Rant number 366
Bloody hell. That was a long time coming. I've been thinking of and fantasising about writing those words for quite some time now and the stupid thing is now, that I almost feel a little sad to be writing the last one.
There has been plenty to write about in 2012, personally and in the media. To put it frankly - it was a bit of a annus horribilis.
This year I had many new experiences. I was burgled, had a small car accident (killing my first animal (a sheep) in the process) and lost my keys (a very costly error.) In the news, there was injustice and misery, green on blue attacks, massacres, perversity and many more bad things.
On the other hand, I had a great year of banding with some really brilliant friends, I spent some time with my friends, my wonderful wife and made new ones. I watched some great movies and some that sucked royally.
So if I look back on the optimism I felt at this time last year, I cannot either chastise or sympathise with the me then. I had a hard year in 2011 for different reasons and felt that 2012 was going to be my year. It wasn't though evidently.
On reflection, a year is just an arbitrary measure of the years cycle and there isn't any magic to it. This year wasn't mine - and doubtless next year will have its own moments of pain, anguish, joy, mirth and unadulterated fun.
I say fuck this year for its pain, but thank it for its joy. On balance, I will make my own luck, I expect nothing from 2013 but all it can throw at me.
To all of you have read a few, some, most or even all of our rants, I thank you for sharing this experience with me. I hope that I've amused you, entertained you and also - If you needed it, I've let you know you aren't alone in irritation, anger or hurt.
You will be glad to hear I'm going to carry on blogging - and rants will be included. They won't be the only attraction however, so I hope you enjoy what I have to say on other topics.
I think that about wraps it up then. Thanks again for reading.
And, if you will indulge me the slight bastardisation on this occasion.
Rants over.
Monday, 31 December 2012
Sunday, 30 December 2012
Rant 365 30/12/12 Subject: Thinking of rants
Rant number 365
If I hadn't forgotten that this year was a bloody leap year, this would have been the last day of my rants. As it is - despite my error in naming my blog - I will follow it through to the end and rant tomorrow too.
Consider yourselves bloody lucky!
Hell, when you've come up with 365 subjects, one more isn't that hard.
The truth of the matter is though - that it has been hard at times. 366 different subjects to get angry about and, more importantly - 366 subjects to be articulate about.
Your mood you see, can really effect how you feel about subjects and how much they deserve a rant. On some days - even someone like me has their good days and just doesn't feel that the world deserves ranting about.
The subjects covered have been hugely varied too. From personal hates (Twilight, which is fucking shit!) to tongue in cheek silliness (the cake mix conundrum) to things that really make me mad (David Cameron you cunt, I'm looking at you,) it's taken a real effort sometimes to work out what subjects to cover.
I hope that you've enjoyed them anyway and that you didn't think I repeated myself (a real worry!)
One more to go.
Rant over.
If I hadn't forgotten that this year was a bloody leap year, this would have been the last day of my rants. As it is - despite my error in naming my blog - I will follow it through to the end and rant tomorrow too.
Consider yourselves bloody lucky!
Hell, when you've come up with 365 subjects, one more isn't that hard.
The truth of the matter is though - that it has been hard at times. 366 different subjects to get angry about and, more importantly - 366 subjects to be articulate about.
Your mood you see, can really effect how you feel about subjects and how much they deserve a rant. On some days - even someone like me has their good days and just doesn't feel that the world deserves ranting about.
The subjects covered have been hugely varied too. From personal hates (Twilight, which is fucking shit!) to tongue in cheek silliness (the cake mix conundrum) to things that really make me mad (David Cameron you cunt, I'm looking at you,) it's taken a real effort sometimes to work out what subjects to cover.
I hope that you've enjoyed them anyway and that you didn't think I repeated myself (a real worry!)
One more to go.
Rant over.
Saturday, 29 December 2012
Rant 364 29/12/12 Subject: Tv adaptations
Rant number 364
I have just sat down to watch a Tv adaptation of a Stephen King Novel. Not the first I've watched or last no doubt.
The rant isn't about this particular adaptation, or this particular story. It goes on too long for me to be able to report on that.
The fact of the matter is though - that it's probably going to suck.
Firstly - it's rather long (it finishes in around 3 hours time, which - even with adverts gives it some serious run time!) and secondly - it appears to have one A lister in it (ex James Bond star and well past it Pierce Brosnan.)
As to why I am watching it? I like horror, I like Stephen King and because I am boundlessly optimistic that it will not suck ass like all the other straight to video stuff I've seen before.
It probably will though.
The reasons for this are simple enough. Tv films are poorly funded, poorly acted and poorly directed. Look at the Tv version of the Shining compared to the Kubrick Masterpiece. It's far closer to the book, feels like its about 7 years long and stinks like a fortnight old dog turd.
They're an easy draw and easy money for the author. It's just a shame that they aren't very good whatsoever!
Anyway, I'm going to continue with my brain enema now. Wish me luck.
Rant over.
I have just sat down to watch a Tv adaptation of a Stephen King Novel. Not the first I've watched or last no doubt.
The rant isn't about this particular adaptation, or this particular story. It goes on too long for me to be able to report on that.
The fact of the matter is though - that it's probably going to suck.
Firstly - it's rather long (it finishes in around 3 hours time, which - even with adverts gives it some serious run time!) and secondly - it appears to have one A lister in it (ex James Bond star and well past it Pierce Brosnan.)
As to why I am watching it? I like horror, I like Stephen King and because I am boundlessly optimistic that it will not suck ass like all the other straight to video stuff I've seen before.
It probably will though.
The reasons for this are simple enough. Tv films are poorly funded, poorly acted and poorly directed. Look at the Tv version of the Shining compared to the Kubrick Masterpiece. It's far closer to the book, feels like its about 7 years long and stinks like a fortnight old dog turd.
They're an easy draw and easy money for the author. It's just a shame that they aren't very good whatsoever!
Anyway, I'm going to continue with my brain enema now. Wish me luck.
Rant over.
Friday, 28 December 2012
Rant 363 28/12/12 Subject: Things my body cannot fix
Rant number 363
As mentioned yesterday, this morning I had my ears syringed. It did need doing (and apparently I need the other doing next week - joy.)
With that in mind, syringing sounds quite civilised doesn't it? It suggests that they get a syringe and, I dunno - suck the stuff out with it probably?
The reality is that they take a jet washer of sorts, ram it in your ear and flood your ear canal with little pulses of water until all the wax comes out. It's done the job and its a great relief. I felt dizzy for hours though, and a little bit seasick.
I'm not actually complaining about the procedure (though I think that they could give it a more accurate name such as high pressure ear enema.) As I said, it needed doing. What bothers me, is my bodies inability to fix these kind of things now I'm older.
Give or take a broken bone and a chest infection, I don't remember having anything more than over the counter remedies up until I was about 18.
Yes, I was poorly (chicken pocs, measles, colds and flu.) Everyone is ill from time to time. Everything I had though, I could shift in a few days. Colds and flu didn't stop me in my tracks like they can now. I could fix things myself practically without fail.
These days though, I seem to need to go to the doctors for antibiotics and the like, and it's crap.
What's happened to my beast of an immune system? Where did it go?
I wish it would come back - that's for sure!
Rant over.
As mentioned yesterday, this morning I had my ears syringed. It did need doing (and apparently I need the other doing next week - joy.)
With that in mind, syringing sounds quite civilised doesn't it? It suggests that they get a syringe and, I dunno - suck the stuff out with it probably?
The reality is that they take a jet washer of sorts, ram it in your ear and flood your ear canal with little pulses of water until all the wax comes out. It's done the job and its a great relief. I felt dizzy for hours though, and a little bit seasick.
I'm not actually complaining about the procedure (though I think that they could give it a more accurate name such as high pressure ear enema.) As I said, it needed doing. What bothers me, is my bodies inability to fix these kind of things now I'm older.
Give or take a broken bone and a chest infection, I don't remember having anything more than over the counter remedies up until I was about 18.
Yes, I was poorly (chicken pocs, measles, colds and flu.) Everyone is ill from time to time. Everything I had though, I could shift in a few days. Colds and flu didn't stop me in my tracks like they can now. I could fix things myself practically without fail.
These days though, I seem to need to go to the doctors for antibiotics and the like, and it's crap.
What's happened to my beast of an immune system? Where did it go?
I wish it would come back - that's for sure!
Rant over.
Thursday, 27 December 2012
Rant 362 27/12/12 Subject: Anticipation
Rant number 362
A great man once said 'expect the worse and you won't be disappointed.'
It's a bleak and grim statement - but it's bloody true. I'd you don't expect anything better - how could you be disappointed?
It is however, a human trait to torture ourselves with things that are yet to happen - just in order to guard ourselves against the bad stuff.
Tomorrow, I'm off to get my ear syringed - which is perfectly routine and has been done to millions of people over the years.
I can't help but worry about it however. It feels crap now - but I can't help but worry its going to feel horrid once it's done.
The thing is as well- that the things we dread are, more often than not, an awful lot better in reality than what we are dreading.
That being the case then- why do we even bother to worry? It's not necessary!
Rant over.
A great man once said 'expect the worse and you won't be disappointed.'
It's a bleak and grim statement - but it's bloody true. I'd you don't expect anything better - how could you be disappointed?
It is however, a human trait to torture ourselves with things that are yet to happen - just in order to guard ourselves against the bad stuff.
Tomorrow, I'm off to get my ear syringed - which is perfectly routine and has been done to millions of people over the years.
I can't help but worry about it however. It feels crap now - but I can't help but worry its going to feel horrid once it's done.
The thing is as well- that the things we dread are, more often than not, an awful lot better in reality than what we are dreading.
That being the case then- why do we even bother to worry? It's not necessary!
Rant over.
Wednesday, 26 December 2012
Rant 361 26/12/12 Subject: Distractions
Rant number 361
Christmas was lovely, great food, my wife spoiled me rotten and I finally got to sit down and watch some films.
As of about a week ago however, I've been suffering from an ear infection - followed by a serious case of flu.
As such- I didn't really enjoy myself as much as I wanted. As well as expelling another phlegm to fill a bath tub and sneezing enough times to send the earth slightly off it's axis, I've also had trouble sleeping and a near constant head/ear ache.
Now it does seem this is subsiding now - but it makes you want to lie in bed/on the sofa snuggled up, rather than doing anything much else. Which is why I've exe somewhat distracted with this rant too.
It's not late - but I meant to do it earlier and felt so shitty I didn't.
As of Friday - the ear should be sorted so if I can shift the flu too - we will be in business!
In the meantime - if anyone has the need for a large quantity of phlegm - I'm your man...
Rant over.
Christmas was lovely, great food, my wife spoiled me rotten and I finally got to sit down and watch some films.
As of about a week ago however, I've been suffering from an ear infection - followed by a serious case of flu.
As such- I didn't really enjoy myself as much as I wanted. As well as expelling another phlegm to fill a bath tub and sneezing enough times to send the earth slightly off it's axis, I've also had trouble sleeping and a near constant head/ear ache.
Now it does seem this is subsiding now - but it makes you want to lie in bed/on the sofa snuggled up, rather than doing anything much else. Which is why I've exe somewhat distracted with this rant too.
It's not late - but I meant to do it earlier and felt so shitty I didn't.
As of Friday - the ear should be sorted so if I can shift the flu too - we will be in business!
In the meantime - if anyone has the need for a large quantity of phlegm - I'm your man...
Rant over.
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Rant 360 25/12/12 Subject: Ranting
Rant number 360
Today is - incase you hadn't noticed, Christmas. Be it a religious holiday, the birth of gods son (who is also simultaneously god as well) it's a special day.
For me that's not a religious thing, it's a family thing. I spend it with my wife, speak to my loved ones and eat too much food.
It is as such, not a day for rants and anger. It's a time to be grateful for the things we have and the things we love.
It's not a time to complain - so I'm not going to!
Rant over.
Today is - incase you hadn't noticed, Christmas. Be it a religious holiday, the birth of gods son (who is also simultaneously god as well) it's a special day.
For me that's not a religious thing, it's a family thing. I spend it with my wife, speak to my loved ones and eat too much food.
It is as such, not a day for rants and anger. It's a time to be grateful for the things we have and the things we love.
It's not a time to complain - so I'm not going to!
Rant over.
Monday, 24 December 2012
Rant 359 24/12/12 Subject: Always with the negativity
Rant number 359
Now, I know this probably isn't actually a very valid point in some ways - coming from a man who has ranted for 360 consecutive days and counting.
I must say however, that on today - Christmas eve, when all should be full of cheer etc - Facebook is still flooded with some bloody miserable messages about politics and the like.
Nothing can be done at this stage can it? No - not for a few days. That being the case then, why do people have to be sharing the say negative memes and generally miserable rubbish as ever?
I know the world sucks and is unequal and unfair. I also know that this isn't going to change just because of someones whining bloody memes - that no-one pays attention to.
If I can get in the Christmas spirit - I'm sure that these people can make the effort to stave off reminding us of the state of the world for a day or two.
And while we are on the subject more generally - how about going and fixing the worlds problems, rather than just talking about them on Facebook. I'm pretty sure that David Cameron isn't going to stop being a cunt just because you said he was one on Facebook - so if you are bothered either do something about it or shut up - at least for a couple of days.
And for anyone not reading on the morrow, have a good Christmas. I hope that Santa empties his sack into your stockings and all that...
Rant over.
Now, I know this probably isn't actually a very valid point in some ways - coming from a man who has ranted for 360 consecutive days and counting.
I must say however, that on today - Christmas eve, when all should be full of cheer etc - Facebook is still flooded with some bloody miserable messages about politics and the like.
Nothing can be done at this stage can it? No - not for a few days. That being the case then, why do people have to be sharing the say negative memes and generally miserable rubbish as ever?
I know the world sucks and is unequal and unfair. I also know that this isn't going to change just because of someones whining bloody memes - that no-one pays attention to.
If I can get in the Christmas spirit - I'm sure that these people can make the effort to stave off reminding us of the state of the world for a day or two.
And while we are on the subject more generally - how about going and fixing the worlds problems, rather than just talking about them on Facebook. I'm pretty sure that David Cameron isn't going to stop being a cunt just because you said he was one on Facebook - so if you are bothered either do something about it or shut up - at least for a couple of days.
And for anyone not reading on the morrow, have a good Christmas. I hope that Santa empties his sack into your stockings and all that...
Rant over.
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Rant 358 23/12/12 Subject: The lovely hitmen
Rant number 358
The wife has just popped on 'In Bruges.' Its not a bad movie whatsoever - though not my cup of tea.
It does however, one particularly daft - and much recurrent hollywood trope however, which I think is ridiculous.
The film is about a pair of hit men - who are a bit bungling and, most importantly quite nice.
Now, I don't know if its just me that thinks this, but I'd think that people who kill for a living are probably quite unpleasant people to be around. They aren't going to be slightly socially awkward - and thus inherently a little bit likeable in my opinion.
This follows on from other great movies - such as the fantastic but flawed Leon. All involved play out of their skins (my favourite Gary Oldman performance as the worlds most evil corrupt cop ever,) however, the whole underpinning feel of the piece is a bit forced.
Jean Reno plays a lonely, loveable guy who also seems a little simple. He realises the role well and with class however. I'm pretty sure that once again - this does not add up to being a good serial killer. I'm pretty sure you have to be a pretty cool calculating bastard to go knifing/shooting another person dead.
I just think its daft me. People who kill have to be - by advent of what they are doing, a little bit switched off. They don't train soldiers to be loveable, they train them to be able to kill without remorse. I'm pretty sure the same thing would apply to someone who just kills for money!
Just my thoughts on the matter!
Rant over.
The wife has just popped on 'In Bruges.' Its not a bad movie whatsoever - though not my cup of tea.
It does however, one particularly daft - and much recurrent hollywood trope however, which I think is ridiculous.
The film is about a pair of hit men - who are a bit bungling and, most importantly quite nice.
Now, I don't know if its just me that thinks this, but I'd think that people who kill for a living are probably quite unpleasant people to be around. They aren't going to be slightly socially awkward - and thus inherently a little bit likeable in my opinion.
This follows on from other great movies - such as the fantastic but flawed Leon. All involved play out of their skins (my favourite Gary Oldman performance as the worlds most evil corrupt cop ever,) however, the whole underpinning feel of the piece is a bit forced.
Jean Reno plays a lonely, loveable guy who also seems a little simple. He realises the role well and with class however. I'm pretty sure that once again - this does not add up to being a good serial killer. I'm pretty sure you have to be a pretty cool calculating bastard to go knifing/shooting another person dead.
I just think its daft me. People who kill have to be - by advent of what they are doing, a little bit switched off. They don't train soldiers to be loveable, they train them to be able to kill without remorse. I'm pretty sure the same thing would apply to someone who just kills for money!
