Rant number 121
Why do we need itches? What is the purpose of itching? What would happen if we couldn't itch?
I just don't get it, what does it add to things, really?
I like many people, suffer from psoriasis (not severe, but annoying) which means that one part of me or another generally itches every couple of hours. I really do wonder though, why the hell it needs to.
Is it some kind of exfoliation thing? removing top layers of skin that would otherwise choke me to death via my pours?
In my opinion that seems unlikely. At times I've drawn blood whilst trying to stop part of me from itching. That can't be right can it? Surely.
If we are a product of evolution - or even design (depending on your theological bent) surely at some point, the cavemen/missing link/monkeys that were too busy scratching themselves to avoid predators died out - leaving the non scratch ones behind? Why then do we need to itch.
As I right this rant, my right arm is itching just above the elbow - as if to taunt me further as I berate itching in general. I often get itches in this kind of spot - because it causes maximum inconvenience: generally it means raising my sleeve, unbuttoning my shirt etc etc.
I really do think that there is no reason behind itching. Its just a cruel trick being played upon us by some greater being/mother nature.
And now my foot is itching too.
Bloody itches
Rant over.
Monday, 30 April 2012
Sunday, 29 April 2012
Rant 120 29/4/12 Subject: Not being able to live without power
Rant number 120
When I got from band at around 2pm this afternoon - there was no power. I then went out to town quickly to pick up some bits and bobs and there was still no power.
There was then no power still - until around 20 past 9 this evening. A crippling 7 hours without light (and today you needed it, what a dark and miserable day it has been!) and without heating and without any of the forms of entertainment I would usually use.
I read my book in the subdued light and had a nap. The books good, but the subdued light hurt my eyes! All in all, it shocks me how awfully reliant I am upon technology.
And the same I am sure can be said for all of you.
Firstly, half of us live half in the real world and half on the internet. The internet needs power to work.
Then there is half of the entertainments that we use; Computers, TV's, Laptops, Games Consoles - it all needs powers to work. When did I become so glued to the mains?
Even the things I like to do which are analogue: books, magazines, boardgames - that kind of thing I mostly do in artificial light. On a grey and gloomy day like today you need light to do anything and I have no means of making light beyond electrics and candles.
Lets face it, candles are lovely for making your living room smell nice, but are not a suitable method for illuminating a room really. Certainly not facilitating the reading of a book.
It makes you wonder what would happen if there really was a paradigm shift one day and our current methods of power creation went away. We'd soon come a cropper I'll tell you that!
Rant over.
When I got from band at around 2pm this afternoon - there was no power. I then went out to town quickly to pick up some bits and bobs and there was still no power.
There was then no power still - until around 20 past 9 this evening. A crippling 7 hours without light (and today you needed it, what a dark and miserable day it has been!) and without heating and without any of the forms of entertainment I would usually use.
I read my book in the subdued light and had a nap. The books good, but the subdued light hurt my eyes! All in all, it shocks me how awfully reliant I am upon technology.
And the same I am sure can be said for all of you.
Firstly, half of us live half in the real world and half on the internet. The internet needs power to work.
Then there is half of the entertainments that we use; Computers, TV's, Laptops, Games Consoles - it all needs powers to work. When did I become so glued to the mains?
Even the things I like to do which are analogue: books, magazines, boardgames - that kind of thing I mostly do in artificial light. On a grey and gloomy day like today you need light to do anything and I have no means of making light beyond electrics and candles.
Lets face it, candles are lovely for making your living room smell nice, but are not a suitable method for illuminating a room really. Certainly not facilitating the reading of a book.
It makes you wonder what would happen if there really was a paradigm shift one day and our current methods of power creation went away. We'd soon come a cropper I'll tell you that!
Rant over.
Saturday, 28 April 2012
Rant 119 28/4/12 Subject: Soaps
Rant number 119
When I get home from work each day, I tend to pop on the TV for something to let my brain unwind to. Often I'll watching something like Big Bang Theory, My name is Earl or the Simpsons. Nothing too brain taxing you know? Yes of course you do.
After the half an hour/hour has passed however, I have to dive for the buttons each and every time, to avoid bloody Hollyoaks.
From the opening moments of its annoying theme tune, Hollyoaks depresses, distresses and disgusts me. I don't want to see it, any of it! I want it to go away, and take all its friends with it.
It upsets and distresses me so much that many people who watch soaps do so to have some kind of narrative in their lives. If you need to sit down for an hour 3 times a week to find a narrative - you should spend it doing something else, like communicating with people.
Whats worse: soaps are an addiction. Each episode is a little cliff hanger, a miniature hook, a cliffhanger. It tries to grab you and say 'go on, you need to watch the next one now to find out whats going on.' The whole thing is a vicious and endless bloody circle.
Now, soaps really wouldn't bother me so much if they weren't so unhealthily miserable. People are meant to want to watch TV as escapism, not to be depressed to the point of melancholy.
If I want to see people being miserable, I'll go into Wetherspoons during the day or something. I don't need it from my TV.
I hate soaps.
Rant over.
When I get home from work each day, I tend to pop on the TV for something to let my brain unwind to. Often I'll watching something like Big Bang Theory, My name is Earl or the Simpsons. Nothing too brain taxing you know? Yes of course you do.
After the half an hour/hour has passed however, I have to dive for the buttons each and every time, to avoid bloody Hollyoaks.
From the opening moments of its annoying theme tune, Hollyoaks depresses, distresses and disgusts me. I don't want to see it, any of it! I want it to go away, and take all its friends with it.
It upsets and distresses me so much that many people who watch soaps do so to have some kind of narrative in their lives. If you need to sit down for an hour 3 times a week to find a narrative - you should spend it doing something else, like communicating with people.
Whats worse: soaps are an addiction. Each episode is a little cliff hanger, a miniature hook, a cliffhanger. It tries to grab you and say 'go on, you need to watch the next one now to find out whats going on.' The whole thing is a vicious and endless bloody circle.
Now, soaps really wouldn't bother me so much if they weren't so unhealthily miserable. People are meant to want to watch TV as escapism, not to be depressed to the point of melancholy.
If I want to see people being miserable, I'll go into Wetherspoons during the day or something. I don't need it from my TV.
I hate soaps.
Rant over.
Friday, 27 April 2012
Rant 118 27/4/12 Subject: Earworms
Rant number 118
To begin with, I want to make it clear that I really don't particularly like the word 'earworms.' Firstly because it conjures up some pretty unpleasant mental injuries and secondly because it is stupid word.
None the less it has been used to describe a song stuck in your head for quite a while now, so I suppose we are stuck with it.
I almost constantly have one song or another stuck in my head. At the moment I have Gotye's 'Somebody that I used to know' going round and round in my head. This in itself is ok, I quite like its 80s style.
The thing though is that I only have one bit of it in my head. That bit is the
Baa baa black sheep xylophone motif.
To say that this is distressing is an understatement of near biblical proportion.
I have been informed that a song in your head is actually a form or Auditory hallucination. Worried yet?
The worst thing is though that you don't have to like a song for it to creep its way in. No, the worst songs often have the ability to do this best. The radio has cursed me by internal choruses of 'Ray Charles,' a song so terrible it's almost criminal, on multiple occasions.
Bloody pain in the ass - got that in my head now.
On that note then
Rant over.
To begin with, I want to make it clear that I really don't particularly like the word 'earworms.' Firstly because it conjures up some pretty unpleasant mental injuries and secondly because it is stupid word.
None the less it has been used to describe a song stuck in your head for quite a while now, so I suppose we are stuck with it.
I almost constantly have one song or another stuck in my head. At the moment I have Gotye's 'Somebody that I used to know' going round and round in my head. This in itself is ok, I quite like its 80s style.
The thing though is that I only have one bit of it in my head. That bit is the
Baa baa black sheep xylophone motif.
To say that this is distressing is an understatement of near biblical proportion.
I have been informed that a song in your head is actually a form or Auditory hallucination. Worried yet?
The worst thing is though that you don't have to like a song for it to creep its way in. No, the worst songs often have the ability to do this best. The radio has cursed me by internal choruses of 'Ray Charles,' a song so terrible it's almost criminal, on multiple occasions.
Bloody pain in the ass - got that in my head now.
On that note then
Rant over.
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Rant 117 26/4/12 Subject: People who can't deal with the rain
Rant number 117
Oh my god! Something incredible and unusual is happening. There is water dripping from the sky. Its never happened before - ever. (Yes, I know that dry irony and sarcasm are hard to convert in the form of written text. I can confirm however that I am being a sarky bastard.)
After the talk of droughts, its rained pretty much constantly. Genuinely at the moment I can barely remember the last time it was warm and I was wearing a T-shirt - not a bloody coat.
The thing is though, that I do wear a coat - or carry a brolly. I deal with the rain.
Some buggers can't though - and it astounds me.
We get rain very often in this country, its like 'our thing'. People still can't deal with it though, they panic as soon as the droplets begin to fall. I don't know how they can't just deal with it.
Particularly I am referring to those in their vehicles - like the fuckers who held me up at every turn when returning from band.
On a miserable and horrible night I want to get home, safe and sound and in a timely fashion. I go with the speed limits or just under if things are bad, but I don't want to crawl along. People do though - its annoying.
People doing 60 miles an hour in the 3rd lane of 4 for instance. People taking bends at around 15 miles an hour. People crawling everywhere. There is just no need. A sensible safe speed yes, a speed I could conceivably manage by trotting no.
