aspirin) and works as a basic pain reliever. Then there is paracetamol, ibuprofen and various opiates such as codeine.
These need to be sold in a specific quantity and using specific concentrations, so there isn't much of a way to compete with someone else with these as standard.
But that doesn't stop brands trying. Paracetamol can cost you 45p for 16 tablets in the supermarket, or about £3.50 for a name brand. As for the difference? The tablets are printed with the brands logo.
Then there are 'liquid capsules' for 'faster action' and all that rubbish. It just strikes me as a good way to buy an expensive version for no reason!
Always read the label and find out what wool they are trying to pull over your eyes.
Rant over.
Since the first caveman got clonked on the head by an angry mammoth, we've looked for ways to make our pain go away. In those days, people used 'magic' berries, roots and barks to stop the pain.
hundreds of years following this, medicine was the province of shamans, witches and wizards, healers men & the like - all people who came up with ways of relieving pain and 'curing' illness.
Over the years, this evolved -as did our understanding. We removed the magic and replaced it with science.
Now, one thing has been in common since money existed and since people needed healing. Prophet.
Why do anything for free, when you can sell it?
Which is where modern medicine often falls.
If you want to get well these days, you don't need to go and find a healer. You can go to any shop or pharmacist and buy a pill or powder or cream to improve your symptoms.
Which is really great in some ways.
The thing is though, that where money is involved, competition follows, which is the only reason I can think for all these new expensive variants.
Asprin is made from the bark of the willow tree. You can intact, relieve your symptoms by chewing upon this (although I'd probably just buy some aspirin) and works as a basic pain reliever. Then there is paracetamol, ibuprofen and various opiates such as codeine.
These need to be sold in a specific quantity and using specific concentrations, so there isn't much of a way to compete with someone else with these as standard.
But that doesn't stop brands trying. Paracetamol can cost you 45p for 16 tablets in the supermarket, or about £3.50 for a name brand. As for the difference? The tablets are printed with the brands logo.
Then there are 'liquid capsules' for 'faster action' and all that rubbish. It just strikes me as a good way to buy an expensive version for no reason!
Always read the label and find out what wool they are trying to pull over your eyes.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Rant 129 8/5/12 Subject: Rhetorical questions
Rant number 129
Whats the deal with Rhetorical questions?
Why do we need them?
Who on earth is going to answer the questions?
No one that's who!
Why do we need questions that don't have answers. When did it become the done thing to use them?
Rhetorical questions occupy a no mans land between dry irony and bleak sarcasm, neither of which tend to endear me.
So why do we have them? Who thought of using them?
What's the point of a question that cannot be answered?
None
Often people use them for obvious answers, in which case - just don't.
Otherwise they just throw out opening questions which require no/have no answers. It's bloody annoying.
Can people please stop using rhetorical questions?
Rant over
Whats the deal with Rhetorical questions?
Why do we need them?
Who on earth is going to answer the questions?
No one that's who!
Why do we need questions that don't have answers. When did it become the done thing to use them?
Rhetorical questions occupy a no mans land between dry irony and bleak sarcasm, neither of which tend to endear me.
So why do we have them? Who thought of using them?
What's the point of a question that cannot be answered?
None
Often people use them for obvious answers, in which case - just don't.
Otherwise they just throw out opening questions which require no/have no answers. It's bloody annoying.
Can people please stop using rhetorical questions?
Rant over
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Rant 123 2/5/12 Subject: Pointless updates
Rant number 123
I have been a member of Blogger, the blogging site that you are reading this upon (original name that isn't it, a blogging site called blogger... I wonder where the ger bit comes from though) for exactly 123 days. I know this, because today is just past the 1/3 marker of my mission.
Much to my surprise, blogger a couple of days ago decided to move me from their classic interface (the one in used to) to the new interface.
To the best of my knowledge, there is nothing particularly new to the new interface. It just looks well, different.
So why bother? why bother at all?
The answer I presume that Blogger would give me is that it adds functionality in areas that I don't use.
