Rant number 336
After 11 tough bloody months - its time for December. Despite my best efforts - I may add.
Although I'm not terribly given to hating months particularly - there is much that I find contemptible about December.
Point 1) December is bloody cold. Scraping off my car, traffic chaos, dangerous roads, dangerous pavements.
Point 2) December is bloody dark and miserable. You never see the sunlight and even if you do its greyer than an octogenarians hair.
Point 3) Its got Christmas in it. This means that there is endless bloody Christmas adverts, band jobs for me to do - and various other reasons to be miserable.
Its been too short a year so far to be whacking december on anyway. I don't want to start the whole miserable cycle of optimism, realisation and eventual acceptance all over again. Its a pain in the ass.
Why do these things have to come round so soon!
Rant over.
Friday, 30 November 2012
Thursday, 29 November 2012
Rant 334 29/11/12 Subject: Ignoring Leveson
Rant number 335
The press have been pretty naughty for quite a while.
The whole tabloid set up has bred some pretty damned disgusting habits - which have gone badly uncontrolled for quite some time.
For a start, they've been stalking the hell out of celebrities for quite some time. Now - this is a two way street in some ways. When celebrities want something - they'll do anything (generally stupid) to show off and get the attention so that they can plug their latest album/movie/TV show/other generic shit.
Then they have printed stories with no evidence and appalling bias - which is just a bit shit and can ruin people lives.
Then there is the boundless accusations they throw about without considering the consequences to those they accuse.
But mostly - they've hacked into voice mails (including some poor murdered girls) and crossed all lines of fairness, decency and humanity.
This action brought the media to its knees, killed one of the biggest newspapers, lost many people (quite righty) their jobs and brought about an enquiry that has doubtless cost us - the tax payer, a hell of a lot of money - as in, several million.
That's a lot of money, that could be spent sensibly - on improving many things. It's been spent on a report about the press instead though (on the same day, that they've announced they are going to charge every household more for their energy.)
The worst thing about that though - is that Cameron isn't going to do fuck all with it. Just nothing.
You see - he's so in bed with his powerful friends that he can't do anything remotely unpopular with them - even at the jeopardy of the press actually having some standards.
We're all in it together remember though.
Cameron - once again, you are a pointless, spineless, self serving, elitist, money grabbing cunt and I hope that you catch something really infectious from a toilet seat and end up with your genitals rotting away and resembling raisins - only for these to be eaten by hungry squirrels.
Rant over.
The press have been pretty naughty for quite a while.
The whole tabloid set up has bred some pretty damned disgusting habits - which have gone badly uncontrolled for quite some time.
For a start, they've been stalking the hell out of celebrities for quite some time. Now - this is a two way street in some ways. When celebrities want something - they'll do anything (generally stupid) to show off and get the attention so that they can plug their latest album/movie/TV show/other generic shit.
Then they have printed stories with no evidence and appalling bias - which is just a bit shit and can ruin people lives.
Then there is the boundless accusations they throw about without considering the consequences to those they accuse.
But mostly - they've hacked into voice mails (including some poor murdered girls) and crossed all lines of fairness, decency and humanity.
This action brought the media to its knees, killed one of the biggest newspapers, lost many people (quite righty) their jobs and brought about an enquiry that has doubtless cost us - the tax payer, a hell of a lot of money - as in, several million.
That's a lot of money, that could be spent sensibly - on improving many things. It's been spent on a report about the press instead though (on the same day, that they've announced they are going to charge every household more for their energy.)
The worst thing about that though - is that Cameron isn't going to do fuck all with it. Just nothing.
You see - he's so in bed with his powerful friends that he can't do anything remotely unpopular with them - even at the jeopardy of the press actually having some standards.
We're all in it together remember though.
Cameron - once again, you are a pointless, spineless, self serving, elitist, money grabbing cunt and I hope that you catch something really infectious from a toilet seat and end up with your genitals rotting away and resembling raisins - only for these to be eaten by hungry squirrels.
Rant over.
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
Rant 333 28/11/12 Subject: Minimum alcohol pricing.
Rant number 333
It is a universal fact of the world it seems that the few will always ruin it for the many. I'm pretty sure its been the same for just about forever, and its no doubt not going to change any time soon.
This applies in many ways and many cases. Speed cameras exist because people don't pay attention to speed limits and don't drive sensibly, petrol prices are ever on the up and up because people have huge gas guzzlers that drive emissions up products are banned and procedures changed more often than you would ever know - because someone has fucked up.
You can drown your sorrows though can't you - at the end of a long day of despairing about these idiots? Well - not easily for much longer.
You see, the government are putting up the alcohol costs so that we can all sleep in our beds safer.
Or some such bollucks.
I understand that alcohol is a drug - and a dangerous one at that. It's addictive to some, it messes with your emissions and it can kill you and others. It's a horrible substance in some ways however, it's also something that can be very enjoyable when you enjoy it in moderation for the right reasons.
I enjoy a drink. I really do.
I like a beer after band or a dram of whisky after a hard days work. I like a bit of wine with a nice meal - or some port at Christmas. I even occasionally go out and get very drunk occasionally - but I know when to stop (generally before the vomiting and double vision is good) and I'm always in good company who I know will look out for me.
I understand that this isn't how people are though. Some drink because they need to or because they think its their only release. Some drink because they are cold and hungry on the streets or some people just want to get good and ratted and go fighting. Some people are just idiots.
As such - for them, we're going to have to have a minimum price put on alcohol in general.
I like to have a crate of beer in the house for instance - to have some with food once or twice a week. In the past - I've waited until a good offer (3-4-2 or similar) has turned up to fill up. In future - these options aren't going to exist. Then there are bottles of spirits - which are now going to run in at around £17-20 for a standard bottle. I tend not to drink budget spirits (I'm more into single malts) however, many people do who don't go out colchocking their neighbours.
I think its good in some ways that they are trying to control peoples alcohol intake.
The fact of the matter is though: people who are desperate will get the booze however much it costs. They'll beg, borrow or steal (most likely) to feed a habit. We should help people with problems - not throw generalised and naive strategies into place this way.
Its like trying to kill a shoal of fish by emptying the ocean. Those fish might die - but so will everything else.
Its ridiculous, irritating and just what I expect from the tories.
Rant over.
It is a universal fact of the world it seems that the few will always ruin it for the many. I'm pretty sure its been the same for just about forever, and its no doubt not going to change any time soon.
This applies in many ways and many cases. Speed cameras exist because people don't pay attention to speed limits and don't drive sensibly, petrol prices are ever on the up and up because people have huge gas guzzlers that drive emissions up products are banned and procedures changed more often than you would ever know - because someone has fucked up.
You can drown your sorrows though can't you - at the end of a long day of despairing about these idiots? Well - not easily for much longer.
You see, the government are putting up the alcohol costs so that we can all sleep in our beds safer.
Or some such bollucks.
I understand that alcohol is a drug - and a dangerous one at that. It's addictive to some, it messes with your emissions and it can kill you and others. It's a horrible substance in some ways however, it's also something that can be very enjoyable when you enjoy it in moderation for the right reasons.
I enjoy a drink. I really do.
I like a beer after band or a dram of whisky after a hard days work. I like a bit of wine with a nice meal - or some port at Christmas. I even occasionally go out and get very drunk occasionally - but I know when to stop (generally before the vomiting and double vision is good) and I'm always in good company who I know will look out for me.
I understand that this isn't how people are though. Some drink because they need to or because they think its their only release. Some drink because they are cold and hungry on the streets or some people just want to get good and ratted and go fighting. Some people are just idiots.
As such - for them, we're going to have to have a minimum price put on alcohol in general.
I like to have a crate of beer in the house for instance - to have some with food once or twice a week. In the past - I've waited until a good offer (3-4-2 or similar) has turned up to fill up. In future - these options aren't going to exist. Then there are bottles of spirits - which are now going to run in at around £17-20 for a standard bottle. I tend not to drink budget spirits (I'm more into single malts) however, many people do who don't go out colchocking their neighbours.
I think its good in some ways that they are trying to control peoples alcohol intake.
The fact of the matter is though: people who are desperate will get the booze however much it costs. They'll beg, borrow or steal (most likely) to feed a habit. We should help people with problems - not throw generalised and naive strategies into place this way.
Its like trying to kill a shoal of fish by emptying the ocean. Those fish might die - but so will everything else.
Its ridiculous, irritating and just what I expect from the tories.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Rant 332 27/11/12 Subject: The death of original horror
Rant number 332
I really love Bruce Campbell - I love the guy.
He's not a great actor (or even a good actor really,) but he has a great on screen presence and sense of fun.
The reason I mention this of course is two simple words: Evil Dead.
A film banned for 14 years in the UK - I discovered this 'trilogy' (that isn't really a trilogy, as they have no continuity (shame on you Sam Raimi!)) in my teens and just loved them.
The original film was (and still is) fantastic - and truly groundbreaking. Made on a minuscule budget (and netting nothing for those who created it for the love of it) the film still has some shocks to this day (tree rape anyone?) and a lot to say for itself.
The sequels too are truly fantastic in a different way. The second film particularly blurs the lines between comedy and horror with some truly troubling set pieces such as the scene where Ash(Bruce) laughs manically along with a lamp, a dead moose and various other pieces of furniture. Its also hilarious however - everyone loves the possessed hand gags and chainsaw based one liners.
The reason I'm rambling about this fantastic movie is simple:
They're remaking it.
Oh dear.
It could be great I suppose - but it won't be Evil Dead as it is: cheap and dirty and an evident triumph against adversity. It'll be a fan-boys vision 'making it their own (shit)' with a big budget because its a safe bet to make a remake.
They've also announced a remake of Carrie - which (give or take the embarrassing backwards walking goof in the closing scene (backwards cars - they really should shot it again)) is also a really fine example of horror on a budget that can really creep under your skin and give you the willies.
It also teaches everyone a valuable lesson: Do not - whatever you do, fuck with the quiet creepy girl (a trope well used in Japanese horror particularly.)
You can then add this to the other remakes that have taken place over the last 10 years: Nightmare on Elmstreet, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003,) Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3d (2013,) Friday the 13th, Halloween, Halloween II, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills have Eyes, Last House on the Left, The Crazies, Fright Night, I spit on your grave, House on Haunted hill, The Thing and doubtless more I've forgotten (or blocked out) and realise quantifiably that they really are trying to take just about anything successful and rehash it.
I've seen most (but admittedly not all) of the above movies and I can tell you one thing they all have in common - they are nowhere as good as the films they fight so hard to emulate.
They all exaggerate the points wrongly, they think they know better, they rely on CGI and they generally loose a lot in translation.
This isn't my only problem with them though. What bugs me most of all - is that they are too bloody easy.
Its a simple fact of life that its easier to steal an idea - than to start from scratch. As such, studio execs and money men absolutely love them - because they are almost guaranteed to get previous fans in - if only to condemn.
The big problem with that of course - is that truly original ideas get left behind - which via one of the longest and most articulate digressions of all time (short of Tristram Shandy (look it up)) brings me eloquently to my point.
There is so little originality in modern horror films it makes me want to cry!
We seem to be stuck in a massive rut of new ideas as far as horror films go. Wes Craven did great justice for us with 'Scream' in the 90s which brought a new spin on the slasher flick. Unfortunately, it then spawned a load of copycat slasher films (I know what you did last summer/Urban Legend etc.)
Then there was another strike of minor originality with 'The Blair Witch Project' in 1999. I can't say I liked it (all I remember is being bored confused and disgusted at all that snot!) however, it was a new idea - which has inspired many of the modern ideas. 'Found Footage' is currently big business and is cheap as chips to make comparatively speaking.
Look at 'Paranormal Activity' and sequels: infrared camera, some cheap magic tricks, some reasonable actors and the money rolls in. Its all cheap scares and jumps - but its what people have come to expect.
Then there are similar 'documentary' style horror like the frankly perplexingly awful 'The Last Exorcism.'
Then - after a few more years (2004) - some genuinenesses burst onto the screen with 'Saw' a film with a small budget but with a clever concept and some great ideas. With its brilliant ideas and intense and intelligent plot - this film birthed once again many copycat - such as 'Hostel,' 'The Collector,' and of course 'The Human Centipede.' One idea duplicated, twisted and bare faced copied all over again - I'm not great fan personally - these films lack soul.
The thing is, its now been 8 years since that last stab of genius - what is happening to original horror?