Why can't people just drive normally. We should be able to both respect and cope with the rain by now surely!
Rant over.
Oh my god! Something incredible and unusual is happening. There is water dripping from the sky. Its never happened before - ever. (Yes, I know that dry irony and sarcasm are hard to convert in the form of written text. I can confirm however that I am being a sarky bastard.)
After the talk of droughts, its rained pretty much constantly. Genuinely at the moment I can barely remember the last time it was warm and I was wearing a T-shirt - not a bloody coat.
The thing is though, that I do wear a coat - or carry a brolly. I deal with the rain.
Some buggers can't though - and it astounds me.
We get rain very often in this country, its like 'our thing'. People still can't deal with it though, they panic as soon as the droplets begin to fall. I don't know how they can't just deal with it.
Particularly I am referring to those in their vehicles - like the fuckers who held me up at every turn when returning from band.
On a miserable and horrible night I want to get home, safe and sound and in a timely fashion. I go with the speed limits or just under if things are bad, but I don't want to crawl along. People do though - its annoying.
People doing 60 miles an hour in the 3rd lane of 4 for instance. People taking bends at around 15 miles an hour. People crawling everywhere. There is just no need. A sensible safe speed yes, a speed I could conceivably manage by trotting no.
Why can't people just drive normally. We should be able to both respect and cope with the rain by now surely!
Rant over.
Wednesday, 25 April 2012
Rant 116 25/4/12 Subject: Donald Trumps crappy attitude
Rant number 116
There was something truly terrifying on the news this morning. It was hairy, it was scary, it was around 20cm wide, it was completely unrealistic... it was Donald Trump's fucking rug.
You'd think that a guy who has blown his nose on more money than you will ever earn could afford a more convincing hair piece than that wouldn't you? Its like some furry creature has chosen to die up there.
This rant isn't about his wig by the way. But - you can't talk about him without mentioning it. I mean - have you seen it?
There was something truly terrifying on the news this morning. It was hairy, it was scary, it was around 20cm wide, it was completely unrealistic... it was Donald Trump's fucking rug.
You'd think that a guy who has blown his nose on more money than you will ever earn could afford a more convincing hair piece than that wouldn't you? Its like some furry creature has chosen to die up there.
This rant isn't about his wig by the way. But - you can't talk about him without mentioning it. I mean - have you seen it?
No, todays rant is all about his attitude, or more aptly his attitude problem.
Because, put simply: Donald Trump is a bit of a wanker.
I was never really particularly concerned about this in the past.
He's always been just like a slightly worse haired version of Alan Sugar to me.
Today however, he transcended this with an idiotic display of childish Americanism. To whit, he had a childish, bribing tantrum on national news.
He has been proposing to build a golf cause and a resort - worth hundreds of millions of pound on the Scottish coast. Although I don't play golf and really couldn't care less, I can see that this would be a massive boon to their econemy.
He has now however threatened to pull out, unless he get his own way over a most contentious issue.
Essentially - he doesn't want the Scottish government to build some wind turbines off-shore. Why? because he is American and because he is a penis.
This is a typically short-sighted and pathetic point of view. A ridiculous 'not on my turf' kind of attitude to wind turbines. We're running out of coal, oil and gas, nuclear is really bloody unpleasant and dangerous - we need to come up with some other way to keep powering the things we love.
In my opinion, the Scottish government should simply say no to any of his crap. Just don't let him push them. His taste is obviously pathetic - look at that fucking wig.
What a massive and total idiot. I really do hope his wig catches rabies and bits him on his stupid head.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
Rant 115 24/4/12 Subject: Awol spring
Rant number 115
Where the chuff has spring got to people? Its nearly May now and yet somewhere along the lines spring has slipped out of the back door, jumped the fence, swum the moat, stolen a bicycle and gone to France.
It sucks!
A couple of weeks ago, it was T-shirt weather. I like T-shirt weather.
Where has it gone now, its crappy.
We have this every year, so I suppose we should know better by now. I still hope though - I've got to.
Why is it bloody arctic again. Why am I in my winter coat again at the end of April.
Why why why!
Its preposterous, it really is.
At this time, it shouldn't be like this. It should be spring-like. Lambs should be hopping gaily in green sunlit fields - not getting muddy in puddles. Birds should be singing the suns praises, not skulking like chavs under gutters. Its at these times it annoys me to live in this lovely green country of ours.
Because the reason its beautiful and green (in places) is because its bloody well watered!
Happy spring time people.
Rant over.
Where the chuff has spring got to people? Its nearly May now and yet somewhere along the lines spring has slipped out of the back door, jumped the fence, swum the moat, stolen a bicycle and gone to France.
It sucks!
A couple of weeks ago, it was T-shirt weather. I like T-shirt weather.
Where has it gone now, its crappy.
We have this every year, so I suppose we should know better by now. I still hope though - I've got to.
Why is it bloody arctic again. Why am I in my winter coat again at the end of April.
Why why why!
Its preposterous, it really is.
At this time, it shouldn't be like this. It should be spring-like. Lambs should be hopping gaily in green sunlit fields - not getting muddy in puddles. Birds should be singing the suns praises, not skulking like chavs under gutters. Its at these times it annoys me to live in this lovely green country of ours.
Because the reason its beautiful and green (in places) is because its bloody well watered!
Happy spring time people.
Rant over.
Monday, 23 April 2012
Rant 114 23/4/12 Subject: Shakespeare worship
Rant number 114
In honour of mr Shakespeare's birthday - my thoughts.
OK. This is probably a controversial subject to cover for some - but I'm going to just come out and say it:
I don't really care for Shakespeare
Don't get me wrong, some of his stories are timeless and all that - but I really don't care for all the luvvyness that surrounds them.
I think that my school (and the national curriculum) instilled this hatred in it for me - by making me study and analyse and direct the plays until they have no meaning any more. That - and a lot of it just isn't that interesting.
I really don't get why its such a big deal - I really don't : the language annoys me, the 'comedy' elements rarely endear me, the characters get on my nerves and the stories just don't talk to me in a way that I enjoy.
I'm more of a Dickens man myself.
I just don't get it why the theatre is still recycling the ideas of Shakespeare so much even now. Not a year goes by without a story based on one of his (or plagerised shamelessly.) Why can't we just let it go by now?
I think the thing I like least once again is the 'hidden meanings' to everything. According to my school - not a sentence he wrote without instilling some kind of deep seated social commentary and comment. Its bollocks - he was trying to write stories and sound poetic, just like everyone else.
I understand that he has made a great contribution to theatre and a great contribution to modern storytelling. Just let it go now - and stop telling me about it. I'll take your word for it: I really don't wanna know any more.
Oh, and the quotes - the endless bloody quotes. If I see one more bloody luvvie on TV quoting the famous 'to be or not to be' speech, I am going to invent a way to climb into the screen and beat them to death with a chair leg.
That is all.
Rant over.
In honour of mr Shakespeare's birthday - my thoughts.
OK. This is probably a controversial subject to cover for some - but I'm going to just come out and say it:
I don't really care for Shakespeare
Don't get me wrong, some of his stories are timeless and all that - but I really don't care for all the luvvyness that surrounds them.
I think that my school (and the national curriculum) instilled this hatred in it for me - by making me study and analyse and direct the plays until they have no meaning any more. That - and a lot of it just isn't that interesting.
I really don't get why its such a big deal - I really don't : the language annoys me, the 'comedy' elements rarely endear me, the characters get on my nerves and the stories just don't talk to me in a way that I enjoy.
I'm more of a Dickens man myself.
I just don't get it why the theatre is still recycling the ideas of Shakespeare so much even now. Not a year goes by without a story based on one of his (or plagerised shamelessly.) Why can't we just let it go by now?
I think the thing I like least once again is the 'hidden meanings' to everything. According to my school - not a sentence he wrote without instilling some kind of deep seated social commentary and comment. Its bollocks - he was trying to write stories and sound poetic, just like everyone else.
I understand that he has made a great contribution to theatre and a great contribution to modern storytelling. Just let it go now - and stop telling me about it. I'll take your word for it: I really don't wanna know any more.
Oh, and the quotes - the endless bloody quotes. If I see one more bloody luvvie on TV quoting the famous 'to be or not to be' speech, I am going to invent a way to climb into the screen and beat them to death with a chair leg.
That is all.
Rant over.
Sunday, 22 April 2012
Rant 113 22/4/12 Sub Shop staff who don't know/don't care
Rant number 113
Proper business resumes. I now have access to a proper keyboard on a proper computer again - so my rants can now again look proper!
Anyway - now onwards with the rants.
As mentioned yesterday - some little reprobates decided that much fun could be had by breaking my wing mirror on Friday evening. This put me in a distinctly bad mood - but there we go.
Because the car was at the in-laws in Warrington at the time, I was rather stuck. You can't go driving around without a right hand mirror - its a really terrible idea! Luckily, we are covered by the nice folks at the AA. For a small fee- the guy was able to obtain some replacement mirror glass for me.
Great that except - he only managed to find a left hand mirror. This involved somewhat of a bodge - and really made for a slightly rubbish view.
None the less, we got home safe and sound - and today I've sorted it properly (give or take a new cover.)
Which - via a rather long preamble, brings me to my point.
As soon as I knew I needed the mirror glass - I got on the phone to Halfords. I know that they aren't great- but they generally have a good selection of parts. Unfortunately, according to the man on the end of the phone - they didn't have one. A shame that - as it meant we had to bodge it with the left hand one.
