Rant number 309
By reading the rant, you consent to be part of my army of the dead - should I ever obtain the Necronomicon Ex Mortis. You also must - on my request, sit on my lap and pretend to be a ventriloquist dummy, should I ever need to escape from a nazi prison camp.
Terms and conditions were on the radio on Thursday, and it got me thinking about them. The point of contention was mobile phone companies who have put their charges up mid term. The customers rightly say that they signed up at one price and that they should pay only that price. The mobile phone company say that its in their terms and conditions that they can change - so they have.
By continuing to read this rant, you have agreed to dress up as a badger and throw mash potato at passers by for my amusement, whenever the mood takes me.
I then realised that I didn't read the T's and C's on my mobile phone contract (bearing in mind there were around 50 pages) and that I cannot, in living memory - think of any time that I have bothered to read and T's and C's whatsoever.
Having read the above paragraph, you have agreed to sell all of your worldly goods in order to become batman for a day
I'm not alone of course. Me and you no doubt didn't, and them as well. I doubt anyone except for lawyers actually read the endless small print and crap.
The reasons for this are simple:
A) There is always lots of them, pages and pages.
B) The important stuff is always hidden in with a load of irrelevant crap
C) They don't want you to read the T's and C's so they can hide behind them
D) Because life is short and fleeting - and I have a lot better things to do!
Having read these bullet points, you have agreed to carry around an owl on your shoulder for a day. Should anyone enquire about the owl, you must wholeheartedly refuse to acknowledge its presence - even if it nibbles your ear.
I'm sure that all of us will come into trouble with this one day, but its human nature. No-one wants to read thousands of pages of waffle - on the off chance that there could be something important in there.
They hide it well after all - and they no doubt pay lawyers a fortune to hide the important info behind the technical jarganese.
The unnerving thing about all this - is that the reason they are hiding stuff so well, is because there is something to hide. No doubt there is - but it would take a Herculean effort to find all of it.
Having read this sentence, you agree to become narcoleptic at work for a day.
I'm pretty sure for instance - that Apple own my first born child, my immortal soul, my male member and my left nostril, Every time you update your mac, iPad or download a bit of software/one of its updates, you have to agree to another endless agreement. I could have agreed to just about anything by now - and I would never know!
I think that its quite unreasonable for companies to expect you to wade through all this crap - and the government really should force them to be transparent about these things.
Rant over.
Having read this rant, you have agreed to acknowledge me as your king. As such, you will be involved in feeding me, burping me and taking a corner of my sedan char.
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