In the underground scene - some nice ideas (such as the very disturbing 'Frozen') have come and gone mostly unnoticed (you really should watch it though - its creepy.) If people won't fund the original ideas - we aren't going to get to see them.
The closest to a new idea in years is 'The Cabin in the Woods' - which is just a rehashing of several other peoples great ideas. I won't give anything away to those of you who haven't seen it however I will say that its disappointingly similar to the films its supposed to be pastiching and has a ridiculously inane plot and ending.
It seems that we need to rely on foreign films (particularly the Japanese, Italians and Koreans) are the only people to be relied on for new ideas - crossed fingers we'll be seeing something soon.
Rant over.
I really love Bruce Campbell - I love the guy.
He's not a great actor (or even a good actor really,) but he has a great on screen presence and sense of fun.
The reason I mention this of course is two simple words: Evil Dead.
A film banned for 14 years in the UK - I discovered this 'trilogy' (that isn't really a trilogy, as they have no continuity (shame on you Sam Raimi!)) in my teens and just loved them.
The original film was (and still is) fantastic - and truly groundbreaking. Made on a minuscule budget (and netting nothing for those who created it for the love of it) the film still has some shocks to this day (tree rape anyone?) and a lot to say for itself.
The sequels too are truly fantastic in a different way. The second film particularly blurs the lines between comedy and horror with some truly troubling set pieces such as the scene where Ash(Bruce) laughs manically along with a lamp, a dead moose and various other pieces of furniture. Its also hilarious however - everyone loves the possessed hand gags and chainsaw based one liners.
The reason I'm rambling about this fantastic movie is simple:
They're remaking it.
Oh dear.
It could be great I suppose - but it won't be Evil Dead as it is: cheap and dirty and an evident triumph against adversity. It'll be a fan-boys vision 'making it their own (shit)' with a big budget because its a safe bet to make a remake.
They've also announced a remake of Carrie - which (give or take the embarrassing backwards walking goof in the closing scene (backwards cars - they really should shot it again)) is also a really fine example of horror on a budget that can really creep under your skin and give you the willies.
It also teaches everyone a valuable lesson: Do not - whatever you do, fuck with the quiet creepy girl (a trope well used in Japanese horror particularly.)
You can then add this to the other remakes that have taken place over the last 10 years: Nightmare on Elmstreet, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003,) Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3d (2013,) Friday the 13th, Halloween, Halloween II, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills have Eyes, Last House on the Left, The Crazies, Fright Night, I spit on your grave, House on Haunted hill, The Thing and doubtless more I've forgotten (or blocked out) and realise quantifiably that they really are trying to take just about anything successful and rehash it.
I've seen most (but admittedly not all) of the above movies and I can tell you one thing they all have in common - they are nowhere as good as the films they fight so hard to emulate.
They all exaggerate the points wrongly, they think they know better, they rely on CGI and they generally loose a lot in translation.
This isn't my only problem with them though. What bugs me most of all - is that they are too bloody easy.
Its a simple fact of life that its easier to steal an idea - than to start from scratch. As such, studio execs and money men absolutely love them - because they are almost guaranteed to get previous fans in - if only to condemn.
The big problem with that of course - is that truly original ideas get left behind - which via one of the longest and most articulate digressions of all time (short of Tristram Shandy (look it up)) brings me eloquently to my point.
There is so little originality in modern horror films it makes me want to cry!
We seem to be stuck in a massive rut of new ideas as far as horror films go. Wes Craven did great justice for us with 'Scream' in the 90s which brought a new spin on the slasher flick. Unfortunately, it then spawned a load of copycat slasher films (I know what you did last summer/Urban Legend etc.)
Then there was another strike of minor originality with 'The Blair Witch Project' in 1999. I can't say I liked it (all I remember is being bored confused and disgusted at all that snot!) however, it was a new idea - which has inspired many of the modern ideas. 'Found Footage' is currently big business and is cheap as chips to make comparatively speaking.
Look at 'Paranormal Activity' and sequels: infrared camera, some cheap magic tricks, some reasonable actors and the money rolls in. Its all cheap scares and jumps - but its what people have come to expect.
Then there are similar 'documentary' style horror like the frankly perplexingly awful 'The Last Exorcism.'
Then - after a few more years (2004) - some genuinenesses burst onto the screen with 'Saw' a film with a small budget but with a clever concept and some great ideas. With its brilliant ideas and intense and intelligent plot - this film birthed once again many copycat - such as 'Hostel,' 'The Collector,' and of course 'The Human Centipede.' One idea duplicated, twisted and bare faced copied all over again - I'm not great fan personally - these films lack soul.
The thing is, its now been 8 years since that last stab of genius - what is happening to original horror?
In the underground scene - some nice ideas (such as the very disturbing 'Frozen') have come and gone mostly unnoticed (you really should watch it though - its creepy.) If people won't fund the original ideas - we aren't going to get to see them.
The closest to a new idea in years is 'The Cabin in the Woods' - which is just a rehashing of several other peoples great ideas. I won't give anything away to those of you who haven't seen it however I will say that its disappointingly similar to the films its supposed to be pastiching and has a ridiculously inane plot and ending.
It seems that we need to rely on foreign films (particularly the Japanese, Italians and Koreans) are the only people to be relied on for new ideas - crossed fingers we'll be seeing something soon.
Rant over.
Monday, 26 November 2012
Rant 331 26/11/12 Subject: Medical exaggeration
Rant number 331
I'm somewhat of a medical skeptic in many ways. I think that people give medical reasons to things too easily and that everything is a symptom or a syndrome according to someone or other.
A prime example of this is depression. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that some people don't feel medically depressed due to horrible things in their lives. I don't agree that it should be thrown about in the way it is however. If you are depressed because your job sucks and you never have any money - you are a perfectly normal person and I really don't think that that constitutes any medical problems.
I also have been quite pessimistic of the so-called 'animal flus' that have appeared over the last couple of years. I don't know why these flus are:
A) Named after animals anyway
B) Meant to be worse than normal flu - which can kill you if you are a vulnerable person just the same as the animal flus.
C) Why they have only appeared over the last few days
D) (And most importantly) Who the hell was interfering with a chicken/pig enough to catch its case of flu. I'm guessing some spooning was involved is all I'm saying.
I know that they are severe illnesses - I myself got 'swine flu' (not from a pig may I mention) the winter before last and have never felt more ill. I even had a hallucination about a coffee machine - which is another story. The thing is, I don't think I've ever got non-animal flu - so I'm not able to compare it really.
Another thing thats been thrown around often is 's.a.d' (clever see they spelt sad...) which stands for 'Seasonal Affective Disorder.) Essentially, its a feeling of tiredness and fatigue around the change of seasons.
I definitely feel like I'm suffering with that at the mo - not so much through any medical reason - but merely due to a lack of daylight. Over the last week, its got even darker in the mornings and evenings - and the feeling has got under my skin!
Its most vexing!
Rant over.
I'm somewhat of a medical skeptic in many ways. I think that people give medical reasons to things too easily and that everything is a symptom or a syndrome according to someone or other.
A prime example of this is depression. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that some people don't feel medically depressed due to horrible things in their lives. I don't agree that it should be thrown about in the way it is however. If you are depressed because your job sucks and you never have any money - you are a perfectly normal person and I really don't think that that constitutes any medical problems.
I also have been quite pessimistic of the so-called 'animal flus' that have appeared over the last couple of years. I don't know why these flus are:
A) Named after animals anyway
B) Meant to be worse than normal flu - which can kill you if you are a vulnerable person just the same as the animal flus.
C) Why they have only appeared over the last few days
D) (And most importantly) Who the hell was interfering with a chicken/pig enough to catch its case of flu. I'm guessing some spooning was involved is all I'm saying.
I know that they are severe illnesses - I myself got 'swine flu' (not from a pig may I mention) the winter before last and have never felt more ill. I even had a hallucination about a coffee machine - which is another story. The thing is, I don't think I've ever got non-animal flu - so I'm not able to compare it really.
Another thing thats been thrown around often is 's.a.d' (clever see they spelt sad...) which stands for 'Seasonal Affective Disorder.) Essentially, its a feeling of tiredness and fatigue around the change of seasons.
I definitely feel like I'm suffering with that at the mo - not so much through any medical reason - but merely due to a lack of daylight. Over the last week, its got even darker in the mornings and evenings - and the feeling has got under my skin!
Its most vexing!
Rant over.
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Rant 330 25/11/12 Subject: Service stations
Rant number 331
There is nothing in the world that people love to exploit more than a captive audience. It's a kind of extension of supply and demand.
No place is this more true than motorway service stations.
We left at around 11 in Perth Scotland headed back home - which is a bloody long way. Because of this, you have no choice but to stop somewhere - and unless you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of decent places located near to motorways that will not cause massive delays in every area - you have to go to the services.
And don't they know it!
Whereas a Burger king might run on average to £4-5 - the same meal will cost you £7-8 pounds in a services - that's some serious increase!
The same can be said for any other restaurant food - even the (always appalling) food that the places prepare themselves. It doesn't seem to matter how hard you try to find something cheap filling and nutritious - you won't.
Even by resorting to packet foods - such as sarnies/pasties etc - run at 2-3 times the going rate - which is a bit bloody rich.
Then there is the general look and feel of service stations. By the advent of what they are - they are always a bit grotty and unclean (except, surprisingly the toilets - which I am generally happy enough with.) They're also almost always quite cavernous and full of people who like you have been sitting in a cramped space for too long and who probably could do with a shower!
Then there are the shops which seem to inexplicably sell just about anything and everything. On the way to somewhere far away - i don't generally think 'I need to buy a camping stool' - but if I did - there would be one to be found at the services no doubt.
They are rubbish!
Rant over.
There is nothing in the world that people love to exploit more than a captive audience. It's a kind of extension of supply and demand.
No place is this more true than motorway service stations.
We left at around 11 in Perth Scotland headed back home - which is a bloody long way. Because of this, you have no choice but to stop somewhere - and unless you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of decent places located near to motorways that will not cause massive delays in every area - you have to go to the services.
And don't they know it!
Whereas a Burger king might run on average to £4-5 - the same meal will cost you £7-8 pounds in a services - that's some serious increase!
The same can be said for any other restaurant food - even the (always appalling) food that the places prepare themselves. It doesn't seem to matter how hard you try to find something cheap filling and nutritious - you won't.
Even by resorting to packet foods - such as sarnies/pasties etc - run at 2-3 times the going rate - which is a bit bloody rich.
Then there is the general look and feel of service stations. By the advent of what they are - they are always a bit grotty and unclean (except, surprisingly the toilets - which I am generally happy enough with.) They're also almost always quite cavernous and full of people who like you have been sitting in a cramped space for too long and who probably could do with a shower!
Then there are the shops which seem to inexplicably sell just about anything and everything. On the way to somewhere far away - i don't generally think 'I need to buy a camping stool' - but if I did - there would be one to be found at the services no doubt.
They are rubbish!
Rant over.
Saturday, 24 November 2012
Rant 329 24/11/12 Subject: Lack of following through
Rant 330
Today we are spending some time enjoying some Scottish hospitality, which is cool. It's been a good day.
There does seem to be a slight lack of following through however when it comes to following through.
At breakfast this morning for instance we were instructed to go upstairs in the breakfast area and wait - which we did for half an hour before being brought the wrong food - which I ate because I didn't want to wait another half an hour!
This afternoon at the contest - we got lost on the way to the changing rooms, then the warm up room.
Finally, we basically had to jump on a waiter this evening to get some food - which is very annoying!
I don't mind most of this really - but it doesn't seem they have followed through on things- which is just a bit crap.
Hear's to hoping things improve!
Rant over.
Today we are spending some time enjoying some Scottish hospitality, which is cool. It's been a good day.
There does seem to be a slight lack of following through however when it comes to following through.
At breakfast this morning for instance we were instructed to go upstairs in the breakfast area and wait - which we did for half an hour before being brought the wrong food - which I ate because I didn't want to wait another half an hour!
This afternoon at the contest - we got lost on the way to the changing rooms, then the warm up room.
Finally, we basically had to jump on a waiter this evening to get some food - which is very annoying!
I don't mind most of this really - but it doesn't seem they have followed through on things- which is just a bit crap.
Hear's to hoping things improve!
Rant over.
Friday, 23 November 2012
Rant 328 23/11/12 Subject: Paying for parking at hospitals
Rant number 328
My wife's had an operation this week- nothing serious and she is just fine.
For reasons unknown - rather than using the hospital that is half a mile up the road - they went for the one in Halifax, which made walking a non starter.