Today - I really wanted to get it sorted and safe - so I phoned up our Halfords. Much to my dismay, the answer was the same 'sorry mate, we ain't got nothing.' Not to be dismayed however, I took a template of the mirror as best as I could and thought I would get a similar mirror or a generic one that would fit.
Except.
I walked into Halfords, found the mirrors in a rack and - within 2 minutes found the one to fit my car. Not a similar one. An exact one.
Now, there are a few scenarios here aren't there. To summarise:
1) The store had a delivery on a Sunday and - in the hour between us speaking to him and us visiting the store - a mirror was unpacked from the delivery and put out.
2) The mirror fairy waved his magic wand over the mirrors and made sure that one was waiting for me...
3) I have actually bought completely the wrong mirror - even though it says its the right one and fits perfectly
4) The lazy fucker couldn't be arced to look.
I wonder...
Its the easiest thing in the world to just say no and not even look for something - it just seems so lazy and unpleasant though. Even if their computer systems don't work, there was a sheet with all the fitting mirrors in front of the section. You just need to look at it - could he not have checked? He works in the fucking place. If it took us two minutes - it should have taken him 30 seconds.
It also makes me wonder if the same thing happened in Warrington. Could I have saved myself money, time and stress by walking in and looking for myself? Did someone lie to me there too for the want of getting off their fat asses and looking.
The whole thing exasperates me!
Rant over.
Proper business resumes. I now have access to a proper keyboard on a proper computer again - so my rants can now again look proper!
Anyway - now onwards with the rants.
As mentioned yesterday - some little reprobates decided that much fun could be had by breaking my wing mirror on Friday evening. This put me in a distinctly bad mood - but there we go.
Because the car was at the in-laws in Warrington at the time, I was rather stuck. You can't go driving around without a right hand mirror - its a really terrible idea! Luckily, we are covered by the nice folks at the AA. For a small fee- the guy was able to obtain some replacement mirror glass for me.
Great that except - he only managed to find a left hand mirror. This involved somewhat of a bodge - and really made for a slightly rubbish view.
None the less, we got home safe and sound - and today I've sorted it properly (give or take a new cover.)
Which - via a rather long preamble, brings me to my point.
As soon as I knew I needed the mirror glass - I got on the phone to Halfords. I know that they aren't great- but they generally have a good selection of parts. Unfortunately, according to the man on the end of the phone - they didn't have one. A shame that - as it meant we had to bodge it with the left hand one.
Today - I really wanted to get it sorted and safe - so I phoned up our Halfords. Much to my dismay, the answer was the same 'sorry mate, we ain't got nothing.' Not to be dismayed however, I took a template of the mirror as best as I could and thought I would get a similar mirror or a generic one that would fit.
Except.
I walked into Halfords, found the mirrors in a rack and - within 2 minutes found the one to fit my car. Not a similar one. An exact one.
Now, there are a few scenarios here aren't there. To summarise:
1) The store had a delivery on a Sunday and - in the hour between us speaking to him and us visiting the store - a mirror was unpacked from the delivery and put out.
2) The mirror fairy waved his magic wand over the mirrors and made sure that one was waiting for me...
3) I have actually bought completely the wrong mirror - even though it says its the right one and fits perfectly
4) The lazy fucker couldn't be arced to look.
I wonder...
Its the easiest thing in the world to just say no and not even look for something - it just seems so lazy and unpleasant though. Even if their computer systems don't work, there was a sheet with all the fitting mirrors in front of the section. You just need to look at it - could he not have checked? He works in the fucking place. If it took us two minutes - it should have taken him 30 seconds.
It also makes me wonder if the same thing happened in Warrington. Could I have saved myself money, time and stress by walking in and looking for myself? Did someone lie to me there too for the want of getting off their fat asses and looking.
The whole thing exasperates me!
Rant over.
Saturday, 21 April 2012
Rant 112 21/4/12 Subject: Vandalism
Rant number 112
There really are some fucking idiots out there!
This weekend, as per arrangements long standing. I took the waff over to Warrington, to see her folks and to attend the birthday party of a 1 year old lad.
The trip was uneventful, the trip pleasant and the nights sleep undisturbed.
The morning however was a bitch.
You see, the fuck heads of the land have been at work again - in their plan to fuck up this month for me well and truly.
You see, some stupid fucks went down the road yesterday - breaking wing mirrors - including one on my poor car.
I just don't get it. I really don't.
I understand thieves (I fucking hate them - but I understand,) they want what you have - or the money they can flog it for.
Vandals though - are just idiots. They have nothing to gain except maybe 30 seconds of entertainment. They don't think about the awkwardness of trying to sort out a wing-mirror to get home. They don't think about the upset or annoyance they cause. Maybe they do and don't care - or even get off on it.l If they do, it really is so much worse.
It's not just things like this either. How many bus stops have you seen with windows burnt, missing or scratched with poorly rendered graffiti. They are so stupid and childish that they want to make their own environment worse - how warped it that.
In my run of ironic payments - each and every vandal should have to wear a tattoo of a crudely drawn male member upon their forehead for all to see. Fucking idiots.
Rant over.
There really are some fucking idiots out there!
This weekend, as per arrangements long standing. I took the waff over to Warrington, to see her folks and to attend the birthday party of a 1 year old lad.
The trip was uneventful, the trip pleasant and the nights sleep undisturbed.
The morning however was a bitch.
You see, the fuck heads of the land have been at work again - in their plan to fuck up this month for me well and truly.
You see, some stupid fucks went down the road yesterday - breaking wing mirrors - including one on my poor car.
I just don't get it. I really don't.
I understand thieves (I fucking hate them - but I understand,) they want what you have - or the money they can flog it for.
Vandals though - are just idiots. They have nothing to gain except maybe 30 seconds of entertainment. They don't think about the awkwardness of trying to sort out a wing-mirror to get home. They don't think about the upset or annoyance they cause. Maybe they do and don't care - or even get off on it.l If they do, it really is so much worse.
It's not just things like this either. How many bus stops have you seen with windows burnt, missing or scratched with poorly rendered graffiti. They are so stupid and childish that they want to make their own environment worse - how warped it that.
In my run of ironic payments - each and every vandal should have to wear a tattoo of a crudely drawn male member upon their forehead for all to see. Fucking idiots.
Rant over.
Friday, 20 April 2012
Rant 111 20/4/12 Subject: Tiredness
Rant number 111
Its been a very long day (what with work, followed by travelling to in-laws, followed by running around the house (don't ask. No really don't) followed by food, followed by now ranting,)
As a result, I am knackered out, I really am - and its really annoying.
I swear when I was a kid, I used to have almost endless reserves of energy to expend at my whim. In my teens I could stay up until yay O'clock without batting an eyelid.
Now though half the time, I'm in bed by 11.30ish and asleep by midnight without fail - in order to start all over again the next morning.
I really want to squeeze every drop of awake time out of the weekends - but just cant stay away late. Its really kind of crap.
I always feel tired at the wrong times, and fully awake at the boring times - like in the middle of the day. Wheres the fun in that I ask you? No-where, thats where.
The whole thing really is most irksome.
Time for bed.
Rant over.
Its been a very long day (what with work, followed by travelling to in-laws, followed by running around the house (don't ask. No really don't) followed by food, followed by now ranting,)
As a result, I am knackered out, I really am - and its really annoying.
I swear when I was a kid, I used to have almost endless reserves of energy to expend at my whim. In my teens I could stay up until yay O'clock without batting an eyelid.
Now though half the time, I'm in bed by 11.30ish and asleep by midnight without fail - in order to start all over again the next morning.
I really want to squeeze every drop of awake time out of the weekends - but just cant stay away late. Its really kind of crap.
I always feel tired at the wrong times, and fully awake at the boring times - like in the middle of the day. Wheres the fun in that I ask you? No-where, thats where.
The whole thing really is most irksome.
Time for bed.
Rant over.
Thursday, 19 April 2012
Rant 110 19/4/12 Subject: Selfish and inconsiderate drivers
Rant number 110
Sometimes(well mostly) ranting comes pretty darn easily. Today though, I am in a good mood which makes things a little more difficult.
Not that difficult though, thanks to some of my road companions.
I've decided that a good 50% of accidents and congestion issues are caused by people who think they are more important than everyone else - and I am fucking fed up with it.
The motorways and the roads in general are a mess, and require a fair bit of courtesy to work smoothly. The problem is half the people out there don't have any.
Slip roads for instance. In stop start traffic, these are a nightmare. There are two reasons for this:
1) People on the motorway already who don't make gaps for those coming from the left. (Don't get me wrong, you shouldn't just keep letting everyone in, a fair 1 to 1 ratio would do if everyone kept to it
2) Those on the slip road who insist on getting as far along the slip road as possible, before trying to muscle their way in, often they will ignore an offered up gap to accomplish this.This causes choke points and is really fucking annoying.
Another really annoying thing that people do is try and shortcut around stopped traffic by exiting at a junction and re-entering. They also do the same using motorway services.
These stupid fucks are the height of selfishness, they increase the slip road traffic - causing the roads to slow down - causing more short cutting idiots to do the same - and so on and so forth.
If none of them did it, I swear the commute would be so much easier to deal with.
Finally, people who get in the wrong (shorter) of two or more queues, just to muscle their way in further down the queue. This once again slows everything down - the fuckers manage to fuck up both queues!
I hate those people, I hope that their cars each and every one turn into useless scrap metal.
That is all.
Rant over.