Just my thoughts on the matter!
Rant over.
Saturday, 22 December 2012
Rant 357 22/12/12 Subject: Changing trains
Rant number 357
I am, as many rants previous will have suggested - a man who favours his own form of transport. Ipso facto - I drive everywhere I generally can.
The reasons for this I have already explained. To paraphrase essentially- I don't like to be surrounded by the generally public- who do not wash and who cough too much an who have rabies and cholera and the like.
Tonight however, some good friends were getting married and I fancied a drink - so I've got the train.
Typically however, this was harder than originally thought.
You see, you plan around a particular train to get you home at a particular time - which is then delayed/cancelled etc. just as you are waiting for it.
I've completely lost track of the amount of times this has happened to me. For a commuter - it must be completely infuriating. Yes the motorway can be a bitch - and sometimes it even gets closed. It never gets cancelled though - and there is always another way.
Trains are really crap - and I do not miss using them regularly!
Rant over.
I am, as many rants previous will have suggested - a man who favours his own form of transport. Ipso facto - I drive everywhere I generally can.
The reasons for this I have already explained. To paraphrase essentially- I don't like to be surrounded by the generally public- who do not wash and who cough too much an who have rabies and cholera and the like.
Tonight however, some good friends were getting married and I fancied a drink - so I've got the train.
Typically however, this was harder than originally thought.
You see, you plan around a particular train to get you home at a particular time - which is then delayed/cancelled etc. just as you are waiting for it.
I've completely lost track of the amount of times this has happened to me. For a commuter - it must be completely infuriating. Yes the motorway can be a bitch - and sometimes it even gets closed. It never gets cancelled though - and there is always another way.
Trains are really crap - and I do not miss using them regularly!
Rant over.
Friday, 21 December 2012
Rant 356 21/12/12 Subject: Falling at the last bloody hurdle
Rant number 356
Today, as you have noticed, my rant is a little bit late. Around 47 minutes at this point!
The reason for this is simple. I was at my works Christmas meal.
Now, before you jump to any easily jumped to conclusions - I was driving, so no I am not drunk!
Also, although there wasn't much mobile signal about - I probably could have got to somewhere for a quick upload - so once again, that isn't it either.
No, the reason is simply that I had a time, let my hair down (not literally, it was already down) and had a good time. Because of this - I got distracted and forgot I wasn't a normal person who doesn't have to find time to rant every bloody day for 366 bloody days!
It's an irritating trick for my irritating memory to have pulled on me so late in the day. I've not missed a day but I've stretched it a bit.
Still - the end is in sight now. I should be able to avoid it happening again.
Sorry folk!
Rant over.
Today, as you have noticed, my rant is a little bit late. Around 47 minutes at this point!
The reason for this is simple. I was at my works Christmas meal.
Now, before you jump to any easily jumped to conclusions - I was driving, so no I am not drunk!
Also, although there wasn't much mobile signal about - I probably could have got to somewhere for a quick upload - so once again, that isn't it either.
No, the reason is simply that I had a time, let my hair down (not literally, it was already down) and had a good time. Because of this - I got distracted and forgot I wasn't a normal person who doesn't have to find time to rant every bloody day for 366 bloody days!
It's an irritating trick for my irritating memory to have pulled on me so late in the day. I've not missed a day but I've stretched it a bit.
Still - the end is in sight now. I should be able to avoid it happening again.
Sorry folk!
Rant over.
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Rant 355 20/12/12 Subject: The End of the world
Rant number 355
Today is quite possibly, the last rant of all!
Not because its the end of my rants officially (there are still 11 of the sods to go.)
No it's because, apparently - tomorrow is the end of the world!
Now, I've already touched on this before, but it's a subject that does deserve further inspection.
There are many many ways that the world could end. Nuclear war, rogue asteroids, alien invasions, pandemics etc etc etc.
When it happens though, I have a sneaky suspicion that no one is going to give us plenty of notice.
Also, when the Mayans supposedly predicted the end of the world, they should have been a bit busier predicting their own end - which was quite a while ago!
The fact that the calendar ends tomorrow is because they simply couldn't imagine any further into the future. It's not a prophecy of doom - just a bit of an oversight really.
Then there is the fact that they didn't count leap years so that arbitrary point has already gone by!
As such the whole thing is complete crap.
Should the world end tomorrow though - feel free to give me an I told you so in the afterlife hey?
Rant over.
Today is quite possibly, the last rant of all!
Not because its the end of my rants officially (there are still 11 of the sods to go.)
No it's because, apparently - tomorrow is the end of the world!
Now, I've already touched on this before, but it's a subject that does deserve further inspection.
There are many many ways that the world could end. Nuclear war, rogue asteroids, alien invasions, pandemics etc etc etc.
When it happens though, I have a sneaky suspicion that no one is going to give us plenty of notice.
Also, when the Mayans supposedly predicted the end of the world, they should have been a bit busier predicting their own end - which was quite a while ago!
The fact that the calendar ends tomorrow is because they simply couldn't imagine any further into the future. It's not a prophecy of doom - just a bit of an oversight really.
Then there is the fact that they didn't count leap years so that arbitrary point has already gone by!
As such the whole thing is complete crap.
Should the world end tomorrow though - feel free to give me an I told you so in the afterlife hey?
Rant over.
Wednesday, 19 December 2012
Rant 354 19/12/12 Subject: Leaving it too late
Rant number 354
I work in on-line retailing - and at this time of year, I do wonder why! Its bloody stressful fixing all of the problems when time is getting so short before Christmas.
I'm not a great lover of Christmas (did I ever mention that?) but I have no particular wish to let people down.
The fact of the matter is though - that people have to be realistic about this world - because, to break some news to you all - that you are possibly not aware of:
The world is not perfect!
If you order something, have a look at it before there are only 3 working days before Christmas. That way, people will be able to help you out. People seem to actually believe that Christmas magic exists - specially for them. It doesn't though.
If anything, at Christmas, many things wind down - because (and I know this is fucking disgusting!) you are not actually the only person in the world who would like to enjoy Christmas. As such, the post, the courier networks, shops, businesses and pretty much everything else wind down a little over the festive period - meaning that trying to sort problems out when there are only about 3 working days to do so (one of which doesn't really count!) is not really fabulous.
I understand its not great that this is the case - but it is the case. If you are going to mail order anything, try and look at things before the time runs out. People wan't to help you, but short of a fleet of jet packed superhero's - they probably can't. Don't make a nuisance of yourself and start being grumpy about it. Christmas comes at the same time every bloody year - so its not like you don't know its coming!
Rant over.
I work in on-line retailing - and at this time of year, I do wonder why! Its bloody stressful fixing all of the problems when time is getting so short before Christmas.
I'm not a great lover of Christmas (did I ever mention that?) but I have no particular wish to let people down.
The fact of the matter is though - that people have to be realistic about this world - because, to break some news to you all - that you are possibly not aware of:
The world is not perfect!
If you order something, have a look at it before there are only 3 working days before Christmas. That way, people will be able to help you out. People seem to actually believe that Christmas magic exists - specially for them. It doesn't though.
If anything, at Christmas, many things wind down - because (and I know this is fucking disgusting!) you are not actually the only person in the world who would like to enjoy Christmas. As such, the post, the courier networks, shops, businesses and pretty much everything else wind down a little over the festive period - meaning that trying to sort problems out when there are only about 3 working days to do so (one of which doesn't really count!) is not really fabulous.
I understand its not great that this is the case - but it is the case. If you are going to mail order anything, try and look at things before the time runs out. People wan't to help you, but short of a fleet of jet packed superhero's - they probably can't. Don't make a nuisance of yourself and start being grumpy about it. Christmas comes at the same time every bloody year - so its not like you don't know its coming!
Rant over.
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Rant 353 18/12/12 Subject: Plebgate
Rant number 353
How on earth, is this shit still in the news now? It was bastarding months ago.
For anyone who has just been released from jail/has just emerged from a Coma, this all begun rather a while ago.
A guy called Andrew Mitchell wanted to go out of the main gates on downing street on his bicycle, because he's like - so too important to use the gates right?
The policemen guarding the gates - not surprisingly said something along the lines of 'use the gate please' to which Andrew Mitchell had a bit of a tantrum - apparently culminating in him calling them Plebs.
He's since been sacked - and quite right too. If you want the public to be respectful to your police force - you should probably try and be respectful to them too.
That's not actually what I'm bothered about to be honest.
What irks me is two things:
A) Them calling it Plebgate - which is very irritating.
B) The fact that its still in the news.
I quite frankly don't really care about the story - and don't expect it to be carrying on so long. Andrew Mitchell has many times said he didn't call the policemen Plebs however - he seems to be quite tightlipped on exactly what was said. Now also - he's trying to turn it back on the coppers for lying about it. Just drop it! It should have been over with now.
Everyone knows that the tories are out of touch bastards who think we are indeed plebs, commoners, peasants etc etc. Chasing these stupid stories does nothing to solve things.
It's not like him being gone is going to make things better. They'll just replace him with another arsehole. That's how things like this are.
Frankly, I'm a bit pissed off of hearing about it now! There had better be some new news tomorrow!
Rant over.
How on earth, is this shit still in the news now? It was bastarding months ago.
For anyone who has just been released from jail/has just emerged from a Coma, this all begun rather a while ago.
A guy called Andrew Mitchell wanted to go out of the main gates on downing street on his bicycle, because he's like - so too important to use the gates right?
The policemen guarding the gates - not surprisingly said something along the lines of 'use the gate please' to which Andrew Mitchell had a bit of a tantrum - apparently culminating in him calling them Plebs.
He's since been sacked - and quite right too. If you want the public to be respectful to your police force - you should probably try and be respectful to them too.
That's not actually what I'm bothered about to be honest.
What irks me is two things:
A) Them calling it Plebgate - which is very irritating.
B) The fact that its still in the news.
I quite frankly don't really care about the story - and don't expect it to be carrying on so long. Andrew Mitchell has many times said he didn't call the policemen Plebs however - he seems to be quite tightlipped on exactly what was said. Now also - he's trying to turn it back on the coppers for lying about it. Just drop it! It should have been over with now.
Everyone knows that the tories are out of touch bastards who think we are indeed plebs, commoners, peasants etc etc. Chasing these stupid stories does nothing to solve things.
It's not like him being gone is going to make things better. They'll just replace him with another arsehole. That's how things like this are.
Frankly, I'm a bit pissed off of hearing about it now! There had better be some new news tomorrow!
Rant over.
Monday, 17 December 2012
Rant 352 17/12/12 Subject: How many times
Rant number 352
America is a big place and a great place in many ways. No place in the world whatsoever have such variation in culture, such freedom of speech and so much to offer the world.
Many of the individual people who live their are perfectly normal and wonderful people, just like everywhere else. Like here though - like France, Spain, China, Jamaica and everywhere else you can name or think of though - there are some bad apples.
There are always going to be bad people who want to ruin it for everyone, people who have been brainwashed, people who have bought too much into their own bitter rhetoric and people who plain have a screw loose.
So there is nothing unusual about America in that way - except for the ease with which they can get the tools to reek havoc.
Guns are a constitutional right don't you know. Every American can bear arms - a right that they jealously hold onto tooth and nail. The problem is? How the hell can you stop it now.
They may have had some horrific deaths with the Twin Towers and other terrorist attacks in recent times. Around 3000 - which is a really horrible loss. They've lost on average 10,000 a year though - in shootings from within their own country. That's an awful lot of people I think you will agree.
In America - owning a gun has become a very normal thing to do, because of a simple argument.
Guns are available to everyone. The unscrupulous are going to get hold of guns to use as they see fit - so the others feel that they need them to protect themselves. Its an insane reaction to an insane situation.
I mean - lets look at this in context boys and girls. Guns are only designed to do one thing. They are designed to kill either animals or other people. They can be used to shoot targets or deer or birds but they are still just meant do what they were designed for. They aren't a method of protection.
They shouldn't be a constitutional right in modern times. The Americans aren't in a civil war now - except within the gangs who have all been easily supplied with guns.
Its a ridiculous situation and its sad - because things keep happening like the recent raw wound in America. Another horrible massacre. Another loner who took his mothers legally bought handguns and went out on a killing spree.
Treat a gun like a toy - and people will look at life like its a game.
I really hope that Obama can do something about guns in America. He seems to be a man - and he would rightly go down in History for it.
No doubt though - there are one too many rednecks in congress who are going to stop that happening.
Its a sad state of affairs - it really is.
Rant over.
America is a big place and a great place in many ways. No place in the world whatsoever have such variation in culture, such freedom of speech and so much to offer the world.
Many of the individual people who live their are perfectly normal and wonderful people, just like everywhere else. Like here though - like France, Spain, China, Jamaica and everywhere else you can name or think of though - there are some bad apples.
There are always going to be bad people who want to ruin it for everyone, people who have been brainwashed, people who have bought too much into their own bitter rhetoric and people who plain have a screw loose.
So there is nothing unusual about America in that way - except for the ease with which they can get the tools to reek havoc.
Guns are a constitutional right don't you know. Every American can bear arms - a right that they jealously hold onto tooth and nail. The problem is? How the hell can you stop it now.
They may have had some horrific deaths with the Twin Towers and other terrorist attacks in recent times. Around 3000 - which is a really horrible loss. They've lost on average 10,000 a year though - in shootings from within their own country. That's an awful lot of people I think you will agree.
In America - owning a gun has become a very normal thing to do, because of a simple argument.
Guns are available to everyone. The unscrupulous are going to get hold of guns to use as they see fit - so the others feel that they need them to protect themselves. Its an insane reaction to an insane situation.
I mean - lets look at this in context boys and girls. Guns are only designed to do one thing. They are designed to kill either animals or other people. They can be used to shoot targets or deer or birds but they are still just meant do what they were designed for. They aren't a method of protection.
They shouldn't be a constitutional right in modern times. The Americans aren't in a civil war now - except within the gangs who have all been easily supplied with guns.
Its a ridiculous situation and its sad - because things keep happening like the recent raw wound in America. Another horrible massacre. Another loner who took his mothers legally bought handguns and went out on a killing spree.
Treat a gun like a toy - and people will look at life like its a game.
I really hope that Obama can do something about guns in America. He seems to be a man - and he would rightly go down in History for it.
No doubt though - there are one too many rednecks in congress who are going to stop that happening.
Its a sad state of affairs - it really is.
Rant over.
Sunday, 16 December 2012
Rant 351 16/12/12 Subject: Dragging month
Rant number 351
I think by now that you have realised that I'm not a big fan of Christmas - or the month of December. They are not really my thing.
There is mass hysteria over toys, over food and over pretty much everything.
People push themselves to the brink trying to get it all right and expend far too much energy in a few short weeks - in the name of 'good will towards men' (and women of course.)
The whole thing is so obsessive - like the one day holds some humongous significance.
The reality however, is that its just another day - despite all the hype and 'magic' that by all accounts surrounds it.
I understand that people want something special for the winter but really - its not such a big day, its just 24 hours. Why not make your magic last all winter or all year or whatever? Surely that would be much better?
The worst thing of all is though - it means that I'm stressed out, busy as hell and each day is hard work that goes on forever. Which is making this month last forever!
Why is it not over yet - well this week at the very least.
Rant over.
I think by now that you have realised that I'm not a big fan of Christmas - or the month of December. They are not really my thing.
There is mass hysteria over toys, over food and over pretty much everything.
People push themselves to the brink trying to get it all right and expend far too much energy in a few short weeks - in the name of 'good will towards men' (and women of course.)
The whole thing is so obsessive - like the one day holds some humongous significance.
The reality however, is that its just another day - despite all the hype and 'magic' that by all accounts surrounds it.
I understand that people want something special for the winter but really - its not such a big day, its just 24 hours. Why not make your magic last all winter or all year or whatever? Surely that would be much better?
The worst thing of all is though - it means that I'm stressed out, busy as hell and each day is hard work that goes on forever. Which is making this month last forever!
Why is it not over yet - well this week at the very least.
Rant over.
Saturday, 15 December 2012
Rant 350 15/12/12 Subject: Space Invaders
Rant number 350
Now, to begin with - I want to make it very clear that I don't have a problem with the vintage space invaders - those pixillated alien monsters don't annoy me terribly (except when they get near the bottom of the screen and go super fast - the bastards!)
No, I'm talking about people who have no perception or respect for other peoples personal space. Its one of the rudest characteristics of the more chavvy classes and general stupid people.
Today - I was carolling in the supermarket, and people wouldn't walk an extra 25cm out of their way in order to not walk into the area where my trombone slide was going.
My trombone is one of my most prized possessions - and it would be very dangerous indeed to walk into it. Either people are too fucking lazy or are too 'cool' to go out of their way by a footstep or people can't look where they are going. Either way - they are fucking idiots.