As such, when it came to visiting her yesterday, I had to take my trusty small blue car (which I did.)
The car park has barriers at the gates, and so the visit cost me 1.50 - which I think is a bit rich.
My poor wife needed visiting - to feel better and they took advantage of the situation for monetary gain- which frankly pisses me right off.
People in hospital don't want to be there, and the environment is bloody miserable!
I believe that positive thinking heals people and that should surely be what the hospital staff wants.
Making it harder and less appealing for family to make your patients feel better is ridiculous!
Thieving gits!
Rant over.
My wife's had an operation this week- nothing serious and she is just fine.
For reasons unknown - rather than using the hospital that is half a mile up the road - they went for the one in Halifax, which made walking a non starter.
As such, when it came to visiting her yesterday, I had to take my trusty small blue car (which I did.)
The car park has barriers at the gates, and so the visit cost me 1.50 - which I think is a bit rich.
My poor wife needed visiting - to feel better and they took advantage of the situation for monetary gain- which frankly pisses me right off.
People in hospital don't want to be there, and the environment is bloody miserable!
I believe that positive thinking heals people and that should surely be what the hospital staff wants.
Making it harder and less appealing for family to make your patients feel better is ridiculous!
Thieving gits!
Rant over.
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Rant 327 22/11/12 Subject: Stupid fashion fads
Rant number 327
I'd like to think that I have made the world a little bit of a better place with these rants. I spread the message of misery and despair to you all, free of charge - every single day.
Now, I know that most people try and spread a message of hope however, I think that thats a bit crap. Hope often leads to disappointment, whereas me telling you that the world sucks for me also - is bound to cheer you up.
The germans call it schadenfreude - which I think is about as german sounding word as you could possibly imagine - and it means simply 'taking pleasure in the misfortune of others.'
I would also like to think that I have made it more socially acceptable to have a rant of your own! One such rant is my inspiration for todays rant (though I have broadened the subject somewhat.)
Her initial statement was about Onesies - which really are one of the stupidest fashion fads to date.
You might think that they are a fashion statement for the 10ees?(what the hell do you call the second decade in a century anyway?) but I think that they are simply a statement for idiots.
In the past, the only one piece suits of this type that existed were:
A) Baby grows - worn by babies and men behind closed doors...
B) Frogmen/divers in general.
I don't want to see people walking around in what is tantamount to a baby grow. The same goes for 'morph suits' which are basically the same thing - but cover your head.
These things are just about acceptable for halloween costumes - but are not everyday wear.
I saw an lady old last week, wearing a spotted rabbit onesy - complete with ears.
Some people have no fucking dignity.
The same rule applies to hats/hoodies or other sundry items that have either:
A) Ears
B) Eyes
C) The face of an animal
The same also applies to those beard hats - or pretty much anything worn by a hipster. It doesn't matter if you wear something stupid ironically. You are still wearing it.
Then there are the sundry other fads that have happened since my teens:
Parachute pants (can't touch this) - great song, naff dancing and naffer trousers. Whats worse is that these have not been reinvented as hareem pants.
Then there was those luminous trainers - which (to my shame) even I had. They looked great for about a moment - before they got covered in mud and looked crap.
While we're on the subject, there is the subject of Crocs & Ugg boots. They just look bloody awful.
And as for Shell suits these weren't just ugly as hell, colour clashing monstrosities. They were a fire hazard too.
Oh and there was that thing with wearing backwards baseball caps too.
That's about all I can take now.
Wearing the latest fads doesn't make you cool. It makes you a boring fucking sheep - like the rest of the idiots.
Rant over.
I'd like to think that I have made the world a little bit of a better place with these rants. I spread the message of misery and despair to you all, free of charge - every single day.
Now, I know that most people try and spread a message of hope however, I think that thats a bit crap. Hope often leads to disappointment, whereas me telling you that the world sucks for me also - is bound to cheer you up.
The germans call it schadenfreude - which I think is about as german sounding word as you could possibly imagine - and it means simply 'taking pleasure in the misfortune of others.'
I would also like to think that I have made it more socially acceptable to have a rant of your own! One such rant is my inspiration for todays rant (though I have broadened the subject somewhat.)
Her initial statement was about Onesies - which really are one of the stupidest fashion fads to date.
You might think that they are a fashion statement for the 10ees?(what the hell do you call the second decade in a century anyway?) but I think that they are simply a statement for idiots.
In the past, the only one piece suits of this type that existed were:
A) Baby grows - worn by babies and men behind closed doors...
B) Frogmen/divers in general.
I don't want to see people walking around in what is tantamount to a baby grow. The same goes for 'morph suits' which are basically the same thing - but cover your head.
These things are just about acceptable for halloween costumes - but are not everyday wear.
I saw an lady old last week, wearing a spotted rabbit onesy - complete with ears.
Some people have no fucking dignity.
The same rule applies to hats/hoodies or other sundry items that have either:
A) Ears
B) Eyes
C) The face of an animal
The same also applies to those beard hats - or pretty much anything worn by a hipster. It doesn't matter if you wear something stupid ironically. You are still wearing it.
Then there are the sundry other fads that have happened since my teens:
Parachute pants (can't touch this) - great song, naff dancing and naffer trousers. Whats worse is that these have not been reinvented as hareem pants.
Then there was those luminous trainers - which (to my shame) even I had. They looked great for about a moment - before they got covered in mud and looked crap.
While we're on the subject, there is the subject of Crocs & Ugg boots. They just look bloody awful.
And as for Shell suits these weren't just ugly as hell, colour clashing monstrosities. They were a fire hazard too.
Oh and there was that thing with wearing backwards baseball caps too.
That's about all I can take now.
Wearing the latest fads doesn't make you cool. It makes you a boring fucking sheep - like the rest of the idiots.
Rant over.
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Rant 326 21/11/12 Subject: The lady bishop debate
Rant number 326
I am not a very religious man. It's not my thing in a lot of ways. I feel that god must have better things to do than make sure that we are all sitting in church on Sundays and saying grace before every meal.
Despite this, I do respect anyones beliefs - as long as they don't mess with anyone else.
I don't agree with the 'cant be religious or worthy if you are gay,' school of religion, any religion that says that other races or creeds are evil and any religion that demeans women.
Some religions do very this obviously. Lets face it - certain religions that might or not be from the far east basically make women slaves.
The more liberal religions of our country however are no better.
For years and years, women weren't even allowed to be priests - because you know, they were...less holy or something. Now - the church do allow women to be priests (begrudgingly,) but today have shown their true colours. Women you see, are not allowed to be Bishops.
You'd think that this would be because a fair margin of people had voted against women being bishops. That's not what happened though. The church elders skewed things to preserve their status quo and their sexist agenda.
Two thirds of people voted yes to ladies being able to be bishops - but that wasn't enough of a margin. What kind of vote is that?
Its at times like this, I am glad I'm not involved in organised religion - because I am disgusted by its backwards thinking attitude. Women are OK to pray - but not to tell others how? What kind of crap logic is that?
Why not just ban ladies from religion altogether? Bloody pathetic old fashioned elitist miserable old bastards.
Rant over.
I am not a very religious man. It's not my thing in a lot of ways. I feel that god must have better things to do than make sure that we are all sitting in church on Sundays and saying grace before every meal.
Despite this, I do respect anyones beliefs - as long as they don't mess with anyone else.
I don't agree with the 'cant be religious or worthy if you are gay,' school of religion, any religion that says that other races or creeds are evil and any religion that demeans women.
Some religions do very this obviously. Lets face it - certain religions that might or not be from the far east basically make women slaves.
The more liberal religions of our country however are no better.
For years and years, women weren't even allowed to be priests - because you know, they were...less holy or something. Now - the church do allow women to be priests (begrudgingly,) but today have shown their true colours. Women you see, are not allowed to be Bishops.
You'd think that this would be because a fair margin of people had voted against women being bishops. That's not what happened though. The church elders skewed things to preserve their status quo and their sexist agenda.
Two thirds of people voted yes to ladies being able to be bishops - but that wasn't enough of a margin. What kind of vote is that?
Its at times like this, I am glad I'm not involved in organised religion - because I am disgusted by its backwards thinking attitude. Women are OK to pray - but not to tell others how? What kind of crap logic is that?
Why not just ban ladies from religion altogether? Bloody pathetic old fashioned elitist miserable old bastards.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Rant 325 20/11/12 Subject: The death of traditional retail
Rant number 325
As of monday it was confirmed that 41 Comet stores and also some of their logistics centres are shutting down - losing many people their jobs in the process.
In the past - I worked for Comet and so I know some of these people - and my thoughts completely go out to them.
On a less personal note though - its a generally sad thing to see one of England's big staple brands fall so dramatically.
The last few years has seen other massive names like Woolworths, JJB and Clinton cards going the same way - so it does beg the question:
Is the high street losing the battle for our pounds?
Probably.
It's sad to think that things will change so dramatically - but its just the way things are I suppose. The internet has become a massive part of a successful modern business.
Ignore the E-pound to your peril!
The truth of the matter is though - shopping in a retail store is generally not actually a good experience (bearing in mind I have worked for quite a few of the big names myself.)
Online, you can compare places to buy, find the cheapest prices and the best candidates to buy from. You can research and review and generally share & research all you need to know.
What they don't try and do online is bombard you with services you don't want and conn you into buying an expensive set of accessories.
The high street as such, needs to learn to focus on its strengths. They should be able to offer great customer service and support. They can be friendly and outgoing in the way that an online service just can't be. They should be focussing on what the customer wants - not want they want to sell.
That is the only way that the internet is going to survive the competition - because the internet doesn't do after-sales all that well on the whole. It takes a long time to sort something that could have been sorted quickly in a shop.
It costs a lot of money to run a shop too compared to an online business - so they need to be making sure to get every sale through with competitive prices and great advice.
I just don't feel like the high street really does that for me now.
I buy pretty much everything online now, except for general household stuff. I don't go shopping for stuff in town because its more expensive, there is less choice, because I have to be surrounded with morons and finally because they try and sell me stuff I just don't work.
I don't want the high street to die, just evolve like the internet has. When something new comes along - you have to evolve, you can't just think that people will stick to the same old ways for ever!
Rant over.
As of monday it was confirmed that 41 Comet stores and also some of their logistics centres are shutting down - losing many people their jobs in the process.
In the past - I worked for Comet and so I know some of these people - and my thoughts completely go out to them.
On a less personal note though - its a generally sad thing to see one of England's big staple brands fall so dramatically.
The last few years has seen other massive names like Woolworths, JJB and Clinton cards going the same way - so it does beg the question:
Is the high street losing the battle for our pounds?
Probably.
It's sad to think that things will change so dramatically - but its just the way things are I suppose. The internet has become a massive part of a successful modern business.
Ignore the E-pound to your peril!
The truth of the matter is though - shopping in a retail store is generally not actually a good experience (bearing in mind I have worked for quite a few of the big names myself.)
Online, you can compare places to buy, find the cheapest prices and the best candidates to buy from. You can research and review and generally share & research all you need to know.
What they don't try and do online is bombard you with services you don't want and conn you into buying an expensive set of accessories.
The high street as such, needs to learn to focus on its strengths. They should be able to offer great customer service and support. They can be friendly and outgoing in the way that an online service just can't be. They should be focussing on what the customer wants - not want they want to sell.
That is the only way that the internet is going to survive the competition - because the internet doesn't do after-sales all that well on the whole. It takes a long time to sort something that could have been sorted quickly in a shop.
It costs a lot of money to run a shop too compared to an online business - so they need to be making sure to get every sale through with competitive prices and great advice.
I just don't feel like the high street really does that for me now.
I buy pretty much everything online now, except for general household stuff. I don't go shopping for stuff in town because its more expensive, there is less choice, because I have to be surrounded with morons and finally because they try and sell me stuff I just don't work.
I don't want the high street to die, just evolve like the internet has. When something new comes along - you have to evolve, you can't just think that people will stick to the same old ways for ever!
Rant over.
Monday, 19 November 2012
Rant 324 19/11/12 Subject: 'Kings' of food
Rant number 324
On my way home from band tonight - I came across rather a strange radio programme which was a bit of a lecture on the subject of cheesecake.
Despite myself, I couldn't help but be rather absorbed into what the guy had to say about cheesecake and & American diner staples in general.
Although the analysis was mainly on American cuisine - the guy made a point that really struck a chord with me.