That's fine I suppose, but that being in mind - can I not stick to what I like for now until one of those features I want present themselves? Surely that is not a problem?
Facebook is a prime example of this - in fact far more so than Blogger (who are currently still allowing me to use the interface... for now.)
Since I started using Facebook, it's gone through multiple iterations. First they tinker with one part, then another one, then another (and so on ad nauseum.)
Each time people complain and complain and protest, but to no avail.
Why do it? i hear you cry... Who knows, not this man certainly.
Now, to be fair to the Facebook pixies, it's a free service - so they can do whatever they want. I must admit though it's lost on me.
Fundamentally, the question lies:
Have they made Facebook better.
The answer is: no
Why fix it if its not broken?
Rant over
I have been a member of Blogger, the blogging site that you are reading this upon (original name that isn't it, a blogging site called blogger... I wonder where the ger bit comes from though) for exactly 123 days. I know this, because today is just past the 1/3 marker of my mission.
Much to my surprise, blogger a couple of days ago decided to move me from their classic interface (the one in used to) to the new interface.
To the best of my knowledge, there is nothing particularly new to the new interface. It just looks well, different.
So why bother? why bother at all?
The answer I presume that Blogger would give me is that it adds functionality in areas that I don't use.
That's fine I suppose, but that being in mind - can I not stick to what I like for now until one of those features I want present themselves? Surely that is not a problem?
Facebook is a prime example of this - in fact far more so than Blogger (who are currently still allowing me to use the interface... for now.)
Since I started using Facebook, it's gone through multiple iterations. First they tinker with one part, then another one, then another (and so on ad nauseum.)
Each time people complain and complain and protest, but to no avail.
Why do it? i hear you cry... Who knows, not this man certainly.
Now, to be fair to the Facebook pixies, it's a free service - so they can do whatever they want. I must admit though it's lost on me.
Fundamentally, the question lies:
Have they made Facebook better.
The answer is: no
Why fix it if its not broken?
Rant over
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Rant 109 18/4/12 Subject: Junk mail (post)
Rant number 109
To begin with, I know I've covered junk mail before. That time though it was about spam emails, this is about the other type.
Not many days pass without me receiving some post of one sort or another. It's rarely anything exiting to be honest, usually just bills or statements. What I seem to always get alongside these though is junk!
Bt always want to give me some amazing deal which is 'too good to miss.'
A local store want to show me their latest amazing offers.
Virgin want to offer me their services despite the fact that they don't have the infrastructure in place to actually provide me the services.
It does my nut in!
We live in a world of tv, Internet, papers and magazines. There is plenty of ways right there to try and titillate and excite me - I don't need it shoving through my front door.
As much as anything, it's a waste of money. I put junk mail straight in the bin (and I would wholeheartedly suggest you do the same,) what then does it accomplish?
One of these days I'm gonna start collecting it, put it in giant envelopes and deliver it back to the idiots - sideways...
Don't junk mail me!
Rant over.
To begin with, I know I've covered junk mail before. That time though it was about spam emails, this is about the other type.
Not many days pass without me receiving some post of one sort or another. It's rarely anything exiting to be honest, usually just bills or statements. What I seem to always get alongside these though is junk!
Bt always want to give me some amazing deal which is 'too good to miss.'
A local store want to show me their latest amazing offers.
Virgin want to offer me their services despite the fact that they don't have the infrastructure in place to actually provide me the services.
It does my nut in!
We live in a world of tv, Internet, papers and magazines. There is plenty of ways right there to try and titillate and excite me - I don't need it shoving through my front door.
As much as anything, it's a waste of money. I put junk mail straight in the bin (and I would wholeheartedly suggest you do the same,) what then does it accomplish?
One of these days I'm gonna start collecting it, put it in giant envelopes and deliver it back to the idiots - sideways...
Don't junk mail me!
Rant over.