It's a constant annoyance to me - the way people behave in public. You don't need to be an ignorant arsehole to be respected. You just look like a douchebag.
Most irritating indeed!
Rant over.
Now, to begin with - I want to make it very clear that I don't have a problem with the vintage space invaders - those pixillated alien monsters don't annoy me terribly (except when they get near the bottom of the screen and go super fast - the bastards!)
No, I'm talking about people who have no perception or respect for other peoples personal space. Its one of the rudest characteristics of the more chavvy classes and general stupid people.
Today - I was carolling in the supermarket, and people wouldn't walk an extra 25cm out of their way in order to not walk into the area where my trombone slide was going.
My trombone is one of my most prized possessions - and it would be very dangerous indeed to walk into it. Either people are too fucking lazy or are too 'cool' to go out of their way by a footstep or people can't look where they are going. Either way - they are fucking idiots.
It's a constant annoyance to me - the way people behave in public. You don't need to be an ignorant arsehole to be respected. You just look like a douchebag.
Most irritating indeed!
Rant over.
Friday, 14 December 2012
Rant 349 14/12/12 Subject: No provision for ice
Rant number 349
I think that I pretty much articulated just how bloody cold it was yesterday.
Like, really - balls meeting your kidneys cold.
Well certainly by English standards anyway.
The truth of the matter is though - that to countries such as Russia, yesterday was pretty bloody balmy. Hell - to them, it was practically beach weather.
Which is why today was a bit of a farce.
The roads and pavements across this area were not gritted or salted overnight - despite the temperatures that meant black ice was an almost certainty. As such - not surprisingly. Things were fucking chaotic.
It took me around quarter of an hour to hack through the ice on my car (I broke my ice scraper!) - eventually resorting to a combination of de-icer and warm water. I then drove to work slowly and carefully - leaving a clenched indent of my bottom on the seat - because things were bloody foggy, bloody icy and thus a bit bloody worrying.
And most irritatingly - quite preventable.
Our local council have today announced that they are going to buy all of the councillors iPads to work on - which is going to cost a great deal of money - but save us money in the long run apparently (does anyone smell that male cow poo?)
But yet they spend nothing on gritting the roads so that people won't be injured in this weather? Cockends.
Surely - its a false economy to skimp on these things. Grit is cheap - but medical care is expensive. It also effects businesses and employees - who cannot get to work or transport their goods.
The news readers this morning for instance said 'only travel if absolutely necessary.' To some, it may not be necessary to go to work in this weather (like the councillors for instance?) To me - its a bloody necessity because I don't get paid if I don't get there.
It just goes to show that people at even the local council level are useless, self serving cunts who don't give a shit about you or I.
Bastards!
Rant over.
I think that I pretty much articulated just how bloody cold it was yesterday.
Like, really - balls meeting your kidneys cold.
Well certainly by English standards anyway.
The truth of the matter is though - that to countries such as Russia, yesterday was pretty bloody balmy. Hell - to them, it was practically beach weather.
Which is why today was a bit of a farce.
The roads and pavements across this area were not gritted or salted overnight - despite the temperatures that meant black ice was an almost certainty. As such - not surprisingly. Things were fucking chaotic.
It took me around quarter of an hour to hack through the ice on my car (I broke my ice scraper!) - eventually resorting to a combination of de-icer and warm water. I then drove to work slowly and carefully - leaving a clenched indent of my bottom on the seat - because things were bloody foggy, bloody icy and thus a bit bloody worrying.
And most irritatingly - quite preventable.
Our local council have today announced that they are going to buy all of the councillors iPads to work on - which is going to cost a great deal of money - but save us money in the long run apparently (does anyone smell that male cow poo?)
But yet they spend nothing on gritting the roads so that people won't be injured in this weather? Cockends.
Surely - its a false economy to skimp on these things. Grit is cheap - but medical care is expensive. It also effects businesses and employees - who cannot get to work or transport their goods.
The news readers this morning for instance said 'only travel if absolutely necessary.' To some, it may not be necessary to go to work in this weather (like the councillors for instance?) To me - its a bloody necessity because I don't get paid if I don't get there.
It just goes to show that people at even the local council level are useless, self serving cunts who don't give a shit about you or I.
Bastards!
Rant over.
Thursday, 13 December 2012
Rant 348 13/12/12 Subject: The extreme winter
Rant number 348
Today I've been out spreading Christmas cheer to the people of Rochdale - who to be honest seemed a little bit unmoved. We were playing carols in the streets in order to raise some funds for the band. In truth though - I think that people were more keen to stay in their houses - like anyone with any common sense would.
Now I've talked about feeling the cold before this year - but I didn't talk about the cold like it has been this year. For years, our weather has been getting worse and worse - and it seems now that our winters are going to be pretty bloody evil.
Today, knowing I was off carolling - I put on:
Thick Jeans
2 T-shirts
1 Hoodie
1 Coat over hoodie
2 pairs of socks
Fingerless gloves
Within seconds of stepping out of the car and assembling my instrument however, I was really feeling it. Probably because the temperature outside this evening was roughly minus 2!
That's just not bloody right is it? Minus 2 is inside your freezer temperature - not outside temperature. I'm sure its been getting colder, icier and more and more extreme year on year. Lets hope it doesn't get worse in this way for much longer - or we're all going to take up hibernation.
It's icy and thats dangerous. That means more accidents and misery and traffic and stuff. Today its been freezing fog all bloody day - which means more accidents and the like.
I just want to be able to get from A-B without me or other people crashing into stuff and for it to not be colder than a fridge outside! - is that too much to ask?
Apparently so!
Rant over.
Wednesday, 12 December 2012
Rant 347 12/12/12 Subject: 'Special dates'
Rant number 347
Today is the 12th of December 2012, or as some like to put it 12/12/12
My god, it's like the fucking twin peaks!
Not the date you understand - that's a load of crap, it's the idiots who try and find significance in these things, as if there isn't anything important going on in the world.
To start with, 12/12/12 took place a thousand years ago - and I doubt it was significant even then. People always miss out the first two digits to prove their point though and that's really annoying.
Then lets look at the dates in general. It's only been 2012 years since they started counting the modern way. The calendar goes back well before people started counting - so we don't actually have a clue what the date happens to be. Either way, no date is at all special or magic.
The world is going to end because we finally blow it up or because an asteroid hits the earth or something. Things aren't going to stop operating on the 21st of this month - just because the Mayans didn't think about the calendar in several thousand years. And they didn't count leap years either.
So there.
Rant over.
Today is the 12th of December 2012, or as some like to put it 12/12/12
My god, it's like the fucking twin peaks!
Not the date you understand - that's a load of crap, it's the idiots who try and find significance in these things, as if there isn't anything important going on in the world.
To start with, 12/12/12 took place a thousand years ago - and I doubt it was significant even then. People always miss out the first two digits to prove their point though and that's really annoying.
Then lets look at the dates in general. It's only been 2012 years since they started counting the modern way. The calendar goes back well before people started counting - so we don't actually have a clue what the date happens to be. Either way, no date is at all special or magic.
The world is going to end because we finally blow it up or because an asteroid hits the earth or something. Things aren't going to stop operating on the 21st of this month - just because the Mayans didn't think about the calendar in several thousand years. And they didn't count leap years either.
So there.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Rant 346 11/12/12 Subject: Christmas Cards
Rant number 346
On the news this morning, there was a woman on - waffling about how fantastic the Christmas card industry in the UK is. She was grinning from ear to ear - like a cheshire cat on botox.
The reason for her grin was simple enough, a big grin indeed - because the industry of Christmas cards is doing fucking well. Despite the recession and all the rest of it, we brits still send Christmas cards (and birthday cards and anniversary cards etc. etc.)
For that woman's smug - irritating grin alone - I would say one thing and one thing only to you my readers:
Stop buying Christmas cards!
You buy about tuppence worth of cheap card and ink - for an awful lot more than tuppence.
You write on it, a message that reads 'To - the recipient, From me' with whatever platitude lying in the middle.
You then put it in an envelope and slit your tongue open licking it along its razors edge.
You then give it to the recipient - who opens it, looks like your scrawl - and often gives you a similarly half hearted effort. Or you send it in the post - which costs about 50 times more than the card is worth
It's become a social convention that we must all be involved in - but what does it really mean. Wouldn't it be nicer to give the people you give a shit about a hug and a Christmas wish - rather than someone else's, printed on cheap cardboard. We've all seen these messages, and the pictures (traditional/modern/humorous,) so there is no bloody need.
If you want to send a card- save a tree and send an e-card, or - god forbid give the person your own message.
Give the money to charity or flush it down the drain - for all the good that these cards really do. What a waste of trees. I'm putting my foot down this year and I shall not be part of it!
Rant over.
On the news this morning, there was a woman on - waffling about how fantastic the Christmas card industry in the UK is. She was grinning from ear to ear - like a cheshire cat on botox.
The reason for her grin was simple enough, a big grin indeed - because the industry of Christmas cards is doing fucking well. Despite the recession and all the rest of it, we brits still send Christmas cards (and birthday cards and anniversary cards etc. etc.)
For that woman's smug - irritating grin alone - I would say one thing and one thing only to you my readers:
Stop buying Christmas cards!
You buy about tuppence worth of cheap card and ink - for an awful lot more than tuppence.
You write on it, a message that reads 'To - the recipient, From me' with whatever platitude lying in the middle.
You then put it in an envelope and slit your tongue open licking it along its razors edge.
You then give it to the recipient - who opens it, looks like your scrawl - and often gives you a similarly half hearted effort. Or you send it in the post - which costs about 50 times more than the card is worth
It's become a social convention that we must all be involved in - but what does it really mean. Wouldn't it be nicer to give the people you give a shit about a hug and a Christmas wish - rather than someone else's, printed on cheap cardboard. We've all seen these messages, and the pictures (traditional/modern/humorous,) so there is no bloody need.
If you want to send a card- save a tree and send an e-card, or - god forbid give the person your own message.
Give the money to charity or flush it down the drain - for all the good that these cards really do. What a waste of trees. I'm putting my foot down this year and I shall not be part of it!
Rant over.
Monday, 10 December 2012
Rant 345 10/12/12 Subject: Northern Ireland
Rant number 345
Whenever terrorist actions take place these days - its usual the asian religions that are to blame. As such - you get a certain amount of smugness from the Christians of one sort or another (lets face it, there are more variations than there could possibly need to be.)
Over the last week or so however, there have been some stark reminders of the recent past when things were quite different.
Northern Ireland, is a country with a very very troubled past in very recent years - and it seems that things are stirring up all over again. The country appears to be in somewhat of a state of anticipated conflict all over again - and its just not on.
When I was a child, I remember a lot of very scary stuff happening. The IRA - the bombings, it was an ugly time, and it should just not happen again.
Why can people not get along with each other - despite the differences in opinion.
The subject of contention is loyalism. Whether they as a country side with Ireland or with us. Half the country want to stay with us, and half with them - which is all very well, but no reason to be bombing and killing.
And what do you think is starting it all up again? A bombing - no. A loyalist march or something - no.
No, its about a fucking flag.
Childish idiotic fuckers. The country have been maiming each other for years and years and its just not OK. Bloody idiots.
Rant over.
Whenever terrorist actions take place these days - its usual the asian religions that are to blame. As such - you get a certain amount of smugness from the Christians of one sort or another (lets face it, there are more variations than there could possibly need to be.)
Over the last week or so however, there have been some stark reminders of the recent past when things were quite different.
Northern Ireland, is a country with a very very troubled past in very recent years - and it seems that things are stirring up all over again. The country appears to be in somewhat of a state of anticipated conflict all over again - and its just not on.
When I was a child, I remember a lot of very scary stuff happening. The IRA - the bombings, it was an ugly time, and it should just not happen again.
Why can people not get along with each other - despite the differences in opinion.
The subject of contention is loyalism. Whether they as a country side with Ireland or with us. Half the country want to stay with us, and half with them - which is all very well, but no reason to be bombing and killing.
And what do you think is starting it all up again? A bombing - no. A loyalist march or something - no.
No, its about a fucking flag.
Childish idiotic fuckers. The country have been maiming each other for years and years and its just not OK. Bloody idiots.
Rant over.
Sunday, 9 December 2012
Rant 344 09/12/12 Subject: The rain of stupid
Rant number 344
I read a book once called 'One Rainy Night' by a guy called Richard Laymon. I've read many of his books in fact - but this one came to mind yesterday.
It's a good (but rather strange) but about a town where it starts to rain - certainly nothing unusual about that. The thing is though - this rain turns people into psychopathic murderous folk - a little bit like zombies but more sentient. It's a good book if you like horror stories, but that's kind of an aside to things.
The reason I thought about it yesterday was the stupidity that was so evident in town - which made me wonder if someone has started putting stupid enzymes in the rain.
To start with, after managing to park in town, a couple stood by the lift - evidently waiting for the same to arrive. There are two lifts - operated by one button. Its a pretty simple system really.
Idiot proof surely?
Evidently not.
As me and the wife approached the lifts - the left hand one opened - whilst the two idiots were too busy fiddling with their phones to notice. Inevitably, despite a slight scuttle on realisation of this - we missed the lift.
Fucking eejits.
To add to this, when we then got in the lift with tweedle dum and tweedle fucking dumber and reached the ground floor - some intellectual marvel had lined up their shopping in front of the lift doors.
I mean - had they not seen a lift before? Really?
Today, it took the almost 5 minutes to explain to a girl on the phone that our pizza was overdue and articulate our address to her.
What the hell is happening to people.
Idiot rain - thats what it bloody well is.
It would explain a lot. People watching X-Factor, Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity and pretty much everything else. People voting for David Fucking Cameron and then wondering why he's basically dry humping every last man, woman and child in the wallets. Peoples obsessions with pointless celebrities and of course the fads for wearing crocs and the like.
If I was you, I'd get out there and buy the biggest hat and umbrella you can - while you are still able to read these words.
Rant over.
I read a book once called 'One Rainy Night' by a guy called Richard Laymon. I've read many of his books in fact - but this one came to mind yesterday.
It's a good (but rather strange) but about a town where it starts to rain - certainly nothing unusual about that. The thing is though - this rain turns people into psychopathic murderous folk - a little bit like zombies but more sentient. It's a good book if you like horror stories, but that's kind of an aside to things.
The reason I thought about it yesterday was the stupidity that was so evident in town - which made me wonder if someone has started putting stupid enzymes in the rain.
To start with, after managing to park in town, a couple stood by the lift - evidently waiting for the same to arrive. There are two lifts - operated by one button. Its a pretty simple system really.
Idiot proof surely?
Evidently not.
As me and the wife approached the lifts - the left hand one opened - whilst the two idiots were too busy fiddling with their phones to notice. Inevitably, despite a slight scuttle on realisation of this - we missed the lift.
Fucking eejits.
To add to this, when we then got in the lift with tweedle dum and tweedle fucking dumber and reached the ground floor - some intellectual marvel had lined up their shopping in front of the lift doors.
I mean - had they not seen a lift before? Really?
Today, it took the almost 5 minutes to explain to a girl on the phone that our pizza was overdue and articulate our address to her.
What the hell is happening to people.
Idiot rain - thats what it bloody well is.
It would explain a lot. People watching X-Factor, Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity and pretty much everything else. People voting for David Fucking Cameron and then wondering why he's basically dry humping every last man, woman and child in the wallets. Peoples obsessions with pointless celebrities and of course the fads for wearing crocs and the like.
If I was you, I'd get out there and buy the biggest hat and umbrella you can - while you are still able to read these words.
Rant over.
Saturday, 8 December 2012
Rant 343 08/12/12 Subject: Overlaps
Rant number 343
Christmas has many undesirable qualities to it, and probably one of its worse is the fact that you are almost constantly busy.
Work ramps up, there are parties and band jobs and carolling and various other drags on your time, it's. a frustration!
This results in some seriously frustrating situations of double booking and overlapping - such as tonight. I had a concert and a party to go to - so I've tried to do both - meaning I rushed off from the concert to the party - arriving very late indeed.
It's not the best of both worlds really - it's kind of the worst of both.
I really hate that! I feel obliged to make everyone happy - which is not going to happen.
It's a pain it really is.
Rant over.
Christmas has many undesirable qualities to it, and probably one of its worse is the fact that you are almost constantly busy.
Work ramps up, there are parties and band jobs and carolling and various other drags on your time, it's. a frustration!
This results in some seriously frustrating situations of double booking and overlapping - such as tonight. I had a concert and a party to go to - so I've tried to do both - meaning I rushed off from the concert to the party - arriving very late indeed.
It's not the best of both worlds really - it's kind of the worst of both.
I really hate that! I feel obliged to make everyone happy - which is not going to happen.