Sometimes(well mostly) ranting comes pretty darn easily. Today though, I am in a good mood which makes things a little more difficult.
Not that difficult though, thanks to some of my road companions.
I've decided that a good 50% of accidents and congestion issues are caused by people who think they are more important than everyone else - and I am fucking fed up with it.
The motorways and the roads in general are a mess, and require a fair bit of courtesy to work smoothly. The problem is half the people out there don't have any.
Slip roads for instance. In stop start traffic, these are a nightmare. There are two reasons for this:
1) People on the motorway already who don't make gaps for those coming from the left. (Don't get me wrong, you shouldn't just keep letting everyone in, a fair 1 to 1 ratio would do if everyone kept to it
2) Those on the slip road who insist on getting as far along the slip road as possible, before trying to muscle their way in, often they will ignore an offered up gap to accomplish this.This causes choke points and is really fucking annoying.
Another really annoying thing that people do is try and shortcut around stopped traffic by exiting at a junction and re-entering. They also do the same using motorway services.
These stupid fucks are the height of selfishness, they increase the slip road traffic - causing the roads to slow down - causing more short cutting idiots to do the same - and so on and so forth.
If none of them did it, I swear the commute would be so much easier to deal with.
Finally, people who get in the wrong (shorter) of two or more queues, just to muscle their way in further down the queue. This once again slows everything down - the fuckers manage to fuck up both queues!
I hate those people, I hope that their cars each and every one turn into useless scrap metal.
That is all.
Rant over.
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Rant 109 18/4/12 Subject: Junk mail (post)
Rant number 109
To begin with, I know I've covered junk mail before. That time though it was about spam emails, this is about the other type.
Not many days pass without me receiving some post of one sort or another. It's rarely anything exiting to be honest, usually just bills or statements. What I seem to always get alongside these though is junk!
Bt always want to give me some amazing deal which is 'too good to miss.'
A local store want to show me their latest amazing offers.
Virgin want to offer me their services despite the fact that they don't have the infrastructure in place to actually provide me the services.
It does my nut in!
We live in a world of tv, Internet, papers and magazines. There is plenty of ways right there to try and titillate and excite me - I don't need it shoving through my front door.
As much as anything, it's a waste of money. I put junk mail straight in the bin (and I would wholeheartedly suggest you do the same,) what then does it accomplish?
One of these days I'm gonna start collecting it, put it in giant envelopes and deliver it back to the idiots - sideways...
Don't junk mail me!
Rant over.
To begin with, I know I've covered junk mail before. That time though it was about spam emails, this is about the other type.
Not many days pass without me receiving some post of one sort or another. It's rarely anything exiting to be honest, usually just bills or statements. What I seem to always get alongside these though is junk!
Bt always want to give me some amazing deal which is 'too good to miss.'
A local store want to show me their latest amazing offers.
Virgin want to offer me their services despite the fact that they don't have the infrastructure in place to actually provide me the services.
It does my nut in!
We live in a world of tv, Internet, papers and magazines. There is plenty of ways right there to try and titillate and excite me - I don't need it shoving through my front door.
As much as anything, it's a waste of money. I put junk mail straight in the bin (and I would wholeheartedly suggest you do the same,) what then does it accomplish?
One of these days I'm gonna start collecting it, put it in giant envelopes and deliver it back to the idiots - sideways...
Don't junk mail me!
Rant over.
Tuesday, 17 April 2012
Rant 108 17/4/12 Subject: The media who just can't stop
Rant number 108
Today I was listening to the news about the trial of the Norwegian terrorist Anders Breivik.
The guy is an insult to intelligent thought, multiculturalism in the modern world and to anyone who respects their fellow man.
He is the kind of guy who should not be allowed to speak (In fact he is the kind of guy who should be locked Up in a dark room with his tongue cut out - but you get the idea.)
He is definitely not the guy of person who should be given a spotlight and a soapbox to stand on.
That's what's happening though, because the press just can't stop themselves.
I'm one for freedom of speech, and freedom of information - where appropriate. I feel though that allowing this barbarians hate inspired rhetoric to be publisised is a fundamental failure of society and an insult to the victims families and friends. It's not fair and it's not right.
There is no excuse and no reason I would except in their position. Even in my position as a complete outsider, given a choice I would ensure that he has to share his underpants with hungry and angry scorpions for the rest of his retched life!
We need to make it clear to terrorists, whatever their colour or their creed may be, that their message will not be heard.
I would hate to think that anyone anywhere would listen to the kind of rubbish they speak and be inspired by it. There are others like them out there though, and they do not need inspiring.
There is no defence you could possibly make for this kind of crime, so forget the justice. They gave up any rights to that when they perpetrated their horrific crimes.
Lock them away where noone can hear them. No privilege, no fair treatment.
These people make me sick!
Rant over.
Today I was listening to the news about the trial of the Norwegian terrorist Anders Breivik.
The guy is an insult to intelligent thought, multiculturalism in the modern world and to anyone who respects their fellow man.
He is the kind of guy who should not be allowed to speak (In fact he is the kind of guy who should be locked Up in a dark room with his tongue cut out - but you get the idea.)
He is definitely not the guy of person who should be given a spotlight and a soapbox to stand on.
That's what's happening though, because the press just can't stop themselves.
I'm one for freedom of speech, and freedom of information - where appropriate. I feel though that allowing this barbarians hate inspired rhetoric to be publisised is a fundamental failure of society and an insult to the victims families and friends. It's not fair and it's not right.
There is no excuse and no reason I would except in their position. Even in my position as a complete outsider, given a choice I would ensure that he has to share his underpants with hungry and angry scorpions for the rest of his retched life!
We need to make it clear to terrorists, whatever their colour or their creed may be, that their message will not be heard.
I would hate to think that anyone anywhere would listen to the kind of rubbish they speak and be inspired by it. There are others like them out there though, and they do not need inspiring.
There is no defence you could possibly make for this kind of crime, so forget the justice. They gave up any rights to that when they perpetrated their horrific crimes.
Lock them away where noone can hear them. No privilege, no fair treatment.
These people make me sick!
Rant over.
Monday, 16 April 2012
Rant 107 16/4/12 Subject: Acronyms
Rant number 107
Whilst I was bored earlier, I had a look on twitter. Amongst the various content on there (some funny, most not) I saw various posts about towie.
'what the chuff is towie' I thought to myself and promptly googled the offending phrase. Apparently this was an acronym for the fertile idiot growing compost which is 'the only way is Essex'
Amused I was not - am not and will never be!
I hate this kind of use of acronyms.
It doesn't really save time or effort, it's just a pointless way for idiots to make themselves feel clever.
The Internet, texts and social media are fertile ground for this kind of thing.
The problem is that you have to be told what they mean half the time. Many are hard to guess - if you really have the implication anyway. They are a product of knowledge, not intelligence.
I for instance in my youth thought that 'lol' was a way of conveying sympathy as opposed to its true meaning of 'laughing out loud'
Then there are ones like 'rofl' which sounds like the noise of being sick but stands for 'rolling on the floor laughing'
Even businesses do it, the makers of blackberry phones are 'Research in Motion' or Rim for short.
It's just another example of the dumbing down of language!
I.G.O.M.T
Rant over.
Whilst I was bored earlier, I had a look on twitter. Amongst the various content on there (some funny, most not) I saw various posts about towie.
'what the chuff is towie' I thought to myself and promptly googled the offending phrase. Apparently this was an acronym for the fertile idiot growing compost which is 'the only way is Essex'
Amused I was not - am not and will never be!
I hate this kind of use of acronyms.
It doesn't really save time or effort, it's just a pointless way for idiots to make themselves feel clever.
The Internet, texts and social media are fertile ground for this kind of thing.
The problem is that you have to be told what they mean half the time. Many are hard to guess - if you really have the implication anyway. They are a product of knowledge, not intelligence.
I for instance in my youth thought that 'lol' was a way of conveying sympathy as opposed to its true meaning of 'laughing out loud'
Then there are ones like 'rofl' which sounds like the noise of being sick but stands for 'rolling on the floor laughing'
Even businesses do it, the makers of blackberry phones are 'Research in Motion' or Rim for short.
It's just another example of the dumbing down of language!
I.G.O.M.T
Rant over.
Sunday, 15 April 2012
Rant 106 15/04/12 Subject: Supermarkets
Rant number 106
Today the wife tricked me into a shopping trip! We were meant to be popping in for some pop to drink, then suddenly we were doing a weekly shop .
I can't say I'm too bothered about being tricked really, It needs doing at some point. I just really hate the supermarket!
Now don't get me wrong, I'd hate doing my food shopping at small shops too. I think though that the supermarket just makes things worse.
The environment first of all sucks, I mean what were they going for when they designed the places. Half warehouse, half mall, half hospital?
Whatever the case is its horrid.
Then there are the shelves of goods, some useful and good for you, most bad for you. The supermarket want to make you eat shit, buy shit, drink shit and consume it any other way possible - and they are good at making you do it.
The environment is just made to be shopped in a way that titillates the wrong things. That bugs me.
Then there is the other stuff in supermarkets these days. You can't just get food and drink any more. Now you can buy clothes, electricals, DVDs and myriad other items in the supermarket, which leaves ever less room for what you went in for!
I hate the bloody places. If it wasn't shit too, I would definitely online shop - but that's another rant for another day.
Rant over
Today the wife tricked me into a shopping trip! We were meant to be popping in for some pop to drink, then suddenly we were doing a weekly shop .