He compared these foods (particularly cheesecake - not surprisingly) to a Monarch. Odd I know - but he brought up a quotation that makes sense of this somewhat farcical metaphor:
'It is hard to be a good king but, it is also hard to be a bad one'
That is to say, a king has to work hard in order to be considered good and just however, he is surrounded by many councillors etc who prevent him from really making a mess.
In terms of food - this then is easily applied. Fried chicken for instance: Its easy to make fried chicken that is at least tolerable (KFC for instance.) To make it great however, its really hard.
I feel like there is just too much monarch based food about these days.
Look at Subway for instance. You can go to Subway and get a sarnie with chicken, bacon and cheese for a couple of quid - and it'll satisfy you. The truth of the matter is though - that its rubbish, and you know it. The bacon will be cooked to death and fatty, the chicken will be reconstituted and of a crappy grade and the cheese will be of the type that has never met milk.
Why do we settle for this kind of thing? Its total crap. It's not that hard to make a brilliant sandwich if you buy the stuff yourself - or if you go to somewhere decent to buy it.
The same can be said for many of our great staples. Pork pies can be at their best a real pleasure. High grade pork, crumbly pastry, that weird jelly stuff that no-one really knows what it - its brilliant.
We don't eat those pies often though. Mostly we have a greasy mass produced mess from Melton bloody Mowbray.
Don't let these kings get away with it. Make sure that they are the best food they can be - and don't settle for crap - unless you are drunk - in which case its probably not really going to make much difference.
Rant over.
On my way home from band tonight - I came across rather a strange radio programme which was a bit of a lecture on the subject of cheesecake.
Despite myself, I couldn't help but be rather absorbed into what the guy had to say about cheesecake and & American diner staples in general.
Although the analysis was mainly on American cuisine - the guy made a point that really struck a chord with me.
He compared these foods (particularly cheesecake - not surprisingly) to a Monarch. Odd I know - but he brought up a quotation that makes sense of this somewhat farcical metaphor:
'It is hard to be a good king but, it is also hard to be a bad one'
That is to say, a king has to work hard in order to be considered good and just however, he is surrounded by many councillors etc who prevent him from really making a mess.
In terms of food - this then is easily applied. Fried chicken for instance: Its easy to make fried chicken that is at least tolerable (KFC for instance.) To make it great however, its really hard.
I feel like there is just too much monarch based food about these days.
Look at Subway for instance. You can go to Subway and get a sarnie with chicken, bacon and cheese for a couple of quid - and it'll satisfy you. The truth of the matter is though - that its rubbish, and you know it. The bacon will be cooked to death and fatty, the chicken will be reconstituted and of a crappy grade and the cheese will be of the type that has never met milk.
Why do we settle for this kind of thing? Its total crap. It's not that hard to make a brilliant sandwich if you buy the stuff yourself - or if you go to somewhere decent to buy it.
The same can be said for many of our great staples. Pork pies can be at their best a real pleasure. High grade pork, crumbly pastry, that weird jelly stuff that no-one really knows what it - its brilliant.
We don't eat those pies often though. Mostly we have a greasy mass produced mess from Melton bloody Mowbray.
Don't let these kings get away with it. Make sure that they are the best food they can be - and don't settle for crap - unless you are drunk - in which case its probably not really going to make much difference.
Rant over.
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Rant 323 18/11/12 Subject: Targeted advertising
Rant number 323
Whenever you get something for free, be it a chocolate bar, a drink or a service - it's easy to forget the fundamental question that applies to so many things:
'Wheres the money coming from.'
This is particularly true when it comes to services and most notably when it comes free internet services - like Facebook (which is source of the inspiration for this rant.)
The internet has changed radically over the last couple of years. Words like PPC (pay per click) have become of huge relevance to how people make money out of the internet - and as a result, how you - the end user are bombarded with information.
Advertising is annoying and almost completely unavoidable - unless you are hermit - and maybe not even then; who knows, people could be leafletting hermits all the time.
Pick up a newspaper, turn on the TV (except the BBC & even thats not fool proof in this aspect,) listen to the radio (except the BBC once again,) go to the cinema, walk down the street or open pretty much any web page and you will be bombarded with advertising. The only reason you haven't been seeing adverts in your sleep so far is because they haven't perfected a Block Consumer Incentive Bursting (Buy Bombs) device like in Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan. This device blasts you with a compressed block of data - which unravels crap into your brain once you get to sleep: It won't be long until we're seeing those I have no doubt.
(Just as an aside, if I got hold of one of those bastards, I'd love to be able to broadcast some kind of bed wetting gene to all our politicians. That'd be some serious entertainment!)
The thing with adverts though is - for the most part, they don't bloody work.
Dime/Daim bars are - completely and utterly & most quantifiably the best chocolate bars ever made. I like others - but I will never be convinced that they are better than Dime (mmmm Dime.)
An advert though - will tell me that Mars bars are the best, or that Yorkie is the best or that bounty will make me feel like I'm on a tropical island. I'll still go to a shop and want a Dime bar though.
That's why the internet has got smarter still - with 'targeted advertising,' which takes the things I like and throws them at me.
Sticking to Dime as an example, it won't offer me Mars bars or Yorkies or Bounties. Instead - it'll show me wholesale Dime bar prices, Dime emporiums and the like. Which is just really irritating.
I don't want them to take the things I love and throw them at me. I love them - and that's why I show an interest in them. I don't want them to be rammed down my throat - that's just irritating and will make me ever less likely to buy the products!
Rant over.
Whenever you get something for free, be it a chocolate bar, a drink or a service - it's easy to forget the fundamental question that applies to so many things:
'Wheres the money coming from.'
This is particularly true when it comes to services and most notably when it comes free internet services - like Facebook (which is source of the inspiration for this rant.)
The internet has changed radically over the last couple of years. Words like PPC (pay per click) have become of huge relevance to how people make money out of the internet - and as a result, how you - the end user are bombarded with information.
Advertising is annoying and almost completely unavoidable - unless you are hermit - and maybe not even then; who knows, people could be leafletting hermits all the time.
Pick up a newspaper, turn on the TV (except the BBC & even thats not fool proof in this aspect,) listen to the radio (except the BBC once again,) go to the cinema, walk down the street or open pretty much any web page and you will be bombarded with advertising. The only reason you haven't been seeing adverts in your sleep so far is because they haven't perfected a Block Consumer Incentive Bursting (Buy Bombs) device like in Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan. This device blasts you with a compressed block of data - which unravels crap into your brain once you get to sleep: It won't be long until we're seeing those I have no doubt.
(Just as an aside, if I got hold of one of those bastards, I'd love to be able to broadcast some kind of bed wetting gene to all our politicians. That'd be some serious entertainment!)
The thing with adverts though is - for the most part, they don't bloody work.
Dime/Daim bars are - completely and utterly & most quantifiably the best chocolate bars ever made. I like others - but I will never be convinced that they are better than Dime (mmmm Dime.)
An advert though - will tell me that Mars bars are the best, or that Yorkie is the best or that bounty will make me feel like I'm on a tropical island. I'll still go to a shop and want a Dime bar though.
That's why the internet has got smarter still - with 'targeted advertising,' which takes the things I like and throws them at me.
Sticking to Dime as an example, it won't offer me Mars bars or Yorkies or Bounties. Instead - it'll show me wholesale Dime bar prices, Dime emporiums and the like. Which is just really irritating.
I don't want them to take the things I love and throw them at me. I love them - and that's why I show an interest in them. I don't want them to be rammed down my throat - that's just irritating and will make me ever less likely to buy the products!
Rant over.
Saturday, 17 November 2012
Rant 322 17/11/12 Subject: 'Fair' European rules
Rant number 322
Car insurance is a bit of a constant bitch. It costs you an absolute fortune to pay for it every year, it's illegal to go without it and every year it gets more and more expensive.
There are of course ways of bringing this down. Getting your no claims up is a good , as is general years on the road. Then there is your age and your sex.
Until now that is.
Even though statistically ladies are safer - It's no longer fair for them to make men's insurance more expensive.
Now, I understand that the Belgians thought they were being fair to men and women - but really they've not done any good to anyone.
The insurance companies you see are more than willing to take the extra cash from the ladies. They won't be giving it to men though. They'll just be filling their pockets.
This kind of 'fairness' annoys me, it really does. They didn't do this to help men or for some feminist agenda. They just wanted to get the chance to screw the ladies just as much as the men!
What a set of bastards!
Rant over.
Car insurance is a bit of a constant bitch. It costs you an absolute fortune to pay for it every year, it's illegal to go without it and every year it gets more and more expensive.
There are of course ways of bringing this down. Getting your no claims up is a good , as is general years on the road. Then there is your age and your sex.
Until now that is.
Even though statistically ladies are safer - It's no longer fair for them to make men's insurance more expensive.
Now, I understand that the Belgians thought they were being fair to men and women - but really they've not done any good to anyone.
The insurance companies you see are more than willing to take the extra cash from the ladies. They won't be giving it to men though. They'll just be filling their pockets.
This kind of 'fairness' annoys me, it really does. They didn't do this to help men or for some feminist agenda. They just wanted to get the chance to screw the ladies just as much as the men!
What a set of bastards!
Rant over.
Friday, 16 November 2012
Rant 321 16/11/12 Subject: DLC
Rant number 321
I've been computer playing games for a long time. From the pixelated magic of the Commodore 64, to the retro wonder of Amiga 500, with its (at the time) stunning graphical and audio capabilities to the modern day - I've seen games grow up from a niche entertainment to a mainstream addiction.
Most of the changes have been pretty great. The graphics have got much better, the sound is great, the controllers have evolved to fit our hands (and hopefully not the other way round,) and have changed altogether - in terms of the Wii, connect and Playstation eye.
Most of these changes have been welcome indeed - and although gaming is more expensive than the days where it was more niche - much good has come of of this in general.
The production values, voice acting, animation and graphics have really done well through the injection of money the industry has received.
It's hurt creativity badly though in some ways. The days of genius games with a secondary focus on graphics have ended. Look a worms for instance? I had the first one on the Amiga and almost wore out the disc. It's graphics sucked, but the gameplay was fabulous. Worms is onto around its 6th or 7th iteration now and little has changed except the look. I just think that proves that an original idea is timeless.
The other big problem I have with money in games is the fact that they need to keep milking you for more. Back in the day, you'd either have sequel games or at the very least an 'expansion pack.'
'Expansion packs' were package up content to add to games. Generally you got quite a bit extra - maybe 30% extra levels, some new guns - that sort of thing.
These days though, they have gone out of fashion - as it costs money to package things up in this way.
What we get these days them instead - is bloody DLC (downloadable content.)
In principal - DLC is just like an expansion pack. The thing is though - its too easy an earner for the game makers to squeeze you for money.
It'll cost 9.99 for a gun pack, then 14.99 for an extra 5 questions, then an extra 5 for a new costume. You could spend a frightening amount of money on all of this stuff.
The other really irritating thing is that they deliberately withhold content from games so that they can sell it to you later on.
I get that they need to make cash, but I hate being taken for a ride.
Rant over.
I've been computer playing games for a long time. From the pixelated magic of the Commodore 64, to the retro wonder of Amiga 500, with its (at the time) stunning graphical and audio capabilities to the modern day - I've seen games grow up from a niche entertainment to a mainstream addiction.
Most of the changes have been pretty great. The graphics have got much better, the sound is great, the controllers have evolved to fit our hands (and hopefully not the other way round,) and have changed altogether - in terms of the Wii, connect and Playstation eye.
Most of these changes have been welcome indeed - and although gaming is more expensive than the days where it was more niche - much good has come of of this in general.
The production values, voice acting, animation and graphics have really done well through the injection of money the industry has received.
It's hurt creativity badly though in some ways. The days of genius games with a secondary focus on graphics have ended. Look a worms for instance? I had the first one on the Amiga and almost wore out the disc. It's graphics sucked, but the gameplay was fabulous. Worms is onto around its 6th or 7th iteration now and little has changed except the look. I just think that proves that an original idea is timeless.
The other big problem I have with money in games is the fact that they need to keep milking you for more. Back in the day, you'd either have sequel games or at the very least an 'expansion pack.'
'Expansion packs' were package up content to add to games. Generally you got quite a bit extra - maybe 30% extra levels, some new guns - that sort of thing.
These days though, they have gone out of fashion - as it costs money to package things up in this way.
What we get these days them instead - is bloody DLC (downloadable content.)
In principal - DLC is just like an expansion pack. The thing is though - its too easy an earner for the game makers to squeeze you for money.