It's a pain it really is.
Rant over.
Friday, 7 December 2012
Rant 342 07/12/12 Subject: Domino effects
Rant number 342
Following the previously ranted news about the royal baby, there has been much media interest and media hype.
The media do love a good royal story after all - and many sycophants have been tripping over their own tongues in order to pass on their congratulations.
Not everyone however, decided that this was their style.
Mel Greig & Michael Christian, two DJ's from Australia made a stupid prank call that surprised even them!
Using some of the most unconvincing Queen & Prince Charles accents you have ever heard, they phoned up the incredibly exclusive (and of course reassuringly expensive) hospital where Kate Middleton was having her checkup.
The nurse who answered the phone -obviously wasn't paying attention properly and put the two of them through to speak to nurses who were serving Kate directly.
Now, from hearing those rather terrible accents, it is pretty hard to believe that they got through - even the DJ's were surprised as hell. The lady who answered though - wasn't an English lady I am pretty sure from the name and the accent on the recordings - so you can forgive her that a little.
After this all came out - they understandably were not impressed with either the hospital or the radio station. It's bad that the hospital didn't ask some more questions - rather than giving it a simple 'Yes Ma'am' and thinking no more of it. It's also pretty bad that a radio station invaded someones privacy when they are at their most vulnerable.
No-one had really got onto the lady who answered the phone yet though. Which is where the story takes its darkest turn.
The lady who took the call has now taken her own life - which is a pretty sad result to a very silly thing to do.
The hospital by all accounts had not made any proceedings towards disciplining her however, I think that's pretty bloody unlikely. Under the circumstances - I'd be pretty surprised if they:
A) Hadn't been in the process of sacking her
B) Will never admit that now.
The poor women was just doing her job - no doubt, like the rest of us she was stressed, in a rush and wasn't paying attention. Its sad that she felt this was the only way out.
It may have been the end of her career- but she has a life beyond that surely? She was also a mother -and I really think its a shame for them to be left behind.
She didn't deserve to feel guilty - we all drop a bolluc every now and then.
The whole domino effect of the thing is just ridiculous. It's gone from a pregnancy to a death in the space of only a few days.
What a shame
Rant over.
Following the previously ranted news about the royal baby, there has been much media interest and media hype.
The media do love a good royal story after all - and many sycophants have been tripping over their own tongues in order to pass on their congratulations.
Not everyone however, decided that this was their style.
Mel Greig & Michael Christian, two DJ's from Australia made a stupid prank call that surprised even them!
Using some of the most unconvincing Queen & Prince Charles accents you have ever heard, they phoned up the incredibly exclusive (and of course reassuringly expensive) hospital where Kate Middleton was having her checkup.
The nurse who answered the phone -obviously wasn't paying attention properly and put the two of them through to speak to nurses who were serving Kate directly.
Now, from hearing those rather terrible accents, it is pretty hard to believe that they got through - even the DJ's were surprised as hell. The lady who answered though - wasn't an English lady I am pretty sure from the name and the accent on the recordings - so you can forgive her that a little.
After this all came out - they understandably were not impressed with either the hospital or the radio station. It's bad that the hospital didn't ask some more questions - rather than giving it a simple 'Yes Ma'am' and thinking no more of it. It's also pretty bad that a radio station invaded someones privacy when they are at their most vulnerable.
No-one had really got onto the lady who answered the phone yet though. Which is where the story takes its darkest turn.
The lady who took the call has now taken her own life - which is a pretty sad result to a very silly thing to do.
The hospital by all accounts had not made any proceedings towards disciplining her however, I think that's pretty bloody unlikely. Under the circumstances - I'd be pretty surprised if they:
A) Hadn't been in the process of sacking her
B) Will never admit that now.
The poor women was just doing her job - no doubt, like the rest of us she was stressed, in a rush and wasn't paying attention. Its sad that she felt this was the only way out.
It may have been the end of her career- but she has a life beyond that surely? She was also a mother -and I really think its a shame for them to be left behind.
She didn't deserve to feel guilty - we all drop a bolluc every now and then.
The whole domino effect of the thing is just ridiculous. It's gone from a pregnancy to a death in the space of only a few days.
What a shame
Rant over.
Thursday, 6 December 2012
Rant 341 06/12/12 Subject: Snow
Rant number 341
I consider myself a bit like the US postal service in some ways.
This comparison I believe applies well on two distinct levels:
1) There is a great likelihood that, one of these days - I am going to tip over the edge of grumpiness into genuine homicidal rage; what is commonly know as 'going postal.'
2) I also like to carry on with my live, come rain, come snow, come hail and various other weather conditions.
This applies particularly to band.
I like to get there whatever. I enjoy it and I don't like to let the group down by my absence.
Today however, for the first time in a very long time - I had to give in, turn tail and go home - and its thoroughly irritating.
At around 2pm today - it started to snow. Just a slow flurry really, very light and falling on wet ground - which I thus believed would not settle.
This then turned into rain - which then turned into sleet - which I thought would not settle yet still.
I was bloody wrong though! Its been hammering it down with sleet for hours now - and so the road is not snowy - its just very very slushy: which is, if anything worse.
I set of thus this evening, to find the motorways rammed nose to tail - and the B routes too treacherous to risk - with the sleety/snowy stuff buffeting my windscreen.
Its thoroughly crap it is having to put up with snow. Its not romantic or exotic - just bloody dangerous and highly inconvenient for just about everyone involved. Snowy roads can be bloody lethal.
The stuff is fine on Christmas cards or whatever. It looks good from afar. It's even OK if you are not someone with anywhere to go - who can make snowmen or sledge or whatever. Maybe if they could organise for the stuff to just fall on the odd field - that would work well!
Bloody rubbish!
Rant over.
I consider myself a bit like the US postal service in some ways.
This comparison I believe applies well on two distinct levels:
1) There is a great likelihood that, one of these days - I am going to tip over the edge of grumpiness into genuine homicidal rage; what is commonly know as 'going postal.'
2) I also like to carry on with my live, come rain, come snow, come hail and various other weather conditions.
This applies particularly to band.
I like to get there whatever. I enjoy it and I don't like to let the group down by my absence.
Today however, for the first time in a very long time - I had to give in, turn tail and go home - and its thoroughly irritating.
At around 2pm today - it started to snow. Just a slow flurry really, very light and falling on wet ground - which I thus believed would not settle.
This then turned into rain - which then turned into sleet - which I thought would not settle yet still.
I was bloody wrong though! Its been hammering it down with sleet for hours now - and so the road is not snowy - its just very very slushy: which is, if anything worse.
I set of thus this evening, to find the motorways rammed nose to tail - and the B routes too treacherous to risk - with the sleety/snowy stuff buffeting my windscreen.
Its thoroughly crap it is having to put up with snow. Its not romantic or exotic - just bloody dangerous and highly inconvenient for just about everyone involved. Snowy roads can be bloody lethal.
The stuff is fine on Christmas cards or whatever. It looks good from afar. It's even OK if you are not someone with anywhere to go - who can make snowmen or sledge or whatever. Maybe if they could organise for the stuff to just fall on the odd field - that would work well!
Bloody rubbish!
Rant over.
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Rant 340 05/12/12 Subject: The incautious idiots strike again
Rant number 340
Today, again, it took forever to get home from work (after I was late for work in the morning). The journey that should take 30 minutes, took over an hour and 45 minutes - what a ball ache.
And why prey? I hear you cry.
Because there has been yet another humongous accident on the M62.
It's always sad when these things happen I know, and I hope that the people involved are OK. Once again though - I can't help but be a little irritated that these things just keep happening.
Now, I know that at this time of year - the conditions aren't ideal. It gets very cold and icy indeed - which can make things slippery.
I suppose you could use this as an argument as to why these things keep happening.
I don't accept that though - I think its just people being dickheads.
The reasons for this I feel are:
A) Everyone knows it can be slippery because its cold - as such, everyone should be more careful - ignorance is no excuse
B) This stuff keeps happening on the M62, one of the busiest motorways in the country. Its gritted at night and is in use at all times of the day - as such, its tough for ice to form.
C)The areas where these accidents have been happening are at a reduced 50 mile an hour speed limit - which surely should make this stuff less likely to happen.
So what is going on?
People driving aggressively with no regard. This time - as it often is, it was a lorry that caused the problem - and they really are a menace.
Many of them are from foreign countries and so aren't necessarily experienced with looking for traffic on the right side of their vehicles. Their mirrors and seats also are set up so that they can see the left side of the vehicle better than the right - which is just a bit fucking dangerous.
Then there is the situation with revs. Lorries take a long time to accelerate up to speed and get revs up. As such, they hate braking and so will drive very aggressively in order to keep up to speed (I have experienced this myself, when one of these complete and utter cunts tried to push me off the motorway.)
So what do I think really is happening? We have too many lorry drivers driving too complacently - and with too little regard for the other road users. While this goes on - the accidents will continue.
I hate the M62, and those bastards.
Rant over.
Today, again, it took forever to get home from work (after I was late for work in the morning). The journey that should take 30 minutes, took over an hour and 45 minutes - what a ball ache.
And why prey? I hear you cry.
Because there has been yet another humongous accident on the M62.
It's always sad when these things happen I know, and I hope that the people involved are OK. Once again though - I can't help but be a little irritated that these things just keep happening.
Now, I know that at this time of year - the conditions aren't ideal. It gets very cold and icy indeed - which can make things slippery.
I suppose you could use this as an argument as to why these things keep happening.
I don't accept that though - I think its just people being dickheads.
The reasons for this I feel are:
A) Everyone knows it can be slippery because its cold - as such, everyone should be more careful - ignorance is no excuse
B) This stuff keeps happening on the M62, one of the busiest motorways in the country. Its gritted at night and is in use at all times of the day - as such, its tough for ice to form.
C)The areas where these accidents have been happening are at a reduced 50 mile an hour speed limit - which surely should make this stuff less likely to happen.
So what is going on?
People driving aggressively with no regard. This time - as it often is, it was a lorry that caused the problem - and they really are a menace.
Many of them are from foreign countries and so aren't necessarily experienced with looking for traffic on the right side of their vehicles. Their mirrors and seats also are set up so that they can see the left side of the vehicle better than the right - which is just a bit fucking dangerous.
Then there is the situation with revs. Lorries take a long time to accelerate up to speed and get revs up. As such, they hate braking and so will drive very aggressively in order to keep up to speed (I have experienced this myself, when one of these complete and utter cunts tried to push me off the motorway.)
So what do I think really is happening? We have too many lorry drivers driving too complacently - and with too little regard for the other road users. While this goes on - the accidents will continue.
I hate the M62, and those bastards.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Rant 339 04/12/12 Subject: Christmas sneaking in
Rant number 339
Come on guys, its only 4 days into bloody December!
As far as I'm aware, there are 21 days between now and Christmas. That being the case- why am I now being inundated with it? Can't a grinch be miserable in the face of the looming day - without constant reminder.
As of yesterday, my morning radio station announced that they would be doing 50% Christmas music - which they plan to ramp up day on day.
Then there are Christmas specials and films already cropping up on TV. I'm sure that the big day could be much more exciting if we hadn't had all the Christmas stuff leading up to it!
It's most annoying! - Expect more grinch rants soon.
Rant over.
Monday, 3 December 2012
Rant 338 03/12/12 Subject: The royal baby
Rant number 339
On the way home from work this evening, I listened to the news as usual. From what I can remember - there was a very very short talk about the Leveson cameron debacle again, followed by:
Royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby and (you guessed it) royal baby.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm all very happy that two perfect strangers who I care nothing for have managed to achieve the same thing that millions of other people have achieved this year. I really don't think it was worth any where near as much as a hype as its getting though.
I really didn't give a damn about the wedding in the first place - and I really can't say I much care now.
The thing that annoys me mostly though - is that something interesting was probably happening in the world - which was masked by the endless talk of Kate Middleton's morning sickness.
I wouldn't be nearly as irritated of course - if it didn't mean another 7-8 months of yet more talk about the baby, followed by more talk when its born and lots of people insincerely talking about how wonderful it all is.
And frankly, I'm already fed up of hearing about it!
It's not that I'm negative about it - I want to make that clear. I have no feelings on it whatsoever. What's one more fucking royal hanger on for us to pay for?
I just want to make it clear - that I do not give a flying fuck about it - and I resent them talking about it as if its news that applies to me!
Rant over.
On the way home from work this evening, I listened to the news as usual. From what I can remember - there was a very very short talk about the Leveson cameron debacle again, followed by:
Royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby, royal baby and (you guessed it) royal baby.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm all very happy that two perfect strangers who I care nothing for have managed to achieve the same thing that millions of other people have achieved this year. I really don't think it was worth any where near as much as a hype as its getting though.
I really didn't give a damn about the wedding in the first place - and I really can't say I much care now.
The thing that annoys me mostly though - is that something interesting was probably happening in the world - which was masked by the endless talk of Kate Middleton's morning sickness.
I wouldn't be nearly as irritated of course - if it didn't mean another 7-8 months of yet more talk about the baby, followed by more talk when its born and lots of people insincerely talking about how wonderful it all is.
And frankly, I'm already fed up of hearing about it!
It's not that I'm negative about it - I want to make that clear. I have no feelings on it whatsoever. What's one more fucking royal hanger on for us to pay for?
I just want to make it clear - that I do not give a flying fuck about it - and I resent them talking about it as if its news that applies to me!
Rant over.
Sunday, 2 December 2012
Rant 337 02/12/12 Subject: The tempting song snippet
Rant number 338
Many moons ago, nearer the start of my rants (number 118 to be exactly) I talked about earworms.
Earworms are songs stuck in your head. If you wish - you can see it here.
Now, as I see it - earworms are songs that are stuck in your head that you probably aren't really that fussed about (or plain hate.) Whatever you do, these songs won't go away, and you've got to listen to the horrible racket over and over again.
Today however, I was suffering from quite a different type of song based malady - the 'Tempting song snippet' - a name I have just made up - because it is just about the only thing I can think of that that covers it.
The tempting song snippet (or tss as I shall thenceforth refer to it) is a song that is stuck in your head that you really love - but had forgotten about.
That's great, its lovely to be reminded of something brilliant you had forgotten. The problem is though, you can't remember:
A) What its called
B) More than 20-30 seconds of how it goes
C) Who sung it
D) What the lyrics are
Meaning that your own internal version of the song is often all that you can enjoy.
Today, my tss was a song called 'You're the Voice' by John Farnham (Yes, I know this doesn't actually meet the requirements of the above, but I have since found out and I shall thenceforth explain,) and specifically its fantastic chorus. If you've never heard it - get on youtube straight away, listen to the chorus - then realise why its been going round and round in my head.
Its a really top song and its got an absolutely cracking chorus to it, but I felt a little trapped by it being in my head.
Luckily - there was something to help - an app called 'Soundhound' - which - after around 25 attempts, managed to convert my whistling into this most fantastic tune - reminding me of what it was and thusly stopping it from upsetting my chi!
I don't know why my brain must torment me in this way. It would be fantastic for it to remind me of brilliant songs I had forgotten - along with at least some semblance of information to listen to it!
Bloody brain!
Rant over.
Many moons ago, nearer the start of my rants (number 118 to be exactly) I talked about earworms.
Earworms are songs stuck in your head. If you wish - you can see it here.
Now, as I see it - earworms are songs that are stuck in your head that you probably aren't really that fussed about (or plain hate.) Whatever you do, these songs won't go away, and you've got to listen to the horrible racket over and over again.
Today however, I was suffering from quite a different type of song based malady - the 'Tempting song snippet' - a name I have just made up - because it is just about the only thing I can think of that that covers it.
The tempting song snippet (or tss as I shall thenceforth refer to it) is a song that is stuck in your head that you really love - but had forgotten about.
That's great, its lovely to be reminded of something brilliant you had forgotten. The problem is though, you can't remember:
A) What its called
B) More than 20-30 seconds of how it goes
C) Who sung it
D) What the lyrics are
Meaning that your own internal version of the song is often all that you can enjoy.
Today, my tss was a song called 'You're the Voice' by John Farnham (Yes, I know this doesn't actually meet the requirements of the above, but I have since found out and I shall thenceforth explain,) and specifically its fantastic chorus. If you've never heard it - get on youtube straight away, listen to the chorus - then realise why its been going round and round in my head.
Its a really top song and its got an absolutely cracking chorus to it, but I felt a little trapped by it being in my head.
Luckily - there was something to help - an app called 'Soundhound' - which - after around 25 attempts, managed to convert my whistling into this most fantastic tune - reminding me of what it was and thusly stopping it from upsetting my chi!
I don't know why my brain must torment me in this way. It would be fantastic for it to remind me of brilliant songs I had forgotten - along with at least some semblance of information to listen to it!