I can't say I'm too bothered about being tricked really, It needs doing at some point. I just really hate the supermarket!
Now don't get me wrong, I'd hate doing my food shopping at small shops too. I think though that the supermarket just makes things worse.
The environment first of all sucks, I mean what were they going for when they designed the places. Half warehouse, half mall, half hospital?
Whatever the case is its horrid.
Then there are the shelves of goods, some useful and good for you, most bad for you. The supermarket want to make you eat shit, buy shit, drink shit and consume it any other way possible - and they are good at making you do it.
The environment is just made to be shopped in a way that titillates the wrong things. That bugs me.
Then there is the other stuff in supermarkets these days. You can't just get food and drink any more. Now you can buy clothes, electricals, DVDs and myriad other items in the supermarket, which leaves ever less room for what you went in for!
I hate the bloody places. If it wasn't shit too, I would definitely online shop - but that's another rant for another day.
Rant over
Saturday, 14 April 2012
Rant 105 14/4/12 Subject: Recipes
Rant number 105
Today, as a treat for the wife for having to work overtime on a Saturday, I thought I would cook her something new as a treat.
Having watched 'Man Vs Food' earlier on, I decided to make her some American Style pancakes.
The problem with this of course was that I didn't know how - so I set about finding a recipe.
Now when I was a kid and me and my mum were to want to make something we would choose from her modest collection of cookbooks - professionally written and generally trustworthy.
These days though, things are a bit more complex. If you want a recipe and you (like me) don't have many recipe books you only have two choices : phone your mum or go online.
I chose the latter.
A quick google search brought up about 50,000 versions of the recipe I needed - I felt like I was on the home straight - I really did.
I wasn't though.
Firstly, I needed to choose one of them from all the options available.
Which is the thing about Internet recipes: everyone can do it better than everyone else. How the hell do you choose from the thousands of iterations? The best picture, the best write up, the one with the silliest name? There are endless options.
Then, once you've chosen one, you've got to work out how to follow the recipe properly.
Even something simple like quantities can be confusing. Milk for instance can be measured in cups, fluid ounces and millilitres to name a few.
Then there are ambiguous instructions such as 'melt some butter, allow to to cool then mix in.' Cool how much, heat how much? It's a minefield.
Then, there is the fact that you never know if you've really done it right. My result today was very yummy, but I'm not sure if it was as it should have been. What a pain.
Bloody recipes
Rant over
Today, as a treat for the wife for having to work overtime on a Saturday, I thought I would cook her something new as a treat.
Having watched 'Man Vs Food' earlier on, I decided to make her some American Style pancakes.
The problem with this of course was that I didn't know how - so I set about finding a recipe.
Now when I was a kid and me and my mum were to want to make something we would choose from her modest collection of cookbooks - professionally written and generally trustworthy.
These days though, things are a bit more complex. If you want a recipe and you (like me) don't have many recipe books you only have two choices : phone your mum or go online.
I chose the latter.
A quick google search brought up about 50,000 versions of the recipe I needed - I felt like I was on the home straight - I really did.
I wasn't though.
Firstly, I needed to choose one of them from all the options available.
Which is the thing about Internet recipes: everyone can do it better than everyone else. How the hell do you choose from the thousands of iterations? The best picture, the best write up, the one with the silliest name? There are endless options.
Then, once you've chosen one, you've got to work out how to follow the recipe properly.
Even something simple like quantities can be confusing. Milk for instance can be measured in cups, fluid ounces and millilitres to name a few.
Then there are ambiguous instructions such as 'melt some butter, allow to to cool then mix in.' Cool how much, heat how much? It's a minefield.
Then, there is the fact that you never know if you've really done it right. My result today was very yummy, but I'm not sure if it was as it should have been. What a pain.
Bloody recipes
Rant over
Friday, 13 April 2012
Rant 104 13/4/12 Subject: Multi-tasking
Rant number 104
I hate the term Multitasking. It's not really useful in any way, shape or form except to either gloat or or undermine. I think that sucks!
There has been much talk of multitasking in recent years, and I just don't get it.
Firstly what annoys me is the 'ladies can, men can't argument - because it's bollucks. Everyone can multitask to a degree. It's in our DNA. There is no digital on off answer as to whether you can or you can't. To oversimplify in this way really bugs me.
You can walk and talk can't you? Of course you can.
You can concentrate on something while listening to the tv can't you? Of course you can.
We are all capable of these things, it's just what we do.
Now I know people mean something else when they say multitasking. They mean someone who can have a conversation about something and write something completely different.
The thing is though, that I've never met someone who can really do that.
What I have seen though is someone who can move between two tasks in order to accomplish both without getting too confused. I can actually do that too - and I'm a man... so there.
I think the term is good only for the bin!
Rant over.
I hate the term Multitasking. It's not really useful in any way, shape or form except to either gloat or or undermine. I think that sucks!
There has been much talk of multitasking in recent years, and I just don't get it.
Firstly what annoys me is the 'ladies can, men can't argument - because it's bollucks. Everyone can multitask to a degree. It's in our DNA. There is no digital on off answer as to whether you can or you can't. To oversimplify in this way really bugs me.
You can walk and talk can't you? Of course you can.
You can concentrate on something while listening to the tv can't you? Of course you can.
We are all capable of these things, it's just what we do.
Now I know people mean something else when they say multitasking. They mean someone who can have a conversation about something and write something completely different.
The thing is though, that I've never met someone who can really do that.
What I have seen though is someone who can move between two tasks in order to accomplish both without getting too confused. I can actually do that too - and I'm a man... so there.
I think the term is good only for the bin!
Rant over.
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Rant 103 12/4/12 Subject: weather forecasts
As previously mentioned more than once, I like to start the day with a little ceremony, culminating in sitting down to watch around 25 minutes of BBC breakfast.
Today, there was a 15 minute long stint about sheds. They even interviewed a shed owner! I could easily rant about the inane stupidity of such a piece. It's innate stupidity alone is worth a thousand words! Maybe one day I will too... Just not today.
What annoyed me actually today and pretty much every day was the weather forecast.
Weather forecasts are almost universally a practice in futility. Let's face it, you can rarely change your plans based on the weather - so knowing if it's going to be miserable or wonderful really doesn't assist you.
Then there is the fact that they rarely come true. I don't remember being told it was going to hammer it down with hailstones at around five o'clock - but it did. As it is it didn't effect me. If I was out and about though, I would want to bring a brolly and/or a hard hat to be safe!
Finally there is the irritating pomp and vernacular that is being recited by the weather girl - whilst she points at her big stupid map.
The combination of vagaries and specific terms can be really quite confusing as a lay man. An example of this would be "around 2 o'clock an area of high pressure may cause a warm front to move upwards - resulting in a drop of temperature and some light drizzle" it's like the ranting of a mad man.
In summary, don't trust Michael Fish. The man is pure evil
Rant over.
Today, there was a 15 minute long stint about sheds. They even interviewed a shed owner! I could easily rant about the inane stupidity of such a piece. It's innate stupidity alone is worth a thousand words! Maybe one day I will too... Just not today.
What annoyed me actually today and pretty much every day was the weather forecast.
Weather forecasts are almost universally a practice in futility. Let's face it, you can rarely change your plans based on the weather - so knowing if it's going to be miserable or wonderful really doesn't assist you.
Then there is the fact that they rarely come true. I don't remember being told it was going to hammer it down with hailstones at around five o'clock - but it did. As it is it didn't effect me. If I was out and about though, I would want to bring a brolly and/or a hard hat to be safe!
Finally there is the irritating pomp and vernacular that is being recited by the weather girl - whilst she points at her big stupid map.
The combination of vagaries and specific terms can be really quite confusing as a lay man. An example of this would be "around 2 o'clock an area of high pressure may cause a warm front to move upwards - resulting in a drop of temperature and some light drizzle" it's like the ranting of a mad man.
In summary, don't trust Michael Fish. The man is pure evil
Rant over.
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Rant 102 11/4/12 Subject: Wrapping
Rant number 102
Today is my darling wife's birthday and I have, like any doting spouse - done my utmost to spoil her rotten.
The plan for this was pretty simple. Get her some nice food, some nice drink and of course some nice presents.
Like a good girl, she waited till after work for these and has just finished opening them all. She is happy - plan success.
Except...
The curse of wrapping paper! I spent nearly an hour and a quarter yesterday wrapping her 10 gifts and it took her mere moments to get into each one.
Wrapping is a nightmare and a conspiracy - I tell you! Some people are great at it - ever seen a professional do it in a shop!?
It looks far too good to open doesn't it?
Get a present from me and it will no doubt be heartfelt, well thought out and pug ugly! It's not fair, how can a grown man be do defeated by something so simple?
Cutting wrapping paper straight for instance is impossible! It's too thin to cut nicely and is too long to be anything but wonky. They should make man friendly perforated stuff!
Then it's getting the right sized bit. My guesstimation never gets me close to the right sized bit leaving either half the gift showing or an ugly surplus to deal with!
Then there is the tuck and tape bit - which I am rubbish at! I can't ever make the edges look good unless The present is an exact tube!
Damned you wrapping!
Rant over.
Today is my darling wife's birthday and I have, like any doting spouse - done my utmost to spoil her rotten.
The plan for this was pretty simple. Get her some nice food, some nice drink and of course some nice presents.
Like a good girl, she waited till after work for these and has just finished opening them all. She is happy - plan success.
Except...
The curse of wrapping paper! I spent nearly an hour and a quarter yesterday wrapping her 10 gifts and it took her mere moments to get into each one.