It'll cost 9.99 for a gun pack, then 14.99 for an extra 5 questions, then an extra 5 for a new costume. You could spend a frightening amount of money on all of this stuff.
The other really irritating thing is that they deliberately withhold content from games so that they can sell it to you later on.
I get that they need to make cash, but I hate being taken for a ride.
Rant over.
Thursday, 15 November 2012
Rant 320 15/11/12 Subject: Songs about stalking
Rant number 320
I was listening to the radio this morning and a song came on.
It was an unobtrusive song i'd heard a couple of times over the last week or so - with a really irritating chorus.
Having little better to do, my mind actually got to analysing the lyrics - and to be honest, I was a wee bit freaked out.
At this link - you can read these Lyrics
Is that song or is it not, all about fucking stalking? It's really not on.
I quote the chorus:
Lets just look at that shall we?
He's standing in the dark (outside the window or quite possibly in the cupboard.) He's watching her dancing on a table for someone else's amusement - after she has evidently dumped him for being a complete repribate. He wants her back - which sounds nice huh?
Yeah, it isn't though. You are thinking of the wrong back. The back he wants is her actual back - for his collection...
Moving on:
Yeah, we get it that you like to hide - in cupboards - you freaky fucker. And you like to stare and fantasise about feeling ladies up.
The reason he feels paralysed when the lights go down, is because he can't be a pervert any further...
The next line somewhat perplexes me though - because he can apparently see the other fellow looking in her eyes in the dark. Is he a cat - or just a pervert with awesome night vision.
This song isn't' alone either - if we pop the off key caterwauling of James Blunts 'Your Beautiful' under the spotlight, it loses a little bit of its lustre.
'She smiled at me on the Subway, She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that, Cause I've got a plan'
Theres 2 things you can take from that - neither of them good.
A) James Blunt is so arrogant that he is going to steal someone else's partner with his amazing whiney voice
B) (The more likely option) His plan is to kidnap her and force her to listen to his albums over and over and over until she chemically lobotomises herself using her own bodily fluids. He will then abuse her serially. What a bad person he is.
The first 2 lines simply articulate his obsession with her.
The 3rd line is about his annoyance that she is keeping to the crowds so as to avoid her kidnap and lobotomy. Line 4 shows that he is struggling to work out how best to deal with the situation.
These so called love songs are just sinister. People let their children to listen to this filth!
Analyse these things - and you can find some really scary shit
Rant over.
I was listening to the radio this morning and a song came on.
It was an unobtrusive song i'd heard a couple of times over the last week or so - with a really irritating chorus.
Having little better to do, my mind actually got to analysing the lyrics - and to be honest, I was a wee bit freaked out.
At this link - you can read these Lyrics
Is that song or is it not, all about fucking stalking? It's really not on.
I quote the chorus:
'I'm standing in the darkShe’s dancing on the tableI’m looking through the glassShe’s someone else’s angelIt may sound stupid that I'm wanting you backBut I'm wanting you back, girlAnd now I’m standing in the dark, dark, ohDark, dark'
Lets just look at that shall we?
He's standing in the dark (outside the window or quite possibly in the cupboard.) He's watching her dancing on a table for someone else's amusement - after she has evidently dumped him for being a complete repribate. He wants her back - which sounds nice huh?
Yeah, it isn't though. You are thinking of the wrong back. The back he wants is her actual back - for his collection...
Moving on:
All I want to do is hideBut I can’t stop myself from staringWishing his hands were mineI can’t stop myself from caringAnd as he turns down the lightsI’m feeling paralysedAnd as he looks into her eyesYeah, alright
Yeah, we get it that you like to hide - in cupboards - you freaky fucker. And you like to stare and fantasise about feeling ladies up.
The reason he feels paralysed when the lights go down, is because he can't be a pervert any further...
The next line somewhat perplexes me though - because he can apparently see the other fellow looking in her eyes in the dark. Is he a cat - or just a pervert with awesome night vision.
This song isn't' alone either - if we pop the off key caterwauling of James Blunts 'Your Beautiful' under the spotlight, it loses a little bit of its lustre.
This guy - not happy with hiding in a cupboard, wants to grab random women in the street:
My life is brilliant.My love is pure.I saw an angel.Of that I'm sure.She smiled at me on the subway.She was with another man.But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause I've got a plan.
'She smiled at me on the Subway, She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that, Cause I've got a plan'
Theres 2 things you can take from that - neither of them good.
A) James Blunt is so arrogant that he is going to steal someone else's partner with his amazing whiney voice
B) (The more likely option) His plan is to kidnap her and force her to listen to his albums over and over and over until she chemically lobotomises herself using her own bodily fluids. He will then abuse her serially. What a bad person he is.
The chorus surely speaks for itself? No. I'd better explain then.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.I saw your face in a crowded place,And I don't know what to do - 'Cause I'll never be with you.
The first 2 lines simply articulate his obsession with her.
The 3rd line is about his annoyance that she is keeping to the crowds so as to avoid her kidnap and lobotomy. Line 4 shows that he is struggling to work out how best to deal with the situation.
These so called love songs are just sinister. People let their children to listen to this filth!
Analyse these things - and you can find some really scary shit
Rant over.
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
Rant 319 14/11/12 Subject: Endless side effects of endless roadworks
Rant number 319
According to google maps, my morning commute from door to door should take me 16 minutes. I'm pretty sure I've done it in less when the roads were clear.
On average, it actually takes around 40 minutes to get to work each and every morning - which is fair enough.
Today however, it took me 2 hours and 15 minutes to get to work (including, at one point a .4 mile stretch it took me 3/4 of an hour to cover.)
Early this morning, at around 5.30 - a van broke down on the M62. Theres nothing that unusual about that, people break down every hour of every day of every year. Usually, on the motorway when you realise your vehicle is about to go kaput - you do your best to get into the left hand lane and then into the hard shoulder - which is there to take refuge in.
Except, because they are still fucking about with the motorway after a year so far - that section of road has barriers across the hard shoulder - so that the non-existent workforce are protected from the traffic.
So, when that guy broke down, he had no-where to go.
Another van, then struck the guy and a motorbike - and caused some serious chaos.
We are reliant in this area on the M62 to get about. Its become our main vein. We've put everything into it now, and all the other roads are just not enough to take the capacity.
This morning - the M62 had to be closed for 4 and a half hours, which caused chaos everywhere - and because of those bastard roadworks, the emergency services couldn't get to the accident in a decent time. Why can't they get the fucking things over with?
Because of the M62 being closed - I had to go the long way round. The route with many traffic lights, bottlenecks, roundabouts, yet more fucking roadworks and countless other hurdles. The route is bad enough at the best of times -without the added M62 traffic on it.
I understand these roadworks are important. The process though - seems to be almost preternaturally slow. I'm sure I haven't seen a worker for a month - and I've spent about 25 hours on the M62 in that time.
The traffic chaos, the accidents and broken down vehicles it makes worse cannot be worth it. I just hope the motorways are as magic as they think when its all done.
Rant over.
According to google maps, my morning commute from door to door should take me 16 minutes. I'm pretty sure I've done it in less when the roads were clear.
On average, it actually takes around 40 minutes to get to work each and every morning - which is fair enough.
Today however, it took me 2 hours and 15 minutes to get to work (including, at one point a .4 mile stretch it took me 3/4 of an hour to cover.)
Early this morning, at around 5.30 - a van broke down on the M62. Theres nothing that unusual about that, people break down every hour of every day of every year. Usually, on the motorway when you realise your vehicle is about to go kaput - you do your best to get into the left hand lane and then into the hard shoulder - which is there to take refuge in.
Except, because they are still fucking about with the motorway after a year so far - that section of road has barriers across the hard shoulder - so that the non-existent workforce are protected from the traffic.
So, when that guy broke down, he had no-where to go.
Another van, then struck the guy and a motorbike - and caused some serious chaos.
We are reliant in this area on the M62 to get about. Its become our main vein. We've put everything into it now, and all the other roads are just not enough to take the capacity.
This morning - the M62 had to be closed for 4 and a half hours, which caused chaos everywhere - and because of those bastard roadworks, the emergency services couldn't get to the accident in a decent time. Why can't they get the fucking things over with?
Because of the M62 being closed - I had to go the long way round. The route with many traffic lights, bottlenecks, roundabouts, yet more fucking roadworks and countless other hurdles. The route is bad enough at the best of times -without the added M62 traffic on it.
I understand these roadworks are important. The process though - seems to be almost preternaturally slow. I'm sure I haven't seen a worker for a month - and I've spent about 25 hours on the M62 in that time.
The traffic chaos, the accidents and broken down vehicles it makes worse cannot be worth it. I just hope the motorways are as magic as they think when its all done.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Rant 318 13/11/12 Subject: Inconsiderate parking
Rant number 318
Where I live, I am located within a little compound/carpark area (in a building by the way, I'm not like -sitting in a carpark in my underwear, waving at passers by and laughing maniacally. Not till later on anyway...)
The exit (which is also the entrance) to the carpark, opens upon a vein which joins two of the main drags in/out of huddersfield. As such - it's a pretty busy strip of road.
Coming out of the car park should be pretty easy though. You just need to wait for a gap in the traffic, and nip out.
Except for all the stupid fuckers who keep parking on the corner of the street.
It just is ridiculously inconsiderate - and makes pulling out a pretty bloody tough job. You can't see to the left - and so you have to poke your bonnet out - hoping that you don't whack into anyone in the process. Surely there is somewhere else these people can park there cars, like at the bottom of a river for instance.
I am mired with these parking maladies on a nearly daily basis.
Another example presented itself today when I was commuting to work. The car in front of me needed to turn right and so he moved to the centre of the road to wait for a gap in the traffic. He was doing completely right - thats what the refuse in the road is for after all.
I should have been able to continue down the left hand side at pace- whilst he went off to wherever right based place he was off to was. I bloody well couldn't though, because some knob head had parked their bloody car there.
To the world in general - and particularly to knob heads a message:
Just because there are not double yellow lines, it doesn't mean you should park there.
Not parking by a corner or on a busy main road at rush hour is common sense and shows consideration for your fellow road users - which is good.
Parking by a corner or on a busy main road at rush hour is really shitty, inconsiderate behaviour and quite frankly makes you a bit of a total knob head.
Don't do it people!
That is all.
Rant over.
Where I live, I am located within a little compound/carpark area (in a building by the way, I'm not like -sitting in a carpark in my underwear, waving at passers by and laughing maniacally. Not till later on anyway...)
The exit (which is also the entrance) to the carpark, opens upon a vein which joins two of the main drags in/out of huddersfield. As such - it's a pretty busy strip of road.
Coming out of the car park should be pretty easy though. You just need to wait for a gap in the traffic, and nip out.
Except for all the stupid fuckers who keep parking on the corner of the street.
It just is ridiculously inconsiderate - and makes pulling out a pretty bloody tough job. You can't see to the left - and so you have to poke your bonnet out - hoping that you don't whack into anyone in the process. Surely there is somewhere else these people can park there cars, like at the bottom of a river for instance.
I am mired with these parking maladies on a nearly daily basis.
Another example presented itself today when I was commuting to work. The car in front of me needed to turn right and so he moved to the centre of the road to wait for a gap in the traffic. He was doing completely right - thats what the refuse in the road is for after all.
I should have been able to continue down the left hand side at pace- whilst he went off to wherever right based place he was off to was. I bloody well couldn't though, because some knob head had parked their bloody car there.
To the world in general - and particularly to knob heads a message:
Just because there are not double yellow lines, it doesn't mean you should park there.
Not parking by a corner or on a busy main road at rush hour is common sense and shows consideration for your fellow road users - which is good.
Parking by a corner or on a busy main road at rush hour is really shitty, inconsiderate behaviour and quite frankly makes you a bit of a total knob head.
Don't do it people!
That is all.
Rant over.
Monday, 12 November 2012
Rant 317 12/11/12 Subject: Nadine Dorries
Rant number 317
Now, if there is two things that you should have got from this rant by now it is:
Now, if there is two things that you should have got from this rant by now it is:
- I hate politicians - because they are evil, thieving, self serving scum.
- I hate 'Celebrities' - because they are more often than not, fame whores who would happily force their own grandmothers to crawl over hot coals in order to get their face in the paper or their voice on the radio.