Bloody brain!
Rant over.
Saturday, 1 December 2012
Rant 336 01/12/12 Subject: Urban road routes
Rant number 336
Nearly there - one month to go.
Today, I was helping out another band and so I went on a jaunt to Salford.
I've not really had much reason to go to Salford in my time living in the north. I've been there maybe 3-5 times since I moved to the north - always for bands.
In the past, I've managed to wangle lifts for these things - but today that wasn't on the cards, so I turned on the sat nag and - with boundless optimism waded into the fray.
Now, in the past - I've been quite uncharitable towards 'Delia' - my sat nav - and she is by no means blameless. She's liable to giving instructions too late, incorrectly or misleadingly. She's also liable to forget things like traffic lights and no entry signs.
Today though, I don't really think that the delay, confusion, traffic and detour were her fault.
It was the fault of the incredibly complicated road system in Salford.
It seems you see, that the town planners who set up the roads in Salford had one plan and one plan only in mind - to ensure that the only way to get to where you need to go is first go to everywhere else. It's a similar plan to many areas around Manchester - and pretty much all big cities.
Going one way, with multiple lanes - with each lane going to somewhere different takes a fair amount of interpretation for someone who knows the city. For someone armed only with a slightly manic sat-nav which can only inform you of where to go - not which lane you needed to be in a mile ago its nigh impossible.
I hate this kind of urban driving. Its bloody awful!
Rant over.
Nearly there - one month to go.
Today, I was helping out another band and so I went on a jaunt to Salford.
I've not really had much reason to go to Salford in my time living in the north. I've been there maybe 3-5 times since I moved to the north - always for bands.
In the past, I've managed to wangle lifts for these things - but today that wasn't on the cards, so I turned on the sat nag and - with boundless optimism waded into the fray.
Now, in the past - I've been quite uncharitable towards 'Delia' - my sat nav - and she is by no means blameless. She's liable to giving instructions too late, incorrectly or misleadingly. She's also liable to forget things like traffic lights and no entry signs.
Today though, I don't really think that the delay, confusion, traffic and detour were her fault.
It was the fault of the incredibly complicated road system in Salford.
It seems you see, that the town planners who set up the roads in Salford had one plan and one plan only in mind - to ensure that the only way to get to where you need to go is first go to everywhere else. It's a similar plan to many areas around Manchester - and pretty much all big cities.
Going one way, with multiple lanes - with each lane going to somewhere different takes a fair amount of interpretation for someone who knows the city. For someone armed only with a slightly manic sat-nav which can only inform you of where to go - not which lane you needed to be in a mile ago its nigh impossible.
I hate this kind of urban driving. Its bloody awful!
Rant over.
Friday, 30 November 2012
Rant 335 30/11/12 Subject: The Dawn of December
Rant number 336
After 11 tough bloody months - its time for December. Despite my best efforts - I may add.
Although I'm not terribly given to hating months particularly - there is much that I find contemptible about December.
Point 1) December is bloody cold. Scraping off my car, traffic chaos, dangerous roads, dangerous pavements.
Point 2) December is bloody dark and miserable. You never see the sunlight and even if you do its greyer than an octogenarians hair.
Point 3) Its got Christmas in it. This means that there is endless bloody Christmas adverts, band jobs for me to do - and various other reasons to be miserable.
Its been too short a year so far to be whacking december on anyway. I don't want to start the whole miserable cycle of optimism, realisation and eventual acceptance all over again. Its a pain in the ass.
Why do these things have to come round so soon!
Rant over.
After 11 tough bloody months - its time for December. Despite my best efforts - I may add.
Although I'm not terribly given to hating months particularly - there is much that I find contemptible about December.
Point 1) December is bloody cold. Scraping off my car, traffic chaos, dangerous roads, dangerous pavements.
Point 2) December is bloody dark and miserable. You never see the sunlight and even if you do its greyer than an octogenarians hair.
Point 3) Its got Christmas in it. This means that there is endless bloody Christmas adverts, band jobs for me to do - and various other reasons to be miserable.
Its been too short a year so far to be whacking december on anyway. I don't want to start the whole miserable cycle of optimism, realisation and eventual acceptance all over again. Its a pain in the ass.
Why do these things have to come round so soon!
Rant over.
Thursday, 29 November 2012
Rant 334 29/11/12 Subject: Ignoring Leveson
Rant number 335
The press have been pretty naughty for quite a while.
The whole tabloid set up has bred some pretty damned disgusting habits - which have gone badly uncontrolled for quite some time.
For a start, they've been stalking the hell out of celebrities for quite some time. Now - this is a two way street in some ways. When celebrities want something - they'll do anything (generally stupid) to show off and get the attention so that they can plug their latest album/movie/TV show/other generic shit.
Then they have printed stories with no evidence and appalling bias - which is just a bit shit and can ruin people lives.
Then there is the boundless accusations they throw about without considering the consequences to those they accuse.
But mostly - they've hacked into voice mails (including some poor murdered girls) and crossed all lines of fairness, decency and humanity.
This action brought the media to its knees, killed one of the biggest newspapers, lost many people (quite righty) their jobs and brought about an enquiry that has doubtless cost us - the tax payer, a hell of a lot of money - as in, several million.
That's a lot of money, that could be spent sensibly - on improving many things. It's been spent on a report about the press instead though (on the same day, that they've announced they are going to charge every household more for their energy.)
The worst thing about that though - is that Cameron isn't going to do fuck all with it. Just nothing.
You see - he's so in bed with his powerful friends that he can't do anything remotely unpopular with them - even at the jeopardy of the press actually having some standards.
We're all in it together remember though.
Cameron - once again, you are a pointless, spineless, self serving, elitist, money grabbing cunt and I hope that you catch something really infectious from a toilet seat and end up with your genitals rotting away and resembling raisins - only for these to be eaten by hungry squirrels.
Rant over.
The press have been pretty naughty for quite a while.
The whole tabloid set up has bred some pretty damned disgusting habits - which have gone badly uncontrolled for quite some time.
For a start, they've been stalking the hell out of celebrities for quite some time. Now - this is a two way street in some ways. When celebrities want something - they'll do anything (generally stupid) to show off and get the attention so that they can plug their latest album/movie/TV show/other generic shit.
Then they have printed stories with no evidence and appalling bias - which is just a bit shit and can ruin people lives.
Then there is the boundless accusations they throw about without considering the consequences to those they accuse.
But mostly - they've hacked into voice mails (including some poor murdered girls) and crossed all lines of fairness, decency and humanity.
This action brought the media to its knees, killed one of the biggest newspapers, lost many people (quite righty) their jobs and brought about an enquiry that has doubtless cost us - the tax payer, a hell of a lot of money - as in, several million.
That's a lot of money, that could be spent sensibly - on improving many things. It's been spent on a report about the press instead though (on the same day, that they've announced they are going to charge every household more for their energy.)
The worst thing about that though - is that Cameron isn't going to do fuck all with it. Just nothing.
You see - he's so in bed with his powerful friends that he can't do anything remotely unpopular with them - even at the jeopardy of the press actually having some standards.
We're all in it together remember though.
Cameron - once again, you are a pointless, spineless, self serving, elitist, money grabbing cunt and I hope that you catch something really infectious from a toilet seat and end up with your genitals rotting away and resembling raisins - only for these to be eaten by hungry squirrels.
Rant over.
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
Rant 333 28/11/12 Subject: Minimum alcohol pricing.
Rant number 333
It is a universal fact of the world it seems that the few will always ruin it for the many. I'm pretty sure its been the same for just about forever, and its no doubt not going to change any time soon.
This applies in many ways and many cases. Speed cameras exist because people don't pay attention to speed limits and don't drive sensibly, petrol prices are ever on the up and up because people have huge gas guzzlers that drive emissions up products are banned and procedures changed more often than you would ever know - because someone has fucked up.
You can drown your sorrows though can't you - at the end of a long day of despairing about these idiots? Well - not easily for much longer.
You see, the government are putting up the alcohol costs so that we can all sleep in our beds safer.
Or some such bollucks.
I understand that alcohol is a drug - and a dangerous one at that. It's addictive to some, it messes with your emissions and it can kill you and others. It's a horrible substance in some ways however, it's also something that can be very enjoyable when you enjoy it in moderation for the right reasons.
I enjoy a drink. I really do.
I like a beer after band or a dram of whisky after a hard days work. I like a bit of wine with a nice meal - or some port at Christmas. I even occasionally go out and get very drunk occasionally - but I know when to stop (generally before the vomiting and double vision is good) and I'm always in good company who I know will look out for me.
I understand that this isn't how people are though. Some drink because they need to or because they think its their only release. Some drink because they are cold and hungry on the streets or some people just want to get good and ratted and go fighting. Some people are just idiots.
As such - for them, we're going to have to have a minimum price put on alcohol in general.
I like to have a crate of beer in the house for instance - to have some with food once or twice a week. In the past - I've waited until a good offer (3-4-2 or similar) has turned up to fill up. In future - these options aren't going to exist. Then there are bottles of spirits - which are now going to run in at around £17-20 for a standard bottle. I tend not to drink budget spirits (I'm more into single malts) however, many people do who don't go out colchocking their neighbours.
I think its good in some ways that they are trying to control peoples alcohol intake.
The fact of the matter is though: people who are desperate will get the booze however much it costs. They'll beg, borrow or steal (most likely) to feed a habit. We should help people with problems - not throw generalised and naive strategies into place this way.
Its like trying to kill a shoal of fish by emptying the ocean. Those fish might die - but so will everything else.
Its ridiculous, irritating and just what I expect from the tories.
Rant over.
It is a universal fact of the world it seems that the few will always ruin it for the many. I'm pretty sure its been the same for just about forever, and its no doubt not going to change any time soon.
This applies in many ways and many cases. Speed cameras exist because people don't pay attention to speed limits and don't drive sensibly, petrol prices are ever on the up and up because people have huge gas guzzlers that drive emissions up products are banned and procedures changed more often than you would ever know - because someone has fucked up.
You can drown your sorrows though can't you - at the end of a long day of despairing about these idiots? Well - not easily for much longer.
You see, the government are putting up the alcohol costs so that we can all sleep in our beds safer.
Or some such bollucks.
I understand that alcohol is a drug - and a dangerous one at that. It's addictive to some, it messes with your emissions and it can kill you and others. It's a horrible substance in some ways however, it's also something that can be very enjoyable when you enjoy it in moderation for the right reasons.
I enjoy a drink. I really do.
I like a beer after band or a dram of whisky after a hard days work. I like a bit of wine with a nice meal - or some port at Christmas. I even occasionally go out and get very drunk occasionally - but I know when to stop (generally before the vomiting and double vision is good) and I'm always in good company who I know will look out for me.
I understand that this isn't how people are though. Some drink because they need to or because they think its their only release. Some drink because they are cold and hungry on the streets or some people just want to get good and ratted and go fighting. Some people are just idiots.
As such - for them, we're going to have to have a minimum price put on alcohol in general.
I like to have a crate of beer in the house for instance - to have some with food once or twice a week. In the past - I've waited until a good offer (3-4-2 or similar) has turned up to fill up. In future - these options aren't going to exist. Then there are bottles of spirits - which are now going to run in at around £17-20 for a standard bottle. I tend not to drink budget spirits (I'm more into single malts) however, many people do who don't go out colchocking their neighbours.
I think its good in some ways that they are trying to control peoples alcohol intake.
The fact of the matter is though: people who are desperate will get the booze however much it costs. They'll beg, borrow or steal (most likely) to feed a habit. We should help people with problems - not throw generalised and naive strategies into place this way.
Its like trying to kill a shoal of fish by emptying the ocean. Those fish might die - but so will everything else.
Its ridiculous, irritating and just what I expect from the tories.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Rant 332 27/11/12 Subject: The death of original horror
Rant number 332
I really love Bruce Campbell - I love the guy.
He's not a great actor (or even a good actor really,) but he has a great on screen presence and sense of fun.
The reason I mention this of course is two simple words: Evil Dead.
A film banned for 14 years in the UK - I discovered this 'trilogy' (that isn't really a trilogy, as they have no continuity (shame on you Sam Raimi!)) in my teens and just loved them.
The original film was (and still is) fantastic - and truly groundbreaking. Made on a minuscule budget (and netting nothing for those who created it for the love of it) the film still has some shocks to this day (tree rape anyone?) and a lot to say for itself.
The sequels too are truly fantastic in a different way. The second film particularly blurs the lines between comedy and horror with some truly troubling set pieces such as the scene where Ash(Bruce) laughs manically along with a lamp, a dead moose and various other pieces of furniture. Its also hilarious however - everyone loves the possessed hand gags and chainsaw based one liners.
The reason I'm rambling about this fantastic movie is simple:
They're remaking it.
Oh dear.
It could be great I suppose - but it won't be Evil Dead as it is: cheap and dirty and an evident triumph against adversity. It'll be a fan-boys vision 'making it their own (shit)' with a big budget because its a safe bet to make a remake.
They've also announced a remake of Carrie - which (give or take the embarrassing backwards walking goof in the closing scene (backwards cars - they really should shot it again)) is also a really fine example of horror on a budget that can really creep under your skin and give you the willies.
It also teaches everyone a valuable lesson: Do not - whatever you do, fuck with the quiet creepy girl (a trope well used in Japanese horror particularly.)
You can then add this to the other remakes that have taken place over the last 10 years: Nightmare on Elmstreet, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003,) Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3d (2013,) Friday the 13th, Halloween, Halloween II, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills have Eyes, Last House on the Left, The Crazies, Fright Night, I spit on your grave, House on Haunted hill, The Thing and doubtless more I've forgotten (or blocked out) and realise quantifiably that they really are trying to take just about anything successful and rehash it.
I've seen most (but admittedly not all) of the above movies and I can tell you one thing they all have in common - they are nowhere as good as the films they fight so hard to emulate.
They all exaggerate the points wrongly, they think they know better, they rely on CGI and they generally loose a lot in translation.
This isn't my only problem with them though. What bugs me most of all - is that they are too bloody easy.
Its a simple fact of life that its easier to steal an idea - than to start from scratch. As such, studio execs and money men absolutely love them - because they are almost guaranteed to get previous fans in - if only to condemn.
The big problem with that of course - is that truly original ideas get left behind - which via one of the longest and most articulate digressions of all time (short of Tristram Shandy (look it up)) brings me eloquently to my point.
There is so little originality in modern horror films it makes me want to cry!
We seem to be stuck in a massive rut of new ideas as far as horror films go. Wes Craven did great justice for us with 'Scream' in the 90s which brought a new spin on the slasher flick. Unfortunately, it then spawned a load of copycat slasher films (I know what you did last summer/Urban Legend etc.)
Then there was another strike of minor originality with 'The Blair Witch Project' in 1999. I can't say I liked it (all I remember is being bored confused and disgusted at all that snot!) however, it was a new idea - which has inspired many of the modern ideas. 'Found Footage' is currently big business and is cheap as chips to make comparatively speaking.
Look at 'Paranormal Activity' and sequels: infrared camera, some cheap magic tricks, some reasonable actors and the money rolls in. Its all cheap scares and jumps - but its what people have come to expect.
Then there are similar 'documentary' style horror like the frankly perplexingly awful 'The Last Exorcism.'
Then - after a few more years (2004) - some genuinenesses burst onto the screen with 'Saw' a film with a small budget but with a clever concept and some great ideas. With its brilliant ideas and intense and intelligent plot - this film birthed once again many copycat - such as 'Hostel,' 'The Collector,' and of course 'The Human Centipede.' One idea duplicated, twisted and bare faced copied all over again - I'm not great fan personally - these films lack soul.
The thing is, its now been 8 years since that last stab of genius - what is happening to original horror?
In the underground scene - some nice ideas (such as the very disturbing 'Frozen') have come and gone mostly unnoticed (you really should watch it though - its creepy.) If people won't fund the original ideas - we aren't going to get to see them.
The closest to a new idea in years is 'The Cabin in the Woods' - which is just a rehashing of several other peoples great ideas. I won't give anything away to those of you who haven't seen it however I will say that its disappointingly similar to the films its supposed to be pastiching and has a ridiculously inane plot and ending.
It seems that we need to rely on foreign films (particularly the Japanese, Italians and Koreans) are the only people to be relied on for new ideas - crossed fingers we'll be seeing something soon.
Rant over.
I really love Bruce Campbell - I love the guy.
He's not a great actor (or even a good actor really,) but he has a great on screen presence and sense of fun.
The reason I mention this of course is two simple words: Evil Dead.
A film banned for 14 years in the UK - I discovered this 'trilogy' (that isn't really a trilogy, as they have no continuity (shame on you Sam Raimi!)) in my teens and just loved them.
