Rant number 93
March & April seem to be a ridiculously busy months for Birthdays (all those parents getting busy in the summer....) so I bet you all have lots of presents to buy - and are low on ideas.
Never fear - Trum is here not to provide entertainment but also to help you out. Aren't I a generous fella?
A modern gift for someone who has 'everything' is 'the experience gift.' You know the ones, Drive a Ferrari for 4 laps around a race track, throw yourself out of a perfectly comfortable airplane with some fat birds knickers in a backpack; those kind of deeleys.
The problem with these gifts is that they are bloody expensive! The car based ones for instance are generally around £90 for a two hour experience (consisting of 90% briefing and 10% behind the actual wheel!)
Not so however, for the experience I am plugging for you today: That of riding the train.
For as little as a few pounds, you can travel from place to place in a train - a method of transport that, in the modern age is cramped, noisy, uncomfortable and generally unpleasant.
The seats for instance, are placed in the most illogical way, minimising the seats per square feet in order to ensure the maximum amount of standing and resultantly uncomfortable people.
This ensures that you will be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with your fellow man. Todays journey for instance involved screaming babies, a man with no sense of personal hygiene and - finest of all, some plastic gangsters.
Where else would you have the opportunity to experience a microcosm of the 3rd world in the 1st world so easily? I'll tell you: nowhere!
I actually quite like trains to be honest (not in the note pad and anorak sense, before anyone makes comments of that variety,) I like the idea of their efficiency and their ability to transport hundreds of people with ease. The thing that ruins it all though, is the pathetic bureaucracy that it involves - particularly since they privatised it!
Half the trains haven't enough carriages to transport the amount of people comfortably, the rest are empty half the time. As previously discussed, the layouts are just plain useless and, most ridiculous of all: sitting down is a luxury.
Even on a bus, its rare to have more than a couple of people standing up, on a train - nearly everyone does!
Finally - trains are constantly delayed and messy, which ruins what could be a good service. Its not like they're a cheap option either. The government needs to take the trains back from the private companies - too much money is spent on filling their pockets and not enough on improving the mess of a rail network!
Look at countries around the world (particularly Toyko with the bullet train!) and its proof how well trains can work. Why can't ours!?
Book your train experience through me today people: a 25% booking fee will apply...
Rant over.
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