Now, in the past these two groups have been separate and equidistant from each other - which I appreciate: It makes it much easier to hate them when I know where they are to be found: The politicians can be found fiddling expenses in their mansions and private clubs. The celebrities you will find spread eagled in the tabloids. Vomiting (literally and figuratively) for all the world to see.
What I really, really don't need - is for any people to get a bright idea about crossing the divide.
Now, in America in the past - some people (notably Ronald Reagan, Arnold Schwarzenegger) have crossed the divide from celebrities to being politicians. The reverse however, seems to have been something of a no-no for quite some time.
As it should damned well be.
Nadine Dorries however, has decided to say 'fuck you' to convention, 'fuck you' to good taste, 'fuck you' to her government, 'fuck you' to her constituency & finally 'fuck you' to you. We pay politicians a very respectable wage (£65,000 a year!) so that they can stay in the houses of parliament and fuck things up in the company of others of a similar sect. They are meant to be making parliamentary decisions, distributing council money sensibly (ha!)
What I don't think they are meant to be doing - as far as I am aware, is fucking about on ITV - pretending to be celebrities and failing.
Believe it or not. I have never sat down and watched I'm a Celebrity - because:
A) I hate celebrities
B) Ant and Dec are really fucking irritating
If however they would like to show a program where Ant and Dec are fed to a crocodile on live TV - that would be really sweet!
Nadine Dorries apparently only joined the show to raise the issues of the day. From the news however - it appears that she has so far been buried in bugs and squealed about it.
Well done Nadine.
David Cameron - as always, I hate you. In this case however, I would like to put aside our differences a little and say 'Fire this dozy cow. She really is not representing your party in any good light.'
Politicians, stay what you are. I don't want to see you trying to be celebrities. I hate you plenty as it is - lets not make it any worse.
Rant over.
Sunday, 11 November 2012
Rant 316 11/11/12 Subject: Star wars 7: The Empires shameless cash-in
Rant number 316
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a saga. To start with, that saga was made up of 3 films - and things were pretty sweet. There was lightsabers, pyow pyows a plenty, a dude with a really deep voice and a funky black helmet and a small green man with a speaking disorder.
People loved it - I loved it. There was cool space fights, and toys and stuff. It was awesome.
Then, years later - it was decided that they should make some more movies from within the saga. Due to some slightly quirky marketing in the first place - they had started with the story of film number 4 - which meant they needed to make the first 3 stories.
And make them they did - although in truth they were far from great. They had droids that appeared to be made out of marzipan and fell apart at the first sign of trouble. They had an irritating Rastafarian alien - who is universally hated. They had a superfluous amount of CGI scenes - with little rhyme nor reason and they had some bad acting, bad dialogue and general badness...
None the less, they made them - they surely did.
And after that, they sat back and looked at the 6 films they had made (some great, some crap) and they felt so satisfied that they released about a hundred iterations - with lots of remastering, special features and more CGI than George Lucas than shake a suitably large tree at.
But then - someone thought: I bet we can milk some more money out of this thing -
and they did. Not withstanding the Star Wars Christmas Special (and yes, that really exists,) and the Ewoks spin-off they needed a modern day spin off to milk some more money from the franchise.
So recently - they came up with 'The Clone Wars' film and subsequent TV series (which I haven't watched - so I can't tell you if its good or bad or indifferent. It's probably a bit crap though.)
You'd think that this would do as far as money milking goes.
But its not over it seems. Not by a long shot.
Disney you see - have handed over the cash for the whole franchise and are going to be carrying on with number 7 (and doubtless 8 & 9) and any number of cash ins.
Why can't they leave something great alone. Have they no fucking original ideas at all?
Its most irritating. I just hope that Disney know what they're getting themselves into!
Rant over.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a saga. To start with, that saga was made up of 3 films - and things were pretty sweet. There was lightsabers, pyow pyows a plenty, a dude with a really deep voice and a funky black helmet and a small green man with a speaking disorder.
People loved it - I loved it. There was cool space fights, and toys and stuff. It was awesome.
Then, years later - it was decided that they should make some more movies from within the saga. Due to some slightly quirky marketing in the first place - they had started with the story of film number 4 - which meant they needed to make the first 3 stories.
And make them they did - although in truth they were far from great. They had droids that appeared to be made out of marzipan and fell apart at the first sign of trouble. They had an irritating Rastafarian alien - who is universally hated. They had a superfluous amount of CGI scenes - with little rhyme nor reason and they had some bad acting, bad dialogue and general badness...
None the less, they made them - they surely did.
And after that, they sat back and looked at the 6 films they had made (some great, some crap) and they felt so satisfied that they released about a hundred iterations - with lots of remastering, special features and more CGI than George Lucas than shake a suitably large tree at.
But then - someone thought: I bet we can milk some more money out of this thing -
and they did. Not withstanding the Star Wars Christmas Special (and yes, that really exists,) and the Ewoks spin-off they needed a modern day spin off to milk some more money from the franchise.
So recently - they came up with 'The Clone Wars' film and subsequent TV series (which I haven't watched - so I can't tell you if its good or bad or indifferent. It's probably a bit crap though.)
You'd think that this would do as far as money milking goes.
But its not over it seems. Not by a long shot.
Disney you see - have handed over the cash for the whole franchise and are going to be carrying on with number 7 (and doubtless 8 & 9) and any number of cash ins.
Why can't they leave something great alone. Have they no fucking original ideas at all?
Its most irritating. I just hope that Disney know what they're getting themselves into!
Rant over.
Saturday, 10 November 2012
Rant 315 10/11/12 Subject: The Facebook app
Rant number 315
Following the update to IOS 6 on iPhone and related devices, the Facebook app ended up with more bugs than a termite hill full of flys - and termites, and ants.
You get the idea.
As such they realised this and came back with another app.
Which - just like every single Facebook app previously released - was full of bugs...
In the past for instance, the app used to crash when you clicked on a picture - so they released an update to fix that.
And it did, but it then had a problem with refreshing the news feed.
They then released a news feed refresh fixing app - which caused the pictures of people to change to other people - which was somewhat odd and confusing.
So they released an app to fix that. Which then worked OK for a while - but then started to crash when you clicked on posts.
You'd think they'd learn by now - that you need to fix a problem without creating another. Maybe the programmers are making sure they will always have work for in future - and so write in another bug to avoid being obsolete.
As for the new version, that one has a really annoying little bug to it - which means that it shows you about 4 posts from today - before jumping back 24 hours - which is really stupid.
Why they can't just make a version that works then call it quits - I don't know.
Rant over.
Following the update to IOS 6 on iPhone and related devices, the Facebook app ended up with more bugs than a termite hill full of flys - and termites, and ants.
You get the idea.
As such they realised this and came back with another app.
Which - just like every single Facebook app previously released - was full of bugs...
In the past for instance, the app used to crash when you clicked on a picture - so they released an update to fix that.
And it did, but it then had a problem with refreshing the news feed.
They then released a news feed refresh fixing app - which caused the pictures of people to change to other people - which was somewhat odd and confusing.
So they released an app to fix that. Which then worked OK for a while - but then started to crash when you clicked on posts.
You'd think they'd learn by now - that you need to fix a problem without creating another. Maybe the programmers are making sure they will always have work for in future - and so write in another bug to avoid being obsolete.
As for the new version, that one has a really annoying little bug to it - which means that it shows you about 4 posts from today - before jumping back 24 hours - which is really stupid.
Why they can't just make a version that works then call it quits - I don't know.
Rant over.
Friday, 9 November 2012
Rant 314 9/11/12 Subject: Protecting the peodophiles
Rant number 314
Philip Scofield has gone and got himself in trouble. Yesterday he handed over a list of people that are believed to be peodophiles and accidentally (on purpose?) showed those names to the camera.
Understandably those named are most unimpressed with this and are going to be going on the war path.
I am not excusing Phil or Itv. It's not good to go publicly accusing people of abusing kids (unless its true.) It does beg the question however;
If there are accusations, why have they not been investigated already?
When all this stuff came out in the past, the Conservative government swept it all under the carpet and the investigations were closed. When David Cameron was handed the list of names he squirmed like someone had just discovered his porno stash and discovered he had a thing for transsexual midgets.
This says one thing one and one thing only to me: David Cameron was not planning to look at the possible peadofiles in his party and was ready - brush in hand, to sweep this under the carpet again.
And do you know what David? That makes you just as bad as anyone who abuses children - you cunt.
Under the circumstances then - it seemed that Philip Scofield has forced the hands of the government. I'd these people are not looked at now - there should be blood - and it should be Cameron's.
As for Philip Scofield - he's gained my respect. Yes it's awful if he's ousted someone unfairly - but an innocent man has nothing to fear and the reaction of some of these Tory bastards seem to be quite extreme.
I hope this investigation goes ahead, or there really is no justice that applies to the upper classes at all.
Rant over.
Philip Scofield has gone and got himself in trouble. Yesterday he handed over a list of people that are believed to be peodophiles and accidentally (on purpose?) showed those names to the camera.
Understandably those named are most unimpressed with this and are going to be going on the war path.
I am not excusing Phil or Itv. It's not good to go publicly accusing people of abusing kids (unless its true.) It does beg the question however;
If there are accusations, why have they not been investigated already?
When all this stuff came out in the past, the Conservative government swept it all under the carpet and the investigations were closed. When David Cameron was handed the list of names he squirmed like someone had just discovered his porno stash and discovered he had a thing for transsexual midgets.
This says one thing one and one thing only to me: David Cameron was not planning to look at the possible peadofiles in his party and was ready - brush in hand, to sweep this under the carpet again.
And do you know what David? That makes you just as bad as anyone who abuses children - you cunt.
Under the circumstances then - it seemed that Philip Scofield has forced the hands of the government. I'd these people are not looked at now - there should be blood - and it should be Cameron's.
As for Philip Scofield - he's gained my respect. Yes it's awful if he's ousted someone unfairly - but an innocent man has nothing to fear and the reaction of some of these Tory bastards seem to be quite extreme.
I hope this investigation goes ahead, or there really is no justice that applies to the upper classes at all.
Rant over.
Thursday, 8 November 2012
Rant 313 8/11/12 Subject: Shells incompetent ordering practices
Rant number 313
Incompetence has been a bit of a running theme today - for reasons I shall go into later on.
One particularly thing however has irritated me not once - but twice this week, and it completely perplexes me!
On the average week - I do at least 150 miles in my small car. As such, I get through a fair amount of juice. Because of this, I don't put £10's or £5s in at a time - because that's pointless and it only last a few days. As such - I try and fill up once a week - usually on the way back from band.
I live round the corner from a Shell garage - which is pretty handy. I find that the petrol there seems to last reasonably well (and I do find that this varies from garage to garage. Never go to Total garages! That stuff is like fairy liquid I swear!) and I get points (to earn vouchers eventually - like once a year.)
The garage is on one of the main routes in and out of Huddersfield and is popular with commuters, taxi drivers and the like.
On Monday, on the way back from band - I saw my needle hovering low - so decided to get some fuel.
But I couldn't - because they didn't have any.
This then meant I had to drive an extra mile round trip to pop a tenner in to keep the car ticking over till today.
(When I can't fill up you see - I tend to try and get some after the next band rehearsal. This is when its quiet and means I don't have to go out of my way.)
Except for once again - there was no fucking petrol - meaning that I had to go back where I had come from - to get some petrol from another garage.
I don't understand it! How the fuck can a popular garage - run by one of the richest and most powerful companies in the world keep running out of fuel. I mean - has there been some kind of Shell exclusive shortage?
More likely - some cock end forgot to order it. How disgustingly incompetent!
Rant over.
Incompetence has been a bit of a running theme today - for reasons I shall go into later on.
One particularly thing however has irritated me not once - but twice this week, and it completely perplexes me!
On the average week - I do at least 150 miles in my small car. As such, I get through a fair amount of juice. Because of this, I don't put £10's or £5s in at a time - because that's pointless and it only last a few days. As such - I try and fill up once a week - usually on the way back from band.
I live round the corner from a Shell garage - which is pretty handy. I find that the petrol there seems to last reasonably well (and I do find that this varies from garage to garage. Never go to Total garages! That stuff is like fairy liquid I swear!) and I get points (to earn vouchers eventually - like once a year.)
The garage is on one of the main routes in and out of Huddersfield and is popular with commuters, taxi drivers and the like.
On Monday, on the way back from band - I saw my needle hovering low - so decided to get some fuel.
But I couldn't - because they didn't have any.
This then meant I had to drive an extra mile round trip to pop a tenner in to keep the car ticking over till today.
