Rant 24 - 24/1/12 Subject: Household products

Rant number 24


Today was washing up day. Whilst I scrubbed plates and looked at cutlery with much contempt - one thought was paramount in my mind.


Housework is a bit rubbish.

This may come as a bit of a surprise to all of you I know.

I hate to have to break such bad news. I really do.

But it is. It's shit really.


Luckily, many household products exist, to take the pain out of these tasks.

Lucky that




But I, like a proverbial dark cloud must break yet more bad news (sorry - I feel positively awful, I really do)

Household products are also a bit rubbish.

They promise the Earth...

'No soaking' for instance. Put this in your washing up bowl and the dirt will practically wave a white flag of surrender and run for the hills.

Washing powders will remove stains faster, better and more damn awesomely than all of the rest - and all at 12 degrees centigrade, whilst saving water, being kind to your clothes and making you smell like fresh fields.

Bathroom cleaners remove limescale like magic, kill 99.99999999 percent of germs, make your loo shine  (you should be able to eat your tea off em) make your bath sparkle, and all with the gossamer touch of an Angel (and a jaunty pine fragrance.

Floor cleaners remove red wine, ink or blood - and make your carpet like new...

And finally, but no means least on my list 'Bang and the Dirt is Gone!'

Its all crap though. All cleaning is hard work - otherwise we would love doing it and all of our homes and places of business would sparkle.
Some washing up will always need soaking and even then takes a fair bit of elbow grease.

Washing powders are not magic, and often don't work particularly well - whether they are tablets, powder, liquid tabs or whatever ridiculous idea they will come up with next.

Bathroom cleaning is often difficult, rather gross and tends to make the place smell like a mortuary(as in that clinical smell of bleach - not as in dead bodies - unless you are doing something wrong)

Floor cleaners don't ever seem to work. They just spread the stain over a bigger surface area so that, if you squint a bit it seems to faded.

What Cillit bang don't tell you is that you need to spray the product on then wait for 6 hours, make a small incantation and sell your soul to make it work.

I know that these things will always be hard and accept that miracles are not possible. What I wish for however is some more realistic claims. Oh and a maid would be nice...

Rant over.