Wrapping is a nightmare and a conspiracy - I tell you! Some people are great at it - ever seen a professional do it in a shop!?
It looks far too good to open doesn't it?
Get a present from me and it will no doubt be heartfelt, well thought out and pug ugly! It's not fair, how can a grown man be do defeated by something so simple?
Cutting wrapping paper straight for instance is impossible! It's too thin to cut nicely and is too long to be anything but wonky. They should make man friendly perforated stuff!
Then it's getting the right sized bit. My guesstimation never gets me close to the right sized bit leaving either half the gift showing or an ugly surplus to deal with!
Then there is the tuck and tape bit - which I am rubbish at! I can't ever make the edges look good unless The present is an exact tube!
Damned you wrapping!
Rant over.
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Rant 101 10/412 Subject: Bank holiday aftermath
Rant number 101
I love bank holidays. I mean, what's not to like? A couple of free days off with your family without having to use up your holiday days.
I don't think I'm alone in this. Everyone who works hard all year long, enjoys a long weekend.
The thing that sucks about them though is the aftermath. It seems that people just can't get their heads around the fact that things have only stopped for a couple of days. They panic, they moan, they roar. How very dare other people have time off.
Supermarkets for instance are always packed to the nines just before a bank holiday. God forbid that you should have to wait an extra day for your groceries! After they are just as mad - for the missed day. You just can't win can you?
How can people not understand that everyone deserves a break as much as them? It's so bloody selfish. Today I took about 100 phone calls, wondering why I hadnt emailed them back over the bloody weekend. How about the same reason as you? Fuckbag.
There are 366 days this year. I am sure you can wait for two.
Arseholes
Rant over.
I love bank holidays. I mean, what's not to like? A couple of free days off with your family without having to use up your holiday days.
I don't think I'm alone in this. Everyone who works hard all year long, enjoys a long weekend.
The thing that sucks about them though is the aftermath. It seems that people just can't get their heads around the fact that things have only stopped for a couple of days. They panic, they moan, they roar. How very dare other people have time off.
Supermarkets for instance are always packed to the nines just before a bank holiday. God forbid that you should have to wait an extra day for your groceries! After they are just as mad - for the missed day. You just can't win can you?
How can people not understand that everyone deserves a break as much as them? It's so bloody selfish. Today I took about 100 phone calls, wondering why I hadnt emailed them back over the bloody weekend. How about the same reason as you? Fuckbag.
There are 366 days this year. I am sure you can wait for two.
Arseholes
Rant over.
Monday, 9 April 2012
Rant 100 9/4/12 Subject: Flying time
Rant number 100
Well then, against all odds I've made it to number 1O0. Not far off a third of the way. Where has that time gone? No, I don't know either.
Why is the passage of time such a relative thing!? It's rubbish.
Genuinely it feels like only last week that me and the wife were bringing in the new year with friends. It certainly doesn't feel like 100 days (that's a total of 2400 hours)have passed since then. As a kid the days seemed to crawl by (unless it was the summer holidays.) now the weeks and months slide away from you without seeming to stop.
Except...
When you are having to do something dull, monotonous or repetetive. In those cases the seconds seem like minutes, the minutes like hours and the hours like days.
What is it in our brains that creates our own local time perception? Couldn't it be constant - that would be better!
Ever heard that time flys when you are having fun? It does though doesn't it? Couldn't things revolve, so that time flys when you are bored, leaving some extra spare time for when you want some fun.
Damned are our brains complicated.
Rant over.
Well then, against all odds I've made it to number 1O0. Not far off a third of the way. Where has that time gone? No, I don't know either.
Why is the passage of time such a relative thing!? It's rubbish.
Genuinely it feels like only last week that me and the wife were bringing in the new year with friends. It certainly doesn't feel like 100 days (that's a total of 2400 hours)have passed since then. As a kid the days seemed to crawl by (unless it was the summer holidays.) now the weeks and months slide away from you without seeming to stop.
Except...
When you are having to do something dull, monotonous or repetetive. In those cases the seconds seem like minutes, the minutes like hours and the hours like days.
What is it in our brains that creates our own local time perception? Couldn't it be constant - that would be better!
Ever heard that time flys when you are having fun? It does though doesn't it? Couldn't things revolve, so that time flys when you are bored, leaving some extra spare time for when you want some fun.
Damned are our brains complicated.
Rant over.
Sunday, 8 April 2012
Rant 99 8/4/12 Subject: Easters inherent ambiguity
Rant number 99
So once and for all, what is the deal with Easter? The whole thing is swimming up to its neck in confusion.
I get that it is to celebrate Jesus coming back from the dead (happy zombie Jesus day folks) but it seems to go much deeper than that.
I would guess that it had connotations pertaining to the wholehearted arrival of spring, by the time of year. That would also explain the cute and tiny chicks - an ersatz celebration of new life maybe?
These points aside though, I have no idea where the magic Santa-esk rabbit or the confectionary comes in. Maybe when Jesus popped out from his cave, he bestowed magical powers upon a rabbit? I suppose that might work...
As for the chocolate eggs, I'm sure that chocolate was not proccessed and moulded for a thousand years after Jesus died the second time round! Maybe he had some kind of chocolate egg time/space transportation device? That would be cool.
This is the problem with so many of these calendar events. They have been moved to fit with our traditional and pagan festivals, creating a disjointed mess of conflicting traditions and ceremonies.
So what is the deal with Easter? Ideas and suggestions are more than welcome!
Rant over.
So once and for all, what is the deal with Easter? The whole thing is swimming up to its neck in confusion.
I get that it is to celebrate Jesus coming back from the dead (happy zombie Jesus day folks) but it seems to go much deeper than that.
I would guess that it had connotations pertaining to the wholehearted arrival of spring, by the time of year. That would also explain the cute and tiny chicks - an ersatz celebration of new life maybe?
These points aside though, I have no idea where the magic Santa-esk rabbit or the confectionary comes in. Maybe when Jesus popped out from his cave, he bestowed magical powers upon a rabbit? I suppose that might work...
As for the chocolate eggs, I'm sure that chocolate was not proccessed and moulded for a thousand years after Jesus died the second time round! Maybe he had some kind of chocolate egg time/space transportation device? That would be cool.
This is the problem with so many of these calendar events. They have been moved to fit with our traditional and pagan festivals, creating a disjointed mess of conflicting traditions and ceremonies.
So what is the deal with Easter? Ideas and suggestions are more than welcome!
Rant over.
Saturday, 7 April 2012
Rant 98 - 7/4/12 Subject: thieving bastards
Rant number 98
You may notice that today's rant looks different. The reason for this simple. My laptop was stolen today, so I am writing this on my phone.
As you may guess, I am not very impressed with this. I am in fact, how do I put this - fucking livid. Today whilst me and Jude popped out to pick up a couple of bits of shopping; someone has kicked our neighbour and our doors in, taking expensive looking items and invading the sanctity of our home.
Where the fuck do these people get off! It's distressing, shocking and horrible. And for what, a couple hundred quids worth of goods.
I work hard and long to have the things I have(had,) why can't they?
Doubtless they won't be caught, or if they are there will be no real punishment. At the moment I am feeling all old testament: brand the thieving fucks and/or cut off their hands.
I will keep you updated with any progress. What a pain!
Rant over.
You may notice that today's rant looks different. The reason for this simple. My laptop was stolen today, so I am writing this on my phone.
As you may guess, I am not very impressed with this. I am in fact, how do I put this - fucking livid. Today whilst me and Jude popped out to pick up a couple of bits of shopping; someone has kicked our neighbour and our doors in, taking expensive looking items and invading the sanctity of our home.
Where the fuck do these people get off! It's distressing, shocking and horrible. And for what, a couple hundred quids worth of goods.
I work hard and long to have the things I have(had,) why can't they?
Doubtless they won't be caught, or if they are there will be no real punishment. At the moment I am feeling all old testament: brand the thieving fucks and/or cut off their hands.
I will keep you updated with any progress. What a pain!
Rant over.
Friday, 6 April 2012
Rant 97 - 6/4/12 Subject: Auto-attendants
Rant number 97
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Annoying isn't it? Like, really bloody annoying.
I hate auto-attendants, they are a terrible invention - a curse even!
This week, I have spoken to several large companies via their call centers - and each time, even getting to speak to a person was enough to test the patience of Job.
Oft times, the options in place are not correct or applicable to what you are calling about - forcing you to speak to someone regardless. The auto-attendant also seems to be adamant that you shall not speak to a real person, and will ceaselessly tell you that either they or the companies website is what you need to solve your problem.
The whole thing is just endlessly irritating. I don't think a pre-recorded robotic message is ever going to be able to fix an issue I have. I can't negotiate with a pre-recorded message - it can only dictate at me!
The website also is not what I want, I like to ask questions - I am a reasoned human being, I just don't need yet more pre-recorded crap!
Even getting through to someone you actually might be able to talk to is often a nightmare process! If in doubt press 0 a couple of times or hash a couple of times; this usually fixes it.
I hate the buggers me!
Rant over
If you would like to read this rant: press 1.
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________________________________________________
Annoying isn't it? Like, really bloody annoying.
I hate auto-attendants, they are a terrible invention - a curse even!
This week, I have spoken to several large companies via their call centers - and each time, even getting to speak to a person was enough to test the patience of Job.
Oft times, the options in place are not correct or applicable to what you are calling about - forcing you to speak to someone regardless. The auto-attendant also seems to be adamant that you shall not speak to a real person, and will ceaselessly tell you that either they or the companies website is what you need to solve your problem.