(When I can't fill up you see - I tend to try and get some after the next band rehearsal. This is when its quiet and means I don't have to go out of my way.)
Except for once again - there was no fucking petrol - meaning that I had to go back where I had come from - to get some petrol from another garage.
I don't understand it! How the fuck can a popular garage - run by one of the richest and most powerful companies in the world keep running out of fuel. I mean - has there been some kind of Shell exclusive shortage?
More likely - some cock end forgot to order it. How disgustingly incompetent!
Rant over.
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
Rant 312 7/11/12 Subject: Rhetoric
Rant number 312
Incase you have been under a rock for the last month or 10 - it was election day in the USA yesterday.
For some reason, this has been massive (really fucking massive) news in the UK - and has dominated the tongues of news casters and the like all week.
Interjecting this also - was of course - many a sound byte from the two candidates - which was by far the worse bit.
Without any condescension intended, I can't help but think that the way that American politics work are a little bit daft.
It's not the 2 party system, or the senate, or the house of representatives or any of that - you will understand. That is almost all mirrored by our own equally flawed system. No, the bit about the American political system is the fact that the voters seem to go for the man with the best Rhetoric - rather than the one with the best policies.
Politicians in the UK lie, cheat and steal from the British public with gay abandon. They also make promises they don't intend to keep. It's irritating I grant you. I hate them badly and completely.
What they don't do though - is talk in cliches - which is so much worse.
Obama today for instance - was full of his own self importance and was spitting out cliches faster than a 7 year old can empty a pez dispenser.
After 4 tough years for instance - he said that 'The best was yet to come.' You'd like to think so wouldn't you?
He then wen't through a whole speech in which he gloated - without really saying it. A prime example was 'Tonight you voted for action, not politics as usual.'
What the hell does that even mean?
I'll be glad once the whole thing dies down - and we can get back to roasting our own idiotic politicians.
Rant over.
Incase you have been under a rock for the last month or 10 - it was election day in the USA yesterday.
For some reason, this has been massive (really fucking massive) news in the UK - and has dominated the tongues of news casters and the like all week.
Interjecting this also - was of course - many a sound byte from the two candidates - which was by far the worse bit.
Without any condescension intended, I can't help but think that the way that American politics work are a little bit daft.
It's not the 2 party system, or the senate, or the house of representatives or any of that - you will understand. That is almost all mirrored by our own equally flawed system. No, the bit about the American political system is the fact that the voters seem to go for the man with the best Rhetoric - rather than the one with the best policies.
Politicians in the UK lie, cheat and steal from the British public with gay abandon. They also make promises they don't intend to keep. It's irritating I grant you. I hate them badly and completely.
What they don't do though - is talk in cliches - which is so much worse.
Obama today for instance - was full of his own self importance and was spitting out cliches faster than a 7 year old can empty a pez dispenser.
After 4 tough years for instance - he said that 'The best was yet to come.' You'd like to think so wouldn't you?
He then wen't through a whole speech in which he gloated - without really saying it. A prime example was 'Tonight you voted for action, not politics as usual.'
What the hell does that even mean?
I'll be glad once the whole thing dies down - and we can get back to roasting our own idiotic politicians.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
Rant 311 6/11/12 Subject: Nick Grimshaw
Rant number 311
I used to listen to Chris Moyles in the morning (as did many others,) each morning on the way to work.
I can't say that I always agreed with what he did however, he was funny - and it was quite giggle some.
A couple of months ago however, it was decided that Chris Moyles was too old to entertain us folk in the 15-29 age bracket.
No, what they needed was someone who could get enthusiastic about one direction (shit) and dub-step (really shit) and X-factor manufactured pop moppets (really really shit) and 'yoof culture.'
What they needed, was a stupid hair cutted wanker with no entertainment value and with delusions of being hilarious - Nick Fucking Grimshaw. God that guy is irritating.
As an example, he today said that Robbie Williams was too old to be played on radio one. Just like Chris Moyles was too old to entertain people of a younger age group - you see?
It truly is ludicrous to say that someone needs to be of your age group to be relevant to you. Age is so irrelevant.
For instance: I find Stephen Fry fascinating, Jimmy Carr hilarious, Eric Whitacre phantasmagorical, Antony Hopkins breathtaking and Michael Cane enchanting.
On the other hand however, I find: Cheryl Cole vapid, Dappy franky farcical, Russel Brand tedious, One Direction directionless (excuse the pun) and Will I Am impotent.
What is meant to be more relevant to me? The stuff and people I hate, and that does not stimulate me intellectually or physically - but is by people my age or the people I admire and would aspire to be?
Exactly.
As for Nick Grimshaw, I'm pretty sure there isn't any one adjective I could use for him.
I'll go for 'stupidhaireddullboringselflovingwankstain' though. Look out for that word in the dictionary any day now boys and girls.
Rant over.
I used to listen to Chris Moyles in the morning (as did many others,) each morning on the way to work.
I can't say that I always agreed with what he did however, he was funny - and it was quite giggle some.
A couple of months ago however, it was decided that Chris Moyles was too old to entertain us folk in the 15-29 age bracket.
No, what they needed was someone who could get enthusiastic about one direction (shit) and dub-step (really shit) and X-factor manufactured pop moppets (really really shit) and 'yoof culture.'
What they needed, was a stupid hair cutted wanker with no entertainment value and with delusions of being hilarious - Nick Fucking Grimshaw. God that guy is irritating.
As an example, he today said that Robbie Williams was too old to be played on radio one. Just like Chris Moyles was too old to entertain people of a younger age group - you see?
It truly is ludicrous to say that someone needs to be of your age group to be relevant to you. Age is so irrelevant.
For instance: I find Stephen Fry fascinating, Jimmy Carr hilarious, Eric Whitacre phantasmagorical, Antony Hopkins breathtaking and Michael Cane enchanting.
On the other hand however, I find: Cheryl Cole vapid, Dappy franky farcical, Russel Brand tedious, One Direction directionless (excuse the pun) and Will I Am impotent.
What is meant to be more relevant to me? The stuff and people I hate, and that does not stimulate me intellectually or physically - but is by people my age or the people I admire and would aspire to be?
Exactly.
As for Nick Grimshaw, I'm pretty sure there isn't any one adjective I could use for him.
I'll go for 'stupidhaireddullboringselflovingwankstain' though. Look out for that word in the dictionary any day now boys and girls.
Rant over.
Monday, 5 November 2012
Rant 310 5/11/12 Subject: Iceland (supermarket, not country - which I have nothing against)
Rant number 310
It never ceases to amaze me when a rant presents itself, it really doesn't.
I had some ideas about irritations that I could cover, and was all ready to type one of those up when I got home.
I'm not a person who enjoys silence, so I put on the TV as a bit of background noise and bam!
A rant was born.
The inspiration was simple enough - an advert for Iceland (the supermarket, not the country,) in which there was much 'wonderful' looking food promised at rock bottom prices.
The thing is though, that Iceland sell a load of shit. The lowest common denominator if you will.
The stuff they sell outwardly looks acceptable - but always tastes pretty horrible and is of appalling quality. Everything is reconstituted and packed full of chemicals (especially yummy yummy MSG) - to hide its lack of actual ingredients (and the fact that it is packed full of sawdust.)
This alone I wouldn't mind - if they didn't pass it off as something better than it is. It may be cheap - but not that cheap!
Even that isn't my biggest problem though.
The worst thing of all applies to all of the products they sell:
The fact that it is designed to be lazy - convenient food. Everything can be microwaved, zapped, over cooked without any attention. It's marketed as such - for chav mums, to feed their brood without having to put down her fags - or so it seems.
I'm not down on inexpensive food stuffs me. You can cook from scratch a decent meal for practically pence - but that food would have nutrition. The kind of shit they sell - is marketed at people who don't care - and that just isn't on.
Rant over.
It never ceases to amaze me when a rant presents itself, it really doesn't.
I had some ideas about irritations that I could cover, and was all ready to type one of those up when I got home.
I'm not a person who enjoys silence, so I put on the TV as a bit of background noise and bam!
A rant was born.
The inspiration was simple enough - an advert for Iceland (the supermarket, not the country,) in which there was much 'wonderful' looking food promised at rock bottom prices.
The thing is though, that Iceland sell a load of shit. The lowest common denominator if you will.
The stuff they sell outwardly looks acceptable - but always tastes pretty horrible and is of appalling quality. Everything is reconstituted and packed full of chemicals (especially yummy yummy MSG) - to hide its lack of actual ingredients (and the fact that it is packed full of sawdust.)
This alone I wouldn't mind - if they didn't pass it off as something better than it is. It may be cheap - but not that cheap!
Even that isn't my biggest problem though.
The worst thing of all applies to all of the products they sell:
The fact that it is designed to be lazy - convenient food. Everything can be microwaved, zapped, over cooked without any attention. It's marketed as such - for chav mums, to feed their brood without having to put down her fags - or so it seems.
I'm not down on inexpensive food stuffs me. You can cook from scratch a decent meal for practically pence - but that food would have nutrition. The kind of shit they sell - is marketed at people who don't care - and that just isn't on.
Rant over.
Sunday, 4 November 2012
Rant 309 4/11/12 Subject: Lack of audience etiquette
Rant number 309
There are various types of gigs - and as such, many different ways to enjoy gigs. Either way though, when it comes to enjoying music and respecting musicians - I have only one thing to say:
Shut up.
If someone is performing, they have worked hard to build up the skills you have paid good money to enjoy. If you talk over it, you are doing yourself, the people who are also in the audience and the musicians a great disservice.
It's like people who pay to see comedians and then try and heckle them. If the comedian is really crap - fair enough, you might want to boo them or whatever. If you have paid to watch someone and be entertained by them though - you are not really helping anyone by screaming out every half a second.
Yes, I know that some comedians (Jimmy Carr notably) do spring well off of hecklers. For the most part though - they just come across as bloody idiots - which is what they are.
Another really irritating thing people do is go to the bar and wander around while you are entertaining them. If the music is meant to be background (lounge piano, string quartet) then fair enough, you can talk and get drinks and generally act like a dick. In a proper sit down gig though - you just come across as a douche and show great disrespect to everyone.
The way I look at it (which fair enough is a biased opinion.) There are people on stage, and people in the audience. The people in the audience are the people to be entertained, the people on the stage are the entertainers. It needs to stay like that.
If you had talent, you would be on stage - but you are in the audience, and even if you are talented in the audience - its not your turn.
Either way and simply: show some bloody respect.
Rant over.
There are various types of gigs - and as such, many different ways to enjoy gigs. Either way though, when it comes to enjoying music and respecting musicians - I have only one thing to say:
Shut up.
If someone is performing, they have worked hard to build up the skills you have paid good money to enjoy. If you talk over it, you are doing yourself, the people who are also in the audience and the musicians a great disservice.
It's like people who pay to see comedians and then try and heckle them. If the comedian is really crap - fair enough, you might want to boo them or whatever. If you have paid to watch someone and be entertained by them though - you are not really helping anyone by screaming out every half a second.
Yes, I know that some comedians (Jimmy Carr notably) do spring well off of hecklers. For the most part though - they just come across as bloody idiots - which is what they are.
Another really irritating thing people do is go to the bar and wander around while you are entertaining them. If the music is meant to be background (lounge piano, string quartet) then fair enough, you can talk and get drinks and generally act like a dick. In a proper sit down gig though - you just come across as a douche and show great disrespect to everyone.
The way I look at it (which fair enough is a biased opinion.) There are people on stage, and people in the audience. The people in the audience are the people to be entertained, the people on the stage are the entertainers. It needs to stay like that.
If you had talent, you would be on stage - but you are in the audience, and even if you are talented in the audience - its not your turn.
Either way and simply: show some bloody respect.
Rant over.
Saturday, 3 November 2012
Rant 308 3/11/12 Subject: The terms and conditions you never sign
Rant number 309
By reading the rant, you consent to be part of my army of the dead - should I ever obtain the Necronomicon Ex Mortis. You also must - on my request, sit on my lap and pretend to be a ventriloquist dummy, should I ever need to escape from a nazi prison camp.
Terms and conditions were on the radio on Thursday, and it got me thinking about them. The point of contention was mobile phone companies who have put their charges up mid term. The customers rightly say that they signed up at one price and that they should pay only that price. The mobile phone company say that its in their terms and conditions that they can change - so they have.
By continuing to read this rant, you have agreed to dress up as a badger and throw mash potato at passers by for my amusement, whenever the mood takes me.