Monday, 16 April 2012
Rant 107 16/4/12 Subject: Acronyms
Rant number 107
Whilst I was bored earlier, I had a look on twitter. Amongst the various content on there (some funny, most not) I saw various posts about towie.
'what the chuff is towie' I thought to myself and promptly googled the offending phrase. Apparently this was an acronym for the fertile idiot growing compost which is 'the only way is Essex'
Amused I was not - am not and will never be!
I hate this kind of use of acronyms.
It doesn't really save time or effort, it's just a pointless way for idiots to make themselves feel clever.
The Internet, texts and social media are fertile ground for this kind of thing.
The problem is that you have to be told what they mean half the time. Many are hard to guess - if you really have the implication anyway. They are a product of knowledge, not intelligence.
I for instance in my youth thought that 'lol' was a way of conveying sympathy as opposed to its true meaning of 'laughing out loud'
Then there are ones like 'rofl' which sounds like the noise of being sick but stands for 'rolling on the floor laughing'
Even businesses do it, the makers of blackberry phones are 'Research in Motion' or Rim for short.
It's just another example of the dumbing down of language!
I.G.O.M.T
Rant over.
Whilst I was bored earlier, I had a look on twitter. Amongst the various content on there (some funny, most not) I saw various posts about towie.
'what the chuff is towie' I thought to myself and promptly googled the offending phrase. Apparently this was an acronym for the fertile idiot growing compost which is 'the only way is Essex'
Amused I was not - am not and will never be!
I hate this kind of use of acronyms.
It doesn't really save time or effort, it's just a pointless way for idiots to make themselves feel clever.
The Internet, texts and social media are fertile ground for this kind of thing.
The problem is that you have to be told what they mean half the time. Many are hard to guess - if you really have the implication anyway. They are a product of knowledge, not intelligence.
I for instance in my youth thought that 'lol' was a way of conveying sympathy as opposed to its true meaning of 'laughing out loud'
Then there are ones like 'rofl' which sounds like the noise of being sick but stands for 'rolling on the floor laughing'
Even businesses do it, the makers of blackberry phones are 'Research in Motion' or Rim for short.
It's just another example of the dumbing down of language!
I.G.O.M.T
Rant over.
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Rant 103 12/4/12 Subject: weather forecasts
As previously mentioned more than once, I like to start the day with a little ceremony, culminating in sitting down to watch around 25 minutes of BBC breakfast.
Today, there was a 15 minute long stint about sheds. They even interviewed a shed owner! I could easily rant about the inane stupidity of such a piece. It's innate stupidity alone is worth a thousand words! Maybe one day I will too... Just not today.
What annoyed me actually today and pretty much every day was the weather forecast.
Weather forecasts are almost universally a practice in futility. Let's face it, you can rarely change your plans based on the weather - so knowing if it's going to be miserable or wonderful really doesn't assist you.
Then there is the fact that they rarely come true. I don't remember being told it was going to hammer it down with hailstones at around five o'clock - but it did. As it is it didn't effect me. If I was out and about though, I would want to bring a brolly and/or a hard hat to be safe!
Finally there is the irritating pomp and vernacular that is being recited by the weather girl - whilst she points at her big stupid map.
The combination of vagaries and specific terms can be really quite confusing as a lay man. An example of this would be "around 2 o'clock an area of high pressure may cause a warm front to move upwards - resulting in a drop of temperature and some light drizzle" it's like the ranting of a mad man.
In summary, don't trust Michael Fish. The man is pure evil
Rant over.
Today, there was a 15 minute long stint about sheds. They even interviewed a shed owner! I could easily rant about the inane stupidity of such a piece. It's innate stupidity alone is worth a thousand words! Maybe one day I will too... Just not today.
What annoyed me actually today and pretty much every day was the weather forecast.
Weather forecasts are almost universally a practice in futility. Let's face it, you can rarely change your plans based on the weather - so knowing if it's going to be miserable or wonderful really doesn't assist you.
Then there is the fact that they rarely come true. I don't remember being told it was going to hammer it down with hailstones at around five o'clock - but it did. As it is it didn't effect me. If I was out and about though, I would want to bring a brolly and/or a hard hat to be safe!