The original film was (and still is) fantastic - and truly groundbreaking. Made on a minuscule budget (and netting nothing for those who created it for the love of it) the film still has some shocks to this day (tree rape anyone?) and a lot to say for itself.
The sequels too are truly fantastic in a different way. The second film particularly blurs the lines between comedy and horror with some truly troubling set pieces such as the scene where Ash(Bruce) laughs manically along with a lamp, a dead moose and various other pieces of furniture. Its also hilarious however - everyone loves the possessed hand gags and chainsaw based one liners.
The reason I'm rambling about this fantastic movie is simple:
They're remaking it.
Oh dear.
It could be great I suppose - but it won't be Evil Dead as it is: cheap and dirty and an evident triumph against adversity. It'll be a fan-boys vision 'making it their own (shit)' with a big budget because its a safe bet to make a remake.
They've also announced a remake of Carrie - which (give or take the embarrassing backwards walking goof in the closing scene (backwards cars - they really should shot it again)) is also a really fine example of horror on a budget that can really creep under your skin and give you the willies.
It also teaches everyone a valuable lesson: Do not - whatever you do, fuck with the quiet creepy girl (a trope well used in Japanese horror particularly.)
You can then add this to the other remakes that have taken place over the last 10 years: Nightmare on Elmstreet, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003,) Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3d (2013,) Friday the 13th, Halloween, Halloween II, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills have Eyes, Last House on the Left, The Crazies, Fright Night, I spit on your grave, House on Haunted hill, The Thing and doubtless more I've forgotten (or blocked out) and realise quantifiably that they really are trying to take just about anything successful and rehash it.
I've seen most (but admittedly not all) of the above movies and I can tell you one thing they all have in common - they are nowhere as good as the films they fight so hard to emulate.
They all exaggerate the points wrongly, they think they know better, they rely on CGI and they generally loose a lot in translation.
This isn't my only problem with them though. What bugs me most of all - is that they are too bloody easy.
Its a simple fact of life that its easier to steal an idea - than to start from scratch. As such, studio execs and money men absolutely love them - because they are almost guaranteed to get previous fans in - if only to condemn.
The big problem with that of course - is that truly original ideas get left behind - which via one of the longest and most articulate digressions of all time (short of Tristram Shandy (look it up)) brings me eloquently to my point.
There is so little originality in modern horror films it makes me want to cry!
We seem to be stuck in a massive rut of new ideas as far as horror films go. Wes Craven did great justice for us with 'Scream' in the 90s which brought a new spin on the slasher flick. Unfortunately, it then spawned a load of copycat slasher films (I know what you did last summer/Urban Legend etc.)
Then there was another strike of minor originality with 'The Blair Witch Project' in 1999. I can't say I liked it (all I remember is being bored confused and disgusted at all that snot!) however, it was a new idea - which has inspired many of the modern ideas. 'Found Footage' is currently big business and is cheap as chips to make comparatively speaking.
Look at 'Paranormal Activity' and sequels: infrared camera, some cheap magic tricks, some reasonable actors and the money rolls in. Its all cheap scares and jumps - but its what people have come to expect.
Then there are similar 'documentary' style horror like the frankly perplexingly awful 'The Last Exorcism.'
Then - after a few more years (2004) - some genuinenesses burst onto the screen with 'Saw' a film with a small budget but with a clever concept and some great ideas. With its brilliant ideas and intense and intelligent plot - this film birthed once again many copycat - such as 'Hostel,' 'The Collector,' and of course 'The Human Centipede.' One idea duplicated, twisted and bare faced copied all over again - I'm not great fan personally - these films lack soul.
The thing is, its now been 8 years since that last stab of genius - what is happening to original horror?
In the underground scene - some nice ideas (such as the very disturbing 'Frozen') have come and gone mostly unnoticed (you really should watch it though - its creepy.) If people won't fund the original ideas - we aren't going to get to see them.
The closest to a new idea in years is 'The Cabin in the Woods' - which is just a rehashing of several other peoples great ideas. I won't give anything away to those of you who haven't seen it however I will say that its disappointingly similar to the films its supposed to be pastiching and has a ridiculously inane plot and ending.
It seems that we need to rely on foreign films (particularly the Japanese, Italians and Koreans) are the only people to be relied on for new ideas - crossed fingers we'll be seeing something soon.
Rant over.
Monday, 26 November 2012
Rant 331 26/11/12 Subject: Medical exaggeration
Rant number 331
I'm somewhat of a medical skeptic in many ways. I think that people give medical reasons to things too easily and that everything is a symptom or a syndrome according to someone or other.
A prime example of this is depression. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that some people don't feel medically depressed due to horrible things in their lives. I don't agree that it should be thrown about in the way it is however. If you are depressed because your job sucks and you never have any money - you are a perfectly normal person and I really don't think that that constitutes any medical problems.
I also have been quite pessimistic of the so-called 'animal flus' that have appeared over the last couple of years. I don't know why these flus are:
A) Named after animals anyway
B) Meant to be worse than normal flu - which can kill you if you are a vulnerable person just the same as the animal flus.
C) Why they have only appeared over the last few days
D) (And most importantly) Who the hell was interfering with a chicken/pig enough to catch its case of flu. I'm guessing some spooning was involved is all I'm saying.
I know that they are severe illnesses - I myself got 'swine flu' (not from a pig may I mention) the winter before last and have never felt more ill. I even had a hallucination about a coffee machine - which is another story. The thing is, I don't think I've ever got non-animal flu - so I'm not able to compare it really.
Another thing thats been thrown around often is 's.a.d' (clever see they spelt sad...) which stands for 'Seasonal Affective Disorder.) Essentially, its a feeling of tiredness and fatigue around the change of seasons.
I definitely feel like I'm suffering with that at the mo - not so much through any medical reason - but merely due to a lack of daylight. Over the last week, its got even darker in the mornings and evenings - and the feeling has got under my skin!
Its most vexing!
Rant over.
I'm somewhat of a medical skeptic in many ways. I think that people give medical reasons to things too easily and that everything is a symptom or a syndrome according to someone or other.
A prime example of this is depression. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that some people don't feel medically depressed due to horrible things in their lives. I don't agree that it should be thrown about in the way it is however. If you are depressed because your job sucks and you never have any money - you are a perfectly normal person and I really don't think that that constitutes any medical problems.
I also have been quite pessimistic of the so-called 'animal flus' that have appeared over the last couple of years. I don't know why these flus are:
A) Named after animals anyway
B) Meant to be worse than normal flu - which can kill you if you are a vulnerable person just the same as the animal flus.
C) Why they have only appeared over the last few days
D) (And most importantly) Who the hell was interfering with a chicken/pig enough to catch its case of flu. I'm guessing some spooning was involved is all I'm saying.
I know that they are severe illnesses - I myself got 'swine flu' (not from a pig may I mention) the winter before last and have never felt more ill. I even had a hallucination about a coffee machine - which is another story. The thing is, I don't think I've ever got non-animal flu - so I'm not able to compare it really.
Another thing thats been thrown around often is 's.a.d' (clever see they spelt sad...) which stands for 'Seasonal Affective Disorder.) Essentially, its a feeling of tiredness and fatigue around the change of seasons.
I definitely feel like I'm suffering with that at the mo - not so much through any medical reason - but merely due to a lack of daylight. Over the last week, its got even darker in the mornings and evenings - and the feeling has got under my skin!
Its most vexing!
Rant over.
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Rant 330 25/11/12 Subject: Service stations
Rant number 331
There is nothing in the world that people love to exploit more than a captive audience. It's a kind of extension of supply and demand.
No place is this more true than motorway service stations.
We left at around 11 in Perth Scotland headed back home - which is a bloody long way. Because of this, you have no choice but to stop somewhere - and unless you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of decent places located near to motorways that will not cause massive delays in every area - you have to go to the services.
And don't they know it!
Whereas a Burger king might run on average to £4-5 - the same meal will cost you £7-8 pounds in a services - that's some serious increase!
The same can be said for any other restaurant food - even the (always appalling) food that the places prepare themselves. It doesn't seem to matter how hard you try to find something cheap filling and nutritious - you won't.
Even by resorting to packet foods - such as sarnies/pasties etc - run at 2-3 times the going rate - which is a bit bloody rich.
Then there is the general look and feel of service stations. By the advent of what they are - they are always a bit grotty and unclean (except, surprisingly the toilets - which I am generally happy enough with.) They're also almost always quite cavernous and full of people who like you have been sitting in a cramped space for too long and who probably could do with a shower!
Then there are the shops which seem to inexplicably sell just about anything and everything. On the way to somewhere far away - i don't generally think 'I need to buy a camping stool' - but if I did - there would be one to be found at the services no doubt.
They are rubbish!
Rant over.
There is nothing in the world that people love to exploit more than a captive audience. It's a kind of extension of supply and demand.
No place is this more true than motorway service stations.
We left at around 11 in Perth Scotland headed back home - which is a bloody long way. Because of this, you have no choice but to stop somewhere - and unless you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of decent places located near to motorways that will not cause massive delays in every area - you have to go to the services.
And don't they know it!
Whereas a Burger king might run on average to £4-5 - the same meal will cost you £7-8 pounds in a services - that's some serious increase!
The same can be said for any other restaurant food - even the (always appalling) food that the places prepare themselves. It doesn't seem to matter how hard you try to find something cheap filling and nutritious - you won't.
Even by resorting to packet foods - such as sarnies/pasties etc - run at 2-3 times the going rate - which is a bit bloody rich.
Then there is the general look and feel of service stations. By the advent of what they are - they are always a bit grotty and unclean (except, surprisingly the toilets - which I am generally happy enough with.) They're also almost always quite cavernous and full of people who like you have been sitting in a cramped space for too long and who probably could do with a shower!
Then there are the shops which seem to inexplicably sell just about anything and everything. On the way to somewhere far away - i don't generally think 'I need to buy a camping stool' - but if I did - there would be one to be found at the services no doubt.
They are rubbish!
Rant over.
Saturday, 24 November 2012
Rant 329 24/11/12 Subject: Lack of following through
Rant 330
Today we are spending some time enjoying some Scottish hospitality, which is cool. It's been a good day.
There does seem to be a slight lack of following through however when it comes to following through.
At breakfast this morning for instance we were instructed to go upstairs in the breakfast area and wait - which we did for half an hour before being brought the wrong food - which I ate because I didn't want to wait another half an hour!
This afternoon at the contest - we got lost on the way to the changing rooms, then the warm up room.
Finally, we basically had to jump on a waiter this evening to get some food - which is very annoying!
I don't mind most of this really - but it doesn't seem they have followed through on things- which is just a bit crap.
Hear's to hoping things improve!
Rant over.
Today we are spending some time enjoying some Scottish hospitality, which is cool. It's been a good day.
There does seem to be a slight lack of following through however when it comes to following through.
At breakfast this morning for instance we were instructed to go upstairs in the breakfast area and wait - which we did for half an hour before being brought the wrong food - which I ate because I didn't want to wait another half an hour!
This afternoon at the contest - we got lost on the way to the changing rooms, then the warm up room.
Finally, we basically had to jump on a waiter this evening to get some food - which is very annoying!
I don't mind most of this really - but it doesn't seem they have followed through on things- which is just a bit crap.
Hear's to hoping things improve!
Rant over.
Friday, 23 November 2012
Rant 328 23/11/12 Subject: Paying for parking at hospitals
Rant number 328
My wife's had an operation this week- nothing serious and she is just fine.
For reasons unknown - rather than using the hospital that is half a mile up the road - they went for the one in Halifax, which made walking a non starter.
As such, when it came to visiting her yesterday, I had to take my trusty small blue car (which I did.)
The car park has barriers at the gates, and so the visit cost me 1.50 - which I think is a bit rich.
My poor wife needed visiting - to feel better and they took advantage of the situation for monetary gain- which frankly pisses me right off.
People in hospital don't want to be there, and the environment is bloody miserable!
I believe that positive thinking heals people and that should surely be what the hospital staff wants.
Making it harder and less appealing for family to make your patients feel better is ridiculous!
Thieving gits!
Rant over.
My wife's had an operation this week- nothing serious and she is just fine.
For reasons unknown - rather than using the hospital that is half a mile up the road - they went for the one in Halifax, which made walking a non starter.
As such, when it came to visiting her yesterday, I had to take my trusty small blue car (which I did.)
The car park has barriers at the gates, and so the visit cost me 1.50 - which I think is a bit rich.
My poor wife needed visiting - to feel better and they took advantage of the situation for monetary gain- which frankly pisses me right off.
People in hospital don't want to be there, and the environment is bloody miserable!
I believe that positive thinking heals people and that should surely be what the hospital staff wants.
Making it harder and less appealing for family to make your patients feel better is ridiculous!
Thieving gits!
Rant over.
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Rant 327 22/11/12 Subject: Stupid fashion fads
Rant number 327
I'd like to think that I have made the world a little bit of a better place with these rants. I spread the message of misery and despair to you all, free of charge - every single day.
Now, I know that most people try and spread a message of hope however, I think that thats a bit crap. Hope often leads to disappointment, whereas me telling you that the world sucks for me also - is bound to cheer you up.
The germans call it schadenfreude - which I think is about as german sounding word as you could possibly imagine - and it means simply 'taking pleasure in the misfortune of others.'
I would also like to think that I have made it more socially acceptable to have a rant of your own! One such rant is my inspiration for todays rant (though I have broadened the subject somewhat.)
Her initial statement was about Onesies - which really are one of the stupidest fashion fads to date.
You might think that they are a fashion statement for the 10ees?(what the hell do you call the second decade in a century anyway?) but I think that they are simply a statement for idiots.
In the past, the only one piece suits of this type that existed were:
A) Baby grows - worn by babies and men behind closed doors...
B) Frogmen/divers in general.
I don't want to see people walking around in what is tantamount to a baby grow. The same goes for 'morph suits' which are basically the same thing - but cover your head.
These things are just about acceptable for halloween costumes - but are not everyday wear.
I saw an lady old last week, wearing a spotted rabbit onesy - complete with ears.
Some people have no fucking dignity.
The same rule applies to hats/hoodies or other sundry items that have either:
A) Ears
B) Eyes
C) The face of an animal
The same also applies to those beard hats - or pretty much anything worn by a hipster. It doesn't matter if you wear something stupid ironically. You are still wearing it.
Then there are the sundry other fads that have happened since my teens:
Parachute pants (can't touch this) - great song, naff dancing and naffer trousers. Whats worse is that these have not been reinvented as hareem pants.
Then there was those luminous trainers - which (to my shame) even I had. They looked great for about a moment - before they got covered in mud and looked crap.
While we're on the subject, there is the subject of Crocs & Ugg boots. They just look bloody awful.
And as for Shell suits these weren't just ugly as hell, colour clashing monstrosities. They were a fire hazard too.
Oh and there was that thing with wearing backwards baseball caps too.
That's about all I can take now.
Wearing the latest fads doesn't make you cool. It makes you a boring fucking sheep - like the rest of the idiots.
Rant over.
I'd like to think that I have made the world a little bit of a better place with these rants. I spread the message of misery and despair to you all, free of charge - every single day.
Now, I know that most people try and spread a message of hope however, I think that thats a bit crap. Hope often leads to disappointment, whereas me telling you that the world sucks for me also - is bound to cheer you up.
The germans call it schadenfreude - which I think is about as german sounding word as you could possibly imagine - and it means simply 'taking pleasure in the misfortune of others.'
I would also like to think that I have made it more socially acceptable to have a rant of your own! One such rant is my inspiration for todays rant (though I have broadened the subject somewhat.)
Her initial statement was about Onesies - which really are one of the stupidest fashion fads to date.
You might think that they are a fashion statement for the 10ees?(what the hell do you call the second decade in a century anyway?) but I think that they are simply a statement for idiots.
In the past, the only one piece suits of this type that existed were:
A) Baby grows - worn by babies and men behind closed doors...
B) Frogmen/divers in general.
I don't want to see people walking around in what is tantamount to a baby grow. The same goes for 'morph suits' which are basically the same thing - but cover your head.
These things are just about acceptable for halloween costumes - but are not everyday wear.
I saw an lady old last week, wearing a spotted rabbit onesy - complete with ears.
Some people have no fucking dignity.
The same rule applies to hats/hoodies or other sundry items that have either:
A) Ears
B) Eyes
C) The face of an animal
The same also applies to those beard hats - or pretty much anything worn by a hipster. It doesn't matter if you wear something stupid ironically. You are still wearing it.
Then there are the sundry other fads that have happened since my teens:
Parachute pants (can't touch this) - great song, naff dancing and naffer trousers. Whats worse is that these have not been reinvented as hareem pants.
Then there was those luminous trainers - which (to my shame) even I had. They looked great for about a moment - before they got covered in mud and looked crap.