The whole thing is just endlessly irritating. I don't think a pre-recorded robotic message is ever going to be able to fix an issue I have. I can't negotiate with a pre-recorded message - it can only dictate at me!
The website also is not what I want, I like to ask questions - I am a reasoned human being, I just don't need yet more pre-recorded crap!
Even getting through to someone you actually might be able to talk to is often a nightmare process! If in doubt press 0 a couple of times or hash a couple of times; this usually fixes it.
I hate the buggers me!
Rant over
Thursday, 5 April 2012
Rant 96 - 5/4/12 Subject: Flat pack furniture
Rant number 96
When Nostradamus predicted terror in the east: unlike popular misconception, he wasn't talking about Nazis or Iraq or Russia. No - Nostradamus had his beady predictive eyes set at something far worse:
The Swedish.
For quite some time now, the Swedes have been spreading a plague across the world - including our green and pleasant land:
The Flatpack!
It started out innocently enough, the odd cheap table, the odd computer desk - but now flatpack is just everywhere! My office for instance is a flatpack haven, flatpack desks, flatpack cupboards - you name it. To be honest, I think that the staff would be flatpack too if they thought they could manage it!
Through advent of the price of real wood furniture - and the poorness of everyone these days real artisan furniture is becoming a thing of the past. This upsets me!
Chipboard & MDF are works of the devil, I swear!
So this aside what do I have against flatpack furniture?
Nothing in principal; sometimes the furniture is quite tough and hard wearing when put together well (which I can do) - but a lot of it is still flimsy as hell.
Then there are the downsides to all of it. The instructions are often terrible, cryptic pictograms; requiring more luck than judgement to fathom out.
Then there is my least favorite part of all - the 'that'll do' hole. I swear that they all have one of these! A hole that isn't screwed in quite right, involving endless fettling to resolve!
The whole thing gets on my wick. Bloody Swedes!
Rant over.
When Nostradamus predicted terror in the east: unlike popular misconception, he wasn't talking about Nazis or Iraq or Russia. No - Nostradamus had his beady predictive eyes set at something far worse:
The Swedish.
For quite some time now, the Swedes have been spreading a plague across the world - including our green and pleasant land:
The Flatpack!
It started out innocently enough, the odd cheap table, the odd computer desk - but now flatpack is just everywhere! My office for instance is a flatpack haven, flatpack desks, flatpack cupboards - you name it. To be honest, I think that the staff would be flatpack too if they thought they could manage it!
Through advent of the price of real wood furniture - and the poorness of everyone these days real artisan furniture is becoming a thing of the past. This upsets me!
Chipboard & MDF are works of the devil, I swear!
So this aside what do I have against flatpack furniture?
Nothing in principal; sometimes the furniture is quite tough and hard wearing when put together well (which I can do) - but a lot of it is still flimsy as hell.
Then there are the downsides to all of it. The instructions are often terrible, cryptic pictograms; requiring more luck than judgement to fathom out.
Then there is my least favorite part of all - the 'that'll do' hole. I swear that they all have one of these! A hole that isn't screwed in quite right, involving endless fettling to resolve!
The whole thing gets on my wick. Bloody Swedes!
Rant over.
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
Rant 95 - 4/4/12 Subject: The cinema experience
Rant number 95
As most of you will be more than aware, I am a massive movie fan! I like movies of all types (except for Twilight & its derivatives of course,) and from all around the world. I recently sat through a 4 hour long, utterly bizarre & totally twisted Japanese film - and surprised myself by loving it!
I have as such, a more than healthy collection of DVD's - a small amount of Bluerays (although, it must be said that as of yet, I don't really see the need (is it bluerays by the way, it doesn't scan right like dvd does; blueray movies sounds awfully clumsy doesn't it? Anyway, I digress) I subscribe to lovefilm to rent yet more films - and allow me to watch them on demand. Its good to say that I like to cuddle up with the wife and a good film.
You'd think then, that I was an avid cinema goer.
You'd think that, but you would be wrong.
The reasons for this are many, some of which I plan to cover today.
Firstly and simply, many of the new releases over the last couple of years just don't endear me. For several years sequels, prequels & reboots have become big fashion. There are some high points to this - such as Batman Begins/The Dark Knight which have been fabulous. Many though have been of little interest to me.
That aside, lets propose that I have found something I want to see - such as today, when I watched 'Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists' (Pretty good actually, ask for details if you wish) what's stopping me?
First off, the price: When I stated attending the cinema - it was about £4 pounds for an adult ticket - now its closer to £8. Yes there is Orange Wednesdays to bring that to what it should be, but I don't always want to see a film on a Wednesday.
And why would that be? Because, on Wednesday (because it is less expensive) it is always busy, which means that there are many noisy people in the cinema with you. Today it was like movie with sweet wrapper accompaniment, joined also by munching, slurping, stage whispered conversations and scuttling feet - heading to the bathroom at a frequency of approximately 4.7 minute intervals.
Now, going back to sweets is another cinema beef. The food they sell beggars belief. The shoddy quality of nearly everything they sell is doubly painful for the price. A corn cobs worth of popcorn costs about £4, a bag of sweets that anywhere else would cost £1.50 costs £3 and of course, you are not meant to take your own food (and they wonder why everyone does.) The drinks too are ridiculous in both cost and quantity, guaranteeing that a small bladder will require multiple trips within an hour and a half's sitting.
Finally (for this rant, but there are more annoyances, trust me) is the adverts.
Don't get me wrong here, I mean adverts - not previews. I love to see what's coming soon on the big screen, but I hate seeing an additional 20 minutes of big screen sales pitches: particularly when I have paid out for the pleasure.
This also creates yet another issue - the obligatory late arrival, who breaks your concentration by trotting in - with all the subtlety of a rhinoceros on a unicycle, giggling that they can't find a seat because its dark.
OF COURSE ITS DARK, YOU ARE 20 MINUTES LATE!
Gaaargh!
Rant over.
As most of you will be more than aware, I am a massive movie fan! I like movies of all types (except for Twilight & its derivatives of course,) and from all around the world. I recently sat through a 4 hour long, utterly bizarre & totally twisted Japanese film - and surprised myself by loving it!
I have as such, a more than healthy collection of DVD's - a small amount of Bluerays (although, it must be said that as of yet, I don't really see the need (is it bluerays by the way, it doesn't scan right like dvd does; blueray movies sounds awfully clumsy doesn't it? Anyway, I digress) I subscribe to lovefilm to rent yet more films - and allow me to watch them on demand. Its good to say that I like to cuddle up with the wife and a good film.
You'd think then, that I was an avid cinema goer.
You'd think that, but you would be wrong.
The reasons for this are many, some of which I plan to cover today.
Firstly and simply, many of the new releases over the last couple of years just don't endear me. For several years sequels, prequels & reboots have become big fashion. There are some high points to this - such as Batman Begins/The Dark Knight which have been fabulous. Many though have been of little interest to me.
That aside, lets propose that I have found something I want to see - such as today, when I watched 'Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists' (Pretty good actually, ask for details if you wish) what's stopping me?
First off, the price: When I stated attending the cinema - it was about £4 pounds for an adult ticket - now its closer to £8. Yes there is Orange Wednesdays to bring that to what it should be, but I don't always want to see a film on a Wednesday.
And why would that be? Because, on Wednesday (because it is less expensive) it is always busy, which means that there are many noisy people in the cinema with you. Today it was like movie with sweet wrapper accompaniment, joined also by munching, slurping, stage whispered conversations and scuttling feet - heading to the bathroom at a frequency of approximately 4.7 minute intervals.
Now, going back to sweets is another cinema beef. The food they sell beggars belief. The shoddy quality of nearly everything they sell is doubly painful for the price. A corn cobs worth of popcorn costs about £4, a bag of sweets that anywhere else would cost £1.50 costs £3 and of course, you are not meant to take your own food (and they wonder why everyone does.) The drinks too are ridiculous in both cost and quantity, guaranteeing that a small bladder will require multiple trips within an hour and a half's sitting.
Finally (for this rant, but there are more annoyances, trust me) is the adverts.
Don't get me wrong here, I mean adverts - not previews. I love to see what's coming soon on the big screen, but I hate seeing an additional 20 minutes of big screen sales pitches: particularly when I have paid out for the pleasure.
This also creates yet another issue - the obligatory late arrival, who breaks your concentration by trotting in - with all the subtlety of a rhinoceros on a unicycle, giggling that they can't find a seat because its dark.
OF COURSE ITS DARK, YOU ARE 20 MINUTES LATE!
Gaaargh!
Rant over.
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
Rant 94 - 3/4/12 Subject: Practically permenant panic!
Rant number 94
No smart arse, this rant is not about annoying alliteration(particularly when naming rants. I am sure I've done this more than once by now, maybe I should stop... naa, I'm not going to) This is a rant about the next set of panics which are putting up with.
Last week (see the rants of last week for more details, if you didn't read them but are reading now!) was all about petrol panic - a problem that is still continuing. The garage around the corner from me is actually completely empty - thats a whole piss load of fuel panic bought!
Also - to show that its not all over, the garage I filled up at had no diesel and a rather unnerving & spreading rainbow coloured fuel puddle - evidently where one of our jerry can toting idiot friends has spilt some of their pressure life blood.
This week then, its all about the weather - and the relative extremes. The sun has; after voiding his bowels, reading the paper and cooking his brekkie looked at the clock/calendar, realised its only 5 am - and buggered off back to bed.
