Rant 157 5/6/12 Subject: Bad movies

Rant number 157


Apologies for the relatively short rant yesterday. I may well have had a few (potentially more than I should)

As a result, today is a day of rest with the lovely waff.

The last four days have been tough ones with band and beer, and so now its all about r&r - which means its time to watch some movies.

Being a bit of a (massive) movie buff, I subscribe to LoveFilm - which gives me access to many movies by post and also movies via internet streaming.

Now, I personally think that Internet streaming is one of the best things to happen to film rentals since the home video was released. If you wanted to watch a film 5 years ago and didn't have it in your collection, you had to get in your car, go to the local rental place, find that the film you wanted wasn't in, drive to another rental place and then take it home with you - just to bring it back the following day.

As a system, this was a little flawed, I think you will agree.

Now, if I want to watch a movie - I can pick it from the selection online - which is brilliant.

Except

Now, its a bit too easy to watch a bad movie. I mean, in the past - you had to really think about it before coughing up your £3 and taking home your VHS, now its a bit too easy to pick one.

And god are there a lot of rubbish movies out there, and not in the 'so bad its good' category.

There are endless terrible films on LoveFilm - and there is doubtless an equal amount on Netflix too. That's the problem you see with streaming, the licensing costs a lot - which means that they need to save cash somewhere - which is where many crap films come in.

Cheaper movie making equipment has made it so much easier for people to make films, meaning that the scrupulous checks that took place in the past no longer take place.

Trawl through the list of films and you will find many a film within the categories of:

'High concept' (storyline too complex to follow with no budget)
'Teen Horror' (Remake of Friday the 13th/the Hills have eyes with ugly people and no Budget)
'Sci-fi' (Cost about 10p to make. More Tin foil that a Christmas turkey)

That are simply awful. Why do people think that they can succeed to make a classic by recycling ideas using a cast that have all the acting ability of a pot of shoe polish!

I just don't understand why people keep making these movies and, worse than that - why people keep funding them!

I hate really bad movies!

Rant over.

Rant 86 - 26/3/12 Subject: The peasant wagon

Rant number 86

I am pretty sure that I may have cholera, and a little bit of leprosy probably some almost definitely some dysentery. 

Why? I hear you cry my friends. Have I been swimming in some filth infested plague pit? Have I been smearing myself with filth, have I been eating from a kebab shop. 

No. 

Far worse, I had to get the bus.

For years and years, I was forced to get the bus on a daily basis - which was fine. 

My immune system was tuned to the max. Comparatively speaking - I had a full on force field, an armed guard, turret guns, pill boxes, grenades, mustard gas and some other defences banned on several pages of the Geneva convention.

Now however, I mostly drive my own car- with my own germs and those of those I allow into my car. These I have a truce with - so my defences have lapsed a little. The little men in my body have gone for a pint - leaving only the simple minded ones to man the defences.

As such - when I ever I get on a bus, I feel like it may be my last journey ever.

You see, buses are not a nice or hygienic place to be. They tend to be plastic havens, full of people who don't cover their mouths when they cough, people who don't wash quite often enough and people who have no sense of personal space.

The one I got on today smelled a little bit of wee - which was nice, had curious stains on the window (inside) - which was nice and was generally just quite unpleasant.

Beyond this, my complaints with the bus continue. They are very expensive to use unless you use them very frequently. The timetables would make the average Mensa member scratch their heads (not that they stick to them anyway.) Mostly, the drivers communicate with you in monosyllables and the fellow bus riders hate you almost as much as you hate them!

Even the way buses looks is rubbish. The designs are so unimaginative - and the surroundings 

inside are not nice places to be. There's even one I've been in before with leather seats - I don't even want to think about the residue left on those.

Rant over.

Rant 74 - 14/3/12 Subject: Cheesy feel good movies

Rant 74 - 14/3/12 Subject: Cheesy feel good movies

Rant number 74

Today, while having a quick inner summary of todays collated information and annoyance, a trailer for a film came up. I like movies rather a lot (in fact, the trailer came up in the middle of a film I have just changed over to the middle of. The flawed but thoroughly watchable Fifth Element) and so tend to take at least a minor interest in any movie trailers.

Todays was for 'We bought a Zoo' a movie that it assures me is based upon a true story and - according to the trailers content promises endless people saying 'you shouldn't buy a zoo' and him saying 'I'm going to'

It also features the following line - that practically forced me to spontaneously vomit:

'You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.'

How god damned awful is that? No-one talks like that in in real life!

And this film is just one of endless of its genre. Films that are meant to make you feel all warm and fuzzy - but make me feel all queasy. Maybe its simply that I am in some way abnormal (a concept that I am quite willing to accept, and possibly welcome if I do not have to accept this kind of crap trap as entertainment) but I do not feel isolated in this.

Other examples would be 'Love Actually,' a film in which little happens to various people in an interwoven portmanteau picture of startling banality. Then there are movies like 'About a Boy' a film in which nothing much happens to only one set of people - brilliant.

I just don't get it. I like escapism - but if you want to escape in a movie - make it fun - ludicrous even.

Planes Trains and Automobiles for instance - is a movie that makes you feel good, but only while you are chortling most mirthfully. There are also no 'profound' statements in it to pull in the pretentious crowd.

I suppose that - these movies shouldn't annoy me really, the answer is to simply not watch them. The thing is, even the trailers put my nose out!

Stupid feel good pretentious crap.

Oh and pretty much anything with Juliet Roberts or Hugh Grant in (and particularly both)

Rant over.