While we're on the subject, there is the subject of Crocs & Ugg boots. They just look bloody awful.
And as for Shell suits these weren't just ugly as hell, colour clashing monstrosities. They were a fire hazard too.
Oh and there was that thing with wearing backwards baseball caps too.
That's about all I can take now.
Wearing the latest fads doesn't make you cool. It makes you a boring fucking sheep - like the rest of the idiots.
Rant over.
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Rant 326 21/11/12 Subject: The lady bishop debate
Rant number 326
I am not a very religious man. It's not my thing in a lot of ways. I feel that god must have better things to do than make sure that we are all sitting in church on Sundays and saying grace before every meal.
Despite this, I do respect anyones beliefs - as long as they don't mess with anyone else.
I don't agree with the 'cant be religious or worthy if you are gay,' school of religion, any religion that says that other races or creeds are evil and any religion that demeans women.
Some religions do very this obviously. Lets face it - certain religions that might or not be from the far east basically make women slaves.
The more liberal religions of our country however are no better.
For years and years, women weren't even allowed to be priests - because you know, they were...less holy or something. Now - the church do allow women to be priests (begrudgingly,) but today have shown their true colours. Women you see, are not allowed to be Bishops.
You'd think that this would be because a fair margin of people had voted against women being bishops. That's not what happened though. The church elders skewed things to preserve their status quo and their sexist agenda.
Two thirds of people voted yes to ladies being able to be bishops - but that wasn't enough of a margin. What kind of vote is that?
Its at times like this, I am glad I'm not involved in organised religion - because I am disgusted by its backwards thinking attitude. Women are OK to pray - but not to tell others how? What kind of crap logic is that?
Why not just ban ladies from religion altogether? Bloody pathetic old fashioned elitist miserable old bastards.
Rant over.
I am not a very religious man. It's not my thing in a lot of ways. I feel that god must have better things to do than make sure that we are all sitting in church on Sundays and saying grace before every meal.
Despite this, I do respect anyones beliefs - as long as they don't mess with anyone else.
I don't agree with the 'cant be religious or worthy if you are gay,' school of religion, any religion that says that other races or creeds are evil and any religion that demeans women.
Some religions do very this obviously. Lets face it - certain religions that might or not be from the far east basically make women slaves.
The more liberal religions of our country however are no better.
For years and years, women weren't even allowed to be priests - because you know, they were...less holy or something. Now - the church do allow women to be priests (begrudgingly,) but today have shown their true colours. Women you see, are not allowed to be Bishops.
You'd think that this would be because a fair margin of people had voted against women being bishops. That's not what happened though. The church elders skewed things to preserve their status quo and their sexist agenda.
Two thirds of people voted yes to ladies being able to be bishops - but that wasn't enough of a margin. What kind of vote is that?
Its at times like this, I am glad I'm not involved in organised religion - because I am disgusted by its backwards thinking attitude. Women are OK to pray - but not to tell others how? What kind of crap logic is that?
Why not just ban ladies from religion altogether? Bloody pathetic old fashioned elitist miserable old bastards.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Rant 325 20/11/12 Subject: The death of traditional retail
Rant number 325
As of monday it was confirmed that 41 Comet stores and also some of their logistics centres are shutting down - losing many people their jobs in the process.
In the past - I worked for Comet and so I know some of these people - and my thoughts completely go out to them.
On a less personal note though - its a generally sad thing to see one of England's big staple brands fall so dramatically.
The last few years has seen other massive names like Woolworths, JJB and Clinton cards going the same way - so it does beg the question:
Is the high street losing the battle for our pounds?
Probably.
It's sad to think that things will change so dramatically - but its just the way things are I suppose. The internet has become a massive part of a successful modern business.
Ignore the E-pound to your peril!
The truth of the matter is though - shopping in a retail store is generally not actually a good experience (bearing in mind I have worked for quite a few of the big names myself.)
Online, you can compare places to buy, find the cheapest prices and the best candidates to buy from. You can research and review and generally share & research all you need to know.
What they don't try and do online is bombard you with services you don't want and conn you into buying an expensive set of accessories.
The high street as such, needs to learn to focus on its strengths. They should be able to offer great customer service and support. They can be friendly and outgoing in the way that an online service just can't be. They should be focussing on what the customer wants - not want they want to sell.
That is the only way that the internet is going to survive the competition - because the internet doesn't do after-sales all that well on the whole. It takes a long time to sort something that could have been sorted quickly in a shop.
It costs a lot of money to run a shop too compared to an online business - so they need to be making sure to get every sale through with competitive prices and great advice.
I just don't feel like the high street really does that for me now.
I buy pretty much everything online now, except for general household stuff. I don't go shopping for stuff in town because its more expensive, there is less choice, because I have to be surrounded with morons and finally because they try and sell me stuff I just don't work.
I don't want the high street to die, just evolve like the internet has. When something new comes along - you have to evolve, you can't just think that people will stick to the same old ways for ever!
Rant over.
As of monday it was confirmed that 41 Comet stores and also some of their logistics centres are shutting down - losing many people their jobs in the process.
In the past - I worked for Comet and so I know some of these people - and my thoughts completely go out to them.
On a less personal note though - its a generally sad thing to see one of England's big staple brands fall so dramatically.
The last few years has seen other massive names like Woolworths, JJB and Clinton cards going the same way - so it does beg the question:
Is the high street losing the battle for our pounds?
Probably.
It's sad to think that things will change so dramatically - but its just the way things are I suppose. The internet has become a massive part of a successful modern business.
Ignore the E-pound to your peril!
The truth of the matter is though - shopping in a retail store is generally not actually a good experience (bearing in mind I have worked for quite a few of the big names myself.)
Online, you can compare places to buy, find the cheapest prices and the best candidates to buy from. You can research and review and generally share & research all you need to know.
What they don't try and do online is bombard you with services you don't want and conn you into buying an expensive set of accessories.
The high street as such, needs to learn to focus on its strengths. They should be able to offer great customer service and support. They can be friendly and outgoing in the way that an online service just can't be. They should be focussing on what the customer wants - not want they want to sell.
That is the only way that the internet is going to survive the competition - because the internet doesn't do after-sales all that well on the whole. It takes a long time to sort something that could have been sorted quickly in a shop.
It costs a lot of money to run a shop too compared to an online business - so they need to be making sure to get every sale through with competitive prices and great advice.
I just don't feel like the high street really does that for me now.
I buy pretty much everything online now, except for general household stuff. I don't go shopping for stuff in town because its more expensive, there is less choice, because I have to be surrounded with morons and finally because they try and sell me stuff I just don't work.
I don't want the high street to die, just evolve like the internet has. When something new comes along - you have to evolve, you can't just think that people will stick to the same old ways for ever!
Rant over.
Monday, 19 November 2012
Rant 324 19/11/12 Subject: 'Kings' of food
Rant number 324
On my way home from band tonight - I came across rather a strange radio programme which was a bit of a lecture on the subject of cheesecake.
Despite myself, I couldn't help but be rather absorbed into what the guy had to say about cheesecake and & American diner staples in general.
Although the analysis was mainly on American cuisine - the guy made a point that really struck a chord with me.
He compared these foods (particularly cheesecake - not surprisingly) to a Monarch. Odd I know - but he brought up a quotation that makes sense of this somewhat farcical metaphor:
'It is hard to be a good king but, it is also hard to be a bad one'
That is to say, a king has to work hard in order to be considered good and just however, he is surrounded by many councillors etc who prevent him from really making a mess.
In terms of food - this then is easily applied. Fried chicken for instance: Its easy to make fried chicken that is at least tolerable (KFC for instance.) To make it great however, its really hard.
I feel like there is just too much monarch based food about these days.
Look at Subway for instance. You can go to Subway and get a sarnie with chicken, bacon and cheese for a couple of quid - and it'll satisfy you. The truth of the matter is though - that its rubbish, and you know it. The bacon will be cooked to death and fatty, the chicken will be reconstituted and of a crappy grade and the cheese will be of the type that has never met milk.
Why do we settle for this kind of thing? Its total crap. It's not that hard to make a brilliant sandwich if you buy the stuff yourself - or if you go to somewhere decent to buy it.
The same can be said for many of our great staples. Pork pies can be at their best a real pleasure. High grade pork, crumbly pastry, that weird jelly stuff that no-one really knows what it - its brilliant.
We don't eat those pies often though. Mostly we have a greasy mass produced mess from Melton bloody Mowbray.
Don't let these kings get away with it. Make sure that they are the best food they can be - and don't settle for crap - unless you are drunk - in which case its probably not really going to make much difference.
Rant over.
On my way home from band tonight - I came across rather a strange radio programme which was a bit of a lecture on the subject of cheesecake.
Despite myself, I couldn't help but be rather absorbed into what the guy had to say about cheesecake and & American diner staples in general.
Although the analysis was mainly on American cuisine - the guy made a point that really struck a chord with me.
He compared these foods (particularly cheesecake - not surprisingly) to a Monarch. Odd I know - but he brought up a quotation that makes sense of this somewhat farcical metaphor:
'It is hard to be a good king but, it is also hard to be a bad one'
That is to say, a king has to work hard in order to be considered good and just however, he is surrounded by many councillors etc who prevent him from really making a mess.
In terms of food - this then is easily applied. Fried chicken for instance: Its easy to make fried chicken that is at least tolerable (KFC for instance.) To make it great however, its really hard.
I feel like there is just too much monarch based food about these days.
Look at Subway for instance. You can go to Subway and get a sarnie with chicken, bacon and cheese for a couple of quid - and it'll satisfy you. The truth of the matter is though - that its rubbish, and you know it. The bacon will be cooked to death and fatty, the chicken will be reconstituted and of a crappy grade and the cheese will be of the type that has never met milk.
Why do we settle for this kind of thing? Its total crap. It's not that hard to make a brilliant sandwich if you buy the stuff yourself - or if you go to somewhere decent to buy it.
The same can be said for many of our great staples. Pork pies can be at their best a real pleasure. High grade pork, crumbly pastry, that weird jelly stuff that no-one really knows what it - its brilliant.
We don't eat those pies often though. Mostly we have a greasy mass produced mess from Melton bloody Mowbray.
Don't let these kings get away with it. Make sure that they are the best food they can be - and don't settle for crap - unless you are drunk - in which case its probably not really going to make much difference.
Rant over.
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Rant 323 18/11/12 Subject: Targeted advertising
Rant number 323
Whenever you get something for free, be it a chocolate bar, a drink or a service - it's easy to forget the fundamental question that applies to so many things:
'Wheres the money coming from.'
This is particularly true when it comes to services and most notably when it comes free internet services - like Facebook (which is source of the inspiration for this rant.)
The internet has changed radically over the last couple of years. Words like PPC (pay per click) have become of huge relevance to how people make money out of the internet - and as a result, how you - the end user are bombarded with information.
Advertising is annoying and almost completely unavoidable - unless you are hermit - and maybe not even then; who knows, people could be leafletting hermits all the time.
Pick up a newspaper, turn on the TV (except the BBC & even thats not fool proof in this aspect,) listen to the radio (except the BBC once again,) go to the cinema, walk down the street or open pretty much any web page and you will be bombarded with advertising. The only reason you haven't been seeing adverts in your sleep so far is because they haven't perfected a Block Consumer Incentive Bursting (Buy Bombs) device like in Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan. This device blasts you with a compressed block of data - which unravels crap into your brain once you get to sleep: It won't be long until we're seeing those I have no doubt.
(Just as an aside, if I got hold of one of those bastards, I'd love to be able to broadcast some kind of bed wetting gene to all our politicians. That'd be some serious entertainment!)
The thing with adverts though is - for the most part, they don't bloody work.
Dime/Daim bars are - completely and utterly & most quantifiably the best chocolate bars ever made. I like others - but I will never be convinced that they are better than Dime (mmmm Dime.)
An advert though - will tell me that Mars bars are the best, or that Yorkie is the best or that bounty will make me feel like I'm on a tropical island. I'll still go to a shop and want a Dime bar though.
That's why the internet has got smarter still - with 'targeted advertising,' which takes the things I like and throws them at me.
Sticking to Dime as an example, it won't offer me Mars bars or Yorkies or Bounties. Instead - it'll show me wholesale Dime bar prices, Dime emporiums and the like. Which is just really irritating.
I don't want them to take the things I love and throw them at me. I love them - and that's why I show an interest in them. I don't want them to be rammed down my throat - that's just irritating and will make me ever less likely to buy the products!
Rant over.
Whenever you get something for free, be it a chocolate bar, a drink or a service - it's easy to forget the fundamental question that applies to so many things:
'Wheres the money coming from.'
This is particularly true when it comes to services and most notably when it comes free internet services - like Facebook (which is source of the inspiration for this rant.)
The internet has changed radically over the last couple of years. Words like PPC (pay per click) have become of huge relevance to how people make money out of the internet - and as a result, how you - the end user are bombarded with information.
Advertising is annoying and almost completely unavoidable - unless you are hermit - and maybe not even then; who knows, people could be leafletting hermits all the time.
Pick up a newspaper, turn on the TV (except the BBC & even thats not fool proof in this aspect,) listen to the radio (except the BBC once again,) go to the cinema, walk down the street or open pretty much any web page and you will be bombarded with advertising. The only reason you haven't been seeing adverts in your sleep so far is because they haven't perfected a Block Consumer Incentive Bursting (Buy Bombs) device like in Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan. This device blasts you with a compressed block of data - which unravels crap into your brain once you get to sleep: It won't be long until we're seeing those I have no doubt.
(Just as an aside, if I got hold of one of those bastards, I'd love to be able to broadcast some kind of bed wetting gene to all our politicians. That'd be some serious entertainment!)
The thing with adverts though is - for the most part, they don't bloody work.
Dime/Daim bars are - completely and utterly & most quantifiably the best chocolate bars ever made. I like others - but I will never be convinced that they are better than Dime (mmmm Dime.)
An advert though - will tell me that Mars bars are the best, or that Yorkie is the best or that bounty will make me feel like I'm on a tropical island. I'll still go to a shop and want a Dime bar though.
That's why the internet has got smarter still - with 'targeted advertising,' which takes the things I like and throws them at me.
Sticking to Dime as an example, it won't offer me Mars bars or Yorkies or Bounties. Instead - it'll show me wholesale Dime bar prices, Dime emporiums and the like. Which is just really irritating.
I don't want them to take the things I love and throw them at me. I love them - and that's why I show an interest in them. I don't want them to be rammed down my throat - that's just irritating and will make me ever less likely to buy the products!
Rant over.
Saturday, 17 November 2012
Rant 322 17/11/12 Subject: 'Fair' European rules
Rant number 322
Car insurance is a bit of a constant bitch. It costs you an absolute fortune to pay for it every year, it's illegal to go without it and every year it gets more and more expensive.
There are of course ways of bringing this down. Getting your no claims up is a good , as is general years on the road. Then there is your age and your sex.
Until now that is.
Even though statistically ladies are safer - It's no longer fair for them to make men's insurance more expensive.
Now, I understand that the Belgians thought they were being fair to men and women - but really they've not done any good to anyone.
The insurance companies you see are more than willing to take the extra cash from the ladies. They won't be giving it to men though. They'll just be filling their pockets.
This kind of 'fairness' annoys me, it really does. They didn't do this to help men or for some feminist agenda. They just wanted to get the chance to screw the ladies just as much as the men!
What a set of bastards!
Rant over.
Car insurance is a bit of a constant bitch. It costs you an absolute fortune to pay for it every year, it's illegal to go without it and every year it gets more and more expensive.
There are of course ways of bringing this down. Getting your no claims up is a good , as is general years on the road. Then there is your age and your sex.
Until now that is.
Even though statistically ladies are safer - It's no longer fair for them to make men's insurance more expensive.
Now, I understand that the Belgians thought they were being fair to men and women - but really they've not done any good to anyone.
The insurance companies you see are more than willing to take the extra cash from the ladies. They won't be giving it to men though. They'll just be filling their pockets.
This kind of 'fairness' annoys me, it really does. They didn't do this to help men or for some feminist agenda. They just wanted to get the chance to screw the ladies just as much as the men!
What a set of bastards!
Rant over.
Friday, 16 November 2012
Rant 321 16/11/12 Subject: DLC
Rant number 321
I've been computer playing games for a long time. From the pixelated magic of the Commodore 64, to the retro wonder of Amiga 500, with its (at the time) stunning graphical and audio capabilities to the modern day - I've seen games grow up from a niche entertainment to a mainstream addiction.
Most of the changes have been pretty great. The graphics have got much better, the sound is great, the controllers have evolved to fit our hands (and hopefully not the other way round,) and have changed altogether - in terms of the Wii, connect and Playstation eye.
Most of these changes have been welcome indeed - and although gaming is more expensive than the days where it was more niche - much good has come of of this in general.
