Rant 316 11/11/12 Subject: Star wars 7: The Empires shameless cash-in

Rant number 316

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a saga. To start with, that saga was made up of 3 films - and things were pretty sweet. There was lightsabers, pyow pyows a plenty, a dude with a really deep voice and a funky black helmet and a small green man with a speaking disorder.

People loved it - I loved it. There was cool space fights, and toys and stuff. It was awesome.

Then, years later - it was decided that they should make some more movies from within the saga. Due to some slightly quirky marketing in the first place - they had started with the story of film number 4 - which meant they needed to make the first 3 stories.

And make them they did - although in truth they were far from great. They had droids that appeared to be made out of marzipan and fell apart at the first sign of trouble. They had an irritating Rastafarian alien - who is universally hated. They had a superfluous amount of CGI scenes - with little rhyme nor reason and they had some bad acting, bad dialogue and general badness...

None the less, they made them - they surely did.

And after that, they sat back and looked at the 6 films they had made (some great, some crap) and they felt so satisfied that they released about a hundred iterations - with lots of remastering, special features and more CGI than George Lucas than shake a suitably large tree at.

But then - someone thought: I bet we can milk some more money out of this thing -

and they did. Not withstanding the Star Wars Christmas Special (and yes, that really exists,) and the Ewoks spin-off they needed a modern day spin off to milk some more money from the franchise.

So recently - they came up with 'The Clone Wars' film and subsequent TV series (which I haven't watched - so I can't tell you if its good or bad or indifferent. It's probably a bit crap though.)

You'd think that this would do as far as money milking goes.

But its not over it seems. Not by a long shot.

Disney you see - have handed over the cash for the whole franchise and are going to be carrying on with number 7 (and doubtless 8 & 9) and any number of cash ins.

Why can't they leave something great alone. Have they no fucking original ideas at all?

Its most irritating. I just hope that Disney know what they're getting themselves into!

Rant over.

Rant 171 19/6/12 Subject: Remakes

Rant number 171


I like films a lot you know. All different types of films in fact.

The films I think I like best though are horror films. Now, i think that the best horror films were made between the 70s and the 80s.

Some of the best of these are 'Friday the 13th','Halloween','Nightmare on Elm Street' and a personal favourite: 'fright night'

Now, beyond the fact that these films are great, there is another common denominator: they have all been remade.

And what do all of these remakes have in common?

They all really suck.

I'm watching 'Fright Night' now, and am wondering why I put it on my lovefilm list. It would be an Ok film at best, if it stood on its own.
It doesn't though. It stands on the shoulders of its much greater predecessor and has been found wanting.

It's like the difference between a cook and a chef. You can make a meal at home with a set of ingredients but a chef can turn it up to eleven (kudos points for those who know that reference.)

These directors have the ingredients which made up the original movie but lack the magic.

They also feel the need to 'make it there own' by adding modern references and subtext.

The modern 'Nightmare on Elm Street' for instance. In the original film, Freddy was just quite evil and killed for fun. There was no sexual element involved.

In the modern story though, they made him a pedophile on top of his other traits. I don't see the need. Can't he just be evil?

I watch remakes solely to see how badly they have done, but would love to see them get it right.

My advice though: watch the original, even though it may look a little dated. It will be a hundred times better.

Rant over.