I then realised that I didn't read the T's and C's on my mobile phone contract (bearing in mind there were around 50 pages) and that I cannot, in living memory - think of any time that I have bothered to read and T's and C's whatsoever.
Having read the above paragraph, you have agreed to sell all of your worldly goods in order to become batman for a day
I'm not alone of course. Me and you no doubt didn't, and them as well. I doubt anyone except for lawyers actually read the endless small print and crap.
The reasons for this are simple:
A) There is always lots of them, pages and pages.
B) The important stuff is always hidden in with a load of irrelevant crap
C) They don't want you to read the T's and C's so they can hide behind them
D) Because life is short and fleeting - and I have a lot better things to do!
Having read these bullet points, you have agreed to carry around an owl on your shoulder for a day. Should anyone enquire about the owl, you must wholeheartedly refuse to acknowledge its presence - even if it nibbles your ear.
I'm sure that all of us will come into trouble with this one day, but its human nature. No-one wants to read thousands of pages of waffle - on the off chance that there could be something important in there.
They hide it well after all - and they no doubt pay lawyers a fortune to hide the important info behind the technical jarganese.
The unnerving thing about all this - is that the reason they are hiding stuff so well, is because there is something to hide. No doubt there is - but it would take a Herculean effort to find all of it.
Having read this sentence, you agree to become narcoleptic at work for a day.
I'm pretty sure for instance - that Apple own my first born child, my immortal soul, my male member and my left nostril, Every time you update your mac, iPad or download a bit of software/one of its updates, you have to agree to another endless agreement. I could have agreed to just about anything by now - and I would never know!
I think that its quite unreasonable for companies to expect you to wade through all this crap - and the government really should force them to be transparent about these things.
Rant over.
Having read this rant, you have agreed to acknowledge me as your king. As such, you will be involved in feeding me, burping me and taking a corner of my sedan char.
By reading the rant, you consent to be part of my army of the dead - should I ever obtain the Necronomicon Ex Mortis. You also must - on my request, sit on my lap and pretend to be a ventriloquist dummy, should I ever need to escape from a nazi prison camp.
Terms and conditions were on the radio on Thursday, and it got me thinking about them. The point of contention was mobile phone companies who have put their charges up mid term. The customers rightly say that they signed up at one price and that they should pay only that price. The mobile phone company say that its in their terms and conditions that they can change - so they have.
By continuing to read this rant, you have agreed to dress up as a badger and throw mash potato at passers by for my amusement, whenever the mood takes me.
I then realised that I didn't read the T's and C's on my mobile phone contract (bearing in mind there were around 50 pages) and that I cannot, in living memory - think of any time that I have bothered to read and T's and C's whatsoever.
Having read the above paragraph, you have agreed to sell all of your worldly goods in order to become batman for a day
I'm not alone of course. Me and you no doubt didn't, and them as well. I doubt anyone except for lawyers actually read the endless small print and crap.
The reasons for this are simple:
A) There is always lots of them, pages and pages.
B) The important stuff is always hidden in with a load of irrelevant crap
C) They don't want you to read the T's and C's so they can hide behind them
D) Because life is short and fleeting - and I have a lot better things to do!
Having read these bullet points, you have agreed to carry around an owl on your shoulder for a day. Should anyone enquire about the owl, you must wholeheartedly refuse to acknowledge its presence - even if it nibbles your ear.
I'm sure that all of us will come into trouble with this one day, but its human nature. No-one wants to read thousands of pages of waffle - on the off chance that there could be something important in there.
They hide it well after all - and they no doubt pay lawyers a fortune to hide the important info behind the technical jarganese.
The unnerving thing about all this - is that the reason they are hiding stuff so well, is because there is something to hide. No doubt there is - but it would take a Herculean effort to find all of it.
Having read this sentence, you agree to become narcoleptic at work for a day.
I'm pretty sure for instance - that Apple own my first born child, my immortal soul, my male member and my left nostril, Every time you update your mac, iPad or download a bit of software/one of its updates, you have to agree to another endless agreement. I could have agreed to just about anything by now - and I would never know!
I think that its quite unreasonable for companies to expect you to wade through all this crap - and the government really should force them to be transparent about these things.
Rant over.
Having read this rant, you have agreed to acknowledge me as your king. As such, you will be involved in feeding me, burping me and taking a corner of my sedan char.
Friday, 2 November 2012
Rant 307 2/11/12 Subject: Canned laughter
Rant number 307
I'm a pretty smart guy - in my opinion at least. If I take pride in anything - it is that I'm pretty bright and that I am quite knowledgeable. Lets face it - it takes a certain amount of pride - arrogance even - to write 365 rants for people to read.
Part of being intelligent, it that I understand things pretty well. I understand the way of the world and I understand people pretty well - and I also understand comedy.
Comedy is of course a very subjective thing. One man will wee themselves at The Office for instance, whereas I found it to be a bit cringey. Others love Scrubs - with its cut aways and endless 'quirky' humour. I prefer the old school channel 4 comedies myself: Father Ted, Black books, Spaced and even the more modern IT crowd manage to combine comedy talent that can combine intelligent, witty and often cutting sitcom characters with enough silliness to entertain anyone at all.
With how subjective comedy is. I guess that it must be hard for comedy series producers to guarantee that everyone will laugh at all the gags. Now, you can make sure everyone laughs by making sure that the show is bloody hilarious and has universal appeal (Faulty Towers for instance!) however, this isn't an easy business and takes some really talented writing.
They don't want to rely on talented writing. It's expensive and too hard to guarantee.
No, instead they put on some canned laughter in the hope that the idiots will laugh along.
I'm sure that there is some psychology involved in canned laughter. If you hear others laughing at every line of a comedy series - you are meant to laugh along.
Maybe that works if you aren't a bright, opinionated, miserable, hard to please git; or if you are an idiot who is unable to think for yourself and interpret whether what you are hearing and seeing is actually funny. For the rest of us - canned laughter is groan-inducing - and highlights bad scripting more than if it wasn't there.
This rant was inspired by a program I heard yesterday on Radio 4 on my way back from band. It was a comedy sketch show, which seemed worth listening to and although not although only around 40% of jokes hit their mark, I still enjoyed it.
What annoyed me though, was that every line (and I mean every fucking line. Every. Single. Fucking. One) was followed by riotous canned laughter. Not just the punchlines, the set ups, the dialogue - everything. It made the show infinitely less funny and made it far harder to enjoy it.
Why aren't we allowed to think our way through what is funny ourselves? Why do they need to tell us. Is it insecurity on the behalf of the creators - or is it producers insisting - in order to increase ratings?
Either way, it gets on my wick!
Knock knock (haahahahahahahahahahaha)
Whose there (hahahahahahahahahahahaha)
Trum (hahahahahhahahahahahaha)
Trum who (hahahahahhahahahahahah)
Fuck off.
Rant over.
I'm a pretty smart guy - in my opinion at least. If I take pride in anything - it is that I'm pretty bright and that I am quite knowledgeable. Lets face it - it takes a certain amount of pride - arrogance even - to write 365 rants for people to read.
Part of being intelligent, it that I understand things pretty well. I understand the way of the world and I understand people pretty well - and I also understand comedy.
Comedy is of course a very subjective thing. One man will wee themselves at The Office for instance, whereas I found it to be a bit cringey. Others love Scrubs - with its cut aways and endless 'quirky' humour. I prefer the old school channel 4 comedies myself: Father Ted, Black books, Spaced and even the more modern IT crowd manage to combine comedy talent that can combine intelligent, witty and often cutting sitcom characters with enough silliness to entertain anyone at all.
With how subjective comedy is. I guess that it must be hard for comedy series producers to guarantee that everyone will laugh at all the gags. Now, you can make sure everyone laughs by making sure that the show is bloody hilarious and has universal appeal (Faulty Towers for instance!) however, this isn't an easy business and takes some really talented writing.
They don't want to rely on talented writing. It's expensive and too hard to guarantee.
No, instead they put on some canned laughter in the hope that the idiots will laugh along.
I'm sure that there is some psychology involved in canned laughter. If you hear others laughing at every line of a comedy series - you are meant to laugh along.
Maybe that works if you aren't a bright, opinionated, miserable, hard to please git; or if you are an idiot who is unable to think for yourself and interpret whether what you are hearing and seeing is actually funny. For the rest of us - canned laughter is groan-inducing - and highlights bad scripting more than if it wasn't there.
This rant was inspired by a program I heard yesterday on Radio 4 on my way back from band. It was a comedy sketch show, which seemed worth listening to and although not although only around 40% of jokes hit their mark, I still enjoyed it.
What annoyed me though, was that every line (and I mean every fucking line. Every. Single. Fucking. One) was followed by riotous canned laughter. Not just the punchlines, the set ups, the dialogue - everything. It made the show infinitely less funny and made it far harder to enjoy it.
Why aren't we allowed to think our way through what is funny ourselves? Why do they need to tell us. Is it insecurity on the behalf of the creators - or is it producers insisting - in order to increase ratings?
Either way, it gets on my wick!
Knock knock (haahahahahahahahahahaha)
Whose there (hahahahahahahahahahahaha)
Trum (hahahahahhahahahahahaha)
Trum who (hahahahahhahahahahahah)
Fuck off.
Rant over.
Thursday, 1 November 2012
Rant 306 1/11/12 Subject: Impractical modern man
Rant number 306
What the hell is wrong with modern man?
A purely rhetorical question I grant thee - but an important one.
When did we become so reliant on other people fixing stuff. What's happened to the 'Make do and mend' attitude of yesteryear?
It's dead and buried - that's what.
My father was a very practical man, as is my stepfather. Both of them were able to fix many things, understood tools and how things worked. I have a similarly technical gene of sorts. I can work out how things work for the most part. I can make things and fix things - without stabbing myself to death with a screwdriver.
I am however, beginning to worry that I am a dying breed in this respect.
My work place sells mechanical items - so I am surrounded by people who are - for the most part, also technically proficient folk. The people we sell to however, paint a worrying picture of the state of 'fettling' in the future.
As computers have become an ever bigger presence in our lives, they have replaced the machines and tools we would previously have made use of.
Ask a kid these days to change a ribbon in a type writer and they'll ask you what a typewriter is! Probably a ribbon too!
I think it's an education and nurture thing.
When I was a kid, I'd play around with my grandad in his shed 'helping' him to make stuff. A playstation is fun but it doesn't teach you how things work - just now to blow stuff up.
As for school, mine sucked all the fun out of it. For every practical skill learned there was 50 sheets of paper to fill out- which just doesn't appeal to me.
It scares me that millions of households out there must have no tools. I live in a flat - and I have 30 or 40 for various eventualities.
At this rate, people are going to be calling out a handyman to put up a shelf, and that really is sad!
Teach your kids to take stuff apart and saw and nail why you can. Don't let them turn into this hateful timid modem man. The mind boggles what will happen if war breaks out again!
Rant over.
What the hell is wrong with modern man?
A purely rhetorical question I grant thee - but an important one.
When did we become so reliant on other people fixing stuff. What's happened to the 'Make do and mend' attitude of yesteryear?
It's dead and buried - that's what.
My father was a very practical man, as is my stepfather. Both of them were able to fix many things, understood tools and how things worked. I have a similarly technical gene of sorts. I can work out how things work for the most part. I can make things and fix things - without stabbing myself to death with a screwdriver.
I am however, beginning to worry that I am a dying breed in this respect.
My work place sells mechanical items - so I am surrounded by people who are - for the most part, also technically proficient folk. The people we sell to however, paint a worrying picture of the state of 'fettling' in the future.
As computers have become an ever bigger presence in our lives, they have replaced the machines and tools we would previously have made use of.
Ask a kid these days to change a ribbon in a type writer and they'll ask you what a typewriter is! Probably a ribbon too!
I think it's an education and nurture thing.
When I was a kid, I'd play around with my grandad in his shed 'helping' him to make stuff. A playstation is fun but it doesn't teach you how things work - just now to blow stuff up.
As for school, mine sucked all the fun out of it. For every practical skill learned there was 50 sheets of paper to fill out- which just doesn't appeal to me.
It scares me that millions of households out there must have no tools. I live in a flat - and I have 30 or 40 for various eventualities.
At this rate, people are going to be calling out a handyman to put up a shelf, and that really is sad!
Teach your kids to take stuff apart and saw and nail why you can. Don't let them turn into this hateful timid modem man. The mind boggles what will happen if war breaks out again!
Rant over.
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