The production values, voice acting, animation and graphics have really done well through the injection of money the industry has received.
It's hurt creativity badly though in some ways. The days of genius games with a secondary focus on graphics have ended. Look a worms for instance? I had the first one on the Amiga and almost wore out the disc. It's graphics sucked, but the gameplay was fabulous. Worms is onto around its 6th or 7th iteration now and little has changed except the look. I just think that proves that an original idea is timeless.
The other big problem I have with money in games is the fact that they need to keep milking you for more. Back in the day, you'd either have sequel games or at the very least an 'expansion pack.'
'Expansion packs' were package up content to add to games. Generally you got quite a bit extra - maybe 30% extra levels, some new guns - that sort of thing.
These days though, they have gone out of fashion - as it costs money to package things up in this way.
What we get these days them instead - is bloody DLC (downloadable content.)
In principal - DLC is just like an expansion pack. The thing is though - its too easy an earner for the game makers to squeeze you for money.
It'll cost 9.99 for a gun pack, then 14.99 for an extra 5 questions, then an extra 5 for a new costume. You could spend a frightening amount of money on all of this stuff.
The other really irritating thing is that they deliberately withhold content from games so that they can sell it to you later on.
I get that they need to make cash, but I hate being taken for a ride.
Rant over.
I've been computer playing games for a long time. From the pixelated magic of the Commodore 64, to the retro wonder of Amiga 500, with its (at the time) stunning graphical and audio capabilities to the modern day - I've seen games grow up from a niche entertainment to a mainstream addiction.
Most of the changes have been pretty great. The graphics have got much better, the sound is great, the controllers have evolved to fit our hands (and hopefully not the other way round,) and have changed altogether - in terms of the Wii, connect and Playstation eye.
Most of these changes have been welcome indeed - and although gaming is more expensive than the days where it was more niche - much good has come of of this in general.
The production values, voice acting, animation and graphics have really done well through the injection of money the industry has received.
It's hurt creativity badly though in some ways. The days of genius games with a secondary focus on graphics have ended. Look a worms for instance? I had the first one on the Amiga and almost wore out the disc. It's graphics sucked, but the gameplay was fabulous. Worms is onto around its 6th or 7th iteration now and little has changed except the look. I just think that proves that an original idea is timeless.
The other big problem I have with money in games is the fact that they need to keep milking you for more. Back in the day, you'd either have sequel games or at the very least an 'expansion pack.'
'Expansion packs' were package up content to add to games. Generally you got quite a bit extra - maybe 30% extra levels, some new guns - that sort of thing.
These days though, they have gone out of fashion - as it costs money to package things up in this way.
What we get these days them instead - is bloody DLC (downloadable content.)
In principal - DLC is just like an expansion pack. The thing is though - its too easy an earner for the game makers to squeeze you for money.
It'll cost 9.99 for a gun pack, then 14.99 for an extra 5 questions, then an extra 5 for a new costume. You could spend a frightening amount of money on all of this stuff.
The other really irritating thing is that they deliberately withhold content from games so that they can sell it to you later on.
I get that they need to make cash, but I hate being taken for a ride.
Rant over.
Thursday, 15 November 2012
Rant 320 15/11/12 Subject: Songs about stalking
Rant number 320
I was listening to the radio this morning and a song came on.
It was an unobtrusive song i'd heard a couple of times over the last week or so - with a really irritating chorus.
Having little better to do, my mind actually got to analysing the lyrics - and to be honest, I was a wee bit freaked out.
At this link - you can read these Lyrics
Is that song or is it not, all about fucking stalking? It's really not on.
I quote the chorus:
Lets just look at that shall we?
He's standing in the dark (outside the window or quite possibly in the cupboard.) He's watching her dancing on a table for someone else's amusement - after she has evidently dumped him for being a complete repribate. He wants her back - which sounds nice huh?
Yeah, it isn't though. You are thinking of the wrong back. The back he wants is her actual back - for his collection...
Moving on:
Yeah, we get it that you like to hide - in cupboards - you freaky fucker. And you like to stare and fantasise about feeling ladies up.
The reason he feels paralysed when the lights go down, is because he can't be a pervert any further...
The next line somewhat perplexes me though - because he can apparently see the other fellow looking in her eyes in the dark. Is he a cat - or just a pervert with awesome night vision.
This song isn't' alone either - if we pop the off key caterwauling of James Blunts 'Your Beautiful' under the spotlight, it loses a little bit of its lustre.
'She smiled at me on the Subway, She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that, Cause I've got a plan'
Theres 2 things you can take from that - neither of them good.
A) James Blunt is so arrogant that he is going to steal someone else's partner with his amazing whiney voice
B) (The more likely option) His plan is to kidnap her and force her to listen to his albums over and over and over until she chemically lobotomises herself using her own bodily fluids. He will then abuse her serially. What a bad person he is.
The first 2 lines simply articulate his obsession with her.
The 3rd line is about his annoyance that she is keeping to the crowds so as to avoid her kidnap and lobotomy. Line 4 shows that he is struggling to work out how best to deal with the situation.
These so called love songs are just sinister. People let their children to listen to this filth!
Analyse these things - and you can find some really scary shit
Rant over.
I was listening to the radio this morning and a song came on.
It was an unobtrusive song i'd heard a couple of times over the last week or so - with a really irritating chorus.
Having little better to do, my mind actually got to analysing the lyrics - and to be honest, I was a wee bit freaked out.
At this link - you can read these Lyrics
Is that song or is it not, all about fucking stalking? It's really not on.
I quote the chorus:
'I'm standing in the darkShe’s dancing on the tableI’m looking through the glassShe’s someone else’s angelIt may sound stupid that I'm wanting you backBut I'm wanting you back, girlAnd now I’m standing in the dark, dark, ohDark, dark'
Lets just look at that shall we?
He's standing in the dark (outside the window or quite possibly in the cupboard.) He's watching her dancing on a table for someone else's amusement - after she has evidently dumped him for being a complete repribate. He wants her back - which sounds nice huh?
Yeah, it isn't though. You are thinking of the wrong back. The back he wants is her actual back - for his collection...
Moving on:
All I want to do is hideBut I can’t stop myself from staringWishing his hands were mineI can’t stop myself from caringAnd as he turns down the lightsI’m feeling paralysedAnd as he looks into her eyesYeah, alright
Yeah, we get it that you like to hide - in cupboards - you freaky fucker. And you like to stare and fantasise about feeling ladies up.
The reason he feels paralysed when the lights go down, is because he can't be a pervert any further...
The next line somewhat perplexes me though - because he can apparently see the other fellow looking in her eyes in the dark. Is he a cat - or just a pervert with awesome night vision.
This song isn't' alone either - if we pop the off key caterwauling of James Blunts 'Your Beautiful' under the spotlight, it loses a little bit of its lustre.
This guy - not happy with hiding in a cupboard, wants to grab random women in the street:
My life is brilliant.My love is pure.I saw an angel.Of that I'm sure.She smiled at me on the subway.She was with another man.But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause I've got a plan.
'She smiled at me on the Subway, She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that, Cause I've got a plan'
Theres 2 things you can take from that - neither of them good.
A) James Blunt is so arrogant that he is going to steal someone else's partner with his amazing whiney voice
B) (The more likely option) His plan is to kidnap her and force her to listen to his albums over and over and over until she chemically lobotomises herself using her own bodily fluids. He will then abuse her serially. What a bad person he is.
The chorus surely speaks for itself? No. I'd better explain then.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.I saw your face in a crowded place,And I don't know what to do - 'Cause I'll never be with you.
The first 2 lines simply articulate his obsession with her.
The 3rd line is about his annoyance that she is keeping to the crowds so as to avoid her kidnap and lobotomy. Line 4 shows that he is struggling to work out how best to deal with the situation.
These so called love songs are just sinister. People let their children to listen to this filth!
Analyse these things - and you can find some really scary shit
Rant over.
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
Rant 319 14/11/12 Subject: Endless side effects of endless roadworks
Rant number 319
According to google maps, my morning commute from door to door should take me 16 minutes. I'm pretty sure I've done it in less when the roads were clear.
On average, it actually takes around 40 minutes to get to work each and every morning - which is fair enough.
Today however, it took me 2 hours and 15 minutes to get to work (including, at one point a .4 mile stretch it took me 3/4 of an hour to cover.)
Early this morning, at around 5.30 - a van broke down on the M62. Theres nothing that unusual about that, people break down every hour of every day of every year. Usually, on the motorway when you realise your vehicle is about to go kaput - you do your best to get into the left hand lane and then into the hard shoulder - which is there to take refuge in.
Except, because they are still fucking about with the motorway after a year so far - that section of road has barriers across the hard shoulder - so that the non-existent workforce are protected from the traffic.
So, when that guy broke down, he had no-where to go.
Another van, then struck the guy and a motorbike - and caused some serious chaos.
We are reliant in this area on the M62 to get about. Its become our main vein. We've put everything into it now, and all the other roads are just not enough to take the capacity.
This morning - the M62 had to be closed for 4 and a half hours, which caused chaos everywhere - and because of those bastard roadworks, the emergency services couldn't get to the accident in a decent time. Why can't they get the fucking things over with?
Because of the M62 being closed - I had to go the long way round. The route with many traffic lights, bottlenecks, roundabouts, yet more fucking roadworks and countless other hurdles. The route is bad enough at the best of times -without the added M62 traffic on it.
I understand these roadworks are important. The process though - seems to be almost preternaturally slow. I'm sure I haven't seen a worker for a month - and I've spent about 25 hours on the M62 in that time.
The traffic chaos, the accidents and broken down vehicles it makes worse cannot be worth it. I just hope the motorways are as magic as they think when its all done.
Rant over.
According to google maps, my morning commute from door to door should take me 16 minutes. I'm pretty sure I've done it in less when the roads were clear.
On average, it actually takes around 40 minutes to get to work each and every morning - which is fair enough.
Today however, it took me 2 hours and 15 minutes to get to work (including, at one point a .4 mile stretch it took me 3/4 of an hour to cover.)
Early this morning, at around 5.30 - a van broke down on the M62. Theres nothing that unusual about that, people break down every hour of every day of every year. Usually, on the motorway when you realise your vehicle is about to go kaput - you do your best to get into the left hand lane and then into the hard shoulder - which is there to take refuge in.
Except, because they are still fucking about with the motorway after a year so far - that section of road has barriers across the hard shoulder - so that the non-existent workforce are protected from the traffic.
So, when that guy broke down, he had no-where to go.
Another van, then struck the guy and a motorbike - and caused some serious chaos.
We are reliant in this area on the M62 to get about. Its become our main vein. We've put everything into it now, and all the other roads are just not enough to take the capacity.
This morning - the M62 had to be closed for 4 and a half hours, which caused chaos everywhere - and because of those bastard roadworks, the emergency services couldn't get to the accident in a decent time. Why can't they get the fucking things over with?
Because of the M62 being closed - I had to go the long way round. The route with many traffic lights, bottlenecks, roundabouts, yet more fucking roadworks and countless other hurdles. The route is bad enough at the best of times -without the added M62 traffic on it.
I understand these roadworks are important. The process though - seems to be almost preternaturally slow. I'm sure I haven't seen a worker for a month - and I've spent about 25 hours on the M62 in that time.
The traffic chaos, the accidents and broken down vehicles it makes worse cannot be worth it. I just hope the motorways are as magic as they think when its all done.
Rant over.
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Rant 318 13/11/12 Subject: Inconsiderate parking
Rant number 318
Where I live, I am located within a little compound/carpark area (in a building by the way, I'm not like -sitting in a carpark in my underwear, waving at passers by and laughing maniacally. Not till later on anyway...)
The exit (which is also the entrance) to the carpark, opens upon a vein which joins two of the main drags in/out of huddersfield. As such - it's a pretty busy strip of road.
Coming out of the car park should be pretty easy though. You just need to wait for a gap in the traffic, and nip out.
Except for all the stupid fuckers who keep parking on the corner of the street.
It just is ridiculously inconsiderate - and makes pulling out a pretty bloody tough job. You can't see to the left - and so you have to poke your bonnet out - hoping that you don't whack into anyone in the process. Surely there is somewhere else these people can park there cars, like at the bottom of a river for instance.
I am mired with these parking maladies on a nearly daily basis.
Another example presented itself today when I was commuting to work. The car in front of me needed to turn right and so he moved to the centre of the road to wait for a gap in the traffic. He was doing completely right - thats what the refuse in the road is for after all.
I should have been able to continue down the left hand side at pace- whilst he went off to wherever right based place he was off to was. I bloody well couldn't though, because some knob head had parked their bloody car there.
To the world in general - and particularly to knob heads a message:
Just because there are not double yellow lines, it doesn't mean you should park there.
Not parking by a corner or on a busy main road at rush hour is common sense and shows consideration for your fellow road users - which is good.
Parking by a corner or on a busy main road at rush hour is really shitty, inconsiderate behaviour and quite frankly makes you a bit of a total knob head.
Don't do it people!
That is all.
Rant over.
Where I live, I am located within a little compound/carpark area (in a building by the way, I'm not like -sitting in a carpark in my underwear, waving at passers by and laughing maniacally. Not till later on anyway...)
The exit (which is also the entrance) to the carpark, opens upon a vein which joins two of the main drags in/out of huddersfield. As such - it's a pretty busy strip of road.
Coming out of the car park should be pretty easy though. You just need to wait for a gap in the traffic, and nip out.
Except for all the stupid fuckers who keep parking on the corner of the street.
It just is ridiculously inconsiderate - and makes pulling out a pretty bloody tough job. You can't see to the left - and so you have to poke your bonnet out - hoping that you don't whack into anyone in the process. Surely there is somewhere else these people can park there cars, like at the bottom of a river for instance.
I am mired with these parking maladies on a nearly daily basis.
Another example presented itself today when I was commuting to work. The car in front of me needed to turn right and so he moved to the centre of the road to wait for a gap in the traffic. He was doing completely right - thats what the refuse in the road is for after all.
I should have been able to continue down the left hand side at pace- whilst he went off to wherever right based place he was off to was. I bloody well couldn't though, because some knob head had parked their bloody car there.
To the world in general - and particularly to knob heads a message:
Just because there are not double yellow lines, it doesn't mean you should park there.
Not parking by a corner or on a busy main road at rush hour is common sense and shows consideration for your fellow road users - which is good.
Parking by a corner or on a busy main road at rush hour is really shitty, inconsiderate behaviour and quite frankly makes you a bit of a total knob head.
Don't do it people!
That is all.
Rant over.
Monday, 12 November 2012
Rant 317 12/11/12 Subject: Nadine Dorries
Rant number 317
Now, if there is two things that you should have got from this rant by now it is:
Now, if there is two things that you should have got from this rant by now it is:
- I hate politicians - because they are evil, thieving, self serving scum.
- I hate 'Celebrities' - because they are more often than not, fame whores who would happily force their own grandmothers to crawl over hot coals in order to get their face in the paper or their voice on the radio.
Now, in the past these two groups have been separate and equidistant from each other - which I appreciate: It makes it much easier to hate them when I know where they are to be found: The politicians can be found fiddling expenses in their mansions and private clubs. The celebrities you will find spread eagled in the tabloids. Vomiting (literally and figuratively) for all the world to see.
What I really, really don't need - is for any people to get a bright idea about crossing the divide.
Now, in America in the past - some people (notably Ronald Reagan, Arnold Schwarzenegger) have crossed the divide from celebrities to being politicians. The reverse however, seems to have been something of a no-no for quite some time.
As it should damned well be.
Nadine Dorries however, has decided to say 'fuck you' to convention, 'fuck you' to good taste, 'fuck you' to her government, 'fuck you' to her constituency & finally 'fuck you' to you. We pay politicians a very respectable wage (£65,000 a year!) so that they can stay in the houses of parliament and fuck things up in the company of others of a similar sect. They are meant to be making parliamentary decisions, distributing council money sensibly (ha!)
What I don't think they are meant to be doing - as far as I am aware, is fucking about on ITV - pretending to be celebrities and failing.
Believe it or not. I have never sat down and watched I'm a Celebrity - because:
A) I hate celebrities
B) Ant and Dec are really fucking irritating
If however they would like to show a program where Ant and Dec are fed to a crocodile on live TV - that would be really sweet!
Nadine Dorries apparently only joined the show to raise the issues of the day. From the news however - it appears that she has so far been buried in bugs and squealed about it.
Well done Nadine.
David Cameron - as always, I hate you. In this case however, I would like to put aside our differences a little and say 'Fire this dozy cow. She really is not representing your party in any good light.'
Politicians, stay what you are. I don't want to see you trying to be celebrities. I hate you plenty as it is - lets not make it any worse.
Rant over.
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