Finally there is the irritating pomp and vernacular that is being recited by the weather girl - whilst she points at her big stupid map.
The combination of vagaries and specific terms can be really quite confusing as a lay man. An example of this would be "around 2 o'clock an area of high pressure may cause a warm front to move upwards - resulting in a drop of temperature and some light drizzle" it's like the ranting of a mad man.
In summary, don't trust Michael Fish. The man is pure evil
Rant over.
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Rant 60 - 29/2/12 Subject: Leap years
Rant number 60
As doubtless you all will have noticed, today is February the 29th. That's one day more than there should be in February and one more day in the year - and thus, one extra bloody rant! It is also a subject of double annoyance because I quite forgot about this when I set this up. As such - it should be 365 rants, not 366 - which really messes with my chi!
I know that they make things a little bit neater for calendars and clocks and things - but its just annoying. I personally would prefer the extra couple of minutes a day - or whatever the hell it works out as!
As well as this, those among you who are salaried (which is pretty much everyone these days) will need to give up an extra day of your time for nought. Rubbish huh!?
It just isn't on, all this messing with the time malarky!
I don't think anyone has a particular love of leap year days. There is nout much special about today. Its just another day (which really is march 1st, but for some reason isn't.)
The only interesting traditional surrounding leap years is the whole women can propose to men thing. It's a bit different and quite nice really.
The truth is however, that we live in modern times - and women can go around proposing whenever they wish to do so.
So we've established really that no-one cares. This - surely is strictly not true though. Some people surely do care about Leap years.
The poor bastards born on February 29th. Imagine being 12 and only being 3 birthdays old! Its ludicrous and quite depressing. I'm sure for real that they probably celebrate on March 1st- but thats just not the point is it!
Leap years are just a bit rubbish really!
Rant over.
As doubtless you all will have noticed, today is February the 29th. That's one day more than there should be in February and one more day in the year - and thus, one extra bloody rant! It is also a subject of double annoyance because I quite forgot about this when I set this up. As such - it should be 365 rants, not 366 - which really messes with my chi!
I know that they make things a little bit neater for calendars and clocks and things - but its just annoying. I personally would prefer the extra couple of minutes a day - or whatever the hell it works out as!
As well as this, those among you who are salaried (which is pretty much everyone these days) will need to give up an extra day of your time for nought. Rubbish huh!?
It just isn't on, all this messing with the time malarky!
I don't think anyone has a particular love of leap year days. There is nout much special about today. Its just another day (which really is march 1st, but for some reason isn't.)
The only interesting traditional surrounding leap years is the whole women can propose to men thing. It's a bit different and quite nice really.
The truth is however, that we live in modern times - and women can go around proposing whenever they wish to do so.
So we've established really that no-one cares. This - surely is strictly not true though. Some people surely do care about Leap years.
The poor bastards born on February 29th. Imagine being 12 and only being 3 birthdays old! Its ludicrous and quite depressing. I'm sure for real that they probably celebrate on March 1st- but thats just not the point is it!
Leap years are just a bit rubbish really!
Rant over.
Thursday, 16 February 2012
Rant 47 - 16/2/12 Subject: Superfluous road signage.
Rant number 47
Now, to start with, I would like to make it clear that all superfluous signage upsets me greatly. I feel however that this is too large and vast an annoyance to deal with in only one chapter.
As such, todays annoyance is most definitely the stupid road signage, and most specifically the ones you find on motorways.
It is self evident of course that road signage is an integral part of the road systems we know and love. Without them - things probably just wouldn't work.
I do feel however, that many signs can be done without.
Which brings me (via somewhat of a digression(as per usual)) to my point.
On the way to band today, on the stretch of motorway which is the highest in the country. Things suddenly went white!
'Fuck me' I exclaimed to myself, 'it appears that I have gone spontaneously blind, despite my ability to still see the lights of the car in front of me.'