As such, its been a little bit rainy - and some snow has come back. So there's a whole new reason to panic now!
I think some people genuinely get off it. Pop into a shop tomorrow and there won't be a bag of grit or a loaf of bread on the shelves - its not like its going to last for long!
Now, to cap it off - they are saying we are going to need a hosepipe ban due to a possible drought.
Rain/Snow/Drought - they all go together so well, don't they?
The media seem to be hard pressed to keep the idiots of our nation (an ever increasing number it frightens me to realise) in a state of mild hysteria. That way, they won't think about things that don't concern them - like being robbed blind by our fucking government.
Why oh why, can people not just think for themselves, rather than taking everything the news says as read.
I thought of a good analogy for this yesterday: tell an idiot he's on fire and he'll probably drown himself putting it out! Think about it, it fits.
I think that someone needs to start handing out slaps to the face on the NHS - seriously. In fact, that's a job I would definitely be qualified for and would be keen to take on!
No seriously, sign me up: I'll do it for minimum wage. I'll even provide my own rubber gloves!
Anyway...
Rant over.
No smart arse, this rant is not about annoying alliteration(particularly when naming rants. I am sure I've done this more than once by now, maybe I should stop... naa, I'm not going to) This is a rant about the next set of panics which are putting up with.
Last week (see the rants of last week for more details, if you didn't read them but are reading now!) was all about petrol panic - a problem that is still continuing. The garage around the corner from me is actually completely empty - thats a whole piss load of fuel panic bought!
Also - to show that its not all over, the garage I filled up at had no diesel and a rather unnerving & spreading rainbow coloured fuel puddle - evidently where one of our jerry can toting idiot friends has spilt some of their pressure life blood.
This week then, its all about the weather - and the relative extremes. The sun has; after voiding his bowels, reading the paper and cooking his brekkie looked at the clock/calendar, realised its only 5 am - and buggered off back to bed.
As such, its been a little bit rainy - and some snow has come back. So there's a whole new reason to panic now!
I think some people genuinely get off it. Pop into a shop tomorrow and there won't be a bag of grit or a loaf of bread on the shelves - its not like its going to last for long!
Now, to cap it off - they are saying we are going to need a hosepipe ban due to a possible drought.
Rain/Snow/Drought - they all go together so well, don't they?
The media seem to be hard pressed to keep the idiots of our nation (an ever increasing number it frightens me to realise) in a state of mild hysteria. That way, they won't think about things that don't concern them - like being robbed blind by our fucking government.
Why oh why, can people not just think for themselves, rather than taking everything the news says as read.
I thought of a good analogy for this yesterday: tell an idiot he's on fire and he'll probably drown himself putting it out! Think about it, it fits.
I think that someone needs to start handing out slaps to the face on the NHS - seriously. In fact, that's a job I would definitely be qualified for and would be keen to take on!
No seriously, sign me up: I'll do it for minimum wage. I'll even provide my own rubber gloves!
Anyway...
Rant over.
Monday, 2 April 2012
Rant 93 - 2/4/12 Subject: Train travel
Rant number 93
March & April seem to be a ridiculously busy months for Birthdays (all those parents getting busy in the summer....) so I bet you all have lots of presents to buy - and are low on ideas.
Never fear - Trum is here not to provide entertainment but also to help you out. Aren't I a generous fella?
A modern gift for someone who has 'everything' is 'the experience gift.' You know the ones, Drive a Ferrari for 4 laps around a race track, throw yourself out of a perfectly comfortable airplane with some fat birds knickers in a backpack; those kind of deeleys.
The problem with these gifts is that they are bloody expensive! The car based ones for instance are generally around £90 for a two hour experience (consisting of 90% briefing and 10% behind the actual wheel!)
Not so however, for the experience I am plugging for you today: That of riding the train.
For as little as a few pounds, you can travel from place to place in a train - a method of transport that, in the modern age is cramped, noisy, uncomfortable and generally unpleasant.
The seats for instance, are placed in the most illogical way, minimising the seats per square feet in order to ensure the maximum amount of standing and resultantly uncomfortable people.
This ensures that you will be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with your fellow man. Todays journey for instance involved screaming babies, a man with no sense of personal hygiene and - finest of all, some plastic gangsters.
Where else would you have the opportunity to experience a microcosm of the 3rd world in the 1st world so easily? I'll tell you: nowhere!
I actually quite like trains to be honest (not in the note pad and anorak sense, before anyone makes comments of that variety,) I like the idea of their efficiency and their ability to transport hundreds of people with ease. The thing that ruins it all though, is the pathetic bureaucracy that it involves - particularly since they privatised it!
Half the trains haven't enough carriages to transport the amount of people comfortably, the rest are empty half the time. As previously discussed, the layouts are just plain useless and, most ridiculous of all: sitting down is a luxury.
Even on a bus, its rare to have more than a couple of people standing up, on a train - nearly everyone does!
Finally - trains are constantly delayed and messy, which ruins what could be a good service. Its not like they're a cheap option either. The government needs to take the trains back from the private companies - too much money is spent on filling their pockets and not enough on improving the mess of a rail network!
Look at countries around the world (particularly Toyko with the bullet train!) and its proof how well trains can work. Why can't ours!?
Book your train experience through me today people: a 25% booking fee will apply...
Rant over.
March & April seem to be a ridiculously busy months for Birthdays (all those parents getting busy in the summer....) so I bet you all have lots of presents to buy - and are low on ideas.
Never fear - Trum is here not to provide entertainment but also to help you out. Aren't I a generous fella?
A modern gift for someone who has 'everything' is 'the experience gift.' You know the ones, Drive a Ferrari for 4 laps around a race track, throw yourself out of a perfectly comfortable airplane with some fat birds knickers in a backpack; those kind of deeleys.
The problem with these gifts is that they are bloody expensive! The car based ones for instance are generally around £90 for a two hour experience (consisting of 90% briefing and 10% behind the actual wheel!)
Not so however, for the experience I am plugging for you today: That of riding the train.
For as little as a few pounds, you can travel from place to place in a train - a method of transport that, in the modern age is cramped, noisy, uncomfortable and generally unpleasant.
The seats for instance, are placed in the most illogical way, minimising the seats per square feet in order to ensure the maximum amount of standing and resultantly uncomfortable people.
This ensures that you will be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with your fellow man. Todays journey for instance involved screaming babies, a man with no sense of personal hygiene and - finest of all, some plastic gangsters.
Where else would you have the opportunity to experience a microcosm of the 3rd world in the 1st world so easily? I'll tell you: nowhere!
I actually quite like trains to be honest (not in the note pad and anorak sense, before anyone makes comments of that variety,) I like the idea of their efficiency and their ability to transport hundreds of people with ease. The thing that ruins it all though, is the pathetic bureaucracy that it involves - particularly since they privatised it!
Half the trains haven't enough carriages to transport the amount of people comfortably, the rest are empty half the time. As previously discussed, the layouts are just plain useless and, most ridiculous of all: sitting down is a luxury.
Even on a bus, its rare to have more than a couple of people standing up, on a train - nearly everyone does!
Finally - trains are constantly delayed and messy, which ruins what could be a good service. Its not like they're a cheap option either. The government needs to take the trains back from the private companies - too much money is spent on filling their pockets and not enough on improving the mess of a rail network!
Look at countries around the world (particularly Toyko with the bullet train!) and its proof how well trains can work. Why can't ours!?
Book your train experience through me today people: a 25% booking fee will apply...
Rant over.
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Rant 92 - 1/4/12 Subject: Headaches
Rant number 92
Ouch, I have a headache. This is one of countless ones I have so far had this year - and its just bloody irritating.
I get headaches if I drink too much (booze mostly,) a headache if I don't drink enough (fluids other than booze,) headaches when I eat something that doesn't agree with me and for myriad other reasons I cant work out.
Why - after all these years of evolution, do I sometimes feel like taking up trapanning (making a hole in my head for those of you not familiar with the term!) to let off the pressure.
I've always suffered with headaches quite a bit including full on migraines - which feel like a midget is using the front of your brain as a pogo stick, why is it that we have to have such a design fault!
The other thing is that a headache, once it has gathered momentum, is almost impossible to cure without hours of rest. Paracetamol doesn't work for me anymore, iboprufen works intermittently, cocodamol seems to the best bet at the moment, but even that is not guaranteed.
I wish that there was an answer to it, a way to avoid them altogether - but I suppose there isn't.
What a pain - both literally and figuratively.
Rant over.
Ouch, I have a headache. This is one of countless ones I have so far had this year - and its just bloody irritating.
I get headaches if I drink too much (booze mostly,) a headache if I don't drink enough (fluids other than booze,) headaches when I eat something that doesn't agree with me and for myriad other reasons I cant work out.
Why - after all these years of evolution, do I sometimes feel like taking up trapanning (making a hole in my head for those of you not familiar with the term!) to let off the pressure.
I've always suffered with headaches quite a bit including full on migraines - which feel like a midget is using the front of your brain as a pogo stick, why is it that we have to have such a design fault!
The other thing is that a headache, once it has gathered momentum, is almost impossible to cure without hours of rest. Paracetamol doesn't work for me anymore, iboprufen works intermittently, cocodamol seems to the best bet at the moment, but even that is not guaranteed.
I wish that there was an answer to it, a way to avoid them altogether - but I suppose there isn't.
What a pain - both literally and figuratively.
Rant over.
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