Rant 89 - 29/3/12 Subject: Keep calm and...

Rant number 89


I am fed up to death of seeing fucking 'keep calm and carry on' posters. Its doing my tits in!

Like any other Facebook fad, the comedy value of them has long since worn off.


I can see the initial appeal, its a good slogan - one of many that the war years brought us. The thing about the internet in general though - is that people like to 'make things their own,' which is to say 'make things shit!'

How many times have you not been able to find something on youtube - for all of the versions and repetitions and copying that goes on? It is ludicrous!

So back to the point. Put 'keep calm and' into google images - and you can see just how much of this rubbish is going:

Keep calm    & watch TV (hilarious)
Keep corma  & curry on (pun-tacular)
Find vampire & get bitten (????)
Keep calm     & buy stuff (sadly kind of true)
Keep calm     & grow a mustache (sound advice...)
Keep calm     & put the kettle on (yeah)

Excuse me if I stop, my sides are on the verge of splitting and I fear it may stain the carpet.

Do these people actually think they are funny? Do they not understand humour or irony? why do they do it!? People should be saved from themselves, they really should.

The only remotely decent parody my searches yielded was 'Bloody Hell We're Buggered now' in the correct typography.

I am just fed up of people putting these things up on facebook - especially when they haven't produced them themselves! There is nothing worse than when people try to express themselves, using something someone else produced - which wasn't even funny to begin with!

Anyway - I just hope this fad goes away.

Bloody trends!

Here's my rendition for you all to enjoy anyway.

Rant over.

Rant 63 - 03/3/12 Subject: People who are rude for no reason

Rant number 63


Those of you out there that know me well, can doubtless call me a lot of things. I can be loud, ostentatious, occasionally saucy, obtuse & myriad other things.

What I am not however is rude, simply because I was brought up properly and because I think that it is one of the least desirable human traits imaginable.

The rudeness of the general populous we are surrounded by is, in fact - one of the reasons I don't like to be out in public too often.

Rudeness is such a big thing and such a big problem, and it is genuinely exasperating. Its everywhere I go!

People on the roads behave like rude animalistic idiots, pushing in to gaps they have no right to be in, tailgating, using inappropriate hand signals (generally in response admittedly to another idiots bad behavior) and so many other little things.

People out and about use bad language in ear shot of children, smoke in your face, knock into you because they are not looking where they are going and generally behave like pillocks.

People on the phone talk to you with no respect, swearing, cajoling & insulting with no regard or empathy.

I just bloody hate it, when did it get OK to be rude?

Today for instance, I got on a bus from town. The bus was pretty full so I stood to the side - leaving the seats for those more in need. An elderly lady then got on - followed closely by two small boys.

The lady then let forth with a muttered (but not so muttered that it was not audible) tirade about pretty much everyone. The boys - who were doing nothing wrong were told 'behave, I'm only getting off at the next stop,' she then complained about how it was mayhem on account of it being a Saturday, followed by saying that us standing up shouldn't be allowed and that we should be forced to sit down.

I felt like telling her to behave herself - but I would have considered that to be rather rude.

Lovely old bird huh? I love(d) my grandparents (who regrettably now have all but one passed away,) and have a great respect for elderly persons. They however, all continued to be normal people - and never turned into rude old battle-axes. Age just isn't an excuse.

If I had my way, there would be a spot fine for rude behavior, empathy and respect are being lost in this modern world!

Rant over

Rant 49 - 18/2/12 Subject: Irritating facebook trends

Rant number 49


Back to ranting about facebook we go, and this time its the current trend for these 'what I do', 'what my mum thinks I do' etc etc things.

These type ideas pop up every now and then to flood my news feed. The thing is that a quirky idea of this type is like a lamp:

One in a room is a design feature.
Two in a room even works well.
Three starts to look a little bit odd
Four in a room looks like the product of a diseased mind.

Fifty is just mental (there are lamps everywhere now and no-where to sit.)
A hundred is ludicrous and makes the room all but impenetrable.

And this applies well to how people react to these things. The first is a laugh, the second a giggle, the third a chortle, the fourth a disinterested 'meh', the fifth a grunt of impatience, the sixth a groan of annoyance - and so on and so forth until eventual suicide.

But people are going to keep making them for weeks in a pathetic attempt to jump on the bandwagon, become 'popular' and to have their cool and individual (not individual at all, because its just a variation on someone else's originality) 'idea' shared across facebook.

To these people, I say - just stop. Go somewhere quiet and think about what you did. In-fact, how about you go and think of something original instead!
I hope this fad ends soon, its getting on my tits (and you all know how hard it is to annoy me...)

Rant over.

My own individual meme - enjoy