As you will understand, this I felt was quite alarming. I just didn't know what to do!
Then a sign emerged out of the white blur (which I had to squint to see,) which said 'fog'. Just imagine the relief I felt: on a day when it has rained extensively, when there is a lot of water about and when I am rather high up, I never would have thought of fog!
(Regarding the above paragraphs, I realise that people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of whit. In my opinion however, the only people who say this are those who don't understand it properly.)
Are people meant to be so bereft of sense that they cannot perceive the road around them. Even when I am concentrating on operating a vehicle at high speed, I can still look out of the windscreen and notice that there is some white cloudy stuff in front of me.
Its really laughable (and irritating) to have to squint through the fog to see what the stupid sign says - in case it is more relevant than telling me the frickin obvious.
'Well, what if its only lightly foggy?' I hear you cry 'what then smarty pants?'.
Firstly, I would ask you not to interrupt me whilst I'm on a tirade, its rude of you and I would have expected better behavior. Secondly, your question has a most obvious answer, so I am once again disappointed in you. Finally, to put it bluntly
If I can't see any fog in front of me that is effecting me in any way shape or form, it is more distracting than useful to tell me about it!
And these stupid signs are not resigned only to the pointless fog notifications described above.
No
They work with traffic too.
I have literally lost count of the times I have sat in stop start traffic and crawled towards a sign that says 'queueing traffic.' I fucking know: I'm in it!
They also do this with 'queue after junction' another firm favorite of theirs.
They even go as far as to tell you succinctly 'spray, slow down.' When you could nearly swim on the fucking motorway.
The people who run them are bloody morons!
Rant over.
Now, to start with, I would like to make it clear that all superfluous signage upsets me greatly. I feel however that this is too large and vast an annoyance to deal with in only one chapter.
As such, todays annoyance is most definitely the stupid road signage, and most specifically the ones you find on motorways.
It is self evident of course that road signage is an integral part of the road systems we know and love. Without them - things probably just wouldn't work.
I do feel however, that many signs can be done without.
Which brings me (via somewhat of a digression(as per usual)) to my point.
On the way to band today, on the stretch of motorway which is the highest in the country. Things suddenly went white!
'Fuck me' I exclaimed to myself, 'it appears that I have gone spontaneously blind, despite my ability to still see the lights of the car in front of me.'
As you will understand, this I felt was quite alarming. I just didn't know what to do!
Then a sign emerged out of the white blur (which I had to squint to see,) which said 'fog'. Just imagine the relief I felt: on a day when it has rained extensively, when there is a lot of water about and when I am rather high up, I never would have thought of fog!
(Regarding the above paragraphs, I realise that people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of whit. In my opinion however, the only people who say this are those who don't understand it properly.)
Are people meant to be so bereft of sense that they cannot perceive the road around them. Even when I am concentrating on operating a vehicle at high speed, I can still look out of the windscreen and notice that there is some white cloudy stuff in front of me.
Its really laughable (and irritating) to have to squint through the fog to see what the stupid sign says - in case it is more relevant than telling me the frickin obvious.
'Well, what if its only lightly foggy?' I hear you cry 'what then smarty pants?'.
Firstly, I would ask you not to interrupt me whilst I'm on a tirade, its rude of you and I would have expected better behavior. Secondly, your question has a most obvious answer, so I am once again disappointed in you. Finally, to put it bluntly
If I can't see any fog in front of me that is effecting me in any way shape or form, it is more distracting than useful to tell me about it!
And these stupid signs are not resigned only to the pointless fog notifications described above.
No
They work with traffic too.
I have literally lost count of the times I have sat in stop start traffic and crawled towards a sign that says 'queueing traffic.' I fucking know: I'm in it!
They also do this with 'queue after junction' another firm favorite of theirs.
They even go as far as to tell you succinctly 'spray, slow down.' When you could nearly swim on the fucking motorway.
The people who run them are bloody morons!
Rant over.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Rant 39 - 8/2/12 Subject: Trouble in t' Falklands
Rant number 39
Britain used to be a big empire. We ruled! We had a kick ass navy, we had possession and control of countries all around the world. That's what we did!
But we don't any more.
Like a naughty bully, caught with every ones lunch money - we have had to give back the countries to their original owners (apologising when prompted by our mum, head bowed and far from shameful) leaving us almost back to where we started.
We have however managed to retain a couple of bits and bats around the world. Australia is still under our sovereignty for instance, Gibraltar is too, 14 Sovereign states remain in total.
For the most part, this means that they get a bit of our flag (often in the corner of their own flag,) and a visit every now and then from the royal family. Most of them actually quite like this. They're happy to be part of it - and they don't mind it when the queen visits as long as she wipes her feet on the way in and promises to make Phillip behave(she succeeds at this most of the time...)
There is one problematic part of the Sovereign states however - the Falklands.
It's not actually the Falklands doing. They don't seem that bothered with being a Sovereign state. The issue falls with Argentina - off which cost the Falklands is located.
They don't think it belongs to us though, they want it back! and with the risk of sounding rather unpatriotic, I can't help but see their point.
You see, us owning the Falklands, is pretty much the same as them (or any other country for that matter) owning Northern Ireland or the Isle of Man. It just doesn't make much sense.
This of course is old news. Thirty one years ago, there was a pretty vicious war in which many died for just this squabble and, under Maggie bloody Thatchers nut-cracking rule - we put the boot in and retained possession.
The thing is, it's all starting to happen again - and we are still holding on to that lunch money like the idiotic bully we are so capable of being.
As the anniversary approaches, we have - just by co-incidence - decided to send down a humongous billion pound warship to sit in the waters around the Falklands. It's got nothing to doing with staking our territory out or anything really.
We as a country - do not have the money to need such a pointless war to happen again. We cannot however really afford to let go of the resources the island allows us access to. Thus, we are stuck between some granite & a biker bar...
I just hope the bloody Tories can not stir things up this time round.
Rant over.
Britain used to be a big empire. We ruled! We had a kick ass navy, we had possession and control of countries all around the world. That's what we did!
But we don't any more.
Like a naughty bully, caught with every ones lunch money - we have had to give back the countries to their original owners (apologising when prompted by our mum, head bowed and far from shameful) leaving us almost back to where we started.
We have however managed to retain a couple of bits and bats around the world. Australia is still under our sovereignty for instance, Gibraltar is too, 14 Sovereign states remain in total.
For the most part, this means that they get a bit of our flag (often in the corner of their own flag,) and a visit every now and then from the royal family. Most of them actually quite like this. They're happy to be part of it - and they don't mind it when the queen visits as long as she wipes her feet on the way in and promises to make Phillip behave(she succeeds at this most of the time...)
There is one problematic part of the Sovereign states however - the Falklands.
It's not actually the Falklands doing. They don't seem that bothered with being a Sovereign state. The issue falls with Argentina - off which cost the Falklands is located.
They don't think it belongs to us though, they want it back! and with the risk of sounding rather unpatriotic, I can't help but see their point.
You see, us owning the Falklands, is pretty much the same as them (or any other country for that matter) owning Northern Ireland or the Isle of Man. It just doesn't make much sense.
This of course is old news. Thirty one years ago, there was a pretty vicious war in which many died for just this squabble and, under Maggie bloody Thatchers nut-cracking rule - we put the boot in and retained possession.
The thing is, it's all starting to happen again - and we are still holding on to that lunch money like the idiotic bully we are so capable of being.
As the anniversary approaches, we have - just by co-incidence - decided to send down a humongous billion pound warship to sit in the waters around the Falklands. It's got nothing to doing with staking our territory out or anything really.
We as a country - do not have the money to need such a pointless war to happen again. We cannot however really afford to let go of the resources the island allows us access to. Thus, we are stuck between some granite & a biker bar...
I just hope the bloody Tories can not stir things up this time round.
Rant over.
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